It's all for us
by sidle77
Summary: Grissom and Sara attempt to rebuild their lives after Basderic destroyed them. Can Grissom recover and can Sara pull him from the darkness before it consumes him? You know the drill: I do not own them, any of them and I will give back once I've finished playing, yada yada... CBS owns all (but not my idea!) Sequel to It's all for you.
1. Prologue

**Title:** It's All For Us

 **Author:** sidle77

 **Pairing:** GSR – Always!

 **Rating:** T-M (Rating will be adapted accordingly, look out for author's notes.)

 **Disclaimer:** You know the drill: I do not own them, any of them and I will give back once I've finished playing, yada yada... CBS owns all (but not my idea!)

 **Summary:** Grissom and Sara attempt to rebuild their lives after Basderic destroyed them. Can Grissom recover and can Sara pull him from the darkness before it consumes him?

 **A/N:** This is a sequel to It's All For You. My stories can be quite dark so be warned although this one isn't quite as harsh as its predecessor. Evil hat may still be smiling at times though.

 **Beta:** The wonderful Sue (calim11) - thank you for always being there and for loving my hats! Especially the evil one :D

 **Prologue**

He was in his usual spot. Same place, same time, every single day, come rain or shine. The only exception being a thunderstorm. She remembered having to physically pull him into the house one time as a storm began and he didn't move. Only just getting him inside before lightning hit.

Some days were hard, some easier.

She watched him from the doorway as he sat on the porch, looking out over the garden, their dog at his feet, the animals chin resting on his shoe. He came out every day at three and would sit until she interrupted him. He'd sit there forever if she didn't. She understood he needed some time on his own but too much worried her.

It had only been two weeks since they'd returned to their home. The prior six weeks had been spent in the hospital after Basderic's rampage and had been exceedingly tough, physically and mentally, for them both. That very first night had set the foundation for exactly how truly testing this was going to be.

 _ **6 weeks earlier**_

It had taken only five minutes to use the hospital phone to call Brass for an update. Five short minutes that was all. But, when Sara stepped back into the room, she felt every ounce of color drain from her face upon seeing the bed was empty.

Rushing toward the bed she spotted the IV needle that had recently been attached to her husband, lying on his pillow, a smudgy spot of blood now tainting the material. Then she heard sobbing. Her head snapped around, eyes settling on him, curled into a ball and shuddering, tucked into a corner of the room.

"Jesus," she whispered, slowly approaching him. She wanted to run but the last thing she needed to do was startle him.

When reaching him, she crouched down, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. Instantly, he flinched and Sara's heart wept.

"It's okay," she soothed trying to sound supportive rather than scared to death.

She had no idea what extra damage he'd done to his hands getting out of bed but was pleased to see them scrunched protectively against his chest. Then there was his leg. How he'd even gotten out of bed baffled her.

" _No_ ," he cried. " _Can't…"_

Inhaling deeply, Sara reached for him. Managing to get her arms around his shoulders, she cradled him against her chest, a blast of relief washing through her that he didn't fight her off.

"I've got you," she whispered, kissing the top of his head as it settled against her bosom. " _I swear I've got you_."

Sara just didn't know what else to say. Continuing to tell him it was going to be okay she knew was stupid. Because he was right. _It wasn't okay_. They were far from being okay. All she could do was try and help him, be there and just hope he would settle enough to be able to get him off the floor and back into bed. But, just as she had that thought, she felt a presence and looked up to see the nurse hurrying their way. Instantly, Sara held up a hand to stop her interfering and shook her head with a pleading look.

"Five minutes," Sara mouthed silently, knowing her husband would more than likely flip out again if he was forced to do anything.

The nurse looked a little nervous but nodded nonetheless.

Feeling him begin to shiver, Sara kissed his head again, taking a very gentle hold upon his wrist to ensure he wasn't squashing his hands.

"You're cold, baby," Sara said softly. "So I really need you to help me so I can get you back into bed."

Grissom sucked in a ragged breath. "Don't…like the lights," he said shakily.

Looking up at the ceiling, Sara noticed the light right above his head. Why hadn't she realized that would upset him and bring back memories of the bunker? Nodding toward the nurse, she watched her move to the wall and turn that particular light off.

"The light's off," she encouraged, running her fingers through his hair. " _Please_ let me get you back into bed."

Slowly, Grissom's eyes opened and he looked up at his wife. Her gut cramped at the sadness she saw within their depths.

" _I love you_ ," she whimpered. "And I promise no one is going to hurt you."

 _ **Present day**_

Sara's world kicked back into reality when she felt a droplet of rain hit her face. Looking up, she saw a few clouds that were passing by and moved across the porch towards Grissom. Dropping a hand to his shoulder, she smiled when he looked up at her.

"Hi," she said sweetly.

"Hi," he whispered back.

"It's starting to rain," Sara told him. "So why don't you come back inside."

Sighing, Grissom glanced back over the garden before down at the dog who sat up and looked at his master.

"I guess you don't want to get wet then," Grissom said to the mutt.

Sara smiled as the dog let out a single bark and held out her hand. "Come on," she encouraged. "You can watch the game while I get dinner ready."

Apart from his 'outside' time which she allowed, Sara did her best to keep him occupied. Baseball was usually a great help and generally caught his attention. And, with his appointment at the psychologists tomorrow, she was doing her best to keep him happy. The first appointment hadn't gone well so she was praying that this one went better.

 **A/N: And we're off…. :D**


	2. This kind of help

**A/N: Hey guys. Here's another chappy :) I'm quite enjoying this, when my brain decides to work that is. I'm trying a new format, past and present so I hope you like the way I'm going to write this. I thought it might mix things up a little.**

 **Thank you for the thoughts and reviews and as always, to calim for the great beta and suggestions.**

 **On we go…. Woof!**

Chapter 1

As Grissom settled on the sofa, Sara flicked on the TV then sat on the arm next to him. Leaning in, she gave Buddy a stroke as the dog took his position back at Grissom's feet.

"Can I get you anything?" she asked lovingly.

Slowly, his attention turned toward her. "Hands are a little sore," he said quietly.

Gently grasping his shoulder, Sara gently rubbed. "Okay," she said softly, happy he was telling her that. "I'll get you some medication and then I can take your braces off for a little while if you want." He nodded and she smiled. "Anything else you need?"

Before Grissom could answer, Buddy suddenly sat up and reached out a paw to her before wagging his tail.

Sara's eyes flicked to the clock and she snickered. "One minute past feeding time and you're already complaining." The German Shepard let out a single bark and continued to wag his tail. "Fine," Sara conceded holding up a hand. "I will feed you in a few minutes, okay?" One more bark came before the dog decided to lie back down.

Looking back at her husband, Sara dropped her hand to his thigh. "So, anything else you need? Your leg feeling okay?"

Since they'd returned home, he'd been having some pain in his leg and the weather getting colder didn't help. The pain surfaced more at night which was another reason Sara had started to dread the end of the day. Their nights were no longer filled with joy and passion but consumed with nightmares, both physical and mental. The sedatives he'd been prescribed may put him to sleep but did nothing to stop the bad dreams.

Most nights he'd have nightmares. Since that first night….

 **5 weeks, 6 days, and 23 hours earlier – Hospital Room**

Sara bit down on her fingernail, watching the doctor and nurses around her husband. Thankfully, she'd managed to get him off the floor and back into bed but, considering his current mental state, he'd been given a sedative to keep him there. Andrew had already inspected his leg and it had been redressed. Now he was looking over his hands. Placing the left hand down, he chatted with the nurses before heading for Sara.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Folding her arms, Sara shrugged. "It's not really about me right now, is it?"

"It's about both of you," Andrew argued. "And right now you need to get some rest because you look exhausted."

She sighed. "Easier said than done."

" _Try_ ," Andrew pleaded.

Swallowing, Sara looked back at the bed. "How long do you think he'll be out for?"

"At the moment I'm not sure. Considering his current brain pattern, it could knock any predictions out the window." He paused. "But I'd give it at least a few hours."

The uncertainly brewing through Sara settled in her stomach like a dead weight. "And what about his injuries? His hands? His leg?

"We'll need to do an MRI on his hands tomorrow and assess him then," he replied. "As for his leg, we need to ensure he keeps weight off it. Getting out of bed didn't do him any good."

Sara hugged herself a little tighter. "He's terrified. I don't even think he knows what he's doing."

Andrew nodded with agreement. "He'll need some time to adapt to everything that's happened all that he's remembered."

" _Adapt_? That's a novel way of putting it," she retorted. "All of his recovery, all the hard work." She shook her head. "It's been destroyed."

"I know," Andrew agreed softly. "But you've been strong before so you can be strong again. Hang in there, okay?"

What choice did she have? She wasn't about to say no was she?

Reaching out, he gently squeezed her shoulder. "Get some sleep. I promise he's being well looked after."

Not thinking she'd be able to sleep, Sara settled into a chair by his bedside and was surprised when his loud cry startled her awake sometime later. Leaping out of her chair, she was by her husband's side hearing his panting breaths and seeing his panicked features. Sweat dripped down his cheeks and his open eyes spiralled about as if stuck in a whirlpool.

" _I'm here_ ," she quickly reassured, reaching a hand to his cheek. His fearful eyes shot to hers as she carefully sat on the bed. "Relax, baby, _relax_. _You're safe_."

"He…he…was here," he stammered, his eyes darting around again. "He…he…he…. wouldn't stop hit…hit…hitting me."

The tightness in her chest increased at his words. Carefully, she edged closer to him then lay back, guiding him to rest upon her. Thankfully, he did, flopping his head onto her bosom. She could feel him tremble and worked her arms around him, holding him close.

"I swear you're safe," she whispered. " _I swear_."

 _ **Present Day**_

"My leg's okay," Grissom replied. "At least at the moment."

"Okay," she said, getting up. "Be back in a second."

True to her word, Sara collected his medication along with some water and was back to him within a minute. Sitting beside him, she placed the water down then cracked the top off the pill bottle, tipping two pills into her hand.

"I want to try and hold the water."

Surprised at his words, Sara looked at her husband, suddenly feeling very nervous. Yes, while in therapy he'd followed instructions and had been able to move his right hand but had made no attempt to do anything outside of treatment. His enthusiasm was far less this time than previously.

"Gil," she drew out with a hint of caution, "I…um…"

Sara truly hesitated. It had been so hard to find any form of happiness within her husband since everything had gone to shit so the last thing she wanted to do was say no to one of the few things he'd asked for. But, being realistic, she knew he'd not be able to hold the glass. Did she say no or let him fail? Which would hurt his feelings more she didn't know.

Sighing, he turned his attention toward the TV. "It's fine," he said quietly. "Forget it."

After a few seconds of staring at the ball game, he felt a soft pressure on his arm and returned his attention to his wife.

"Please don't be angry with me."

"I'm not," he denied calmly.

Although she could push the conversation she didn't because that wouldn't achieve anything and was glad when he opened his mouth. Inwardly sighing, she dropped the pills on his tongue and reached for the water. She lowered the glass when he let go of the straw.

"Would you like anything special for dinner?" she asked although when she usually asked that question he'd either shrug or say he didn't mind.

"Chilli," he replied.

Sara blinked. She'd not expected an answer. It made her smile. "Okay," she agreed happily as she rubbed his knee. "With rice?"

After he nodded, Sara's smile broadened. "I'll get on it when I've fed the monster."

Buddy lifted his head as she got up and she looked down at him. Laughing, she leaned in and kissed Grissom on the cheek, a warmth filling her heart when he actually smiled.

"Call if you need anything." Grissom nodded again. "Come on then," she encouraged the dog, slapping her thigh.

Buddy hastily followed Sara into the kitchen waiting impatiently for her to fill his bowl. As soon as she put it down on the floor, he was all over it making her smile. They'd had him for just over a week and he'd been a Godsend of sorts. Not only did he give Grissom companionship and comfort but afforded her a bit of a respite from continually having to watch him.

A part of her had been nervous about getting a dog because Grissom had become so despondent in the hospital and nothing worked to pull him out of it. But everything changed the night he'd had a seizure in his sleep and Sara began to doubt her own ability to take care of him.

After a heart-to-heart with one of the nurses, the idea of getting a seizure dog found its way back into the conversation. They helped her get in touch with the Seizure Foundation and one of their staff came to meet with her and Donald at the hospital. That meeting had blown her away.

She'd only thought dogs alerted the person that a seizure was coming then notified someone in the house but there was so much more. They were trained to fetch a telephone, alert device or medication, even open a door or turn on a light. If their person wandered off or fell, they would protect them by remaining close to prevent injuries. They could also sound an alert with an emergency response system. Lately, she hadn't thought there would be a time where Grissom could be left alone but now the possibility may be within reach with this kind of help.

Grissom's case was strong for assistance and after a lengthy conversation it was agreed that when he was discharged, a home visit would be organized along with an appropriate canine. If that went well then, the instructor would spend a further 3 days with them to ensure dog and client were suitable for each other and then the dog would belong to them.

Fearful of an instant rejection given her husband's depressed state, Sara took it upon herself not to tell him about the visit until that knock came to the door. Even then all she did was open the door and let the trainer and his German Shepherd walk into their living room then held her breath. First, Grissom stared at them then he frowned as the dog moved closer and sat right in front of him. A small smile curled his mouth when a paw touched his knee soon followed by something that had been missing in recent weeks – a sparkle in his eyes.

Since that day, his attitude had gotten a little better, too. He began to interact with Buddy – talking to him and brushing his hand over his fur. If he got frustrated, Buddy would be there immediately with a soft paw to the knee, a quiet whine or a nose pushing into his master's legs. It worked every time and Sara appreciated the soothing effect he had upon her husband.

Donald had introduced an additional medication, Keppra, administered via an auto injector. Should Buddy alert them to an impending seizure, the medication would be instantly given. Sara never went anywhere without it and always made sure that Buddy knew where it was so he could deliver it to Grissom, hopefully, in time for him to administer it himself. It wasn't 100% guaranteed to work but there was a 7/10 chance it would.

He hadn't had a seizure since he'd been out of the hospital or any signs of one so they had yet to either use the new medication or see Buddy in pre-seizure action. Sara lived in the real world though and, most of the time, on a knife's edge. One way or another, she knew it would happen again. And it could be _any_ time or day.

Once Buddy had finished eating he immediately returned to Grissom, something which Sara always smiled at. She didn't have to take him or ask, he'd go back on his own and retake his place on the carpet.

In all honesty, Buddy truly amazed her. She'd never come across anything like him and was so very thankful Grissom had accepted him. Both of them now had the chance to love him as much as they'd loved Hank.

Preparing dinner, her mind turned to Grissom's appointment with his new psychologist the next day. She hoped this one went better than the last one. Set the day after he'd gotten out of the hospital, Brass had driven them to the local clinic but Grissom had become agitated and refused to get out of the car. Fearful he would end up having a seizure, Sara took his shaking form into her arms and told Brass to take them home. When they arrived, it had taken her almost 30 minutes to get him out of the car then into bed where he spent the rest of the day in silence. That had been one of their worse days so far.

Therapy was something neither of them had been a fan of. Sara remembered her time having to see the department counsellor after her DUI and that was difficult enough. Grissom generally steered clear of having to open up to anyone in the profession. Christ, how many years had it taken them to open up to each other?

But, for the first time ever, _he_ needed help. Proper help. And it took a lot for her to admit that the person to help him wasn't her. _She'd tried_ and she would keep trying but, if he refused to get outside help again, Sara feared he would fall into a black hole and might never get out of. A night of prayer may well be in order.

Sighing a bit, she turned her thoughts to the second thing that gnawed at her nerves. In two days, Grissom would be back at the hospital for an MRI to see if the last surgery on his left hand had worked. She knew his attitude and lack of enthusiasm was because they were working on one hand instead of both as had happened before but this was the way it had turned out this time. She quickly tried to push down the bile rising up in her throat when the clear memory rose of Andrew telling her about his new injuries and just how much damage Basderic had done.

Again.

 **A/N: I want a dog! :P**


	3. For better or for worse

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. Maybe one day I'll start an A/N without saying that :P**

 **I do have to say I'm enjoying trying to get inside Grissom's brain, I will try not to turn him into a mass of blubbering jelly I swear. Lots of challenges coming up for our couple though. I hope they get through it. Thank you for the reviews, please keep them coming and as always to calim for all your help. And great work on the fan fiction awards as usual :D**

 **On we go…. *woof***

Chapter 2

 _ **5 weeks, 5 days and 7 hours earlier – Hospital room**_

Sara sat in Grissom's empty room looking at the clock. It was just after 9pm. She didn't know why, but she just stared at it.

He'd been taken to radiology for an MRI and, because he was still sleeping, Andrew suggested she stay in the room. It would be much more comfortable than sitting in the corridor or so he'd told her. All she knew was she wasn't thrilled about not being with him especially after the hospital staff had no other choice but to sedate him when he'd woken and wanted to be anywhere but where he was. It was all so hard to watch.

A knock at the door broke her from her trance and she looked across the room to see Brass standing in the doorway. Her heart rate kicked up a notch upon seeing the captain. She'd been anxiously waiting for the outcome of the autopsy but was expecting him to call her. Did this mean bad news?

Her legs were shaky as she got up, meeting him halfway across the room as he stepped inside.

"Hey," he said softly.

Sara mustered a weak smile and folded her arms. "Hi," she replied quietly.

"The nurse told me Gil's gone for a scan," he continued.

She nodded. "Yeah. He isn't doing all that well just now."

"And how are you?"

Blowing out a breath, she shook her head. "I don't know. _Trying_ , I suppose. It's all I can do right now. Do you," she hesitated, swallowing hard, "bring news?"

"I do."

Sara swallowed again. " _And_?" she probed.

As he smiled at her, Sara blinked. "Ronald Basderic died due to blunt force trauma to the back of the head."

A sudden weight lifted from her shoulders and her knees felt a little weak making her lean against the wall. " _Really_?" she questioned just needing to be sure.

"Yeah," he breathed.

Although relieved at the outcome, it hit Sara now that her husband had killed a man. God, she just hoped he didn't feel bad about that because she sure as hell didn't.

"So…," she dragged out. " _Now what_?"

"I still need a statement from Gil but as long as your stories tally, IA won't be getting involved and we'll be talking self-defense."

Brow pinching in thought, Sara shrugged. "That could take a while, Jim, because there _is no way_ you're going to be able to talk to him about what happened _any_ time soon. He's a wreck. I don't think the doctors would allow it."

"Then it'll have to wait," Brass replied understandingly. "And I'll make sure the higher powers are well aware of that."

"Thanks," she sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. It hurt now and she suspected a little whiplash from all the crack she'd taken the night before.

"Are you hurting?" he asked.

Another sigh came. "A little bit," she admitted. "Just sore. I'll be all right." Brass' eyes narrowed. Noticing, she changed the subject. "Are Nick and Russell still here?"

"They're at PD and wanted to know if you needed anything before they headed back home."

"I could use some more clothes," she answered after thinking for a second. "And some toiletries. I guess the whole house will need packing up with Gil being transferred back to Vegas but that's the last thing on my mind right now."

Brass nodded. "I spoke to Catherine. She said give her a call when you feel up to it. She'll come over and sort all that out for you."

Sara snorted. "She must have the world's most understanding boss."

"Meh," Bras replied with a shrug. "How often have you known Catherine to ever take any vacation time?"

"Good point," she said with a smirk but that gesture soon faded away as a bed appeared in the doorway announcing the return of her husband.

Instantly, Sara could feel nerves building again and watched as the orderlies maneuvered Grissom's bed back where it should be. When Andrew looked over his shoulder at her she approached him, Brass just a few steps behind.

"How did it go?" she asked of the doctor.

"No issues," Andrew replied. "We gave him another small sedative before we put him into the machine just to ensure he wouldn't wake up during the scan."

Nodding slowly, Sara glanced at her husband. A tiny bit of color was back in his cheeks and he looked peaceful but she agreed with the doctor's line of thinking. If he'd woken inside the tube she had no doubt that he would've freaked out.

"So how long until we know the outcome?" she asked nervously.

"About an hour," he informed her, taking Grissom's chart from a nurse and writing something down. "I'll come back as soon as I know more and we can discuss it."

Her heart was pounding again. After everything how could she not think negatively?

"Okay," she whispered knowing it was going to be a very long hour.

The time actually passed a lot faster than Sara was expecting. Between saying goodbye to Brass, watching the nurses do their checks on her husband, texting Catherine promising to call her later and getting drawn into a digital conversation, Andrew returned before she even knew it. As Sara didn't want to leave the room, they got comfortable in the corner.

"How long do you think it will be before he wakes up?" Sara asked him.

Pouring both of them some water, he took hold of one of the glasses and took a sip. "Well, that's something I was going to discuss with you."

An unsure twitch hit Sara's right eye followed by a slight frown. "Go on," she requested.

"We'll be transferring Gil back to Vegas tomorrow," he stated.

Sara's eyebrows rose. "That's sooner than I expected."

"He needs surgery as soon as possible if we have any chance of preventing his hands from seizing up."

Her throat suddenly went dry at the directness of his comments and she reached for the remaining glass and downed its contents.

"We are considering keeping him sedated until the transfer has been made," Andrew told her.

Immediately she understood why they were considering that option. Grissom wasn't coping at all well while he was conscious. If left that way while transferring him, all sorts of damage could ensue.

"How bad is it?" she asked quietly not arguing with the suggestion.

"I'll start with the right hand first because it has fared better," he said and Sara nodded knowing that wasn't unexpected at all. "The force placed on that hand has caused the bridge plating to slip and this has cut through several tendons running down 3 of his fingers. Also, the second and third knuckle have been dislocated due to the weakness running through the bone."

With a shaky hand, Sara reached for more water. If this was the lesser of his injuries she wasn't sure she wanted to hear the rest.

"Would you like me to continue?" Andrew asked softly.

Putting the glass down, she nodded. "Yeah. I need to know what we're dealing with."

Nodding, Andrew took a breath and continued. "I'm sorry to say that the issues with his left hand are more severe. The stomps to his hand have caused a number of problems and most of them derive from the same problem."

Wiping a hand over her mouth, Sara leaned forwards and tightly clasped her knees. "And what's that?" she asked with a quake in her voice.

"The capitate pin," he replied.

Sara's eyes widened and she looked down, her jaw clenching.

"It's dislodged and caused a fracture in the capitate bone." He paused. "And there has been a tear in the median nerve."

"Oh, Jesus," Sara whimpered well aware of how important that nerve was and how much trouble he'd already had with it. Without it his hand would be useless. "Is there anything else?"

"There is some tendon damage in there as well," Andrew finished, somewhat reluctantly.

Sara squeezed shut her eyes and it took her a little while to say anything back.

Clearing her throat, she shook her head slightly. "I don't know what to say," she finally admitted.

"You don't have to say anything," Andrew said. "I have already spoken with Louis Bailey. He'll be on his way back to Vegas tomorrow as Donald suggested he'd want to be the one to help Gil again."

She sighed, a numbness cursing through her body. "Yeah," she murmured, looking down into her lap. "Thanks."

"There could be one slight positive out of all this," he added.

Looking up, she frowned at him. How on earth could there be anything positive about this?

"I'm all up for a miracle," she stated with a hint of sarcasm.

"The carpal issues Gil was still having with his left hand. This would be an ideal time to rectify that." Her frown deepened as she listened on. "Considering he _has_ to go back into surgery, there isn't much to lose by doing the procedure now. And, if that wasn't the issue nothing would have changed."

"Apart from the fact he can't use his hand ever again?" she argued, a bit of venom in her tone.

Scratching behind his ear, Andrew sat back and let out his own sigh. "I meant once recovered. Sorry."

Biting her lip, she nodded. She could argue until the cows came home that he might not recover but she _did not_ want to go there. But she couldn't help asking the question.

"You honestly think he can recover from this? _Again_?"

He nodded. " _Yes. I do_. It will be hard but I believe in him and I know you do to."

CSICSICSICSICSICSI

 **Present day**

Yes, she did believe in her husband. She'd never done anything but. He just needed to believe in himself. That was the tricky part.

After visually checking on him a few times, dinner was ready just over half an hour later and she returned to the living room to find him talking to Buddy. The dog, his chin upon Grissom's knee and looking right at him, made her smile.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Grissom asked the pooch.

Buddy let out a small bark and Grissom's hand found his head, a few swipes back and forth the best he could do in the way of stroking.

"It's not that long since you had your dinner and you're telling me you're hungry again?"

Swapping paws, Buddy let out a short whine then began happily panting.

"Trying to sweet talk you again, is he?" Sara interrupted, stepping around the couch.

Looking up as she drew close, Grissom nodded. "It appears so."

Dropping his paw, Buddy turned his attention to Sara now and gave her a bark.

Laughing, Sara crooked a finger at her husband. "Come on, dinner's ready. I'll get him a treat to keep him occupied while we eat."

As he got up, Sara looped her arm through his and flashed him a smile, happy he did the best to smile back. Even the smallest gesture was progress. Moving into the kitchen, she sat him at the table, then whistled for Buddy. Bounding into the kitchen, he followed her to the cupboard.

"Don't eat this too fast," she said, handing him the bone chew.

Happily taking it, Buddy returned to Grissom and lay down beside his chair. Sara grinned then grabbed two plates and put them down on the table.

"Can you get my spoon?" Grissom asked.

 _AH_. It hit her. Now she knew why he'd asked for chilli.

"Did you purposely ask for this so I didn't have to help you eat?" she asked, unable to help it.

He shrugged, looking back at the plate. "I thought for once you could enjoy a meal while it's still hot and not have to worry about me."

Closing her eyes for a second, she leaned close and slipped a finger under his chin, lifting his head so he could look back at her.

"How many times do we have to talk about this? For better or for worse, remember?"

Yes, for most of his meals she had to help him eat. There was no way he could hold a fork or a knife so she would have to cut his food into baby sized chunks which just made it look unpalatable and, quite frankly, she knew it made him feel like a baby. However, the spoon was made to slip on his brace and was useful for soup or cereal or small sized things… or chilli. But it was something she would do for as long as necessary.

Grissom sighed. "Don't you get sick of me?" he asked seriously.

Dropping her hand to his knee, Sara pursed her lips and was determined this wasn't going to determine the mood for the evening.

"Do you honestly think I would be doing all this if I was sick of you?" she challenged. " _I mean come on_. Look at our history? _Neither_ of us are the same as we were, Gil. We've been through _too much_. _Together._ And I _am not_ walking away from you _ever again_. So, get that through that hard skull of yours and help me out here, okay? Let me look after you while I need to because you never know when you might have to return the favor." His eyebrows soared and she smirked with a shrug. "You never know."

"Well," he said, clearing his throat, "I wouldn't be getting yourself into a pickle any time soon if I were you."

She smiled now and rubbed his knee. "I'll try not to as long as you promise to stop worrying about me looking after you."

He nodded and whether she believed him or not at that point was another matter but for now, she let it lie. Nodding back, she straightened out and retrieved his spoon from the counter, returning to him and attaching it to his right brace.

"Now eat before it gets cold."

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Their normal routine since they'd returned home from the hospital saw them both in bed after 9pm with a little TV before lights out. It varied little and depended mostly on how sleepy Grissom's medication made him or how early he'd risen due to pain or nightmares. On the other hand, bathing varied between morning, noon or night depending on whatever mood he was in. Sara didn't mind. She'd do whatever made him happy. Tonight, he'd only wanted a quick wash.

Now, as Grissom sat watching TV in bed, Sara changed her clothes and grabbed his final pill before heading into the bedroom.

"Anything good on?" she asked, kneeling beside him and holding out his pill.

"Not really," he replied, turning his head and catching the tablet on his tongue before leaning to the nightstand and sucking on the straw in the glass of water.

"How about we get some sleep then?" she suggested. "Because tomorrow you'll need all your strength."

Inhaling deeply, he faced her and Sara did her best to read his thoughts as they sat in silence for a moment. There was certainly fear in his eyes that was for sure.

"You're not going to change your mind again, are you?" she half asked, half pleaded.

His right eye twitched and there was a long uncomfortable pause but, eventually, he answered. "No," he said flatly.

" _Promise_?"

After letting out a long breath, he nodded. "I promise," he said shakily. "Just don't expect too much from me right away. Okay?"

Reaching for his hand, she gently held it. "Just stepping into that office is _progress_."

"So, I can just step in and walk out again?" he teased.

Eyes narrowing, she leaned closer. " _No_."

He smirked and she returned the gesture, carefully stroking his hand.

"So, you're _really_ okay with tomorrow?" she questioned.

"I'm…," he sighed. " _I'll try_."

She nodded. "Good enough. Do you want your braces back on?"

"Can we leave them off tonight? Might help me relax a bit more."

Sara didn't like that idea for numerous reasons but sometimes she'd allow it.

"Okay," she agreed softly. "Just be careful."

He nodded. "I will."

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Sara's brow crinkled into a frown. Was that a whine? Was someone tugging on the bedsheet?

Then something wet brushed over her arm and her eyes shot open, instantly hearing another whine.

The dog.

Quickly sitting up, she flicked on the light and was met with Buddy staring at her. The second they made eye contact, he ran to the other side of the bed and started whining again then spun in a circle. Sara's breath caught and her gaze swung to Grissom. He moaned and his head started to spasm.

Her heart began to thud. He was going to have a seizure.

Frantically, she pushed back the covers and pulled an injector from the cabinet by the bed. As fast as she could, she took hold of his arm and rolled up his sleeve. Part of her was surprised he didn't wake up but she had no time to worry about that. Hesitation wasn't an option and, right or wrong, she'd rather be doing this than dealing with a full-on seizure.

Removing the cap from the injector to reveal the needle, Sara firmly gripped his arm and placed it against his skin. Inhaling deeply, she quietly counted to three before inserting the needle into his arm, flinching as his legs kicked out and his eyes shot open.

" _Keep calm, Gil_ ," she pleaded, keeping a good hold on his arm. She needed 10 seconds for the medication to leave the needle and prayed he wouldn't pull away. Disorientated or not, he was still much stronger than she was.

Panting, he looked at her and she noticed his eyes were a little red before they down casted to his arm.

"Nice and still," she urged as calmly as she could even if her heart was now pounding a million miles an hour. Thankfully, he didn't struggle.

Ten seconds up, she carefully withdrew the needle, dropping it out of the way before leaning towards him and cupping his cheeks. She saw his eyes swirling around and wasn't entirely sure if that was because of the medication or not.

" _Baby, are you okay_?" she asked with urgency.

He didn't answer. Instead his eyes closed and he became totally still, his breathing leveling out.

Taking a breath, she carefully placed his arm over his chest, whisking fingers through his hair before pulling the covers over him. Hearing Buddy whine, she got out of bed and approached the dog.

"Good, boy," she praised.

Stroking him between the ears, she reached for a treat from Grissom's night stand. Wagging his tail, Buddy took it, happily lying down close to Grissom's side to chew on it.

"I sure think you've earned that."

One of the most important lessons of a seizure dog was to give them a treat for a job well done. Sara made sure she always remembered.

Sighing, she returned to bed, flipped onto her side and watched her husband for a while. She wasn't 100% sure whether he would have had a seizure or not but her gut told her so. Buddy's actions, Grissom's blood shot eyes when he woke, his warm, clammy skin when she touched him. She'd made the right decision. She just hoped her husband had the same feelings about it in the morning.

 **A/N: Nice doggy. Good doggy. Lol :P**


	4. Right by your side

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. Xmas means I'm super busy at work and now I'm just super tired :P Well, I hope this was worth the wait. Big day ahead for Grissom… If he can make it that is.**

 **My forever thanks for your thoughts and reviews and as always to calim for the great beta :D**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 3

His foot twitched as an itch spiraled up his ankle. Then a soreness became evident in his arm. Quietly groaning, Grissom smacked his lips together. Boy, was his mouth dry. It almost felt like he'd been eating sand. Then he heard her voice and frowned.

Opening his eyes, he tipped his head towards the window to see Sara sitting by the window, looking through the slightly opened blinds, talking to someone on her cell.

"I wasn't totally sure but I gave him the injection," he heard her say as she listened to some replay then nodded.

"No," she said next. "No bad reaction. He just went right to sleep." She nodded again. "Okay I will. Thanks. Bye."

Hanging up the phone, a quiet sigh left her lips.

"Who were you talking to?" Grissom called over to her.

Jumping, she turned in the seat and got up, heading his way. "Hey," she whispered, moving to his side and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Hey," he said back, his eyes closing briefly as her fingers found his hair and when they reopened, they just stared at each other, a slight uncertainty in the air.

"How are you feeling?" she asked hesitantly.

His teeth nipped down on his lip before he answered. "Okay. My arm's a little sore."

Sara's right eye twitched. "Do you remember what happened?"

He nodded then paused. "Well," he began, his head tipping from side to side, "I remember the injection but not much else."

She brushed through his hair again. "Buddy woke me up giving me all the signs you we're going to have a seizure."

Grissom looked over the side of the bed to the dog who immediately got up and barked at him before wagging his tail.

"Doggy alert, huh?" he deadpanned.

Sara snorted. "Something like that. I was just talking to Donald. Remember he told us to call him the first time we used the medication?"

"Yeah, I remember. What did he say?"

Her lips pursed, surprised at his calmness but glad for it.

"He asked how you reacted and if there were any side effects. I was to let him know how you were when you woke up." He nipped down on his lip again before nodding. "Do you have a headache or anything?"

He shook his head. "Not really. Still feel a little tired but no pain. Well…apart from the soreness in my arm."

Reaching for his arm, Sara carefully rolled up his sleeve and inspected the small injection mark. Seeing a small bruise, she dipped her head and placed a soft kiss upon it.

"Better?" she asked softly and was so happy to see the smile he offered in return of her gesture. It really wasn't often he smiled lately.

"Thank you," he said tenderly, sincerely.

She smiled back. "That's why I'm here."

His eyes flicked to Buddy. "And _thank you_."

Buddy barked again before panting, spinning in a circle and lying back down.

"Are you sure you feel okay?" Sara questioned.

"Hmmm," he mumbled. "Oddly. We're there any signs that the seizure was coming?"

Sara shook her head, lying his hand in hers. "No. I just had Buddy very eagerly trying to get my attention and then he made it very obvious you were having or about to have a problem. When your head started shaking and you moaned, I didn't want to take the risk. If he was doing his job then he was warning me. And I think he was right on the money."

"Well, at least we know the medication works."

Although Sara knew it wasn't _always_ guaranteed to work, she just nodded, not wanting to bring any negativity into the conversation.

"Yeah. Do you recall any nightmares last night?"

His brow furrowed and he shook his head.

She knew he didn't always remember his dreams in the morning but she figured that was the cause. But, when he sighed, Sara frowned.

"What?" she asked.

He cleared his dry throat before averting her gaze, looking back at Buddy. "Nothing."

Placing a hand against his cheek, she tipped his head back her way so they had eye contact again.

" _Tell me_ ," she pled.

"I, um…did have a lot on my mind when…I went to sleep," he admitted. "Well…more than what's become the usual."

Her eyes worked in a circle. He always had a lot on his mind and then it struck her. "You _were_ worrying about your appointment, weren't you?"

He hesitated a moment. "Maybe."

Letting out a soft sigh, she gently rubbed her thumb across his. "I know this is easy to say but _please_ try not to worry too much."

Surprised at her response to his admission, he blinked. "No telling off?"

She shrugged. "If I could control your emotions, babe, then we'd be in a much easier position but I can't. All I can do is ask that you try and stay as calm as you can and just know _I'm here_."

Forcing him into going wouldn't work, she knew that would stress him out more. Encouraging him was a better route.

"I really don't know what I'd do without you," he said sincerely.

A warmth radiated through Sara's heart.

"And I don't know what I'd do without you," she replied with a smile. If only this mood could last all day then she'd be a happy woman. Sadly, she doubted that was going to happen.

"How about a bath before breakfast?" she suggested. "Jim will be here around 11am." His lips twitched but he didn't say anything. "You're feeling okay to go still, right?"

Sucking on his lip, he nodded. "For now."

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A knock, sounding at the door just before 11am, didn't distract Buddy from chasing after the ball Grissom kicked. Thankful once again for Buddy's ability to lower her husband's stress levels, Sara headed toward the door and pulled it open knowing who it was.

"Hey, Jim," she greeted.

He smiled at her. "Good morning. Ready to roll or do I get a late breakfast?"

Sara snorted. " _If you hurry_."

Laughing, he quickly looked over her shoulder to see if he could spot Grissom. "I'm pulling your leg. Is he coming today or…"

"Yeah, he's coming. Just playing with the dog. Come in."

Nodding, Brass stepped inside. "Do you think he'll get out of the car this time?"

"I really hope so," she replied as they headed for the kitchen. "Okay, playtime is over," she called, grabbing Buddy's service jacket from the table and whistling. "Here boy."

Pausing in mid-chase of his ball, Buddy skidded around and happily ran to Sara. As she put on his awareness coat, Grissom got up.

"Hi, Jim," he said softly.

Brass knew Grissom hadn't been the chattiest of people lately so knew he had to tread with caution. "Hey," he said, bending down to pick up Buddy's ball and throwing it up into the air. "Keeping you busy, is he?"

Grissom half smiled. "Yeah. He does like to run around, inside or out."

Sara looked up and smiled, sliding the last clip on the coat into place. The coat, red in color with the words 'seizure alert, do not pet, do not distract,' written on it, sat across his back and clipped underneath and around the front. He did look cute in it and then she remembered just how important it was trying to get the message that Buddy did indeed need to run around across to her husband.

 **6 days earlier**

Typing in an answer to Catherine on her laptop, Sara glanced over at her husband, staring blanking at the TV. She'd been doing her best to entice him into doing something, anything since he'd come home from the hospital but, since his mobility was minimal, there wasn't much he could do or wanted to do.

Feeling a knock against her leg, she looked down to see Buddy dropping his chin onto her knee. He then stood back, barked and plonked his butt down, tail wagging.

"What?" she asked then smirked as Buddy barked again. After checking the time, she glanced back at the dog. "You wanna go out?"

Jumping to his feet, Buddy's tail went crazy, his tongue hanging out his mouth on a healthy pant.

Pursing her lips, Sara looked back over at Grissom and then typed a quick 'Gotta go, doggy potty, TTYL' to Catherine before closing her laptop.

Getting up, she approached her husband with one purpose in mind. Sensing her, he tipped his head to catch her eyes but then frowned as she held out her hand.

"Come with me," she requested.

"Where?" he questioned after a moment.

" _We're_ going to take Buddy for a walk." His eyes darted around before shooting back to her. " _Please, Gil_ ," she begged. "You haven't left the house since we got home and Buddy needs exercise. He _can't_ keep doing his business in the garden and he can't be away from you so if you don't come then he can't go anywhere. And, one of the conditions of us having him is he gets looked after. And that includes taking him for walks."

Breathing deeply, he just stared at her.

"I know you're nervous but you need to get out. _Please_?"

Looking away, he stared at the wall for a moment and Sara bit down on her lip. She knew this would do him good. Being in the house 24/7 was not healthy. He needed a different environment even if just for a little while.

Swallowing hard, he looked her way again. "Where do you want to go?"

Was he considering it?

"Wherever you want," she said quickly, "as long as you feel comfortable and Buddy can run around."

"We could, um…go to the rec area," he suggested quietly. "I like the lake there. Peaceful."

Sara smiled and swiftly nodded. "Okay," she said softly. "Sounds good."

And it was good. Well, when she did finally manage to get him to step out of the house.

Although anxious at being back in the open, Grissom seemed reasonably happy. He'd sat on a bench at the lake and watched while Sara threw Buddy's ball around, much to the dog's excitement. She'd even caught him smiling. It didn't last long but had been there and she delighted in it. Even the smallest gesture was progress in her book and the only way from there was up.

She hoped.

 **Present day**

Smiling a bit at the memory, Sara clipped Buddy's leash to his collar noting Brass looking at his watch.

"Well, we should, um, get going just in case there's any traffic," he said.

"All ready," Sara said, tucking her arm under Grissom's, watching as Brass looked the dog over.

"Do you have a jacket for Gil, too?" he teased getting a bark from Buddy and a narrowed eyed look from Grissom.

Laughing, Sara leaned over to pet Buddy on the back. "Stop teasing, Jim. It saves us time having to explain why a dog is in the building. Isn't that right," she asked as his wagging tail hit her arm.

Smirking as Grissom continued to glare at him, Brass pointed towards the door. "I'll meet you at the car."

He stepped away and Grissom worked his jaw.

"I know how you two like to joke. He's only playing with you," she said, releasing her husband and grabbing his coat.

"He could play somewhere else right now," Grissom grumbled.

"You're taking it the wrong way."

Grissom sighed. "Alas my sense of humor seems to be on vacation."

"Really?" she mocked with a grin. "I never noticed. Arms up."

Doing as asked, he put his arms out and Sara slipped on the coat, zipping it up. "Let me know if you get too hot but I know it's chilly out there."

"Yes, Mom."

"Watch it," she warned. "But you have reminded me that you must talk to your mother later when we get back."

After Basderic's death, Betty quickly returned to Vegas to support her son only to discover that Grissom didn't want to be around anyone. Despite that she'd made a point of talking to him at least every other day. Well, she tried. He'd not said much during their conversations but both Betty and Sara hoped that would improve with time.

"You should let her come visit," Sara said, straightening the collar on his coat. "She misses seeing you."

"Maybe," he breathed. "Let's see how we go today, huh?"

Sara's lips twitched. _Maybe_? Well, that was progress. Last time it was a flat-out no.

She smiled. "Okay. Ready to go?"

Grissom nodded. "I guess."

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Making small talk with Brass as they made their way to the clinic, Sara watched Grissom out of the corner of her eye then shifted her gaze to Buddy. His position closest to the door and the slightly opened window enabled him to stick his head out. Apparently, it made him happy if the smile on his face was a determining factor. She'd never understood why dogs liked to be smacked in the face with wind (Hank loved it) but she'd always thought it was cute.

She grinned then held her husband's hand a bit tighter. Today would be a good day, she decided.

Reaching the clinic, Brass pulled up near the front entrance just like he had done the first time they'd tried this. Sara, not wanting to dally, quickly got out and hurried around to the other side of the car, opening the door and grabbing Buddy's leash.

"Come on, boy, out you get," she guided.

Buddy jumped from the seat, sitting down next to Sara and having a good look around. Looking at her husband, she gave him a smile, doing her best to hide the nerves she felt inside. They'd been here before and she wasn't 100% sure this wouldn't be a repeat of their last visit.

Attempting to swallow the building lump in her throat, she held out her hand. "Ready when you are."

Closing his eyes, Grissom inhaled deeply. After a few seconds, he held out his arm for her to grab. She took hold and gave him the support he needed to get out of the car. Once he was on his feet, he looked at her.

"Okay?" she asked tenderly, feeling him tremble.

Eyes flicking to the main entrance as the door opened and a couple exited, Grissom felt his gut tightening.

Spotting his jaw twitching, Sara gently touched his cheek. " _You can do this_ ," she encouraged. "I'll be right by your side."

He nodded nervously and Sara retook his arm, holding him close.

"I'll park and wait in reception for you," Brass said through the window.

"Okay," Sara said.

As Brass drove away, Sara guided Grissom towards the door hoping he wouldn't just stop. Thankfully, he kept going and they stepped inside and head toward the reception area. A woman standing behind the desk, looked up then frowned at the sight of Buddy only to relax when she spotted his jacket.

"Good afternoon," she greeted with a smile. "Can I help you?"

"Gil Grissom," Sara said. "He has an appointment with Dr. Whitlock."

The receptionist tapped at her computer. "Can you confirm your date of birth for me please, Mr. Grissom?"

"August 17, 1956," Grissom said quietly.

"Thank you," she said appreciatively, getting to her feet and pointing to their left. "Dr. Whitlock's office is down this corridor. Take the first right then the second left. The waiting room is just at the end. You'll be called when he's ready for you, okay?"

"Thanks."

She was glad they'd sorted out all the paperwork beforehand. It certainly saved any delays or extra pressure.

Guiding Grissom down the corridor, she noticed him constantly looked around. "Try and relax," she urged lovingly, stroking a hand down his arm.

Vaguely nodding, he tried not to notice the eyes upon them only to realize they were looking at Buddy.

Seeing Dr. Whitlock's name on the sign attached to the wall, they headed into the waiting room. The room itself was peaceful and looked comfortable with two sofas and half a dozen soft chairs situated around a table covered in magazines. A vending machine stood in a corner with a water cooler next to it. There were only three people in the room and they were all looking at Buddy.

Turning to Grissom, she nodded at one of the chairs. "Sit," she requested softly, taking the seat beside him when he complied.

"I'm very proud of you," she whispered as she dropped her hand onto his knee and gently rubbed.

"Why?" he breathed. "You haven't gotten me into that office yet."

She was wasn't sure how to react to that. His tone was so flat she didn't know if he was fooling around or if he was about to run for the exit. That thought was cut short though as Dr. Whitlock stepped into the room.

If he was going to run, he had to do it now.

 **A/N: Will he run?**


	5. One day at a time

**A/N: Here we go with a new chapter. Sorry for the delay, writing mojo just has not been there lately. I'm sure this gets tougher… Hey ho, I managed it and once I got back into the swing, enjoyed it so that must be a good thing. So, time to see if Grissom will run for the hills or not…**

 **Thank you to calim for the beta and help as always and please keep your reviews coming :D**

 **On we go…**

Chapter 4

"Gil Grissom?"

Grissom looked up at the man standing before him. Early fifties, about 6', almost bald barring a round of hair running from ear to ear. He almost reminded him of Conrad Ecklie just less evil looking.

Swallowing hard, Grissom nodded and Sara helped him to his feet.

"James Whitlock," the doctor continued, gesturing behind him. "Would you…care to come to my office?"

Looking at Sara, Grissom took a breath.

"You can do it," she encouraged quietly.

"Okay," he whispered shakily.

Smiling, she gave Buddy's lead a gentle tug and the dog got up, the group following the doctor to his office. Stepping into the room, Grissom paused not far inside and looked around. Desk and chairs, leather sofa, bookcase. Not much unexpected. The large, well-lit fish tank in the corner did catch is eye though.

"Shall I take him?" Dr. Whitlock asked of Sara, holding his hand out for Buddy's leash.

Panicked eyes suddenly found Sara. Handing the dog off to the doctor, she cupped her husband's cheeks.

"You'll be okay, _I promise_ ," she soothed. "I'll be right outside."

" _You're not staying_?" he whimpered.

Lowering her arms, she gently clasped his hands. "You know I can't. This is _your_ time. Just do your best."

Grissom could feel his heart beating faster by the second. Could he do this?

" _Relax,_ Buddy will be with you," Sara implored. "Nothing is going to be forced on you. Whether you are in here for 20 seconds or 20 minutes, _I just need you to try a little bit_. Can you please do that?"

Swallowing hard again, he eventually nodded. "Okay."

His response wasn't very optimistic but it was better than a 'no'. Sara smiled and kissed him on the cheek before stepping back. If she stayed too long it would give him an opportunity to change his mind.

"I'm right outside if you need me. I love you."

That said, she nodded to the doctor then turned and left the office, hoping neither of them heard the quake in her voice. Once outside, she blew out a breath and leaned against the door feeling the sting of tears. It was so hard to leave him but this had to be done. She just prayed this would help him and he'd be able to finish the session. Sitting down, she grabbed a magazine and tried not to stare at Dr. Whitlock's door.

Behind that door, Grissom was doing just that, hating the fact that all he wanted to do was run out of this place. He didn't want to think about how he couldn't actually open the door because that would've just sent him over the edge.

"Great dog you have here, Gil," James Whitlock said.

Slowly, Grissom's attention moved from the door to watch the doctor run his hand over Buddy's head then settle on the doctor's warm eyes.

"I know it's easy for me to say but there's nothing to be afraid of here," he continued. "I'm here to help and I promise I won't make you do anything you don't want to."

With his heart beating faster, Grissom sort of nodded then looked around the office again.

"Why don't we sit?" James suggested.

"Okay," Grissom breathed.

Smiling, James nodded and Grissom followed him across the room. "Your choice, couch or chair."

Grissom looked at the furniture. "Chair," he said quickly. "Not quite sure I'm ready for the couch just yet."

Grinning, James unclipped Buddy's leash and sat in one of the chairs, gesturing for Grissom to sit opposite. As he did so, Buddy took his place by his feet.

"It's my understanding," James began, "that if Buddy becomes a little irritable then I should be calling for your wife, correct?"

"Yeah," Grissom agreed. "If he starts getting excited then it means I have problem."

Reaching for a pen and pad from his desk, James crossed his legs. "Well, let's hope that doesn't happen."

Laying his hands in his lap, Grissom nodded. "Let's hope."

"I can reassure you that I am here solely to try and help you. You won't be forced to do or say anything and you can end the session anytime you wish."

"I've never been very good at this," Grissom admitted.

James smiled, admission was a breakthrough so they were off to a good start whether Grissom knew it or not.

"Any good at what, Gil?" James asked softly.

Looking away for a second, Grissom shrugged. "Talking," he mumbled. "About myself…to strangers."

"You know as odd as this sounds, sometimes it's easier to talk to strangers rather than to those that we love."

Grissom frowned and then he snorted. Odd, yes, but in some respects, that did make a little bit of sense. Still didn't make this any easier though.

Buddy sat up and dropped his chin onto Grissom's knee earning himself a smile. "I know you're easy to talk to," Grissom said, patting him on the head.

Another smile came from the doctor. "He relaxes you."

"He does," Grissom sighed softly, shifting a little as Buddy laid back down and across his feet.

"Do you know why?"

Pursing his lips, Grissom shrugged again. "Because he doesn't answer back?"

James studied him for a moment. "Do you believe that? A bark, a whine. That's an answer."

"Did you major in canine psychology?" Grissom retorted.

The doctor's face remained professional but relaxed. "He's _important_ to you, Gil. And, as silly as the conversation may seem, _everything_ is relevant to how you feel. Happiness, sadness, joy." His neck kinked. " _Fear_. All of these emotions are controlled by our surroundings and who or what may be in them. Every action has a reaction that we feel inside."

Grissom's eyebrows soared at the depth of the conversation given they were barely a minute into it. But, surprisingly, he didn't feel intimidated. Well, not yet. But he was always more into the intellectual. If the session continued this way then maybe he could get through it. After all, it was just 30 minutes. That's what had been decided on to start with. 30 minute sessions three times a week until he felt more comfortable in extending the time.

"So," James said, "tell me about your normal day."

Running his tongue over his bottom lip, Grissom frowned slightly. "Normal?" he questioned. "I'm not sure anything is particularly normal about my days at the moment."

The doctor wrote things down, but kept eye contact with his patient. "Okay. Describe as regular a routine as you can. From when you wake up to when you retire at night."

This wasn't what Grissom was expecting but, then again, he'd never been in this position before. So, taking a breath, he began.

If anyone had been watching they would've thought that the contents of Sara's coffee must be fascinating since she'd been staring at it for a good five minutes. She didn't even noticed when Brass sat down next to her.

"So, he went in?" he asked.

Hearing his voice, she looked up. "Yeah," she answered.

"And he hasn't come out yet?"

Her eyes narrowed and he smirked. "Hopefully, he's settled a bit. Just being in there is a huge step forward."

"I know," Brass said softly. "He'll see it through."

"You think so?"

Brass nodded. "Now he's taken that first step, he won't move backwards. He was never a quitter."

Sara smiled. "Ain't that the truth."

Reaching out, he took her hand. "Sure is."

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30 minutes later, the sound of panting made Sara look up to see Buddy appear at the waiting room door. Rising to her feet, she stepped forward only to stop as James and Grissom stepped in behind him.

"Hey," she greeted, a little uncertainty nipping at her tone.

"Hey," Grissom replied.

Sara looked at the doctor and then back to her husband. "Okay?"

Grissom gave her a slight nod but remained silent.

James held out Buddy's leash then leaned down to pat him on the back. "I gave him some water but he seems to be in panting mode," he jested.

Taking the leash, she smiled at him. "Probably because it's quite warm in here," she answered, stroking Buddy and earning herself a lick on the arm.

"Well, Gil, I'll see you the day after tomorrow. Same time, okay?" James said.

"Yeah," Grissom agreed flatly.

James looked at Sara. "You have my number if you need anything or plans change."

Lack of information wasn't doing Sara's brain any favors so she offered a fake smile and nodded. "I do. Thank you."

He smiled back before heading back into his office.

Sara clashed eyes with her husband but she couldn't get any reading off him. Yes, she wanted to ask what had happened but their location wasn't particularly appropriate.

"So, shall we go?" she asked.

Buddy barked and everyone jumped, including the four people in the waiting room.

" _Hey, shushhhhh_ ," Sara warned. "No barking in here." She flashed a weak smile to the patients as Buddy whined. "Sorry," she apologized taking Grissom's arm and leading him down the corridor, Brass quickly joining them.

"I think he needs a run and bathroom break," Grissom pointed out.

Surprised at how calm her husband seemed, she flashed Brass an unsure look. "Ummm, okay. We pass a park on the way home. Do you want to take a walk?"

"Sure," he agreed quickly.

Eyebrows rising, Sara smiled. "Great. Is that okay, Jim?"

"An excuse not to go back to work? Where do I sign?"

Smiling, Sara clung onto Grissom a little tighter. "A walk it is then."

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Sara found herself going a little stir crazy during the short car ride to the park. Grissom didn't say anything just stared out the window. She didn't push deciding to wait until they were alone. Now, as they sat on a bench, she laughed as Brass threw a stick for Buddy and the dog quickly retrieved it and ran back, dropping it at Brass' feet.

"You've done it now," she called to him.

Smirking, Brass picked up the stick. "We can call this my exercise for the week," he shouted back, launching the stick again.

Inhaling a breath of cool afternoon air, Sara reached for her husband's hand, looking right into his eyes as he looked at her.

"Are you cold?" she asked tenderly.

His head slowly shook. "No. I'm okay," he replied quietly.

"Are you _really_ okay?"

Letting out a soft sigh, he nodded. "Yeah."

"Do you…want to tell me about it?" she asked, unable to hold back any longer.

"I'm surprised you lasted this long before asking," he teased.

Her right eye twitched. "Are you purposely trying to give me a nervous breakdown?"

A grin curled his lips. "I thought that was _my_ thing."

Now her eyes narrowed. "Stop it," she warned playfully. "In all seriousness, of course I'd like to know, but it's up to you if you want to tell me. I won't force you but I'm here to help as well remember?"

"We talked," he said flatly.

"Ooookay," she drawled. "I kinda guessed that. Do you want to tell me what you talked about?"

"We talked about things I do during as average a day as I can get," he told her.

Her eyes worked from left to right. "Like routine?"

He nodded. "Things I do, eat, watch on TV."

"Baseball?"

A smile came. "Of course."

She smiled back, placing his hand in her lap. "Your favorite subject."

His lips twitched. "Not always," he denied.

"Well, I'm glad we _both_ share a keen interest in the other favorite subject."

Blinking lazily, he cleared his throat. "That's always useful," he agreed.

Squeezing his hand, her smile grew. It had certainly been a while since 'the other' subject had come into play but then he went quiet so she left him be and they watched Brass play with Buddy. After a few minutes a noise suddenly caught her attention. Looking up, she spotted a chopper. It looked like a medi-vac. Her mind suddenly sprang back to the day Grissom was transferred back to Vegas. That wasn't a good day…

 _ **5 weeks, 4 days and 9 hours earlier –**_

The sounds of the chopper were loud but, amazingly, quiet as well. Such a weird feeling really. The rotor blades sent their usual metallic thumping sounds through the air while everything else vibrated and shuddered around them. The three-man crew and Sara sat in silence while Grissom, still sedated, couldn't say anything even if he wanted to.

The flight to Desert Palms would take just over 20 minutes, far better than spending more than an hour in the back of an ambulance. Sara wanted to thank those at the hospital who'd made that choice because it would afford them less time for anything to go wrong and they'd certainly had enough of that lately.

As she stared at her husband, her hand resting on his arm, she wondered how he would react being back in Vegas. Positively, she hoped, since there would be familiar faces around him, but she had no idea if that would be the case or not. His mind was so fucked up right now she didn't know what to think.

Listening as one of the paramedics checked him and reeled off his vitals, she was happy that all sounded normal. However, as she looked at her watch, her heart missed a beat as time ticked by. Grissom should be waking up in a few hours and that made her nervous. It was a pity he couldn't stay unconscious until after surgery but, as the hospital had deemed him fit to do so, he needed to give his own consent to surgery. Unless something seriously drastic happened that was.

Those 20 minutes flew by and the next thing Sara knew they were descending. The chopper landed on the roof of the hospital and the door quickly opened. A hand suddenly appeared and Sara looked up to see Mary's smiling face.

"Come on, honey, out you get," the nurse urged. Taking Mary's hand, Sara jumped from the chopper. "He's home," the nurse said softly. "He'll be okay."

Sighing, Sara nodded. Whether that was true or not, she didn't know.

About an hour later, Sara sat down next to Grissom's bedside and sent a text to Russell, letting him know they'd arrived. Hearing footsteps, she looked up spotting Donald entering the room with Carol and Mary. Putting her phone away, she stood up.

"Do I have you to thank for the double bed?" she asked Donald, letting a small smirk cross her lips.

He grinned. "It seemed fitting," he answered then touched her arm. "How are you holding up?"

With a shrug, Sara folded her arms and sighed. "I'm holding. Just about."

"Well," Donald continued, "I will admit I didn't expect us to be back here again."

"Me either," Sara admitted. "But we are so what's going to happen? Is Louis here?"

"Yeah. He's just going through Gil's X-Rays and reports and he'll be by a little later. Right now we're just going to check on Gil's leg and then I'm going to take a quick look at his hands. Always wise to check on injuries after being airborne."

"I can't see it making that much difference," Sara said. "The trip was barely half an hour."

"We still like to be cautious," he replied, nodding to the nurses who stepped up to the bed and pulled back the covers.

Sara watched as they lifted Grissom's gown and began removing the bandage from his leg.

"Andrew tells me he was fortunate with the bullet," Donald remarked catching Sara's stare as he moved around the bed to get closer to the patient. "Reminds me of a certain someone."

She smirked. Indeed, she had been lucky when she'd been shot. Both of their injuries could have been so much worse. Still pissed her off that the same bastard had shot both of them, Nick as well. Son–of–a–bitch got exactly what he deserved.

"I tried to dodge mine," she returned. "Sadly, Gil didn't have that option."

With the soiled bandage totally removed, Sara stepped closer as Donald inspected the injury. Thankfully, his wound looked very similar to how it had at the hospital. A little raw looking around his stitches with slight swelling on his knee cap but nothing drastic had appeared.

Slipping on a pair of gloves, Donald inspected the knee a little closer, holding out his hand to Mary who passed him an antiseptic wipe.

"We're looking okay," he said. "No current signs of infection."

Just as he said that, he swiped the wipe across the wound but, to everyone's surprise, Grissom's leg kicked out.

"Shit," Sara gasped, holding her hand to her heart as Donald jumped backwards, holding his hands up in the air.

After the party exchanged surprised looks, Donald handed the wipe to Mary and pulled off his gloves. Then Grissom groaned and Sara was quickly by his side.

"Gil?"

He didn't reply.

Raising his hand to Grissom's face, Donald carefully lifted his eyelid. "Gil?" he asked.

Without warning, Grissom's eyes shot open. Donald's head snapped back at the raw, bloodshot piercing glare that was aimed at him. Before anyone could move, Grissom's arm swung out and he walloped the doctor across the chin.

"No!" he screamed as the Donald stumbled backwards. "Aggghhhh!"

Sara's eyes widened and everyone looked stunned but there was no more time to watch as Grissom's eyes rolled and a seizure took him.

"Jesus," Donald growled, rubbing his sore chin for a second before leaping forwards along with Carol to hold Grissom down while Mary ran for a sedative. "Didn't expect…him to wake up… _yet_ ," he grunted, doing his best to keep the patient pinned to the bed.

Without hesitation, Sara leaned in to pin her husband's right leg down. Thrashing around wasn't a good thing right now and she was exceedingly grateful for Mary's swift return. Within a minute, the sedative had been administered and Grissom stilled.

Releasing her husband, Sara blew out a huge breath and stepped back.

"Are you okay?" Mary asked of her.

Sara's mouth opened but she didn't seem to have an answer, only hearing Carol asked after Donald.

"I'm fine," he answered, rubbing his chin. Stepping back toward Grissom, he looked down at his hand. "I don't think him thumping me did his hand any good though."

Completely baffled by what had just happened, Sara shook her head. "I don't even know how he did that."

"Disorientation can do that," Donald answered, checking Grissom's eyes again. This time he didn't get any response. "Especially after what he's been through. He probably won't even remember doing it and, waking up after so long, his brain probably hadn't even registered he shouldn't be swinging his hands around."

"Is he going to react like this every time he wakes up?"

"I don't know," Donald admitted. "I understand his mental health right now isn't at its best but I can't predict the way he might react. I suspect the seizure came out of panic though."

Rubbing her forehead, Sara sighed. The last thing he needed was to be having seizures and putting his hands in more jeopardy.

"I'm, um," Donald began, pointing behind him, "just going to get a bit of ice and then I'll take a look at his hands, okay?" He nodded to the nurses. "If you can check his vitals and then get the bandages off, I'll be right back."

"Yes, Doctor," Mary said.

Watching as the nurses began their usual routine, Sara stepped close to Grissom and reached for his hair.

"You need to calm down," she whispered. "You're not doing yourself any favors you know."

 **Present Day**

"Are you okay?"

Hearing his voice, Sara blinked, her eyes looking back at him. "Yeah," she said trying to sound innocent. "Just thinking about something random."

His right eye twitched. "Like what?"

She smiled, trailing her fingers over his hand. "You thinking you're Mike Tyson."

He frowned. "What?"

Placing a soft kiss on his lips, she pulled back, her smile widening. "Never mind. It's not important."

"O…kay," he agreed although sounding a little confused.

"So, did you and James talk about anything else?" she asked.

He slowly shook his head. "We talked about Buddy a little bit."

She nodded, completely understanding what the doctor was doing. His job was to make Grissom feel comfortable and earn his trust while, at the same time, be on the lookout for triggers. Scratch the surface and then start digging. Horrible though it sounded, she remembered that little trick from her own therapy.

"So, you feel the session went well?"

He cleared his throat, looking back over towards Brass and Buddy. "I guess so. Not really what I expected although I'm sure the good doctor will be probing a little more after a few sessions have passed."

Sara's lips pursed. Her husband had never been stupid. "You know, if you do start feeling a little more comfortable about wanting to open up, please don't forget I'm here." His eyes returned to her. "I'm a good listener, too."

"I know," he whispered. "Let's…take it one day at a time."

 **A/N: So, he got through his first session. Let's hope the good news continues…. :P**


	6. Are you afraid of me?

**A/N: Hey guys. Sorry about the delay. I have however managed to write a ton so I'm a few chapters in hock.**

 **So, let's see how Grissom is doing. I'm sensing maybe a little reconnection between him and Sara. Hopefully it will go well :P Not sure how much hovering Evil hat is doing. Thank you to calim for the great beta and I apologize for sending you like 4 chapters at once, lol. Please keep your thoughts coming :D**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 5

In Sara's mind the day couldn't have gone better.

Considering how nervous she had been about it, her husband had made it through his first session and seemed reasonably content about it. And, even though they'd not spoken about it since the park and didn't really talk about it for long while there, he hadn't complained or showed any signs of distress from the experience. That made her happy. Well, at least happier.

Once home, Grissom took a long nap. Not surprising to Sara considering the stress leading up to the session then the exercise in the park, he was out like a light once his head hit the pillow. She stayed with him, lying by his side with a book in her hand. It was nice because it felt relaxed and for the first time in as long as she could remember, he didn't become restless in his sleep.

This had to be a good sign, especially considering the almost seizure the night before. She hoped anyway. They deserved something positive to happen.

As Sara stepped out of the bathroom just past 4pm, she paused, spotting Grissom awake and sitting up.

"Well, hello, Sleeping Beauty," she teased playfully, lips pursing as she set off towards him.

Yawning, Grissom's head turned her way. "Doesn't that mean I should have been woken with a kiss?"

Oh, now that comment knocked her back a bit and she came to a swift stop by the bedside, her eyebrows rising in surprise. Was he still slightly delirious from sleep, joking or actually serious?

She thought for a second. What did she have to lose?

"I do apologize," she drawled, leaning in close and dropping a long kiss onto his lips, a feeling so warm fluttering through her heart when she felt him smile against her. "Hmmmm," she hummed with satisfaction as she pulled back, sitting on the edge of the bed. "That's the best wake up I think we've had for a while," she said, running her fingers through his disheveled hair.

He gave a shy smile before drawing his tongue over his bottom lip, the taste of orange juice clinging there. Sara did like her OJ.

"Sorry."

Sara did nothing but smile. "Why are you saying sorry?"

His shoulders rose in a shrug. "I haven't been particularly great in the husband department lately have I?"

Keeping her smile, she reached for his hand, gently lifting it, her thumb whisking over the array of scars. Secretly, she sighed to herself. He'd been through so much pain with his hands all of which may very well come to a head tomorrow. All or nothing was pretty much how it was going to be and how it had been since their second stint in the hospital.

 _ **5 weeks, 4 days and 12 hours earlier – Hospital room**_

It had been several hours since Grissom's seizure and his blood pressure had sky rocketed. Sara was worried and she knew the hospital staff was worried, too.

A change in plans because of the extra sedative saw Louis inspecting the patient while he was still unconscious with Sara nervously watching on while he did so. Once finished, he and Donald had a quick discussion before looking her way. Folding her arms, she approached them.

"So, what's happening?" she asked.

The doctors looked at each other before Louis spoke.

"I'd like to get him to surgery as soon as possible," he said. "Possibly even tonight if we can get a slot."

Blinking in surprise, Sara swallowed, her throat suddenly becoming incredibly dry. "Um," she stuttered. "Aren't you going to speak to him first about what you're doing and get his consent?"

"Considering the way Gil is," Donald began, "and that every time he wakes up he can't help but lash out, I'm not really sure we're going to be able to get his consent. I honestly don't think he's mentally stable enough right now. Either to go through an examination or to discuss surgery. At least not in the time frame we have because we need to get to surgery now or we don't hold much hope for his hands."

Part of Sara had expected this outcome. But there was a tiny bit of hope she still held onto that her husband would become coherent enough to participate in this decision, a decision that could very well affect the rest of his life. That hoped dimmed a little when she realized she'd have to make the choice for him _again_.

"You want my consent," she stated flatly not even bothering to believe it was a question.

Donald nodded. "Yeah."

Exhaling a long breath, Sara ran a hand through her hair before folding her arms. "Are you doing the carpal procedure as well?" she asked.

"I'd like to," Louis answered. "I don't think there's anything to lose by trying."

"All or nothing, huh?" Sara tried to joke although she knew it wasn't funny.

Louis smiled. "Something like that."

Sara thought for a moment before nodding. "Okay."

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

 _ **Present Day**_

"Don't be silly," Sara returned softly, looking at him to notice he was watching her stroking his hand and then his eyes lifted to catch hers. "I understand, okay?"

While Sara would like nothing more than a good romp because, oh boy, had she missed it, she knew he wasn't there mentally. Only in the last day or so had he been receptive to a kiss let alone anything more than that but she was thankful. _It was something_. It was progress.

Since his memory had returned he'd been terrified of really close contact. Well, apart from a hug or a handhold. And while she still didn't know what Basderic had done to him in that hellhole, she had no doubt his fear was because of that.

"I do miss you," Grissom said quietly.

Sara felt her heart skip a beat and her eyebrows rose a touch. Encasing his hand, she smiled again. " _You have me_ ," she reassured tenderly. "I haven't gone anywhere."

"You know what I mean."

Raising her hand to his cheek, she held it there. "I do," she confirmed. "And whenever you are ready to take that step forward you just have to say so. But until that day comes, there will be no pressure. So, stop feeling guilty. We have all the time in world." Softly sighing, he nodded. "And don't forget if you _do_ want to talk, _about anything_ , I'm always here."

Considering it felt like he was opening up a bit, Sara felt it was a good time to remind him of that one. She just couldn't help thinking that if he did tell her everything that Basderic had done, then he would feel better for it and they could really think about moving past it. Until that day, it would always be a cloud around them.

He nodded again. "Thanks."

"Always," she said sweetly and just as she did, his stomach rumbled. Snickering, she leaned in and placed a swift kiss on his lips. "Hungry per chance?"

"Maybe a little."

"Not surprised," she said, getting up and stretching. "You haven't eaten since breakfast. Too busy sleeping like a baby."

He smirked. "I didn't actually expect to sleep so long."

"Or so well," Sara added. His eyes worked in a circle and she snorted. "You needed the rest and I'm very happy it was a happy sleep so don't worry about it." Holding out her hand, she wriggled her fingers. "Come on. Wash and food and then you can give me a massage."

His eyebrows hit the ceiling. "You'll be lucky."

"Haha. Won't I just."

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Sara was pleased the evening continued as happily as it had begun. They ate a pleasant meal, took Buddy out for a quick walk and then settled in front of the TV. After flicking through numerous bad movies and sports they settled on a documentary about wildlife in the rainforest. They usually enjoyed those and it generally brought back great memories of their time in Costa Rica. About halfway through, Sara left the room to get Grissom's medication. Upon her return, she found him oddly fidgeting, moving his head up and down against the back of the sofa.

" _What are you doing_?" she snickered, sitting beside him.

Grunting in frustration, his eyes flicked to her. "I've got an itch," he admitted. "Driving me crazy."

Buddy looked up and Sara glanced at him. "He's got an itch," she told the dog who let out a single bark before dropping his head back onto his paws. Smirking, she returned her attention to her husband. "Take your pills and then I'll sort you out." Grissom rolled his eyes and sighed. "Now don't get grumpy," Sara warned, placing the pill on his tongue as his mouth opened.

"Not," he denied before sucking from the straw in the offered glass of water.

"Hmmm," she mumbled.

Eyes narrowing, she placed the glass down and got up. He frowned as she walked behind him, tipping his head back to see what she was doing.

"What…," he began but she cut him off.

"Just relax," she answered then paused a moment at the slight frown upon his face. Quickly, she flashed him a loving smile and rested her hands on his shoulders. "You want to be rid of that itch, no?" Slowly, he nodded. "Then let me get rid of it. Either that or you can carry on rubbing your head against the sofa and make Buddy think you've lost your mind."

His lips twitched and relief at seeing that tiny grin rushed through her. Clearing his throat, Grissom faced forward, closed his eyes and lowered his head.

Smirking, Sara slid her hands into his hair and began to softly scratch, her lips pursing at the grunt of satisfaction she heard.

"Good?"

"Mmmmmm," he breathed.

Sara sighed softly, so happy to hear him say that and then, when his head started to sway a little bit along with her movements, she dared to scratch just a little bit harder, her fingernails clawing over his scalp with a purpose yet still with a hint of caution. Thankfully, he seemed to enjoy it and, after a couple of minutes of dedicated scratching, she lifted her hands from his hair and dropped them over his chest, leaning down to place her cheek over his.

"Better?" she asked.

"Yes, thank you."

Smiling, she kissed his cheek. "Would you like a little more?"

Looking at her, his eyebrows rose and he cleared his throat. "More?"

Her lips pursed. "Do you trust me?"

His eyelids dropped in a lazy blink. "Intimately," he whispered.

Sara's breath caught at the familiar jolt of electricity that shot up her spine at that single word, something he'd said to her some seven years before making her feel weak at the knees. But now, with everything that had happened, his quiet voice coupled with the sincerity she could plainly hear, nearly made her burst with joy.

With a smile so genuine, she kissed him on the cheek again and straightened out. Moving her hands to glide across his shoulders, she began massaging, earning herself an instant grunt.

"Jeez, babe, _you are tense_."

"Mmmmmmm," was all Grissom could gargle, his eyes closing as Sara increased the pressure of her touch.

Sara wasn't all that surprised he felt stiff. Without the use of his hands he barely used his arms. This was just like the hospital all over again and she kicked herself for not really thinking about this sooner.

"Will you be honest with me if I ask you something?" she requested, feeling a knot in his shoulder and doing her best to be gentle while trying to loosen it. He hissed a bit but nodded. "Are you having pain with your shoulders again?"

"Sometimes," he admitted.

Sighing quietly, she gently pushed her fingers into the back of his neck before moving onto his shoulders. "You should have said something."

"Don't like complaining," he mumbled. "You have…ohhh…enough to…worry about."

Her eyes narrowed and she stopped. Moving around the sofa, Grissom eyes popped open as she stood in front of him and held out her hand.

"What?" he questioned with a frown.

"We're going to do this properly," she told him. "I'll get some gel and you can lie down while I get all that tension out."

"You don't have to go to that trouble," he argued. "I'll be fine."

"You're right," she answered, "I _don't_ have to but I _want_ to. And, feeling how stiff you are, if I don't do something now we could have a big problem in a few days. I think this needs to be regular thing until you get your arms working again."

Grissom thought for a second, his teeth nipping down on his lip. "You're sure you don't mind?"

Sara's eye twitched. It was almost as if he was afraid to ask her but then something clicked. He hadn't really asked her to do _anything_ beyond the basics since they'd gotten home. She always just did things for him automatically. Sitting next to him, she reached for his hand, softly lifting it and clasping it in her lap.

"Gil, are you afraid of me?" she asked tenderly but seriously.

But, as soon as the question fell from her lips, she half regretted it. Only a few moments ago he'd said he trusted her but could trust work alongside fear? And that was quite a serious and personal question to be asking that would no doubt probe into his psyche.

Opening his mouth, Grissom seemed to fumble for a reply and Sara held her breath. He stared at her in silence but then shook his head.

"No," he breathed. "I just," he paused.

Eyes slamming shut as all the air seemed to evade his lungs, Basderic flashed before his eyes waving the stun gun in his face. And all he could hear was his own pleading voice saying over and over again " _Please…please_ …"

Sara's eyes widened as he gasped and Buddy leapt to his feet.

" _No, Gil_ ," Sara implored, grabbing his cheeks as he struggled to breathe. " _Baby, relax_. Clear your mind and relax." Her eyes shot to the dog. "Medication," she said quickly and in a shot Buddy was gone. " _Come on, Gil_ ," Sara soothed, taking his shoulders and rubbing. _"Look at me_ ," she begged.

His eyes opened and he looked right at her.

"Don't let him beat you. It's just you and me. _Fight him, Gil_. He _can't_ hurt you anymore."

Inhaling deeply, Grissom sobbed then grit his teeth. "He can't," he agreed then nodded. "No more."

A small smile passed over Sara's lips. " _That's right_. Just breathe, nice and easy."

Buddy reappeared and sat quietly next to Sara's legs, a box in his mouth. Catching sight of him, Sara didn't take her hands from Grissom's face hoping he'd be able to fight this off.

" _Nice_ deep breaths," she said encouragingly, watching him closely as he followed her instruction. "Think about something that makes you happy. Think about Costa Rica."

His eyes closed again and he smiled much to Sara's surprise. "Marry me," he mumbled.

Now Sara smiled, reaching for his hand again. "The first or second time you asked?"

Looking back at her, he inhaled a huge lung full of air, feeling the tightness in his chest begin to fade away. "Both," he said genuinely.

Her smile grew. "Maybe we should make it three in a row." As his eyebrows rose, Sara knew he was relaxing and silently thanked God.

"Are you serious?" he asked a little groggily.

Well, not in that split second but he'd responded to her which was more than she expected. When she actually thought about it, could there be a better way to say how much they loved each other?

"Sure," she giggled. "Why not?"

His eyes clenched and then reopened, suddenly feeling a little sore. "Renew our vows?"

Sara could see this little episode had knocked him for a loop. His eyes were a little bloodshot now and there was a slight slur to his words but she still gave him a bright smile. He'd fought off what could have turned into a nasty seizure and it wasn't often he'd managed to do that.

"It could give us something to look forward to when you're better, yes," she confirmed. "If you want to."

Now he smiled. "I would."

She nodded. "Me, too," she said sweetly. "But right now, I think you should go lie down for a little while."

"Not tired," he drawled.

He had slept a lot already, Sara knew that, but she had no doubt he was a little unsteady. "Okay. So, what about letting me finish what I started," she suggested.

Thankfully, this time he didn't reject the offer and just nodded.

"Good," she said with relief, reaching to take the box from Buddy's mouth. "Good boy," she praised, giving him a stroke. "Let's get you a treat and then off to the bedroom."

Buddy barked and Sara smirked.

"Be right back," she said, hurrying to the kitchen and returning with a chew.

"Remind me to go to the store on the way back from the hospital tomorrow," she said, helping Grissom up, Buddy eagerly watching the chew in her free hand. "I need to get him some more treats since we're almost out."

Grissom nodded as Sara handed the dog his treat, a smile catching her lips to how gentle he was when he took it and held it in his mouth.

"Should just put them in a box on the floor and he can help himself," Grissom suggested.

Sara looked at him. "That kind of defeats the objective of being treated don't you think? The second it's down in front of him I'm sure he'd empty the entire box."

"You wouldn't do that, would you?" Grissom asked the dog.

Buddy offered a paw and frantically wagged his tail.

"I think that's a 'yes, he would'," Sara snickered. "But you're a good boy," she praised. Buddy continued to wag his tail and her smile just grew. "Come on then," she urged her husband. "Your pampering awaits."

 **A/N: Is Grissom finally managing to fight his demons? Will and when he be able to open up to Sara? Lots more to come :D Thoughts please.**


	7. A real breakthrough

**A/N: Yay, back again and a little quicker this time. I got lots of chaps back from calim (thank you!) all at once, lol. And thank you for the great job as always. I just need to write more now :P**

 **Do I sense a little close time for Grissom and Sara? Will Grissom allow it or will he flip? Ooooh, I hope not. We will see :D**

 **On we go…..**

Chapter 6

Leading her husband into the bedroom, Sara smiled at Buddy as he brushed passed her and parked himself at the end of the bed. Lying down, he started devouring his chew.

"Are you sure you don't want to take a nap?" she asked Grissom.

He shook his head. "Not really."

"Okay," she agreed. "Are you…still good with me helping you with that tension?"

He nodded and Sara smiled again as she took his arm and led him to the bed.

"Just sit there for a minute," she requested.

"Where are you going?" he asked as he sat watching as she headed towards the bathroom.

"I'll just be one second," she called back, vanishing through the bathroom door only to return a moment later. "Might as well do this properly," she said, showing him the tube of cream in her hand. " _Okay_?"

Taking a breath, he nodded again.

Throwing the tube onto the bed, she crooked a finger at him. "Come on, up you get so I can get your shirt off." Doing as asked, Grissom stood up. "Want the braces off for a while?" Sara asked as she began unbuttoning his shirt.

"Sure," he whispered and her eyes flicked up to his face. "Might be my last chance."

Leaving the shirt hanging open, she took his right hand and began unfastening the brace. "What do you mean?"

"The hospital," he mumbled.

Concentrating on the brace, she removed it and softly clasped his hand before looking back into his eyes.

"It _will_ be okay," she said lovingly.

"You don't know that," he argued.

Silently sighing, she took his other hand and began removing the brace. "Where we're we four weeks ago?" she began. "Where we're we four months ago?"

Taking the brace off, she waited for an answer but all he did was work his jaw.

Not wanting the mood to turn sour, Sara tried to remain positive. "Well, let me tell you where we were," she continued, going back to his shirt and carefully working his arms free. "We were scared, we were desperate and we found it very difficult to think about anything positive. But, did we give up?"

As his shirt dropped free, their eyes found each other's again.

Raising a hand to his cheek, she held it there. "I had faith, Gil. _Then and now_. And so did you. And no matter what news tomorrow brings, I have faith that we _will_ get through it. Whether it be _good_ or _bad_." Dropping her head, she softly kissed his lips. "I _love_ you and I will _always_ be here for you. Okay?" she asked lovingly.

A small smile found his lips and he nodded one more time.

"Come on," she urged, smiling back. "I'll make you so relaxed you'll never want to move again."

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

Much to Sara's relief, Grissom got through his massage, albeit with a few groans, as she worked the tension from his very stiff muscles. Considering he was laying on his stomach without being able to see much of anything, she was surprised he hadn't freaked out but, instead, seemed to enjoy her hands on attention. But all of this wasn't just about a muscle massage. It was about trust and closeness.

Taking advantage of this feeling, she moved her hands from his back and shoulders and up onto his scalp. She could've sworn he was purring at one point and it was sweet music to her ears, making her so happy he was relaxing and allowing her to get close. She'd missed that, being close, being able to touch him again.

Today was a real breakthrough, she was sure of it. Not only had he made it through his session, but he'd averted a possible seizure by calming himself down. He'd also opened himself up to her, both physically and mentally. She'd been waiting for that and now was confident that things could only get better as each day passed.

After the massage, Sara gave Grissom a bath and couldn't help but laugh at the look of bliss upon his face as he sat in the hot soapy water.

"You look like you've found Nirvana," she snickered.

"Hmmm," he mumbled, eyes opening. "I feel like jello."

Smiling brightly, Sara reached out. "I like jello," she said, running her fingers through his hair. "Sweet and soft, just like you."

Blinking at her, his eyebrows lofted. "Sweet and soft, huh?"

Her smile grew as she ran a finger down his extremely bearded cheek. "Maybe not quite so soft at the moment, you need a shave."

"Yeah," he breathed. "It's been a while."

It had indeed been awhile. Several weeks, in fact. Getting a razor near his face hadn't been as simple as it sounded and, after he'd had a very bad reaction, Sara hadn't tried since. Currently, he reminded her of the time he'd returned from sabbatical, all bushy and looking like Santa.

"I could do it…if you want," she suggested hesitantly and then held up a hand. "But, no pressure. Only if you want me to."

After thinking for a second, he nodded. "Okay."

" _Yes_?" Sara questioned not sure if he'd said that or not.

"Yes," he confirmed.

Oh, that really made her feel good and was a huge step in the trust department. Fingers crossed he wouldn't flip out like he had in the hospital.

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

Just the small lamp at Sara's bedside partially lit the room. Lying by her sleeping husband, she softly ran her fingers through his hair, a contented smile rounding her lips.

After his bath, he decided he wanted everything shaved off his face. Not arguing with him, she got to work, noting he seemed a tiny bit edgy after she'd put the shaving cream on then placed the disposable razor against his skin. But, he relaxed as she slowly made her way through his beard.

Finishing up, she ran her fingers over his soft skin then led him out to the kitchen where she made dinner for the both of them, Grissom taking his meds with his meal. And, just like they always did, the pills made him sleepy. So, after dinner, they made their way back to the bedroom where Grissom quickly fell asleep.

Sara didn't care. It had been such a good day, she doubted even a bomb dropping would spoil her mood.

Something caught her ears and her head tipped to the nightstand. Not quite a bomb, just her cell vibrating. Sitting up, she grabbed the phone and, seeing Betty's name, quickly stood and tapped Buddy on the head as she moved around the bed.

"Be right back," she whispered to the dog who gave a soft whine before plonking his head back onto his paws.

Barely 10 seconds after Sara had left the room, Grissom opened his eyes and sat up. As soon as he did, Buddy also sat up and looked at his master as he glanced around the room.

"Where's your mom gone, huh?" Grissom asked.

Buddy shook his head and held out a paw.

Smiling, Grissom yawned and then kicked the covers back, getting out of bed. Sleepily, he headed for the door, Buddy following behind. Stepping out of the bedroom, he immediately heard Sara's voice and paused just inside the living room to listen, looking down at Buddy who sat next to him.

"Yeah, he did really well and I'm so proud of him," he heard Sara say. "Not much," she continued. "But, no doubt, things will get more in depth as time goes by."

His right eye twitched. Who was she talking to?

"I don't know but I'll ask him. I feel confident he's doing so much better so, hopefully, he'll say yes."

He stepped closer, seeing Sara's head bob as if she were nodding.

"Okay, I will. I'll let you know in the morning."

As he took another step, the floor creaked and Sara swiftly looked over her shoulder.

Staring at him for a second she turned away again. "He's awake so I have to go. I'll speak to you tomorrow." She nodded again as she got up. "Okay. I will. Bye."

Ending the call, Sara stood static for a second before dropping the phone onto the sofa and turned around to face him.

"Hey," she greeted casually.

"Hey," he returned but with a hint of suspicion as he approached her, Buddy following. "Talking about me?"

" _I was_ ," she confirmed quickly and decisively and his eyebrows rose as he reached her. She snorted and reached out to rub his arm. "I was talking to your mother and didn't want to wake you when she called, so I came out here. She sends her love."

His head tipped back. "Oh," he mumbled.

Now she smiled. "I should have called her earlier but so much has happened."

"Yeah," he agreed.

"I didn't expect you to get up. Thought you might sleep through."

He sighed and then shrugged, looking at the clock. It was almost midnight. "Sleeping away most of the daylight I doubt I'm going to be sleeping much more."

"That's okay," she said softly. "Do you want something to drink? Tea maybe?"

His eyes worked around as he thought. "That would be nice." Another smile came and she took his arm, leading him towards the kitchen. "Why did Mom call so late?" he asked.

"She's been out on a date and as I hadn't been in touch, she was worried."

Sitting him in a chair she watched as his face contorted in surprise.

" _A date_?"

"Ugh huh," Sara confirmed, stepping away and flicking on the kettle before reaching for two mugs.

" _Mom went out on a date_?" he questioned again not quite believing that.

Chuckling to herself, Sara faced him. " _Yes, Gil. A date_."

He blinked. "I…um…didn't know she was seeing anyone. She _never_ sees anyone."

Sara shrugged, grabbing a biscuit for Buddy and whistling him over. "I didn't know either," she admitted, giving the dog the treat. "Just dinner she said."

Grissom looked baffled and Sara found it amusing.

"She is a grown adult, babe," she laughed.

"No doubt about that one," Grissom retorted. "What did she want you to ask me?"

Grabbing the tea bags, Sara dropped two into the teapot, turned and headed back towards him. "She would like to come and see you tomorrow. I said I would ask."

He swallowed. "Oh."

Sitting next to him, she took his hand. "You are doing so well and she's really missing you."

"I know," Grissom whispered. "I miss her, too."

"You don't have to decide now," she continued. "But at least think about it?"

"I'll do you a deal," he said.

Sara was surprised by that quick response and especially because he didn't sound negative. "What kind of deal?" she asked suspiciously.

"Let's," he hesitated for a second but managed to continue, "see how the hospital goes and take it from there."

"You know," she began, "good or bad news, you still need your mother."

He let out a long breath. "I know," he admitted. "But if they start yanking me around I don't know how good my mood will be or whether I'll be up to company."

Sara nodded. "I guess that makes sense."

As Grissom nodded back, Buddy barked and started wagging his tail.

"What?" Sara asked him. Walking around her, he went towards the back door and sat by it. "Ah," she said in realization. "Bathroom."

"I could say the same thing," Grissom replied.

Her eyes flicked to him and she wasn't entirely sure how to react. This was one of her husband's biggest hates. Always had been. Help to wipe your own ass was never a nice thing for anyone. Half smiling, she got up and squeezed his arm.

"Let me let him out and then I'll sort you, okay?"

He sighed then nodded but Sara was thankful he didn't make any depressing remarks about it.

"Be right back," she said and hurried towards the dog.

Placing his hands onto the table, Grissom stared at them. How could two simple body parts be so important in life? Well, tomorrow he would find out the answer to that question. Spend the rest of his life depending on someone else to look after him or a plan to be able to use his hands. They _were_ the only two options.

So which door would it be?

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

Grissom didn't sleep much through the rest of the night but that wasn't much of a surprise. Sara sat up with him as much as he allowed, insisting she got some sleep around 3am which she did.

And now a new day was upon them and so was Grissom's hospital appointment.

Again, Brass drove them. Out of all the CSI's and associated staff, he had always been the closet to Grissom and Sara knew he trusted him just like Brass had trusted her husband.

The ride to their destination was quiet and Sara could feel the nervousness oozing off her husband so she didn't push for conversation. Instead, she just softly clasped his hand in her lap, letting him know she was there should he wish to strike up a conversation.

Once parked and inside the hospital, Grissom was called through to Donald's office, leaving Brass to excuse himself for a walk around the hospital.

"It's going to be okay," Sara said supportingly as they reached Donald's door.

Looking at her, Grissom took in a long breath and she smiled lovingly then rapped her knuckles against the woodwork.

"Come in," a voice called Sara recognized as Donald's.

"Ready?" she asked.

"Yeah," Grissom breathed.

Keeping her smile, Sara opened the door and took his arm, leading him into the room with Buddy nipping at his heals. Immediately, Donald was on his feet and approaching them.

"Hey, Gil, Sara," he greeted, looking to both in turn and then down at the dog. "Hey, Buddy. You're looking good, Gil," he commented, settling his attention back on Grissom. "Back to the smooth look I see."

"Yeah," Grissom confirmed. "Less itchy."

"I understand that," Donald returned. "Would you like to sit?"

Nipping on his lip, Grissom looked at the desk and chairs. "Is there any point?" he questioned.

Usually his visits started in Donald's office in hopes of making Grissom feel more comfortable rather than waiting in a crowded room, leading to the doctor doing most of the talking. After a few quiet moments they'd head to the treatment area for his exam then onto radiology and tests.

"Honey, try and relax, okay?" Sara said, giving his arm a rub.

He looked at her. "I'm about as relaxed as I can be," he argued. "But I'd rather just get this over with. We can talk about how I am after I _actually_ know how I am."

"Okay," Donald agreed. "We can get right to it if that's what you want."

Swallowing on a dry throat, Grissom nodded. "It is."

After a quick look at Sara, Donald nodded back. "Then let's go."

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

As her husband lay on a bed in the treatment room, two nurses to his left and Donald to his right, Sara watched as the doctor examined his hands.

"How have they been since I last saw you, Gil?" Donald asked.

"I have good days and bad days," Grissom answered.

"Not been trying to overdo it, I hope?" Donald commented, carefully turning Grissom's right hand over so he could see the palm.

Grissom's eyes flicked to Sara and she smiled.

"No, he hasn't," she replied for him. "Even if he's wanted to, he's been using the sensible book."

Donald smirked. "Good to hear."

Looking back at the doctor, Grissom cleared his throat. "So how am I looking?"

"Pretty good," Donald said positively. "Very little swelling now and all nicely healed from surgery."

A nervous sigh passed through Grissom's lips. Yes, that was good news but there was no guarantee it was going to continue. It was the inside that mattered not the outside.

"Can you see if we're ready in radiology?" Donald said to one of the nurses. She nodded before leaving the room. "Right, Gil," he continued. "Here's what's going to happen. MRI and then X-ray, a little rest while the results come through which we have on priority and then…"

"The rest of my life," Grissom finished for him.

"Hopefully, a good life," Donald countered earning an unenthusiastic smile from the patient. "But first, a serious question. We'll be using an open scanner for your hands today, one quite different to what you are used to, so no tube." Sara's head rose as she listened. "But I do need to know if you want a sedative."

Sara's eyes flicked to Grissom. Every time he'd had an MRI since being hurt again he'd either been unconscious or given a very heavy sedative so he didn't freak out. While this was an open scan, she still felt a pang of concern hit her about the machinery.

"How does it work exactly?" she asked.

She'd had experience with MRI's with her arm after Natalie Davies but there we're so many machines these days she had no idea whether it would be the same. So the clearer a picture she got, the better.

"Gil will lie on a table," Donald explained. "A curved plastic frame is then placed around both hands and away we go."

Grissom blinked. "That's it?"

"Yep," Donald said with a nod. "Nice and simple. We're at a stage now where we know exactly what we're looking for so no need for the big pain in the ass machine."

"Makes a change," Grissom retorted.

"Nothing will obscure his face or anything?" Sara questioned. "Block his vision."

Donald shook his head. "No. And no bright lights for obvious reasons. We've set up controlled lighting in the room."

"Buddy isn't allowed in there is he?" she asked although she knew the answer. He had not been allowed into the other rooms.

"I'm afraid not," Donald confirmed.

Drawing out a long breath, she looked at Grissom. "What do you want to do?" she asked knowing it best that he made the decision.

His brow pinched in thought. "I don't know," he said unsurely. "I've never been given options before."

"Can I be honest?" she asked, placing a hand onto his shoulder and he nodded. "I think without Buddy, a sedative might be a good idea." She looked at Donald. "How strong will the sedative be?"

"Medium strength. Enough to keep you relaxed but it shouldn't knock you out and won't have any long term side effects. Just an hour or so of drowsiness."

Nodding, she returned her attention to Grissom. "It's up to you but I'd rather you be relaxed than stressing out."

He sighed. "Yeah, I guess so."

"So you'd like the sedative?" Donald asked needing confirmation. Grissom's eyes worked in thought and then he nodded. "Okay, nurse can you sort, please?"

"Yes, doctor," she said, moving across the room.

Donald looked to both of them. "Any more questions before we get started?"

"No," Grissom said flatly. "Let's get on with it."

 **A/N: Gulp. The time is about here… Is he going to be screwed forever or not? Eeeep**.


	8. Need to know

**A/N: As usual, sorry for the delay. RL sucks. But eventually I'm back. Tense times coming up. Let's hope Grissom can keep it together. Thank you as always to calim for the beta and for everyone's reviews and thoughts. Love them all.**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 7

Sitting with Buddy outside radiology, Sara waited. She could do nothing but.

"He won't be long," she said to the dog.

Buddy let out a soft whine, his focus upon the doors which had taken his master away.

"Hey."

Looking up she saw Brass standing there and smiled.

"Hey," she returned.

"I checked up to see where you were," he said as he sat. "Thought you might like some company while you wait."

She smiled at him. "You know how much I love company."

"Liar," he replied with a smirk.

Snorting, she gave Buddy a stroke.

"Gil doing all right?" Brass asked.

"Not too bad," she answered. "They gave him a sedative to help him through the MRI just in case."

Brass nodded. "Understandable. Is there a time frame to…you know, how long until we know?"

"Probably an hour or so for the MRI and X-rays and then another hour for the results," she told him. "Go and get yourself some lunch or something. You don't have to hang around here."

"I'm a hanging kinda dude," he joked.

"Oh, yeah," Sara chuckled. "I can just see you pimpin' it down."

Just as Brass smiled, Buddy sat up and plonked a paw onto Sara's lap.

"What?" she questioned and he whined before wagging his tail.

"Uh, oh," Brass remarked. "You know what that tail wag means."

"But you went before we set off," Sara moaned for Buddy to only whine again. Rolling her eyes, she looked at Brass and he held out his hand.

"Give him here. I'll take him."

"Are you sure?"

He got up. "Of course. But is it normal for him to leave knowing his dad is in there?"

"He's a clever cookie," she praised, handing over the leash. "He knows Gil is usually gone for about an hour every time we come here otherwise I'm sure he'd hold it and be glued to the floor."

"Well, let's hope we're no longer than an hour eh, Buddy?"

Buddy's head tipped to the side and he stared at the captain.

"I think he's saying - don't be silly," Sara snickered.

"My bad," Brass apologized. "Come on then."

Before he could say anymore, Buddy was off, yanking Brass with him.

"Be right back," Brass called, unable to do anything else as the dog was already in full tow mode.

Shaking her head on an amused snort, Sara then sighed as she looked back to the double doors. It wouldn't be too long now and they would know what the future would hold.

"Here you go, honey."

Hearing a soft, female voice, she looked to her right to see a nurse holding out a cup of coffee.

"Thanks," Sara said, taking the offering.

"Sure thing," the nurse returned with a smile before stepping away.

Sara stared into the coffee. How many bad coffees had she had over recent months? Too many to count and in too many depressing situations.

 _ **5 weeks, 4 days and 6 hours earlier – Hospital room**_

The coffee in her hand was half drunk and very cold. She'd been meaning to put it down for ages but for some reason hadn't. Glancing at her watch with a sigh, she yawned noting it was just past 9pm. Her attention drew back to the bed and her husband.

He'd returned from surgery just after 7pm but was being kept sedated until morning. Surgery had gone well, or so the doctors had said, and she'd questioned the lack of slings or casts on his hands. Their response of not wanting him to have a panic episode and smash the casts into anything solid was countered by her question of what if he hits something with his bare hands. They'd just looked at her and she'd sighed. There could be no unwanted movement at all or that would be it. There were no more chances. This _had_ to work. His median nerve simply couldn't take another bashing.

With the carpal surgery complete, Louis had discovered that the tendons surrounding Grissom's median nerve _were_ pinching onto the nerve itself. That could have been the cause of his lack of function in his hand and thumb. As long as the median healed for a second time, cutting into that ligament and tendons to release the pressure could well mean he could get at least 80% function back in his hand. But it all depended upon that nerve. If too much damage had been done it could be too weak to heal and would tear again as soon as he put any pressure on it.

Hearing someone enter, Sara glanced over her shoulder and spotted Mary who flashed her a smile.

"I think you should try and get some rest, honey," Mary said, moving toward Grissom to check his blood pressure.

Finally, Sara put her coffee down. "I'm not sure how easy that's going to be," she returned, rubbing a hand over her forehead.

"Do you have a headache?" Mary asked.

Sara sighed. "A little bit," she admitted.

"All those bangs to the head, no doubt."

"Probably," Sara agreed but she just couldn't be bothered to do anything about it at the moment.

Moving around the bed, Mary stopped by Sara. "I'll get you some painkillers and a blanket. You _must_ try and sleep, okay? That man over my shoulder needs you to be strong for him again and we really could do without admitting you because of exhaustion."

Holding up a hand, Sara gave a mock smile. " _Fine_. I will try."

"Good enough," Mary said softly. "Be right back."

"Yeah," Sara muttered, her attention moving back to her husband and, whether she got some sleep or not, it was going to be a long night.

 **Current day**

Grissom was in radiology for just 45 minutes and, thankfully, everything went smoothly. A bit less time than Sara was expecting but it didn't matter. Quicker tests made for a happier husband and she felt better with him back by her side and near Buddy. She always felt nervous when he wasn't around the dog because he had become so important in their lives. Not only for warning them of impending issues but because he did a good job of keeping Grissom calm.

Now, while Sara sat with her husband in a treatment room, Brass took another wander around not wanting to get in the way.

"Hey, you still with me?" Sara asked, brushing her fingers through Grissom's hair as he lay there, hands over his stomach with his eyes closed.

"Hmmm," he mumbled, eyes opening and looking at her.

She smiled. "Still feeling a bit dopy?"

"A bit," he admitted. "It's not too bad though."

"I'm very proud of you," Sara said sincerely.

Blinking lazily, he let out a soft sigh. "I haven't done anything."

"Stop being so modest," she countered.

His lips pursed in a tiny grin. "Buddy behave okay?" he asked.

As Buddy sat up at the mention of his name, Sara laughed and patted his head. "Doesn't he always?"

"Very true."

"How are your hands feeling?"

Inhaling a deep breath, he looked down at his hands. "Okay," he said flatly. "Ache a little from being in the machine but it's not as bad as I was expecting."

"Good," Sara said happily, running her fingers through his hair again. "Can I get you anything?"

He looked around. "Is there any water?"

"Yep," she said, getting up. "I should give you your pills, too." That said, she grabbed her purse, took out his medication and poured a glass of water. "Open," she requested and he lazily stuck his tongue out causing her to snicker.

"How long have I been back?" he asked after taking a drink of water.

Just as Sara was about to answer, Buddy stood and pawed at Sara as she put the glass down, his tongue dropping out on a pant.

"Awww, you look like your dad," she teased. Grissom's eyebrows soared and Sara fought back a laugh. "I'm just pulling your leg," she reassured her husband before concentrating on the dog for a second. "Thirsty?" Buddy barked and it made her jump. "No!" she warned, eyes shooting to the door. "No barking in here."

Whining, Buddy plonked his butt back to the floor but his tail was going crazy.

"I think he wants a beer," Grissom commented.

Sara's eyes narrowed at him before she pointed at the door. "I need to ask what I can use to give him some water or else I'll probably get in trouble." Grissom just smirked. " _Stay, Buddy_ ," she ordered before heading to the door.

Grissom looked over the edge of the bed and Buddy's head kinked as he gazed up at his master.

"You should go hide," he suggested. "I can imagine the panic when she gets back."

Buddy made a noise not unlike a cartoon dog and Grissom couldn't help the chuckle that left his throat.

"I'm only joking. She'd have us both sleeping out in the yard if I did that."

Panting some more, Buddy wagged his tail again jumping up as Sara returned and eagerly looked at what was in her hand.

"Disposable bedpan," she said, holding up the carton. "Sanitary and we can throw it away."

"Epic," Grissom mocked.

Snorting, she grabbed the water jug and poured some into the container before placing it onto the floor. Buddy didn't need an invitation and went right for it, lapping up every drop.

"Wow, you were thirsty," Sara said, giving him a little more.

"I don't think hospitals were built for dogs," Grissom informed her, closing his eyes again. "Always too hot."

"I won't disagree with you there," she returned, removing her jacket and dropping it onto the back of the chair. "And in reply to your earlier question," she continued as his eyes reopened, "you've been back about half an hour."

Breathing in deeply, he nodded. "Not long to go then," he whispered nervously.

Reaching out, she softly clasped his arm. "Not long at all."

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

 **45 minutes later**

Sara reached into her purse for a treat for Buddy and heard Grissom sigh.

"This is taking too long," he grumbled. "They said an hour."

As Buddy took the chew, Sara patted him and got up to stretch her legs.

"I know," she agreed. "But you know hospitals. Nothing is ever guaranteed and…"

She trailed off as Donald and Louis stepped in, an instant lump forming in her throat.

"Hey, guys," Donald greeted to earn himself a nervous smile from Sara. "How are you doing, Gil?"

"I'm waiting for _you_ to tell me that," Grissom retorted.

"Sorry it took a little longer than expected," Louis apologized. "But we wanted to be absolutely sure."

Hearing Grissom inhale, Sara moved closer to him and dropped her hand on his arm in an attempt to keep him calm. When she caught his eye, she could see how anxious he was and wanted to end the suspense.

Looking back toward the doctors, she couldn't keep the quake out of her voice as she asked the question they both wanted an answer too.

"So … are you going to tell us?"

Donald looked at Louis and held out a hand. "Would you like the honors?"

Both of them looked at Louis. Sara's grip tightened on Grissom's arm but then Louis smiled and some of the tension running through her fizzled away.

"From a surgery perspective," Louis began, "it's good news."

Grissom could feel his heart pounding as he stared at the doctor. " _It is_?" he questioned as if he didn't believe it.

Louis nodded. "The tear in your nerve has healed with no signs of rupture. Your capitate has settled back down very well and the pressure in the carpal tunnel has not returned. _And_ those tendons are looking pretty good, too."

Sara sucked in a bigger breath than she thought possible before a bright smile hit her lips. Looking at Grissom, she rubbed his arm.

"I told you," she said happily.

His eyes flicked to her. "There will be a _but_ ," he told her.

She looked back at Louis.

"Technically, he's right," Louis admitted.

Sara felt a horrible shiver run down her spine. "Can we stop stalling please?" she griped.

Louis smiled. "As explained, the procedures done on Gil's hands have held but the big test will be when he tries to use them. Then and only then will we know if that median nerve is going to hold."

Sighing, Sara folded her arms. "That sounds like a very long process. It could just go at any time, right?"

"No," Donald argued. Sara blinked in surprise. "We should know as soon as we put his left hand to the test. It will either cooperate or it won't."

"What does _not_ cooperating entail?" Grissom mumbled.

"Your nerve will rupture," Donald said softly but truthfully.

Grissom swallowed. "Fun."

Sara tried her best to keep calm and relaxed, if she didn't then her husband wouldn't either. " _So_ , if it doesn't rupture then it will be _fine_? No chance of that happening at a later date?"

Louis' head bobbed from side to side. "I never say never. Gil would just need to be sensible with his abilities and limits would be set for weights and what he definitely shouldn't be doing with his hands. Taking part in a tug-of-war or trying to lift a ton of bricks would probably not be recommended. But, as before, with the right care and physiotherapy regime, as long as that nerve holds the first time we should, hopefully, see a very optimistic outcome."

"So," Grissom began, clearing his throat, "are you saying I will be able to use my hand? _Properly_?"

"I would say I'm confident," Louis returned.

Grissom thought for a second. "So when do we test this hand?"

Donald scratched the top of his head. "Right now. If that's good with you? I'm sure you'd like to know sooner rather than later."

Oh, that really made Sara nervous although she knew it was coming. "This is going to hurt, isn't it?"

She knew as soon as she'd said that it was stupid. Of course it was going to hurt. Moving his hands for the first time was going to be agony.

"You don't have to answer that," she said before anyone did. Instead she put her full attention on Grissom. "If you want to do the tests now or not is completely up to you. It's already been a long and tiring day for you so no one will…"

"I want to do them now," he said, cutting her off. " _I need to know_."

With an understanding purse of her lips, Sara nodded. "Okay," she agreed softly, refocusing on the doctors. "So how are you going to do this?"

"We'll do the tests a few rooms down as the equipment we need is in there," Donald explained. "Gil, I'll get you a wheelchair as you're probably still a bit wobbly, okay?" Grissom just nodded. "I suggest we go there now if you're agreeable and then we can go through everything."

Sara exchanged another look with her husband. "Is that okay?"

Grissom nodded again. "Yeah."

"I'll grab a chair," Donald said. "Be right back."

Giving Grissom her full and undivided attention, Sara softly laid a hand on his, noticing sweat forming on his forehead. That meant he was getting _really_ nervous.

"I need you to take a deep breath," she requested, trailing her fingertips over the back of his hand. "This is going to be _hard_ but I need you to try and stay calm, okay?"

He swallowed. "I'm scared," he whispered.

"I know," Sara soothed, raising her hand to his hair. "But you have me and Buddy and we'll be right by your side. And no matter what happens that's exactly where we are going to stay."

Sighing, he looked past her as Donald returned with a wheelchair.

"Are you ready?" she asked.

Swallowing again, he looked right into her eyes and gave a slow nod.

The time had come.

 **A/N: Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuun *pop* LMAO.**


	9. One giant push

**A/N: Hey everyone. New chapter afoot. I got my laptop back but alas I needed a new hard drive so there's nothing like starting from scratch, boooo. Eh, worse things in the world so we plod on.**

 **So, it's time to see if Grissom can get through his tests and what the results may be. Will Evil hat make a return? :P My gracious thanks for all your thoughts and kind words, I appreciate them all very much. The encouragement to keep writing now keeps me going. And as always, thank you to calim for the beta :)**

 **On we go…**

Chapter 8

Seated in the wheelchair, Grissom did his best to control his breathing as they entered the treatment room. Knowing pain was coming was never a fun thing let alone pain that could play havoc with his brain and cause him to have a seizure. If that happened it would end the day and he'd have to wait to find out his fate. He really didn't want that.

Pushed up to a table, his eyes scanned over the two items laying there – a hand grip and a dynamometer.

"Would you like to sit at the table?" Donald asked.

Looking up at him, Grissom nodded. Sara took hold of his arm and eased him out of the wheelchair and into a chair as Buddy parked himself beside them. Their attention moved to a nurse who'd entered and headed toward the medical cabinet.

Seeing Grissom frown, Donald spoke up. "Relax, Gil," he said softly. "Sonia is here just in case we need your medication in a hurry."

"Oh," he whispered, his head tipping back with realization.

"You can do this," Sara encouraged, rubbing his knee as he looked at her. " _I know you can_."

Nerves were building so he sucked in a deep breath only to find that it made his lungs hurt. Deciding to focus on something else, he eyed Louis as he picked up a chair and placed it next to him before taking a seat.

"Here's what we're going to do," Louis began. "First, I'll take your hands and loosen them up by moving your fingers and then your wrists."

Grissom swallowed. "Both hands, right?"

Louis nodded. "One at a time, obviously. Starting with your right will be the best plan because it will probably hurt less."

Feeling positively scared to death, Grissom worked his eyes in thought. "You think I can get through this?" he questioned. "In one go? Last time we went along these lines it didn't go so well."

"I know," Louis agreed. "There is no hurry so we'll make sure we take our time and, if we have to stop, then we stop. As much as you want to get this over with we may have no choice but to do this in two appointments. We'll just have to see how we go."

"Okay," Grissom breathed. "So, after you loosen me up then what?"

"It will depend on your pain level. If you are able, I want you to try and give the grip a good squeeze before we measure the power in your hands. If not, we'll just use the dynamometer. After that, back to radiology for confirmation either way."

Showering him with her most encouraging smile as he looked at her, Sara knew that was all she could give him. If she could transfer his pain to her hands, she would in a minute. But those were just wishes. For now, all she could do was give him her support.

Louis cleared his throat. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife. "We'll start when you're ready."

Taking a deep breath, Grissom raised his right hand, his arm shaking a little as he did so.

"You can tell me to stop at any point, Gil, okay?" Louis said as he took the hand. Grissom nodded. "Starting now."

Sara's hand dropped onto Buddy's back as he bumped against her legs noticing how closely he was watching Grissom. Giving him a stroke, she bit her lip just praying he wouldn't be warning them of anything. A hiss from Grissom's lips as Louis moved his thumb back and forth, caught her attention.

"Okay?" the doctor questioned, pausing for a second.

"Yeah," Grissom whispered determined to get through this. "Don't stop."

Nodding, Louis moved the thumb a few more times before moving onto the first finger.

"Tell me how it feels," he requested giving a little more movement before taking the middle finger.

"Not too bad," Grissom replied, tongue drawing over his bottom lip. "Kinda tight and sore."

"Tightness is expected," Louis encouraged. "Any stabbing sensations in your hand or arm?"

Grissom shook his head. "No. At least not yet."

Louis smiled taking the fourth finger. "Good. You're doing _really_ well."

Even though this hand was less damaged and would be easier to manipulate, it was still painful. But Sara was impressed as Louis moved through all his fingers with little complaint from Grissom except for a few groans. She knew he was doing his best not to give in and she applauded his courage knowing she'd probably be screaming the roof down by now.

"Wrist next, okay?" Louis said, sliding his fingers up to pinch Grissom's wrist.

All Grissom did was nod and allowed the doctor to do what he needed to but, as soon as Louis started moving him, he twitched, his hand instinctively pulling back a bit.

"Easy, Gil," Louis requested as he eased up on Grissom's wrist. "Try your best not to pull if I have hold of you. Are you okay?"

Taking a few needed deep breaths as his hand tingled all over, Grissom nodded. "Sharp pain ran up my hand," he admitted, his voice croaky. "Just reflex to pull, I guess."

"That's okay," he answered then looked over at Donald. "Would you get some water please?"

Nodding, he quickly moved across the room. Picking up two glasses, he placed them in front of Sara. "Take a minute and relax, Gil."

Grissom didn't argue and sucked from the straw, the water very welcome on his already dry throat. "Thanks," he muttered when he'd had enough.

Smiling, Donald stepped back allowing Louis to continue.

"Just going to give your wrist one more pinch and then we'll move onto the left hand, okay?" Louis said.

"Sure," Grissom whispered shakily.

This time Grissom didn't pull back when the doctor pinched and for that Louis was thankful. Less chance of causing any damage.

"Can you feel the pressure?" he asked.

"Yes," Grissom confirmed.

Louis smiled proudly. "Excellent," he praised, carefully placing Grissom's hand down onto his lap. "Would you like to take a break before we move on?"

"No," Grissom answered, rubbing his forehead against his shoulder in an attempt to brush away the sweat he could feel building there.

Sara's eyes narrowed when she saw his action and quickly grabbed her purse, pulling out a tissue. "Take a minute," she advised, dabbing at his head.

Sighing, he closed his eyes as she wiped the sweat from his cheeks.

"This isn't a race. If you push too hard the finishing pistol will be shooting a lot sooner than you want it to."

"You worry too much," he accused.

Sara couldn't help a smirk. " _Do I really_?" she teased. "We should have brought your mother, then you'd do as you were told."

Grissom's eyebrows soared. "I can imagine," he mocked.

Smiling, she ran a finger down his cheek then sat back down.

"Ready to continue?" Louis asked.

Without a word, Grissom held out his left hand and his nerves spiked. The pain was really going to come now.

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Grissom's teeth were beginning to hurt as he grit them harder the more Louis moved the fingers on his left hand. And this was the easy part. He guessed he should be pleased that he could feel his fingers and wrist at all but was more concerned about maintaining his composure as they went along. He just had to do it.

Taking a small battery powered fan from her bag, Sara held it in front of her husband's face in an attempt to cool him down while he took another break. His cheeks bloomed a rosy shade of crimson and she knew the pressure was getting to him even if he denied it.

"You are doing so well," she praised, watching out of the corner of her eye as Louis's eyes visually inspected his hands. She could see they were already showing slight signs of swelling.

"I'm ready for handstands," Grissom joked, his head tipping back with closed eyes as he enjoyed the coolness of the fan.

Sara wanted to smile but the inspective eyes of the doctor just about prevented her. Was he going to stop the tests?

"How are you feeling now, Gil?" Louis asked his patient.

Buddy let out a soft whine and Grissom opened his eyes, his attention falling upon the dog.

"Trying to tell me something?"

Buddy raised a paw and then started panting.

"I'll get him some water," Donald said.

Smiling her thanks, Sara stroked the dog with her free hand. "We're halfway there, boy. Not too much longer."

Donald was swift to return and Buddy was instantly up and at the doctor's feet as soon as he placed the water down.

"I wish everyone was as easy to please as he is," Sara commented.

Louis smirked then looked at Grissom. "So, how are you feeling?" he repeated. "Do you think you can continue?"

"Yeah," Grissom said softly. "Hurts, obviously, but I want to keep going."

Sara was tempted to argue but didn't. This had to be his choice and if the doctor was allowing it then she trusted his judgement.

"Well, we have a little swelling but I think we're okay," the doctor agreed.

Putting the fan down, Sara took a few silent breaths. "So, what's next?"

Rubbing a hand over his chin in thought, Louis took a moment to think. "The greatest importance right now is that left hand," he eventually said. "You have fantastic feeling in your right so I suggest we leave that for now. We can get your strength reading next time as I'm not seeing any immediate issues with it and, if we push you over the edge with your right hand, we probably won't get to the left."

Grissom understood where the doctor was going when he picked up the dynamometer. "One giant push for mankind, huh?" he attempted to joke.

Louis couldn't help a smirk. "Something like that. One big squeeze and we should have our answer."

"You think he can actually squeeze that?" Sara argued. "He can barely even move."

"He can only try. _Any_ forced pressure on that nerve should take us one way or the other."

"Let's just do it," Grissom cut in, a hint of impatience and tiredness in his voice now.

Sara swallowed hard as he looked into her eyes. That fear was still there but there was an incredible hint of determination, too, one she hadn't seen for a while.

"Okay," she agreed quietly, giving his arm a gentle rub. "Just remember I love you no matter what happens."

A small smile crossed his lips before he looked back to see Louis tugging a chair closer to him to sit knee to knee.

"I'm going to support your arm while you do this, okay?"

Feeling his heart pound, Grissom nodded, watching as Louis leaned forward and took his arm, lifting it and supporting him at the elbow.

"Now I need you to try and open your hand on your own. If you can't, I'll help you."

A burning golf ball sized lump formed in Grissom's throat as he stared at his hand. Inhaling deeply in and out a few times, he concentrated on his fingers, teeth gritting as he tried to stretch them out.

"Jee…sus," he groaned.

"Nice and easy," Louis instructed. "Just tell me if you can't do it."

" _Can_ ," Grissom growled, determined to do it on his own.

Concentrating hard, he put everything he had into moving his fingers. Shakily, they slowly began to move.

Sara closed her eyes for a second. This was so damn intense. Any second now he could topple over the edge.

" _Really good_ ," Louis encouraged, holding out the dynamometer. "I'm going to place this in your hand and then I want you to close your fingers around it and squeeze as hard as you can just like you've done before. Again, if you need me to help you with your fingers then I can do that but I can't squeeze for you."

Grissom just nodded, licking a bead of sweat from his lips, watching as Louis slid the implement into his hand. Taking a breath, he clenched his eyes closed as he tried to close his fingers around the dynamometer.

" _Good, Gil_ ," Louis encouraged. "Keep going."

A short cry fell from Grissom's lips and Sara tensed, her fingernails digging through her pants and into her knees.

Louis' eyes floated between Grissom's hand and face. "That's it…almost there."

With eyes tightly shut, Grissom gasped as he loosely gripped the device.

" _Squeeze, Gil_ ," Louis pushed. "The quicker you can, the quicker this will be over."

His hand was already on fire but he could do this. _He had to do this_. But then a flash of a smirking Basderic hit his mind's eye and he flinched.

" _No_ ," Grissom growled.

Sara frowned, looking at Louis who looked a little confused himself.

"Gil, stop if you need to stop," the doctor urged.

Grissom shook his head. "Won't let him win," he argued.

Sara instantly understood what he meant and her heart hit her throat. But before she could persuade him to stop, Grissom let out an almighty scream as he clasped his fingers around the dynamometer as hard as he possibly could.

Startled, Sara slapped a hand to her chest. "Jesus," she whispered in a shaky voice.

Louis watched the gauge and got the reading before Grissom hastily relaxed his fingers and pulled back his hand to cradle it against his chest.

"Christ, that hurts," Grissom cried out.

Sara was sure she was panting as her eyes shot to Buddy who was watching Grissom like a hawk. But he was yet to react in any negative manner.

"Try and breathe, Gil, and tell me about the pain," Louis swiftly urged needing information. " _I need to know what you're feeling_."

Swallowing heavily, Grissom squeezed his eyes tighter as pain shot up his arm. "Feels like…electric…shooting…all over."

Open mouthed, Sara blinked. That was new.

" _Any burning or pulsing_?" Louis questioned urgently.

Grissom's head shook and he swallowed again. "No," he gasped. "Doesn't burn. Feels…. _so different_."

Louis and Donald exchanged a look before Louis held out his hand. "I need to take your hand again, okay? Can you deal with the pain for just a few seconds more?"

As Grissom gasped again, Buddy stood up. Sara's heart pounded faster than a beat of a drum as she waited for him to react. But all he did was watch him.

" _Try…ing_ ," Grissom cried as sweat rolled down his cheeks.

Quickly, Louis reached out, carefully taking Grissom's left hand and holding it in his own. "I'm going to put pressure just below your thumb and I need you tell me if you can feel it. Okay?"

Sara's stress level rose when Grissom didn't answer, only the short pants falling from his lips audible.

" _Gil_?"

To everyone's relief, Grissom nodded and opened his eyes, Sara immediately noticing how raw and bloodshot they looked.

" _Can we hurry up_?" she pleaded, gritting her teeth. She wasn't stupid, if this went on much longer they would be contending with a seizure. Buddy could sense it, she knew it.

Not wasting time, Louis did as he said he would and pinched just below Grissom's thumb. "Tell me if you can feel that." Grissom nodded and without hesitation, Louis moved his fingers to Grissom's pinky, pinching there now. "What about that?"

"Yes," Grissom groaned.

"Just one more," the surgeon said, this time moving to Grissom's wrist, pinching through top to bottom. "And that?"

His throat was so dry now it hurt to speak but Grissom managed to wheeze out a positive response.

Sara's eyebrows hit the ceiling.

 _He could feel._

Louis smiled brightly at Donald who then waved a hand to the waiting nurse.

"Got some painkillers coming right over for you," Louis told Grissom, carefully placing his hand in his lap before clasping his shoulder. " _Keep breathing_ and hang in there."

Breathing deeply in and out, in and out, Grissom looked at both doctors. "So?" he puffed.

"It held," Louis replied happily.

Grissom blinked. "Are you… _sure_?"

Smiling again, Louis nodded. "I know it hurts but if your nerve had burst, you'd be rolling around on the floor and the fact that you can feel means _it is_ working."

Before the conversation could go any further the nurse was right by them and Louis leaned close.

"Let's get you comfortable and then we can talk some more, okay?" he said.

"Okay," Grissom agreed, closing his eyes as Louis rolled up his sleeve then pinching them tightly as he felt the needle pierce his skin.

Buddy let out a soft but short whine and Sara stroked his neck.

" _He's okay_ ," she soothed. "He's just getting a bit of help but it's all over now."

God, she hoped it was all over.

"I think an ice bath might be a good idea," Donald suggested and Grissom slowly opened his eyes, his vision now a little hazy. "And probably a little lie down before we go any further."

Softly sighing as a little of the pain filtered away, Grissom licked his dry lips. "No arguments … from me," he slurred.

Smirking, Donald gave Sara's shoulder a soft squeeze. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she breathed. "But I'll be even better when he's comfortable."

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Eyes closed, Grissom hummed in short bursts as Sara ran her fingers through his hair.

"You still with me?" she asked softly.

"Hmmmm," he mumbled.

"You can sleep if you want," she said. "I'm sure no one will mind."

He managed a smile. "Not sure I could even if I wanted to."

She looked down at his hands. They were still nice and rosy from the ice bath and still swollen. It wasn't too bad but enough to probably be uncomfortable.

"Are you still hurting?"

"A little bit," he admitted. "Tingling now."

Sara was still worried. How could she not be? "Do you want me to get the doctor?"

His lips puckered and his head slowly shook before he opened his eyes and looked at her. "They'll be back soon anyway."

About to argue with him she didn't get a chance when a knock came to the door. Looking up, she smiled and waved. "Come on in, Jim."

"How we doing?" he asked as he came toward the bed. "The doctor said it was good news and you were resting."

Buddy sat up and panted at the captain before offering a paw.

Brass' eyebrows soared. "What?"

Smirking, Sara reached into her purse and pulled out a treat. "He probably thinks you have food. He normally gets treated when you're around."

Happily taking the treat, Buddy lay back down and began devouring it.

"We've been told the news is good," Sara replied. "But he'll need to go back to radiology for confirmation."

"So those boxing gloves I bought _will_ come in handy then?" Brass joked.

Grissom's eyes narrowed and Brass smirked.

"I might hold you…to that," Grissom challenged.

Sara laughed. "I'm not sure who will be Rocky and who will be Apollo but I see some interesting costume shopping coming up."

Smiling, Grissom closed his eyes again, his legs stretching out on a growl as his bad leg suddenly started to ache. "I wonder how…long it's going to be before…I get this hand scanned. Be nice to go home."

"Hopefully, not too long," Sara replied.

Grissom still struggled with being away from the house for large amounts of time, so getting him back to a place of comfort was a priority. But she also knew that Basderic had popped into his thoughts while doing the tests. She wanted to talk to him about it but now wasn't the right time.

 **A/N: Yay! It's didn't burst. Yet…. Lmao. Am I that mean? :P**


	10. Into your thoughts

**A/N: New chap afoot :) Will the good news continue or is Grissom going to push too hard too soon? Evil hat may be lurking :P Thanks for all the reviews and as always to calim for the beta.**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 9

Sitting there watching him sleep, Sara sighed happily. It was a surreal feeling. He was actually smiling and it had been a long, long time since she'd seen that while he slept.

They'd been back from the hospital for almost an hour. Thankfully, they hadn't waited too long for Grissom's second stint in radiology. She remembered holding her breathe as Donald read out the results and then a sudden state of euphoria when he revealed the median nerve had held and there wasn't any sign of rupture.

The unbelieving look on Grissom's face stuck in her mind when the news first came out. It was as if he didn't trust what he was hearing. But as Donald happily confirmed, a smile caught his lips. He didn't jump up and down. He just sat there looking relieved.

They both knew they still had a long way to go but this was the positive news they needed to be able to really move forwards… at least, physically. Sara hoped Grissom would enthusiastically embrace his physiotherapy as he'd done before. In doing so, that could be the distraction he'd really need to keep the demons at bay. Major details about the next steps were put on hold due to Grissom's flagging state but would be taken up when they returned in 48 hours.

Feeling something drop on her leg, she looked down to see Buddy plonk his chin on her knee. Once eye contact was made, he let out a soft whine. Smiling, she ran her hand between his ears.

"He's okay," she soothed. "I know you were worried but you were such a good boy."

Buddy's tongue lolled out his mouth as he lifted his head to look at her and panted happily. She smiled down at him only to turn her attention to the doorway when she heard a light knock, seeing Brass standing there.

"I'll be right back," she told the dog and headed toward the captain

"How's he doing?" Brass asked after a quick glance at the bed.

"Good," Sara breathed. "Out like a light as soon as his head hit the pillow. Not surprising. The medication, all that stress…knocked him for six." She folded her arms. "But for once, I think it's a happy sleep."

Brass smiled. "I'm so happy for you guys."

She let out a sigh. "Well, we're not there yet. Long way to go still."

Chewing on his lip, Brass nodded. "Do you think he'll make a good go of physio considering his other problems?"

"I really hope so," she said. "He finally has a goal that we know can be achieved. No more guessing or false hope. Plus, concentrating on his hands may well take his mind off the other stuff although I just wish he'd let that out."

"You think he'll be better for it?"

"It goes deep, Sara," Brass said in a serious tone. "It could send him down the rabbit hole, bring on more seizures."

Taking a quick look at the bed, she sighed. "Keeping that horror inside is eating him up, Jim. I can see it, feel it. And I think he wants to be rid of it. If he does that then we can deal with it properly together and try to move past it."

"I didn't want to mention it," Brass continued rubbing his chin, "but the DA is still pushing for that statement. I gave half a promise I'd ask if Gil seemed a bit better."

Sara's eyes widened at the thought. There was no way she'd let Grissom give a statement even if he wanted to. Not yet.

"He can keep pushing," she grumbled. "He isn't ready yet, Jim. And if he isn't opening up to me he certainly isn't going to open up to you."

Brass held up a hand. "Point taken and I thought you'd say that."

She nodded. "Good."

"Well, I, er, I'll leave you to it. Let me know later how he's doing and call me if you need anything."

"Thanks," Sara said with appreciation.

Smiling and squeezing her arm, he turned and left.

Heading back to the bed, Sara looked Grissom over. He still looked happy and peaceful and that made her feel good. Knowing she had to call Betty with the news, she took her cell from her pocket and moved to the corner of the room so as not to disturb him.

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After finishing her call to Betty, Sara grabbed her laptop and made herself comfortable by the bed deciding to update Catherine, Russell and Nick. She knew Russell would update the guys at the lab.

Since it was his day off, Nick spent a little more time chatting. He'd be their taxi tomorrow so that Brass could get a break and because he still felt badly about being Basderic's stooge. It didn't matter how often Sara told him it wasn't his fault, he still took the blame. Perhaps one day he'd let it go. She hoped so because she'd come to realize that life was just too short to waste on what if's.

After Nick signed off, Sara closed her laptop and stood, stretching out with a yawn. Buddy took it upon himself to head her way, merrily wagging his tail.

She smiled down at him as he sat and raised a paw toward her.

"You want to go out?" Instantly Buddy got up, his tail going crazy now. "Okay, okay. Come on."

Not wanting to leave Grissom without at least one of them in the room, she hurried toward the back door only to have Buddy beat her to it. Grinning, she opened the door and leaned against the doorframe, watching as he ran into the garden. Looking up at the darkening sky, she could see clouds coming in. A storm was coming. Good old Vegas.

Barely a minute later, Buddy trotted past her and into the kitchen, had a quick drink from his water bowl before heading back to the bedroom. Closing and locking the door, Sara glanced at her watch noting it was about dinner time as she followed after him, making sure the drapes were tightly closed. No flashes of lightning would be making an appearance in this bedroom.

"I'm going to go and make dinner, okay?" she told Buddy. His head shot up causing her to smirk. "Yes, and yours, too. Look after him, all right?" A soft whine left his lips and she gave him a pat before heading back to the kitchen.

Reasonably assured that leaving her husband in Buddy's care was acceptable, she headed into the kitchen. He hadn't eaten much today and might just appreciate a nice dinner. Who knows? They could have a pleasant evening.

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Lowering her head over the pot of stewing vegetables, Sara inhaled. Hmmm, it smelled so good. Vegetable stew and dumplings for her and she'd add some chicken in for Grissom. Some nice crusty bread on the side would be prefect to hide away the chilly storm that was currently pummeling the house. No thunder or lightening as of yet but that would probably come.

Just as that thought passed through her head, Buddy barked. Her head snapped back and her eyes widened. Heart thumping, she threw down the spoon and ran to the bedroom. Nearly falling through the doorway she came to a grinding stop when her gaze fell upon an empty bed. Turning toward the bathroom, she hurried toward it and grabbed the doorframe to steady herself upon seeing Grissom, pj's around his ankles, sitting on the toilet.

"What?" he questioned with a confused tone at her open-mouthed stare.

She blinked then looked over her shoulder before back at him.

" _What_?" she gasped, trying to get her breath. " _Jesus, Gil_ , I thought something had happened that's _what_."

His eyes flicked to Buddy. "Your fault," he accused only for the dog to bark again.

Sighing loudly, Sara shook her head and irately folded her arms, giving him a death stare. "For one, why is he barking and two, why are you out of bed?"

His eyebrows soared. "I needed to piss," he said flatly fighting the smile that tried to spread across his lips.

It had been a while since he'd teased her and, for the first time in a long time, he actually felt like doing so.

"And I asked Buddy to pass the toilet paper," he continued. "I think he refused."

Her eyes narrowed. "Very funny," she grumbled, picking up a towel and throwing it at him. "Do you want me to have a heart attack?" As the towel fell onto his bare legs he stared at it. "You should have called for me," she complained. "Do you want to hurt yourself?"

"I apologize," he said, sensing she was actually quite annoyed and maybe even right.

Shaking her head, she rubbed her forehead realizing how ridiculous a place this was to be having a little tiff.

"Fine," she said. "I'm not trying to be a nag but you're probably still unsteady and…and you got your bottoms down?"

Now he smiled and looked quite proud of himself.

"Do not push it too soon," she warned, stepping into the room and stroking Buddy then looking directly at him. "And _you_ need to make sure _he_ behaves."

He barked again and Sara rolled her eyes. But, her husband seemed to be in a good mood and in reasonably good health so she shouldn't really complain. Well, apart from almost crapping her pants.

"So, you're feeling okay?" she asked softly.

Nodding, Grissom stood up. "Could use a little help though."

She smirked. "So now you need my help, huh?"

He shrugged. "Easy to get them down but not so easy to get back up."

Obliging without a fuss, Sara quickly crouched, pulling up his bottoms and making him decent. Planting a soft kiss on his lips, she smiled.

"Hungry?"

He yawned and then nodded. "A little bit."

The hospital had left his braces off due to swelling so she carefully lifted his left hand and inspected it closely.

"Swelling is almost gone," she said happily. "Still sore?" she asked, looking him in the eyes.

His lips twitched. "Would you believe me if I said no?"

"Probably not."

"Still a little sore," he admitted. "But it's okay."

"Should we put your braces back on?"

"Maybe later," he said softly. "I'm kinda enjoying the freedom."

"Okay," she agreed. "So, dinner is about ready. Shall we get you dressed and then eat?"

He thought for a second. "I don't get to act like a bum for the rest of the day?"

She smirked. "You can if you want I suppose. We won't be going anywhere."

"Then a bum it is."

Sara truly giggled. He really was in a good mood, a better one than she'd seen in, well, she didn't know how long. Nodding, she took his arm and left the bathroom, Buddy following along behind them.

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Food happily consumed by all, the trio settled in the lounge.

"I'll have to admit," she began, putting Grissom's pill bottle and water on the coffee table, "I'm amazed you got through that today without having a - _you know what_."

"Me, too," he agreed. "I thought maybe I was going to at…" He hesitated then and Sara shuffled around to face him.

Dropping a hand to his knee she offered a loving smile. "He got into your thoughts, didn't he?" she asked trying to save him from having to actually say it.

"Yeah," he whispered.

She rubbed his leg. "But you beat him."

"I guess I did," he agreed but then winced a bit, looking down at his leg.

Sara frowned. "Are you okay?"

His shoulder's rose in a slight shrug. "My leg's aching a bit. It was earlier as well."

"You should have said something."

"Other things were on my mind," he returned.

"It's because of the cold," she said, getting up.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"To get some ointment for your leg," she said rising from the couch.

She'd barely taken a step when the doorbell rang. Buddy jumped to his feet as Sara glanced at the clock. It was almost 8pm and they weren't expecting anyone.

"Who's that?" Grissom asked sheepishly, a bit of fear in his eyes.

Sara gave him a 'how am I supposed to know' look and shrugged. "You stay there and I'll find out."

Grissom swallowed then dropped his arm over Buddy's back watching as Sara moved across the room and over towards the front door to slowly open it. He could hear her talking but couldn't make out the words and leaned a little to the side to see who it was. His mouth dropped open at the sight.

# "Hi," #

Slowly, he rose to his feet as his mother approached, his gaze shifting to Sara who looked a little apprehensive.

Swallowing again, Grissom looked at his mother. "Hi," he croaked out. "Um," he mumbled looking back at Sara for a second, "did I miss something?"

# "No," # Betty said. # "And don't blame Sara. She called me earlier and gave me the good news but I took it upon myself to drop in. I've missed you. I wanted to see you." #

"I've missed you, too."

Sara blew out a silent breath of relief. She was very thankful to hear him say that and not be angry that Betty had turned up out of the blue.

# "Got a hug for me?" #

Without even answering, Grissom nodded and she wrapped her arms around him, carefully, of course. Sara sniffed, wiping her nose on the back of her hand as tears welled in her eyes. It was quite a sweet moment as he did his best to hug her back, his hands rising to just rest upon her back. When they separated, Betty smiled and placed a gentle hand against his cheek.

"How about I make us some coffee?" Sara suggested.

"Sure," Grissom replied as Betty lowered her hand, took his arm and led him to the sofa.

They sat as Sara stepped away and Betty gave Buddy a pat when he bumped into her legs. After petting him for a few seconds she turned her undivided attention to her son.

# "I really wanted to see you. You're not angry I came, are you?" #

"No," he said softly. "I'm not angry."

Smiling again, she glanced over at his hands resting in his lap. # "So, how long before you're playing the violin?" #

As his eyebrows rose, he couldn't help a smirk.

# "Ah, there it is. That lovely smile of yours." #

His smirk turning into a bashful smile, Grissom licked his lips. "I don't have any timing details yet. We just know the nerve held and I'm back there in a couple of days to discuss what's next."

# "I am so very proud of you," # she beamed. # "And I have true faith you will recover from _all_ of this." #

"Thanks," he whispered, looking over his shoulder when Sara whistled and Buddy went bounding into the kitchen only to return with a nice big chew bone.

# "Is he doing a good job?" # she asked, nodding to the dog.

Grissom smiled again. "Yeah. He's pretty amazing."

Betty squeezed his knee. # "And I can see you are already in love with him." #

"Maybe," Grissom agreed.

"Here we go," Sara said, appearing with a tray filled with three mugs of coffee.

# "Thanks," # Betty signed as Sara set the tray down.

"So, what are we talking about?" Sara asked, sitting – as she sat down.

"Buddy," Grissom replied. "Mom thinks I'm in love."

Snickering, Sara reached for his coffee, holding it up so he could take a sip from the straw. "I hope you're in love with more than the dog." His eyes flicked to hers and her lips pursed.

Once Grissom pulled away from the straw, Betty tapped his arm, regaining his attention.

# "So, would you like to talk about anything?" #

Feeling his nerves pinch, Grissom shrugged. "Not especially."

Sara felt the awkwardness of the situation and wanted to ease their conversation over to something less tense.

"Why don't you tell us about this new man in your life, Betty?" she suggested.

Betty smirked. # "Oh, I'm sure you don't want to hear about that." #

Grissom's eyebrows soared and he leaned closer to her. "I'm sure we do."

 **A/N: Will Sara every get Grissom to open up? Will the doctor? He's back to the shrink next chap so we will see :P**


	11. Don't be afraid

**A/N: Hey guys. Back once again :) Firstly I'd like to say a big thank you to all of you that send me your thoughts. It makes me so happy that lots of you still go to the effort and it keeps me going :D**

 **So, I have to say I've enjoyed writing the last couple of chapter. I had a new idea which will be fun to research and I'm sure lots of fun for Grissom, too :P Let's see how he and Sara are getting on shall we? I'm sniffing Evil hat….**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 10

Betty sipped on her coffee, well aware of her son's eyes upon her which she found highly amusing. She'd been wanting to tell him and now was as good a time as any. Putting the cup down, she smiled at him.

# "Well," # she began, # "his name is Patrick and we met while I was in London." #

Grissom's eyebrows soared. " _While you were in London_?" Betty nodded as Grissom continued. "He was teaching there? Is he British?" he rambled.

# "No, he's American, lives right here in Vegas and we bumped into each other in a coffee shop. Quite literally in fact."#

"Huh," Sara breathed. "Small world." Betty nodded. "So, you just hit it off?"

# "I apologized for bumping into him through my translator and to my amazement he understood. He can actually sign. His sister is deaf. We had a giggle when we found out we're both from Vegas. He was in London for a month and asked me if I'd like to meet for a drink sometime. As my schedule is generally not full, I thought why not. And to meet a nice man who can actually have a conversation with me was quite refreshing."

Grissom's eyes flicked to Sara and she grinned at him. "You don't usually just join strangers for drinks, Mom. How did you know he wasn't a maniac?"

# "You worry too much. " #

Now Grissom's eyebrows soared. "I have due right to."

# "I didn't go on my own, son. I'm not _that_ stupid. And look, I'm still alive."

His eyes narrowed at her. "It's serious then?"

Betty shrugged. # "Maybe. He makes me smile, makes me happy and we have a lot in common. But at my age…I don't know."

Sara wanted to say – 'do what makes you happy, life is just too short.' Hell, they'd been through enough to know that but she didn't want to step on Grissom's toes. She could tell by the look on his face that he didn't really know what to say or think. His mother hadn't really been one for relationships.

Reaching out to tap Grissom's knee, Betty smiled at him. "When you're doing better I'll organize for us all to get together and you can meet him, okay?"

"I hope he likes bugs," Sara snickered earning herself a glare from her husband. " _What?_ You'd talk to someone all day long about bugs and don't you dare deny it."

Rolling his eyes, he looked back at his mother.

# "He's actually a biochemist so I'm sure you'll find lots of interesting things to talk about." #

"Well, you sure know how to bump into the right people."

That comment made Betty smirk. But when Grissom moved a bit then winced before looking down at his leg, her look quickly changed to a frown.

"Are you okay?" Sara asked him, getting up and heading his way.

"Just my leg," he replied. "Starting to irritate me again."

Pursing her lips, Sara glanced at Betty as she also stood.

# "I'll get going." #

"No," he said, "you don't have to go."

Softly sighing, Grissom leaned forward as if to stand but stopped as Betty placed her hand on his shoulder.

# "Stay where you are until Sara sorts you out. I can see myself to the door." #

Sitting back, he gave her a small grin. "Thanks for coming," he said sincerely.

Smiling brightly, she leaned down to kiss his cheek. # "I'll be back. Don't you worry about that and make sure you update me after your session tomorrow." #

"We will," Sara cut in knowing she'd be the one calling Betty.

Nodding, Betty signed 'I love you' before heading to the door, closing it softly behind her.

"Right you," Sara said, leaning towards her husband to help him up. "Bedroom and pants off."

Giving her a mixed look of surprise and humor, he got to his feet. "Oh, yeah?"

Snorting, she took his arm. "If only…"

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Kneeling beside her husband and delicately rubbing the muscle ointment around the raw looking scar on his leg, Sara looked up and smiled. "Is that better?" she asked.

"Yes, thank you," Grissom replied softly.

Putting the bottle down and rubbing her hands together, she tapped his leg. "I'll leave your PJ's off for a bit until that dries although I will admit I've missed you waltzing around in your boxers." She grinned as his eyebrows soared. "Need anything else?"

Puckering his lips, he shook his head. "No, I'm good."

Smiling again, she carefully took his hand and inspected it. "And how are you feeling about tomorrow?"

"Honestly, I'm trying not to think about it."

Looking back at him, her eye twitched, surprised at the quick response and his answer. She'd expected it to be running around his brain like last time. But, on the positive, if he wasn't thinking about it then he wasn't worrying about it although she was sure there was some thought going on inside there. However, she decided not to push the subject, instead leaned close and gently kissed him.

"Okay," she said. "So, how are you feeling about your mother's new acquaintance?"

His mouth opened and he shrugged. "I'm not sure to be honest. It's…a bit of a surprise, I guess. She hasn't dated anyone since dad died and that was a _long_ time ago."

Softly rubbing his arm, she smiled. "Well, I think we've all come to realize that life is just too short. She seemed happy though."

"Yeah," he whispered. "I guess we'll see what happens."

Nodding, Sara got up. "I'm going to let Buddy out and grab a drink. You sure you don't want anything?"

He thought for a moment. "Hot chocolate?"

Just as he asked that, the lights flickered and a huge boom of thunder hit causing them both to jump and Buddy to shoot to his feet. He let out a single bark and then looked around.

"I've been waiting for that," Sara remarked. "It's okay, boy," she said, stroking Buddy's back.

"It seems the whole family are not a fan of storms."

Her eyes worked from left to right. How true her husband was but what a mixed bunch they were. Buddy didn't like the thunder, Grissom _couldn't_ deal with the lightening and she just hated storms period.

"We do like to do things full throttle, don't we?" she snickered. He smiled at her. "Do you want the TV on?"

"Sure."

Flicking on National Geographic, she whistled for Buddy and headed out the door happy that Grissom had taken well to his mother's visit. Whether he liked this new man in her life was yet to be discovered but, no doubt, the subject would remain in conversation until the two men actually met.

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It was a sunny but chilly day. Thankfully, the storm had passed in the night so their journey to the doctor's office was uneventful. Nick had said the normal hello's when arriving at the house, tentatively asking Grissom how he was feeling but didn't push hard for intricate details. The ride to the hospital was, again, quiet which remained that way as they sat waiting to be called in. Nick sat to Sara's right, watching her fiddle with Buddy's ears, then moved his attention to Grissom who seemed to be staring at the wall.

"You guys want to go anywhere after you're done here?" Nick asked, trying to cut the tension in the room.

Sara looked at Grissom and he met her stare. Asking him if he wanted to go somewhere she knew was pointless because he wouldn't have an answer.

"We can see how you feel after," she suggested. "You might enjoy a walk or something."

He simply nodded only to move his attention to Dr. Whitlock when he heard the man's voice.

"Hi," James greeted softly, looking at everyone before settling on Grissom. "Ready to come in?"

Sucking in a deep breath, Grissom nodded. "I guess so."

Smiling, James held out his hand for Buddy's leash. "I'll take him if you'd like."

Sara knew it would be easier for her husband if she stayed put, so handed over Buddy's leash to the doctor. An apprehensive look flashed across Grissom's face and she smiled at him, her fingers trailing lightly down his arm.

"I'll be right here," she informed him.

He hesitated slightly then followed the doctor into his office. Sara noticed the pause but instead of worrying about it, a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. He was getting better. But, sometimes, it had been hard to get through to him.

Sighing softly, she ran her fingers down the chain around her neck and remembered just how hard it had been.

 _ **5 weeks 3 days 16 hours earlier – Hospital room**_

Biting hard on the tip of her thumb, Sara watched Donald shine a light into her husband's eyes.

"Gil, _can you hear me_?"

That was the fifth time the question had been asked. Each time it was asked Grissom remained quiet. He'd been awake for about 10 minutes but all he'd done was stare dead ahead, only blinking when the light hit his eyes. Not a single word had passed his lips. Not to Sara, not to anyone.

Her heart thumped and fear washed through her. He should be complaining about pain or his hands or something but there was nothing. 'The lights were on but no one was home' sprang to mind and that wasn't funny.

"Gil, I really need you to tell me how you're feeling," Donald said softly, a hint of pleading mixed with the words. "Tell me how much pain are you in."

Folding her arms, Sara glanced at his hands resting atop of his stomach. Because of his mental state the doctors said they couldn't risk putting them into slings. He'd rip them apart if he made any attempt to pull and, considering his current demeanor, that was quite the possibility.

Donald lowered the penlight and looked across the bed. "Sara, would you like to try?" he asked.

Inhaling deeply, Sara nodded. "Sure," she whispered.

Leaning in close to her husband, she rested a slightly shaking hand on his shoulder, her breath catching when he flinched at her touch.

"Gil?" she began in a soft voice. "Honey, no one here is going to hurt you, okay?"

He blinked but that was all. Biting her lip, she tried to think how to snap him out of this fugue state he was in. If she couldn't do it, no one could and that was something she wouldn't think about. Determination filled her. She would not accept giving up.

"Can you leave us alone?" she asked Donald. "I'll call if… you know."

Without argument, Donald nodded and moved across the room to hover by the door.

"Gil, I know how hard this is," she said, risking raising a hand to his hair where her fingers brushed through it. "But I need you to talk to me."

Nothing.

Her eyes worked in a circle. Maybe the soft touch wouldn't work and she needed a different approach. She didn't want to do it but at that point she didn't have a great deal to lose or much choice.

"So that's it, is it?" she said, her soft tone gone. "You're going to let Basderic win after everything he's put us through? You're going to give up?"

Holding her breath, she prayed he'd acknowledge her. He didn't. Removing her hand from his hair, she rubbed her forehead before brushing her hand over her throat, fingers catching at the chain around her neck, a chain holding his wedding ring. She froze as a crazy thought crossed her mind.

Quickly unclipping the chain, she held it out in front of her and dangled it in front of him.

"You remember what this is?" she asked. "This is something _he_ took from you. _From us_. Something I promised I would slip back onto your finger. I never stopped believing that would happen. You _cannot_ give up on me. _I need you, Gil_. And I need you to come back to me. _Please_."

Time seemed to slow as she waited for a response but his stare didn't change and her heart sank. She didn't know if he'd even seen the ring or heard her pleas. Bowing her head, she carefully placed the chain on his chest and stepped back, defeat oozing from her.

Then Grissom's head moved.

Sara's eyes widened as she watched him look down upon the ring then slowly turn his head to look at her. A single tear fell from the corner of his eye as his mouth opened then slowly closed. Sara didn't wait and quickly moved onto the bed and cradled his head against her.

"It's okay," she soothed, holding him as tightly as she thought he'd be comfortable with. " _I promise it's okay_."

 _ **Present**_

That was such a tough day yet it was also the day the tiny bit of hope within her grew a little bit brighter.

"You okay?" he - Nick asked.

"Yeah. Just thinking."

He nodded. "Lots to think about I'm sure."

She smirked. "You've got that right but we're slowly getting there.

"I'll bet yesterday was a huge relief," he continued. "Could you have gotten better news?"

Pursing her lips, Sara crossed her legs and leaned back. "Better news would be everything is back to the way it was and he's out there playing baseball. But, as far as the real world goes, I can't even explain the relief. Now I just need to help him get his hands going again and clear all the demons from his brain and we'll be great."

"Ah, I've missed the sarcastic Sara Sidle," Nick snorted.

"Grissom," she corrected him.

He frowned a bit. "So, you _did_ change your name?"

"Soon," she said slyly.

But that's all she said and his frown deepened. Oh, she just loved teasing him and that would certainly give him something to think about while they sat waiting.

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

As Dr. Whitlock took his seat, Grissom chose to sit in the same chair he'd used on his previous visit. It felt slightly comfortable in an uncomfortable situation and he'd take whatever he could get. Buddy settled by his feet and leaned against his leg.

"So," James began, picking up a pencil, "how have you been since our last session?"

Clearing his throat, Grissom rested his hands on his thighs noticing the room seemed to be getting a little warmer and his heart rate was kicking up a notch.

"Tough day yesterday," Grissom admitted. "But…good news."

James nodded. "Yes, I was informed. _Amazing news_ , no? News you needed to be able to get physically well."

Grissom's jaw worked a bit at the ' _physically_ well' part. "Yeah," he said quietly.

"Any other breakthroughs?" James inquired as he wrote down some notes.

"Like what?"

Looking right at his patient, James gave him a mild smile. "Anything that you feel you've done or spoken about that you couldn't do before?" 

"I took a piss on my own," he answered sarcastically causing the doctor's eyebrows to soar. Sighing, Grissom looked away for a second. "Sorry," he apologized.

"Why?"

He looked back at the doctor. "For being a little crass."

"Believe me I've heard much worse," James countered. "And it's these frustrations that you _need_ to let out. And I don't mind being the guinea pig."

It was more the psychological things James wanted to probe into but he knew earning Grissom's trust would take some time so listening and advising on everything was imperative.

"Have you managed to talk about anything that happened while you were captive?"

"No," Grissom said bluntly.

"Okay. Any more nightmares?"

Grissom's brow pinched. "Actually, no. Not since I was here last."

Putting the pencil down, James looked right at him. "Do you think there might be a reason for that?"

"I don't know," Grissom said, shaking his head. "You're the expert."

"I think you do know," James argued even if politely. "But you're not ready to talk about it yet." Grissom's eyes narrowed but the doctor continued. "You see, your dreams work off your subconscious. Anything you have seen or experienced will dig itself deep into your mind and could surface at any point. Even years down the line. Now I can't say what's going on inside your brain at any one point but I would interpret the lack of nightmares as a positive sign and that you have been more relaxed. At least," he tapped the side of his head, "in here. Have you been feeling more relaxed?"

"I guess so," Grissom answered. "While I'm at home anyway."

"You feel more nervous outside of that zone?"

"Yes," Grissom confirmed.

James smiled, pleased Grissom was participating in this conversation quite readily. "Good."

" _Good_?" Grissom asked confused.

"Sorry. I'm just happy our conversation is flowing."

"Oh."

"Are there any specific places that make you feel really uncomfortable? Or thoughts of any places?" James asked. "Or any sounds, smells, anything at all? Just waffle away and don't be shy."

Grissom nipped on his lip. "I don't like being around lots of people or people I don't know."

"Has that happened?"

"No," Grissom replied, "because I don't want it too. I don't go out much."

"So, it's the thought that scares you?"

Sighing softly, Grissom swallowed then nodded.

"Your trust levels are very low, Gil," James theorized. "You'll only allow those very close to you in. Am I right?"

"I guess so."

James held up a finger. "See, this is something for us to work on. Certainty, Gil. I want you to _agree_ or _disagree_. Don't be afraid to because I think you are."

Looking away again, Grissom could feel his enthusiasm for this discussion fading. Christ, he was afraid of everything, conversation included, and he was by no means great at being decisive. Not anymore. His eyes flicked to the clock unsure of whether he'd actually make it to the 20 minute mark or not.

 **A/N: Tick tock… tehehehehe.**


	12. Two steps back

**A/N: Yay, I'm back. 3 years later, lol. Not quite but it's been a while. Sorry, sorry, sorry for the delay. Only this week have I felt like writing so it's been tough lately. Hopefully the flow will return and I can whack out some chaps. So, let's see how Grissom will get on with his second session. I'm sniffing Hat :P Thanks to calim for the beta and pleeeeeeeeease keep your thoughts coming :)**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 11

Grissom looked at the clock again. Only a minute had passed since James told him it was all right to disagree with him. It seemed like an eternity ago. Rubbing his brow, he tried to ignore the beginnings of a headache and, instead, stared across the room at the fish tank.

"So, you're very untrusting?" he asked again attempting to get some admittance from his patient. "And afraid of confrontation perhaps…"

Swallowing hard, Grissom looked at him then blinked as, out of nowhere, Basderic flashed before his eyes. His eyes slammed shut and he flinched as he felt the man's fist punch him in the face. Barely a moment later, Buddy shot to feet and whined.

"Gil?" James said anxiously, getting out of his seat.

He'd be punished for speaking out of turn, _he knew he would_ , and shook his head. He wouldn't answer, he couldn't. Buddy whined again and, without realizing he was doing it, Grissom clenched his fingers.

"Gah!" he cried, eyes shooting open as pain wracked his hands and moved swiftly up his arms.

Buddy barked, a sharp sound, just before Grissom toppled from the chair and hit the floor shoulder first. James hurried toward his patient.

In the waiting room, everything seemed to stop for Sara once she heard Buddy. Shooting to her feet, she grabbed her purse and ran towards the office, Nick on her heels. Buddy's third bark made her slam open the door, widened eyes alighting on a shaking Grissom sprawled out on the floor.

"Shit!" she gasped, fishing in her purse for Grissom's injection as she ran across the room. " _Hold his head_ ," she instructed James and got to her knees. "Nick, try and hold his hands," she continued, loading the vial into the needle.

Both men did their best to oblige as she then slammed the needle down into Grissom's thigh without hesitation, a trickle of saliva running from his mouth.

"Come back to me, Gil," she begged, taking hold of his cheeks as he shook and wheezed. "Come on, baby…come on back…"

One more wheeze came before he seemed to relax back against James and after twitching for a few seconds, he stilled.

Exhaling heavily, Sara shook her head before looking at the doctor.

"Should I call for an ambulance?" he asked.

"Shouldn't be necessary but you can get me a pillow or cushion," she requested, shuffling round so she could take Grissom's head from him. James nodded and got up. "And a blanket if you have one."

He hurried to the sofa, swiftly returning with the requested items and placed the cushion under Grissom's head before Sara lowered him onto it. Trying to calm herself down and steady her breathing, she dropped the blanket over him and felt his forehead. She didn't know why. That wasn't what she normally did.

"What do you want to do?" Nick asked.

She shook her head again. "Nothing we can do until he wakes up."

She took hold of Grissom's right hand and then his left. She couldn't see any major change or any extra injuries and knowing his hands were stronger now made her feel a little more confident he hadn't done any damage. Plus, they'd gotten to him pretty quickly.

" _What happened_?" she asked looking up at James.

"You know I can't discuss anything…" 

"Oh, bullshit," Sara snapped but then regretted it. "At least tell me what set him off."

Buddy let out a high pitched whine catching Sara's attention before James could answer. "It's okay," she said stroking him as he licked her hand. After taking a treat from her purse for the dog, her eyes flicked back to the doctor and he sighed.

"I don't know _exactly_ why he had the seizure," James said. "We were talking about trust and making decisions and he just…"

"No specific subject?" she asked.

James folded his arms. "I will need to ask Gil before I divulge any more information. I'm sorry."

"Fine," she grumbled. "Not that that helps me help him at all."

It was just over five minutes before Grissom began to stir. His foot moved and Sara swallowed hard as she waited for his eyes to open. She'd come to learn what to expect after a seizure but how he would act was never guaranteed.

His eyes slowly opened then closed again and she gently clasped his arm.

"I'm here," she said softly. "Come on back." His eyes opened again and then rolled a few times as he tried to focus. "That's it," Sara encouraged. She looked up at James. "Do you have a wheelchair so we can get him to the car?"

He nodded. "Sure. I'll go get one."

"Thanks," she returned, running her fingers through Grissom's hair. "Take your time," she whispered. "When you're ready we'll get you up and I'll take you home."

"Sorry," Grissom mumbled.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she argued. "We knew this could happen."

His eyes grew heavy again and Sara placed her hand against his cheek.

"Stay awake, honey. If you go back to sleep we'll never get you up and I'm sure you don't want to spend the next two hours on this cold floor."

"Hmmm," was about all he could mumble as his world kept spinning.

Thankfully, James returned with a wheelchair but Sara knew they had to wait until Grissom was ready to move. However, she knew they couldn't wait too long or he'd be out again.

"Gil, can you hear me?" she asked.

"Hmmm," he mumbled again, his eyes very drowsy.

"Do you think we can try and sit you up?"

"Maybe," he drawled.

She looked at Nick. "Can you get behind him?"

He nodded and moved to stand behind Grissom.

"Let me know when you're ready," she said softly, rubbing his arm.

Grissom didn't respond immediately but after a short bout of silence, he cleared his throat.

"Okay," he breathed.

Sara nodded at Nick and James bent to help her as she took hold of Grissom's arm. "Push yourself up if you can," she advised.

Grissom tried his best to sit up but if it wasn't for the three people around him helping, he probably wouldn't have made it. Nick took the brunt of his weight as they lifted him from the floor and into the waiting wheelchair. Sara nodded her thanks as she swiped up the blanket and placed it over Grissom's lap.

"I'll bring the car around," Nick said, hurrying to the door.

Grabbing Buddy's leash from his desk, James clipped it onto the dog's collar and handed it to Sara.

"I'll push if you want to keep your eye on him," he said.

"Okay," she agreed just hoping her husband didn't feel like toppling from the chair before they got to the car.

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The morning hadn't turned out as Sara expected, although, she'd learned not to take anything for granted these days. It was frustrating, though, this apparent cycle of two steps forward and one step back.

Getting Grissom into and out of the car had been fun, especially the getting out part. He was out like a light within seconds of them driving away from the hospital. She hated to wake him once they got home but she wasn't going to leave him in the car. Thank God for Nick's current obsession with the gym. She would've never been able to move him without help and made a mental note to work out more.

After they got him into bed she tried to give him some water but he was already asleep by the time she'd returned from the bathroom.

"That stuff really knocks him out doesn't it?" Nick said.

"Yeah," Sara agreed, covering Grissom before kissing him on the forehead. "He'll be asleep for a few hours now.

Sucking on his lip, Nick folded his arms. "What do you think set him off?"

Her eyes flicked to him as she straightened out. "I'm sure it was a certain someone."

"Yeah," he agreed. "Not totally unexpected though?"

"I like being optimistic, hell, that's what's kept me going lately," she replied a tad sarcastically. "But, you're right. It was bound to happen." She sighed then.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Only two sessions in and he's already on the floor. How is he going to get past this? It's just a catch 22. He needs to get that bastard out of his head but as soon as he thinks about what happened…"

The sound of her cell ringing stopped her in mid-sentence and she pulled her phone from her pocket.

"It's James. Can you keep an eye on him for a minute?"

Buddy sat up and Nick smirked. "I don't think I'm needed but sure."

Stepping out of the room she answered the phone. "Hello."

"Hey, Sara," James greeted. "I thought I'd give you a call to see how Gil is."

"He's okay, sleeping," she said, leaning against the wall. "He'll be out for a while."

"Yeah, I appreciate that but I thought I'd call and check."

She nodded to herself. "Thanks."

"I'd like to suggest something to Gil when he feels up to talking. I can call back when he's ready."

Sara frowned. "Oh?"

"Do you have a minute to talk?"

Her lips pursed. "I don't know. Should you be discussing things with me?" She was teasing but after her earlier frustration felt she had the right to do so.

"I apologize for earlier but Doctor/Patient confidentiality is serious business as I'm sure you actually _do_ know."

"Yeah," she sighed. "What did you want to talk about assuming you can?"

"I've been thinking," he replied, "and have a couple of suggestions."

"Oh?" she said, her eyes working in thought.

"First, I think it would be a good idea to have Gil's sessions at your home, at least, for now. Then, should we have a repeat of what happened today, it'll be much easier for the both of you to be in comfortable surroundings."

Sara's eyebrows soared. "I like that idea," she agreed.

"Good. And secondly, I don't think it's going to be as straight forward to get Gil to open up as I thought it might be."

An odd panic hit Sara. " _You're not giving up on him are you_? Isn't it a little soon for that?"

"No, no," James argued. "Relax, I'm not giving up. Let me explain. Gil's subconscious is like… How do I put it? A cell full of prisoners that hate each other waiting to be let out so they can riot. Whether that door is opened or closed, the outcome probably isn't going to be a great one."

Clearing her throat, Sara ran a hand through her hair. "Interesting analogy. So where are you going with this?"

"I think Gil's subconscious is quite possibly unbreakable without him having a seizure. When he _really_ thinks about what happened, it sets him off. Regardless of whether he wants to be afraid or not his brain flashes red and he can't control it."

Sara's eyes worked around again. " _Okay_. SO…what do we do?"

"I'd like to consider hypnosis."

She blinked, not sure if she heard that correctly or not. " _Hypnosis_?"

"Ugh huh."

"Um…I can't say I was expecting that. You think that would work?"

"I think we'd have a better chance. I'm not guaranteeing it but if Gil is willing to give it a shot then I have someone in mind that will help us. And, of course, everything would be explained before we went ahead with the therapy."

Thinking for a minute, Sara sucked on her lip. What did they have to lose? Although she was skeptical about Grissom's thoughts on the subject. He might hate the idea.

"I gather you would like me to ask him?" she questioned.

"I think you may have more of a subtle way of putting it."

She snorted. "Oh, I'm full of subtlety."

He laughed. "I noticed. Is that a yes?"

"Okay," she breathed. "When he's back on this planet and settled down a bit I'll try and bring it up. I'll let you know when I know."

"Prefect."

"Right," she said. "I'd better get back to him. Talk to you soon."

"Bye, Sara."

"Bye."

With thoughts flying around her brain, she hung up and headed back into the bedroom. She smiled at the sight of Nick petting Buddy.

"He really likes you, you know?" she commented.

He looked at her. "How do you know?"

"He's tapping his back foot. Not everyone gets that privilege."

Nick smirked noticing Buddy was indeed tapping his back foot. "Maybe I hit the good spot," he remarked, scratching the back of Buddy's neck a little harder.

"No doubt," she agreed.

Giving Buddy one final pat, Nick got up. "Everything okay?" he asked, nodding down to her phone as she put it on the nightstand.

"Yeah. James was just calling to see how Gil was doing and…well…he had a few suggestions."

"Oh? Do you want to share?"

Before she could answer, Buddy got up, turned to face her and rose his paw with a whine. Smiling, she looked at her watch. "You never forget what time it is do you?"

"What time is it?" he asked curiously.

"Lunch time," she replied, running a hand between the dog's ears. "He gets fed twice a day because he's so active and he knows when it's time to fill his tummy."

Nick patted his own stomach. "Yeah. I know how he feels."

Her lips pursed. "Looks like I'm feeding you both then."

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Sitting at her desk in the bedroom, Sara scrolled through the internet looking up information on hypnosis. She had some vague knowledge, mostly TV and movie related, so needed some verification. When she'd mentioned it to Nick he'd recalled a case at the time she'd returned for Warrick's funeral. As far as he was concerned, it was serious and could be pretty scary. She reasoned that if it could be used for evil it most certainly could be used for good as well.

But the thought of this type of therapy did hit a nerve. For one, would Grissom be agreeable? And two, the thought of what it might bring up scared her so what would it do to him?

Yes, she wanted him to open up, to find a way to confront and accept those memories no matter how difficult. But would it bring up only those memories or others as well? Everyone had skeletons in the closet, including them.

Hearing a moan, she glanced over her shoulder noticing Buddy instantly sitting up, his head tilting towards the bed as Grissom's leg moved. Getting up, she gently stroked his head before sitting on the bed to wait for her husband to wake up fully. It only took a few seconds for his eyes to open, enough time to flash him a sweet smile.

"Hey," she whispered, reaching out to his hair.

Blinking, he inhaled deeply and then let out a long hum. "Most comfortable doctor's office ever," he eventually said.

Now she smirked. "Not quite."

Sighing, he looked right at her. "I guess things were going a little too well."

Shrugging, she kissed his cheek. "Considering it was only your second session let's not be getting all negative just yet. Do you remember what happened?"

"Hmmm," he mumbled. "I didn't do so well this time."

Taking his right hand, she softly held it. "You did the best you could and, if you want to, we can talk about it when you're ready. First things first, how do your hands feel? Have you got any pain anywhere I should know about?"

He moved to sit up so she helped him, plumping the pillows behind his back.

"My hands feel like they normally do," he replied. "My shoulder is a bit sore and my leg."

Sara had no doubt his leg would sting because of the injection. "I'm presuming you fell on your shoulder when you tumbled from the chair. I can call for a Doctor if you want."

"Nah," he said, shaking his head. "It's not that bad. I'm at the hospital tomorrow anyway so I'll mention it if it still hurts."

"Okay," she agreed. "Just promise me if it gets any worse or you start hurting anywhere else you tell me."

"Scouts honor."

"Hmmm," she muttered, putting his hand down.

Suddenly, he let out a soft grumble.

" _What_?" Sara asked urgently. "Is it your hands?"

"No, dear," he said sincerely. "I just need to pee. Kinda snuck up on me."

Smirking, she got up and held out her hands. "Come on then. Let's freshen you up a bit and then back to bed." He frowned and gave her an unimpressed look. "Don't look at me like that. You know how you are after that medication."

"I don't feel like staying in bed all day," he argued.

"Oh?" she teased. "An entire day of me pampering you?" His eyes narrowed as she helped him up and she laughed. "Okay, just for a little while then. I have something I want to talk to you about so you may well need to lie down afterwards."

He paused just outside the bathroom. "I'm not sure I like the sound of that."

She wrapped her arm around him. "Well, I hope you like it more when I tell you."

 **A/N: Hmmm…does Grissom have any secrets we don't know about… :P**


	13. A new Day

**A/N: Yay, back :D And enjoying writing on this again which is always a good sign. I won't bang on because it's late where I am and about 40 million degrees. Enjoy.**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 12

Sara insisted Grissom eat something. Reluctantly, he ate about half of the sandwich she'd made before giving her a defeated look.

"Had enough?"

"Yeah. Thanks," he replied, leaning back into his pillows.

Understanding, she put the plate onto the nightstand and gave him another drink of water. That was something he was consuming in abundance but he always did after a seizure.

"Feel a bit better now?" she asked.

"Yeah, a little bit."

"Good," she said, sliding fingers through his hair. "Did you, um, want to talk about what happened in your session?"

"You first," he replied faster than she expected.

Frowning slightly, she dropped her hand to his leg. "Me first?" she asked confused.

He nodded. "You said there was something you wanted to talk to me about so you first and then…we'll see where we go."

"Ohhh, Yeah, right. Um…"

Grissom's eyes narrowed as she seemed to struggle to get her words out. "Is it that bad?" he asked.

Her head shook. "No. I just…I'm not quite sure how you're going to feel about it being the skeptic that you are."

His eyebrows rose. "Me? Skeptical? Never."

She smiled. "Of course not," she returned slyly.

Leaning closer to her, he looked her right in the eye. "Tell me," he requested softly.

Inhaling deeply, she nodded even though she wasn't sure what he'd think of this little proposal. "Okay," she agreed, her nerves pinching a bit. "James called a little while after we got back."

"Okay," Grissom said.

"Well, I wasn't very happy with him at the surgery. In fact, I got quite irritated to put it politely."

"Why?"

"Because he wouldn't tell me anything," she confessed. "All the doctor patient confidentially bullshit."

He smirked. "You know as well as I do that he has no choice about that."

She shrugged. "That doesn't help me help you, Gil. If I don't know what set you off, how can I stop it from happening again? Can't you… clear it with him, you know, give him permission to divulge information to me? I don't need details, just the gist of it."

"Is that what you wanted to discuss with me because something's telling me you're sidetracking."

Her lips pursed. "That's not the initial subject _no_ but I _was_ going to ask you about it."

"Why do I feel like my brain is going to be fried by the end of this conversation?" he joked.

Sara's eyes worked in a circle. He wasn't actually that far wrong.

Seeing her hesitation, he shrugged a little. "We can come back to that," he continued. "Just spit out what you wanted to ask me."

"Fine," she sighed. "So, James called. He's…a little concerned that your brain, in its current state, might not be able to cope with…well… _talking_. Getting the things out that you really need to get out."

Tipping his head back against the wall, Grissom frowned slightly. "I've only _had two sessions_ ," he argued. "Isn't that slightly impatient?"

"I dunno," she admitted. "I did question him but I suppose he's the professional for a reason."

Grissom's eyes narrowed again. " _Okay_. So…where are we going with this?"

Taking his hand, she held it in her own. "He would like to try an alternative route to…help you open up."

"And what might that be?" he asked suspiciously.

Scratching the end of her nose, Sara cleared her dry throat. "Ummm…hypnotherapy?"

She watched as her husband's eyebrows soared and his mouth slightly dropped open.

" _Hypnotherapy_?"

Oh, yes, he was surprised all right.

"Ugh huh," she mumbled, her gut feeling a little tight at the prospect of him not taking this very well at all. He blinked and then stared at her. "Look I'm not asking you to decide about it now. He asked me to mention it and I have. Just think about it and try not to be too negative."

He frowned at her. "Who said I was being negative?"

"I can see you jumping for joy," she shot back but then smiled. " _I know you_ and, most of the time, I know how your brain thinks. You'll be analyzing this option until the cows come home and maybe even more."

He looked around the room then his gaze settled on Buddy. Sensing he was being watched, the dog got up and returned his master's stare.

" _What are you doing_?"

Grissom looked back at his wife. "Looking for the cows."

"Stop it," she warned but playfully.

Grinning, he looked back at Buddy when he barked. "Are you picking on me now as well?" Grissom accused.

Wagging his tail, Buddy let out another bark.

"Hey," Sara said. "Stop barking. I never know if it's bad news or not when you do that." 

Whining, the dog sat down but raised a paw to drop it onto her leg, his tail wagging like his life depended on it. After looking at her watch, Sara glanced down at him.

"It's still an hour before your dinner."

Buddy shook his head and got back up, trotting towards the bedroom door and sitting there.

"I think he requires the other end, my dear," Grissom teased.

Her eyes narrowed at him. "Charming," she retorted, getting up. "Will you be all right for five minutes?"

He nodded "I'll be fine," he said sincerely.

"Okay," she breathed. "Be right back."

Once Sara had left the room, Grissom sighed loudly and closed his eyes, swallowing on an ever-growing dry throat.

Hypnotherapy? Wasn't that like having a man swinging a pocket watch in front of his eyes and making him act like a chicken? Did he really want someone else controlling his mind especially since he was having enough trouble doing that himself?

Would it even work? What would happen? How was he supposed to ….

He sighed and shook his head. So many questions.

After a quick look at the door, Grissom swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat for a second before getting to his feet. Groaning at the ache in his legs, he wobbled a bit as he headed for the bathroom. Pausing in front of the mirror, he leaned forward and looked deeply into his eyes.

"Do you really want it all to come out, Gil?" he whispered to himself.

" _What are you doing_?"

His head snapped around at the sound of her voice. He stepped sideways and felt his balance slipping. In a flash, Sara jumped forward and wrapped her arm about his waist.

"Jesus, Gil, what the hell are you doing?" she questioned again, ensuring he stayed on his feet.

"Almost falling over?" Her eyes pierced through his. "You just made me jump," he said innocently.

"I'll make you jump," she threatened. " _Why are you out of bed_?"

He shrugged. "I dunno," he admitted. "Kinda just…wanted to question myself, I guess."

Not entirely sure what he was talking about, she frowned then realized this wasn't the best place to continue the conversation.

"Come on back into bed," she urged. "We can continue this once I'm happy you're not going to fall over."

"I won't fall over," he argued as they headed back into the bedroom. "You just startled me. _I'm fine_."

"Hmmm," she mumbled, helping him into bed but she didn't want to nag at him too much. "So, what are you questioning yourself about?" she asked as she sat beside him.

Clearing his throat, he looked at the jug of water next to the bed. Knowing what he wanted, Sara poured a glass and let him drink first.

"Thanks," he said, dropping his hands over his lap.

Smiling, she passed her hand over his forehead and then down his cheek. "You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to. You know I won't ever pressure you into anything."

"I know," he said quietly. "I was…"

Sara's eyes narrowed a touch as his voice trailed off, her heart strumming a little faster in anticipation as to whether this conversation would continue. Usually when he paused it could go one way or the other.

"Just thinking about what you said," he continued.

"The hypnotherapy?"

He nodded, teeth biting down on his tongue. "Yeah."

Nodding, she took his hand. "And…do you want to tell me what you were thinking?"

"How it works. Whether I could. Whether I should…." He shook his head. "So many questions."

"I think we need to get some more information," Sara replied encouragingly, thankful he hadn't just said a flat out no and wanted to keep the idea of the whole thing rolling positively. "So we can know _exactly_ what's entailed and what would happen should you agree to it." Gently, she squeezed his hand. " _Okay_?"

Swallowing, he nodded. "Okay."

Her smile this time was brighter as she leaned in to place a soft kiss on his lips. This was encouraging. It meant he actually did want or, at least, wanted to be helped.

Beginning to pull away, she was surprised when he went in for another kiss. Her eyebrows soared when his was a lot more heated than her initial gesture.

"Hmmmm," she sighed into him as his tongue passed over hers, a nice slurp filling the room when he finally pulled back. "Wow," she cooed, giving him her sweetest smile. "Where did that come from?"

He gave a bashful smile back. "I'm not quite sure," he admitted. "Miss being close to you."

A happy sigh left her lungs. Hearing him say that just made her feel so warm inside. "Well anytime you want to get _closer,_ you just go right ahead. You won't get any arguments from me."

He smirked and Sara did the same.

"I'm going to call James, okay? Let him know what you said and see what he suggests next."

"Okay," he agreed. "Would you mind making me a coffee first? I feel in need of caffeine."

"Of course not."

Sara gave him one more kiss then got up and stretched. "Damn I feel old," she grumbled.

His face fell a little. "Sorry if I'm tiring you out."

Her lips pursed. "You can say that when you really _tire_ me out."

His eyebrow soared and she laughed, grabbing the remote for the TV and flicking it on for him.

"No dancing," she warned. "Be right back."

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

A new day was upon them and Sara smiled as she buttoned up Grissom's shirt. He was a little uptight and she knew why. They were headed to the hospital for a, no doubt, vast in-depth discussion about his hands. Then James would be popping by in the afternoon to discuss hypnotherapy and what that would involve. That would make her nervous as well.

"Try and relax, babe, okay?" she asked, flattening her hands onto his shoulders and looking him in the eye. "You're stiff as a board, I can feel it."

His eyebrow did its usual trait and her eyes narrowed. " _Not like that_."

But then she smiled, she couldn't help it. She wasn't sure if that last seizure had knocked some horniness into him but he'd certainly been more playful and open to contact and she could sense the desire returning. At least on his part. They'd even kissed and cuddled in bed which was a first for a while. She wasn't complaining and hoped this side of him lasted so they could get back to more of the way they used to be.

"Today is going to be a good day," she said. "I can feel it."

"Oh? What makes you think that?"

"Because," she continued, taking his arm and whistling for Buddy as they headed out of the bedroom.

" _Because_ …," he probed.

"Because you're going to do well at the hospital and then you will be _thrilled_ with what James has to say later."

He gave her a look that made her snort. "We'll see about that," he retorted.

"No negativity," Sara demanded, hearing a knock at the door. "And that will be our ride."

"Goody," he mocked.

Rolling her eyes, she released his arm and headed to the door. She'd been thinking about driving again since they couldn't depend on someone shipping them around all the time. But the thought still made her nervous. If Grissom had a seizure while she was driving …. That feeling would always be there and it would be something she'd have to deal with. Maybe in a week or so when he was more comfortable with himself, she'd think about it again.

"Morning, Greg," Sara greeted as she opened the door.

"Hey," he replied, flashing a smile and stepping inside. "Hey, Grissom."

Grissom nodded. "Greg."

"I wish you wouldn't always look so nervous," Sara complained to her friend, grabbing Buddy's jacket and tapping her leg to call him over.

"Did I always make you nervous?" Grissom asked.

Greg's eyes worked in a circle. "Most of the time," he admitted.

Sara snorted, clipping the jacket in place and patting Buddy on the head. "He always wanted to please you that's all."

"I don't know if that's a good or bad thing," Grissom replied.

"It made you a good boss," Sara said, reaching for Grissom's coat from the stand.

"Er, it's quite warm today," Greg told her. "Not sure if you'll need the jacket. And I…" He looked back at Grissom who lofted and eyebrow. "Erm…"

Shaking her head, Sara held the jacket out to Greg. "We'll take it just in case and can leave it in the car."

Clipping on Buddy's leash, she took her husband's arm and smiled at him. "Come on, let's go."

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An all too familiar feeling washed over Grissom as he sat in the treatment room waiting for the doctor – the first time he'd been here. He tried to push it away but it always seemed to come back. And now, with the addition of carpal surgery, how much more difficult would that make everything? His brain couldn't take pain like it used to, didn't want to.

Lost in his own little world, he didn't hear Sara speaking to him. It was only when he felt her hand on his knee did he look at her.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly.

"Um, yeah," he replied all too unconvincingly.

Her eyes narrowed a touch and she leaned closer to him. "I don't believe you," she whispered.

Sighing, he looked down as she took his hand. "I'm…just nervous," he admitted.

"And scared," Sara added.

Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Grissom nodded.

"Tell me why," she requested sweetly, encouragingly. The more he opened up the better.

His mouth opened and he paused only continuing when he felt a tiny squeeze on his hand. "I'm just…I don't know if I'll be able to deal with this like I did before."

"The pain?"

"Mostly," he said. "And, I guess it was easier not remembering what caused it in the first place."

"You can get through this," Sara encouraged. " _I know you can_."

Softly sighing, he nodded. "I hope so."

She smiled then kissed his cheek. "Keep that hope."

Smiling back, he looked over his shoulder when the door opened, watching as Donald and Aaron stepped into the room. Surprised that Louis wasn't with them, he turned to face the two as they stopped in front of him.

"Long time no see, Gil," Aaron said, flashing him a smile.

"No offence, but I wasn't expecting we would be seeing each other again," Grissom deadpanned.

"Is Louis not joining us?" Sara asked and Grissom smiled to himself. She'd gotten it in before he had chance to ask.

"He had an emergency to attend to," Donald replied, pulling up a chair with Aaron following suit. "But considering the surgery was a success we can do this without him."

Grissom looked back at Sara. "Maybe they are going to hypnotize me. Make this quick and painless."

Sara's eyes narrowed. "Stop it," she complained.

He grinned as Donald spoke again.

"Ah, yes," he said. "Doctor Whitlock did consult with me about that possibility."

Grissom's eyes shot back to him. "Oh?"

"Of course, I am your doctor after all. Well, medically speaking. It's best that we communicate with each other about things that are in your best interest."

"And what do you think about the suggestion?" Grissom asked.

"I think it might be an easier way forward for you but I suggest we leave that for James to explain. Otherwise we could be here all day and it's not really my area of expertise."

"Okay," Grissom agreed quietly realizing he had enough to think about at that point.

"You are sounding better though," Donald expressed.

Grissom's eyebrows soared. " _Better_?"

"Within yourself. You are talking more confidently and don't seem quite as afraid as you did."

"Oh," Grissom mumbled. "That's good, I suppose."

Donald smiled. "It certainly is."

Aaron moved his chair next to Grissom. "So how have your hands been feeling? Doctor Whitlock informed us you'd had a seizure yesterday at his office."

"We were going to bring that up," Sara said.

"My hands haven't really changed since yesterday," Grissom answered. "Nothing that should cause any alarm anyway."

"Are you confident about that?" Donald asked.

Grissom nodded. "Yeah. Nothing has fallen off which, I guess, is a good sign."

Donald grinned and moved past Grissom's sarcastic tone. It was easier to let him do things his way considering the circumstances.

"All right," the doctor said. "So, shall we get to it?"

Swallowing heavily, Grissom nodded again. "I guess we should."

 **A/N: I have been doing a lot of research into hypnotherapy so this could be so much fun, lol.**


	14. Let's not be clouded

**A/N: As usual, sorry for the delay. RL is not helping my writing ability at the moment but I won't bang on about it.**

 **Time to see if Grissom can start moving forwards. I am sniffing a little progression so let's hope Evil hat isn't waiting in the wings. Thanks to calim for the beta and sorry for all the confusion. I even confused myself :P And, thank you for all your thoughts.**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 13

Sara smiled as she watched him.

He hadn't sat in the garden for a few days, which was a definite good thing in her mind, but this time was so very different. He wasn't sitting there staring into space. He wasn't looking lost. He was kicking Buddy's ball and happily smiling as the dog retrieved it each time, ready and waiting for it to be kicked again.

The hospital visit had gone, well, as good as it could have considering. Sara had been impressed the doctors had actually managed to get a strength reading from his first test several days ago. Part of her thought they were just pretending, you know, to get his hopes up. But when the strength reading on his right hand was similar to that last test and his left registered a 35 (2 points higher than before), that surprised them both. May be the carpal surgery _was_ doing some good after all.

Donald had taken his time inspecting Grissom's hands. With all the injuries and surgeries in such a small area, he made sure to pay close attention to the skin and scars that still looked raw. There would be hell to pay if he missed something.

Sara's lips pursed as her mind flicked back to his first examination after surgery all those weeks ago.

 _ **5 weeks, 3 days, 2 hours earlier – Hospital room**_

Sara watched as a trickle of liquid dripped down the IV and into her husband's arm. He'd been asleep for a while and that seemed to be the best thing for him at the moment.

When he'd first awakened, it took him a moment to acknowledge her but, thankfully, he did answer the doctor's questions with a nod or shake of the head. His pain was high and was given a larger dose of pain relief and left to rest.

Sara sighed. She hated this so much, this waiting. It made her feel helpless. But, just as she had that though, Grissom's foot moved and a quiet moan passed across his lips.

In a shot she was out of the chair and right next to him, ready to support as much as she could once his eyes opened. Her teeth dug into her lip as she waited. Just when she thought it was a false alarm, his eyelids twitched then slowly opened. He stared upwards for a minute before his head tipped her way.

"Hi," she whispered managing a smile. Slowly raising her hand so as not to startle him, she whisked her fingers through his hair.

He blinked. "Water?"

Her smile grew. Communication. _That was good_.

"Sure," she replied.

Turning to pour him some, she dropped a straw into the glass. Inwardly she cursed. He'd finally been able to drink without the straw and now they were back with it. Shrugging it off, she leaned close so he could drink.

"Nice and easy," she encouraged as he began to drink. When he stopped sucking on the straw she pulled the glass away. "Had enough?" she asked.

As he nodded, she put the glass down then looked toward the door as Donald entered.

Seeing Grissom was awake the doctor approached with caution. It was currently hard to assess how he would react around anyone, Sara included.

"Been awake long?" he asked cautiously.

Grissom just blinked and stared at him.

Sara shook her head. "No, he just woke up," she said.

Nodding, Donald edged a little closer, his eyes passing over Grissom's bandaged hands as they lay over his stomach. "We're going to need to take a look at your hands, Gil, okay? Make sure we don't have any problems and see how those incisions are doing."

Again, Grissom failed to respond his eyes flicking instead to two nurses as they entered the room.

Donald flashed a look at Sara who nipped on her lip again. No one could predict whether or not he'd flip out again but he needed to be checked. She stayed close, laying a soft hand on his shoulder as the medical team moved close and, thankfully, Grissom showed no objection as they set to the task at hand.

"Can you tell me your pain level, Gil?" Donald asked, carefully placing his patient's right hand down once it was free from the bandages.

Grissom's eyes were glued to his hand, sad and pained. More cuts, more bruising, more swelling. After last time, he didn't think he'd have to witness such horrible injuries again.

Seeing his struggle, Sara gently squeezed his shoulder. "It's okay," she encouraged as he looked at her and she did her best not to whimper at the sadness in his eyes. "We'll get through it. I promise you. But, for now, you need to try and answer Donald's questions so he can help you."

Slowly, he looked back toward the doctor who had begun working on the bandages on his left hand.

"Hurts," he whispered.

"Can you give me a 1 to 10?" Donald asked quietly as he handed the soiled bandage to the nurse.

Working his eyes in a circle, Grissom cleared his throat before answering. "9," he said flatly.

Donald nodded, his eyes inspecting Grissom's hand and then he looked back at the patient as he whimpered.

"So bad," Grissom sobbed. "My hands will never work."

 **Present Day**

A bark from Buddy snapped Sara back to reality and she smirked as he bounced up and down, Grissom teasing him with the ball then pretending to kick it. The hospital had been such a tough time for them. It was so hard to encourage someone who was obviously so defeated within himself. But they'd gotten through it. All of it. And now she could feel the positivity blooming and the air changing – within him, within them. It all suddenly felt _better._

She recalled the look on his face barely an hour before when Donald had asked if he'd be okay with a little try at movement. His eyebrows soared just like they normally did but he hadn't been negative. After a short pause, he actually nodded and had a short spell of trying to move. It hadn't lasted long but he'd tried. No one could have asked for more. Not yet anyway.

Setting off towards him, Sara kept her smile. "Hey you," she greeted.

His head snapped around and her eyes widened at the frightened look he shot her.

" _Sorry_ ," she exclaimed immediately, holding up a hand and backing off a little. Christ, had she ruined the mood? She really thought he'd hear her approach. But then his look softened and he smiled.

 _Thank God_.

"Hi," he said back. "I may need some new underwear."

" _I'm sorry_ ," she repeated. "I didn't think." His smile grew and she shook her head. "Stop making me panic," she accused, sitting down next to him.

Before he could tease her some more Buddy was back, dropping the ball at his feet. "Haven't you had enough yet?" Grissom asked. Buddy barked before spinning in a circle and then bounced on the spot again.

Sara laughed and picked up the ball, getting another bark from the dog for her effort. "You want this?" she teased. Another bark came.

Throwing her arm back, she launched the ball and Buddy bounded after it.

"I wish I had his energy," Grissom remarked.

Turning back to him, she grinned. "I'm sure you'll get there and be jumping up and down in no time." As his eyebrow soared, she snorted. "But in all seriousness, I think it's time to go inside and get you something to eat before James gets here."

His grin faded a bit. "I'm not really hungry," he said softly.

"Yeah," she replied. "You said that when we got back but _you have to eat_." He sighed and Sara lifted her hand to his cheek. "If you are going to start moving those hands again you're going to need every little bit of energy you can get. Plus, I don't want you passing out on me. You know how good I am at taking your body weight."

His eyebrow soared again, a bit of the grin returning.

She laughed and lowered her hand. "Not like that."

Inside Sara was beaming. He was actually thinking about _that_ again and his playful behavior proved it. She couldn't help wondering when they might become intimate again. Damn, she craved it so much. And his mood had made her feel a little more confident it might be on the horizon. She _really_ hoped so.

"Will you at least try to eat something?" she asked.

"Okay," he breathed. "I certainly wouldn't want to be squashing you now would I?"

"Oh, I don't know," she snickered, getting up and taking his arm to help him to his feet. "Could be fun."

He smiled and she smiled back, her heart filling with a loving warmth. "Come on," she said before whistling for Buddy and heading back inside.

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Grissom sat nervously on the sofa while Sara answered the door, Buddy sitting right by his legs wagging his tail.

"You always get so excited when someone knocks on the door, don't you?" Grissom asked the canine.

Buddy gave an excited growl, his tongue hanging out his mouth and a happy panting commencing.

Grissom smiled but it faded when he heard voices drawing nearer. Looking over his shoulder he heard Sara talking then watched as she approached with James and another man. Swallowing, he stood as James flashed him a smile.

"Good afternoon, Gil," the therapist greeted.

"Hi," Grissom replied sheepishly.

Sara moved to join him, taking his arm in an offer of support. As usual she could feel his nervousness floating in the air.

"Gil, this is Robert Clayton," James introduced.

Grissom's eyes took in the younger man. Probably in his early 40's, Robert was a little taller than him with neat short brown hair, clean shaven and well dressed.

"Hello, Gil," Robert said. "Nice to meet you."

Nodding, Grissom looked at Sara who smiled encouragingly.

"Shall we sit?" she asked of her guests. "I can make coffee if anyone would like."

"I'm fine," James replied as everyone moved to take a seat.

"Me, too," Robert added.

"Okay," Sara replied, sitting next to her husband. Why did she suddenly feel nervous? She wouldn't say no to a brandy about now.

"Can I ask you to do something, Gil?" Robert requested as he sat opposite Grissom.

"Okay," Grissom returned sounding unsure.

" _Relax_." As Grissom smirked, Robert put down his briefcase and unclipped it.

"Trying my best."

"There's one thing you need to remember about me being here," Robert continued. "I'm here _for_ you; to try and help you through this trying time. I will never pressure you into anything or force you to start hypnotherapy if you don't want to. And you don't have to decide anything today. All I ask is that you hear me out."

Inhaling deeply, Grissom nodded and started to feel a little more relaxed. "Okay," he agreed, nodding down towards the briefcase. "You got a pocket watch in there?"

Robert laughed. "Unfortunately, no. And let's not be clouded by stories of swinging timepieces and walking around like a chicken."

"Oh, I don't know," Sara cut in. "It could be fun if you turn him into a chicken. We'd have fresh eggs every day." Slowly, Grissom's head turned her way and he shot her a raised eyebrow. She smirked at him and dropped a hand to his knee. "You know I'm only teasing."

Rolling his eyes, he glanced back at the therapist. "So how does it work and what do we expect to achieve? I can't say I'm all that clued up."

Entwining his fingers, Robert leaned forward. "In therapy, hypnosis usually involves a person experiencing a sense of deep relaxation. The therapist is able to narrow down their attention and focus it on appropriate suggestions."

Grissom's brow furrowed a little as he listened.

"And, contrary to popular belief, hypnosis is not a state of deep sleep. It does, however, involve the induction of a trance-like condition. When in it, the person is actually in an enhanced state of awareness, concentrating solely on the hypnotist's voice. In this state, the conscious mind is suppressed and the subconscious is revealed."

Inhaling deeply, Grissom nodded. "Okay. So how is this going to help me?"

"The suggestions I would give you should help you make positive changes within yourself. "In a session, you are always in control and not made to do anything. Generally, it is accepted that all hypnosis is, ultimately, self-hypnosis. The hypnotist is merely helping to facilitate your experience."

"And hypnotherapy is not about being made to do things," James added. "In fact, it's the opposite. It's about empowerment and being able to release things that your conscious mind may not be able to do."

Grissom swallowed on a dry throat, looking at Sara. "Could I have some water?"

Squeezing his knee, Sara made her way to the kitchen to quickly return with a water glass. Helping him with the straw, he nodded his thanks.

"So, tell us more about these suggestions," she requested of Robert. "How does all that work?"

"As we know," he began, "Gil is struggling to recall anything that happened during his ordeal without having a seizure. So, I will help him do this through subconscious suggestions. These will entice him to recall in a controlled environment and to let him express his fears without having to worry about seizing. Hopefully, this will help him suppress those fears."

"Do you think that will work?" Grissom asked. "You don't think I will have a seizure?"

"While hypnosis is reasonably predictable," James replied, "nothing can ever be guaranteed."

Grissom scoffed. "Not like I've ever heard that before."

"But I have confidence in my methods," James continued. "And my success rate is very high."

Thinking for a second, Grissom nipped his teeth onto his lip. "So, you just make me tell you what happened?"

"Not exactly," Robert said, "I don't make you do anything. What you want to tell me is entirely up to you but what you don't want to reveal in the conscious world will be things that you _do_ want to get out in the subconscious one. And by doing this, you can face those fears and ultimately get them out of your life."

Sara squeezed his knee. "And we can face them together."

"Um…" Robert stuttered drawing the couple's attention. "It's usual that the patient would be alone with me.

Sara gave him a look that would make any man's knees crumble. " _Hell no_ ," she spat. "I have already been banished from his normal therapy and there is no way I'm letting him do this on his own. How am I supposed to help him if I don't know what's happening?"

The two doctors exchanged a look.

"Well," Robert replied, "exceptions can be made. It is very rare though because this type of therapy is very delicate and any outside interference can have a dramatic effect on the outcome."

" _Then make exceptions_ ," Sara demanded. "I won't get in the way. I won't interfere."

Robert looked at Grissom who he was sure might be smirking. "It's up to you, Gil. If you allow your wife to be present then we can do that."

"I think we'd better," he said lightheartedly.

Something struck Sara then and she looked at Grissom. "So…you're actually going to do it?"

Turning serious, his eyes met hers. "I want my life back. Right now my brain will be fine to start with.

She smiled at him and he smiled back.

"You do need to be aware," James began, "that delicate information could be revealed. You both need to be prepared for that. We won't just cover your ordeal. I need to really gain that trust inside your head so it's possible anything that has happened in your life could come up."

Grissom's eyes worked in a circle.

"I'm sure my husband has nothing to hide from me," Sara shot back. "So that doesn't concern me. I'm a big girl with a hard shell."

"No kidding," Grissom jested.

"Okay," Robert agreed, reaching into his suitcase for a booklet and holding it out for Sara. "This will tell you absolutely everything that you need to know in case you think of things that we haven't covered and…," he paused pulling a card from his pocket and placing it on the coffee table, "you can contact me at any time."

"I do have one question," Grissom said as Sara glanced over the booklet.

"Go ahead," James encouraged.

"I gather I remember what is said during a session?"

"It can depend," Robert admitted. "But the method I will use should mean that you do remember. Not sure there would be much point of us doing it otherwise. There may be some details you forget but we will have to see what happens as we go."

Taking a few deep breaths, Grissom nodded. "Okay. When do we start?"

"I'd like to start tomorrow if you're okay with that," Robert said, "then James will see you the day after. I'd like to see you three times a week if you're agreeable."

"Get it all out quickly, huh?" Grissom joked although he knew it wasn't funny.

"The sooner the better," Sara said. "I want you to be happy. We just have to work your hospital in-between."

James got to his feet and Robert followed. "I'll consult with Doctor Moore to ensure we don't clash or overwhelm you. But, this could be quite a full regime for a while."

As Buddy sat up, Grissom dropped his hand onto the dogs back. "I guess it beats doing nothing and watching the clock."

Smiling, Robert picked up his briefcase. "Then I will see you tomorrow. Let's say 3pm?"

"Fine," Grissom agreed.

"I'll show you out," Sara said, getting up.

"Not necessary," James returned. "Have a good day and I'll speak with you tomorrow after the session. Good luck, Gil."

Grissom's eye twitched as they walked away, his mind a barrage of thoughts.

"Are you okay?" Sara asked softly.

He shrugged. "I'm not sure. I think so. I didn't know what to expect but…" He shrugged. "Maybe ask me that again tomorrow after I've had the deepest parts of my brain analyzed."

Leaning down she kissed him, pulling back then so their lips were only just apart. "But such a wonderful brain it is."

As he smiled bashfully, she kissed him again but Buddy barking broke the moment and Sara shot him a look.

"You have the worst timing," she accused.

Pining, Buddy ran towards the back door.

"And a terrible bladder," Grissom added.

Sara laughed. "Well, we could take him for a walk if you feel up to it. We've got a few hours before it starts to get dark."

Grissom's lips pursed, his eyes working around as he considered his options and eventually he nodded. "Okay."

"Great," Sara said happily.

And she was indeed happy. It really, really had been a good day and, hopefully, nothing would spoil it.


	15. Tell me what you want

**A/N: Helloooo. Apologies for the wait (for a change, lol). Sorry, RL really isn't great at the moment and I have been struggling to even think about writing let alone had the frame of mind to do so. However, I have managed some this past week. So, yay! Lol. And to those asking about Eclipse I have managed to start writing on that again so I will do my best to get a chapter done as soon as I can. I have a LOT going on personally right now so sadly I can't guarantee a time frame. I just thank you for being patient and don't ever think I will just drop my stories because that will never happen.**

 **So, enough of me rambling, it's time for…hmmmm…a little lovin'? Surely not. Tehehehe. Maybe. And Grissom is getting ready to let someone in his brain. Will he manage it?**

 **Thanks for all the great reviews, I am still amazed but very happy I get so many in the current climate. SO, all my thanks. And thank you to calim for yet again great and advice and a brill beta.**

 **BTW, if you ask me a question in a review I can't answer you unless you are signed in. I have had several lately but unable to respond.**

 **On we go…..**

Chapter 14

Sara yawned as she undressed, her eyes drifting to Grissom as he lay on their bed, glasses perched on the end of his nose and the booklet Robert had given them sitting on his reading stand perched on his lap. This was the first time he'd actually read since coming out of the hospital, and, while the subject matter wasn't by choice, it was another step forward.

"Isn't that the third time you've read that?"

His eyes rose from the page and, slowly, his head turned in her direction. He paused and looked over his glasses at her.

The pose, the look, was like a professor eyeing his student and made Sara shiver. God, what a turn on it was.

Then she frowned when she realized he was staring. "Are you okay?

Still not answering his eyes traveled slowly up and down her body and she raised her eyebrows. Oh. It wasn't often lately that she'd stood in front of him in just her bra and panties. No wonder he was staring. His response made her feel good.

"I, um," he stuttered, looking back to the booklet and clearing his throat, "just want to be sure what I'm getting myself in to."

Smirking, Sara unclipped her bra. "Better safe than sorry."

"Ye…," he began but stopped dead as his eyes found her again.

Did she push this? He was so into her at that point but was he ready to step it up a notch? Should she take that risk?

"You are so not playing fair," he accused, his voice gravely and deep.

Slowly approaching him, she did her best to try and keep a straight face.

"Who said I wanted to play fair?" she asked alluringly.

She sat on the edge of the bed and plucked the glasses from his nose. Carefully folding the sides, she placed them on the nightstand on his side of the bed, feeling the warmth of his breath on her skin. Facing him, she noted his chest rising and falling a little bit quicker than before.

"Tell me what you want," she whispered, looking right into his eyes.

As his mouth opened, Sara's eyes searched his as she held her breath waiting for him to answer.

"I don't know," he eventually quietly said.

Taking the reading stand and booklet from his lap, she placed it next to the glasses. Lifting her hand, she held it against his cheek.

"I think you do," she challenged.

He didn't respond so they just sat there gazing at each other until Sara leaned forwards and dropped her lips on his. Her heart was pounding as his warm, soft skin met hers. The fact that he didn't pull away sent a grinding through her belly that steadily built as the kiss intensified. When she braved a quick flick of her tongue over his, she was delighted when he moaned and returned the favor.

After a glorious minute or so of getting reacquainted with his mouth, Sara reluctantly pulled back, grinning at his glazed eyes and dopy look.

"I think maybe you have just worked out what you want," she said, eyebrows rising in suggestion.

But just as she was about to kiss him again, Buddy whined and they both shot him a look.

"Oh," Sara mumbled having forgotten he was in the room.

Making out wasn't something they'd really done in front of him before. As she tried to figure out what to do with him, he simply got up and trotted into the bathroom.

Grissom's eyebrows soared as Sara looked back at him.

"Something we said?" he questioned.

Sara couldn't help but laugh. "Maybe it's something he doesn't want to hear."

"Hmmm," Grissom breathed, his eyes working back over his wife, down her face, across her chest.

Smiling again, Sara cupped the back of his neck and pulled him close again, recapturing his mouth with her own. Despite the want to just jump on him spiraling around inside her, she knew she had to take this slowly and, hopefully, their evening would end in a blissful way.

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Grissom hummed as Sara's fingers softly ran through his damp hair. His head was upon her still bare chest and his eyes were closed, one hand resting upon her tummy while the other lay between them. An immense feeling of satisfaction ran through his body. He welcomed that feeling since he hadn't felt like this in a long time.

She smiled at the pleasured sound. "You comfortable there?" she asked sweetly, doing her best not to sound concerned over the position he'd gotten himself into.

"Very," he sighed.

No matter what he said, Sara still verged on caution. If she moved wrong she could crush his hand so keeping still was probably the best idea. Not that she had any problem with that or have much else to complain about at this particular time.

Damn, she felt good, and in more ways than one. They'd actually made love. _That_ was such a breakthrough for her, _for them_. Yes, he'd been tense at the start but she'd been patient and supportive, encouraging him as things ramped up. The almost trance like look upon his face as she'd rocked back and forth, his eyes glued to hers without a trace of fear showing, made her heart sing. And while their coupling hadn't lasted as long as normal, she didn't mind a bit because, on this particular level, he'd let her back in.

They'd become one again and there was only one true way now.

Forwards. Together.

A happy sigh left her mouth and she ran fingertips up his back, feeling him slightly shudder under her touch.

"Can I get you anything?" she asked.

"No, I'm good," he answered without moving. "I just want to stay like this."

Smiling bright and true, she leaned down to kiss the top of his head. "You won't get any objections from me on that one."

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Sara was doing housework while Grissom sat out in the garden with Buddy. He liked making the most out of the nice weather now and it was better than him sitting inside staring at the TV. Hopefully, once he got into physio with his hands he would have more to concentrate on. His home exercises alone would fill his day as long as he had the enthusiasm to do them.

Looking at the clock after putting the dishes away, Sara nipped her lip. It wouldn't be long before Robert was here. Hanging up the dish cloth that was in her hand, she headed out into the garden, spotting Grissom in one of the chairs on the patio. She made a mental note to water the plants as she approached him. It had been a while since she'd done that and she hated neglecting her foliage. Being quite warm the last few days they would be in need of some attention.

"Got your tan all topped off?" she asked. Buddy shot to his feet, dropped his ball and barked. Sara laughed. "I wasn't talking to you. Although I'm well aware that was more of a feed me bark than I'm a bit sunburnt bark."

Grissom smiled and looked over his arms. "Actually, I have caught a little bit. Hard for it to get through the braces though."

"Careful," Sara warned. "Or you'll end up looking like a deformed chessboard if it does get through."

"Interesting thought," he deadpanned.

Smirking she held out her hand. "How about a wash and change before your therapy starts? If you're all sweaty I'm sure you don't want the doctor to think you are a smelly bum."

"Heaven forbid," he returned, getting up and smiling as she took his arm.

Buddy was right by them and Sara rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay. I'll feed you first."

Before she could say anything, Buddy was heading towards the door and she laughed as they followed.

With Buddy happily munching down his chow, Sara gave Grissom a wash and began buttoning up a clean shirt.

"You feeling all right?" she asked caringly.

He slowly nodded. "At the moment."

After running a hand down his shirt, she dropped her arms over his shoulders. "Try not to worry, okay?"

"I think once this gets started I won't have the opportunity to worry."

Sara frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Hypnotherapy is a state of relaxation. I'm presuming worry is way out of the equation."

"Technically, I guess you're right," she agreed, her fingers trailing through his hair.

"But," Grissom added, "we still don't know how my brain will react to all of this. It could cause me to have a seizure like it did at my last therapy session."

"Let's hope not," she replied. "And we still didn't get to talk about what happened with that. If you wanted to tell me, I'd listen."

She really did want to know what was happening with his sessions but she knew there was only so much she could push.

"I guess we got a little side-tracked," he said, kissing her on the temple.

Snorting, she closed her eyes, enjoying his lips gently breezing over her forehead. "And are you trying to sidetrack me again?" she accused, pulling her head back.

Puckering his lips, he shook his head. "I don't think I have to. I think everything you want to know will all come out. Just call it a hunch. Plus, isn't that the whole point of hypnotherapy?"

"Okay," she agreed. "We'll do it your way for now."

Hearing the patter of tiny footsteps she looked towards the door and Buddy trotted in licking his lips.

"I think I'd better let him out again because once your therapy starts there won't be any bathroom breaks."

"Fingers crossed I won't need one," Grissom joked.

"Maybe I should put a cover on the sofa?" He gave her the 'I can't believe you just said that look' and she laughed. "I'm only pulling your leg," she reassured.

"Hmmm," he mumbled as they headed out of the room.

After settling Grissom in front of the TV and letting Buddy out, Sara made coffee and gave her husband his medication. Taking it before the therapy started seemed like a good idea.

"We should call your mother later," Sara recommended placing her half-finished cup of coffee down. He looked at her. "Update her on how you've got on and how you're feeling. You might even feel like going out for dinner at some point or something." His eyebrows rose and she patted his leg. " _Maybe_."

"Or _maybe_ she can come here for dinner," he replied.

Sara shrugged. "Or that," she said, happy that he hadn't just shot the idea down totally.

The sound of the doorbell broke up their chat and Buddy shot to his feet, tail wagging as usual.

"You are probably the nicest guard dog ever," Sara laughed as she got up.

"Good job he wasn't meant for that," Grissom chuckled, dropping a hand onto the dogs back.

Smiling at him, Sara nodded. "Ready for this?"

He let out a long, nervous sigh and nodded back. "I guess so."

Gently squeezing his shoulder, she set off towards the door, unable to stop the butterflies that had suddenly started flying around in her stomach. She wasn't the one having therapy yet she still felt nervous. This could go so badly but she was praying it didn't.

Opening the door, she smiled at Robert who stood there patiently waiting.

"Hi," she greeted.

"Good afternoon, Sara," he replied.

"Come on in," she said, stepping aside and gesturing for him to come inside.

Smiling his thanks, he moved into the house. "How's Gil today?"

"Good actually," she replied, closing the door. "Nervous but he's not clawing at the walls."

"That's good to know," Robert replied with a grin.

"He's waiting in the living room so, shall we?"

Nodding, he followed her, slowing as Buddy trotted over to say hello just before they reached Grissom.

"Hey, boy," Robert greeted, patting him on the head.

After a little bit of attention and a happy pant, Buddy rejoined his master, plonking himself on Grissom's feet.

"Hey, Gil," the doctor greeted, placing his suitcase down onto the coffee table and popping the latches.

.

"Hi," Grissom replied, noticing the case was bigger than the one he'd had yesterday and doing his best to control the nerves brewing inside. "Have you got a picnic in there?"

"Not quite," he said with a grin, pulling out a small tape recorder. "In order to keep track of our sessions, I recommend that we record them. It is something I do with everyone. The recordings come in handy when issues arise or questions are asked by either myself or you. Peace of mind, I like to call it. But, we don't have to if you have any objections."

Blowing out a breath, Grissom shrugged. "I guess I don't mind but no one else gets to hear that right?"

Robert shook his head. "Not without your consent. All tapes are kept in a very secure location at my office."

Biting on his lip, Grissom looked at Sara who smiled supportingly at him although she was a little unsure what to do with herself.

"Um," she mumbled, scratching the side of her neck, "exactly how does this work? Does he need to lie down? Should I stay close or…."

Holding up a hand, Robert smiled at them both. "Relax," he implored. "I will explain."

"You sound more nervous than me," Grissom pointed out to her.

She folded her arms. "I suppose that actually should be a good thing."

"Firstly, Gil, as silly as this may sound, do you need to use the bathroom?" Robert asked.

Grissom couldn't help smirking. "Um, no. I'm good."

"I won't lie," Robert continued. "I have had people convince themselves they are on the toilet and…well…"

"Oh, dear," Sara snorted. "And oddly enough we kinda had that conversation earlier."

Robert slid a tape into the recorder and sat in a chair. "So, if you are _personally_ comfortable, let me explain how this works. I suggest for now, you lie down on the sofa and I'll sit by you. Once we're a little more comfortable and move further through the sessions we can move you to a chair but, right now, I need you to be as relaxed as you can possibly be before we start."

"Okay," Grissom agreed.

"Sara," Robert continued, "I'll need you to keep a reasonable distance. You can stay close but you need to be out of his personal space and, please, do not interfere at any time during the session. Any breach of Gil's subconscious while in a state of hypnosis by anyone other than myself could have drastic consequences and impede our progression."

"Okay," she said hesitantly, sharing a look with Grissom.

"For this to work, Gil must trust me fully and remain totally focused on my voice. Outside interference will cause setbacks."

"I understand," she said with a nod, hoping she could keep a lid on any emotions that could erupt over whatever he might say.

Robert gave her a half smile. "And Gil," he said, looking at his patient, "I will speak clearly, calmly and sometimes slowly. Please don't think I am being condescending because I'm not."

"Heaven forbid," Grissom said with a slight snicker.

"This also may sound cliché but just follow the sound of my voice."

Inhaling deeply, Grissom nodded. "Okay."

"Just a few more things," Robert continued. "Sara, please _don't_ follow my directions or do what I'm asking Gil to do." He looked at her seriously. "If you do, you could end up in a trance and we could have a problem."

"Oh," Sara mumbled surprised. "Okay. I, um…certainly wouldn't want that."

"Too many secrets to hide, huh?" Grissom teased earning himself narrowed eyes from his wife.

As Grissom grinned Robert looked up to the ceiling and Sara frowned now.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Looking for a focus point," he replied, pointing upwards. "Gil, do you see that black mark up on the ceiling."

Looking up, Grissom nodded. "Yes."

"Issues with an old Christmas decoration," Sara admitted.

Robert smiled, looking back at Grissom. "Perfect for what we need. That's your focus point," he told him. "When the session starts, all will become clear."

Grissom nodded. "Okay. I guess."

"And one last thing," Robert said, pointing to Grissom's feet. "We should take your shoes off."

Sara's eyes worked in a circle. "I won't ask," she replied, crouching down to slip off her husband's shoes. "Is that it?" she said as she straightened out.

"That's it," Robert said, pulling his chair a little closer to Grissom.

"Let's get you comfortable then, shall we?" Sara suggested, grabbing a cushion that Grissom could lay back against.

Buddy also got up and Sara looked down at him. "That's a thought," she said.

"What?" Robert asked.

"Buddy. What if he…you know…starts making a fuss? I'd call that interference but he needs to be here."

"We can deal with that if it happens," he replied. "Hopefully, it won't be an issue."

"No barking unless it's an emergency, you got that?" Sara told the dog who gave her a short whine before lying down.

Smiling, she placed the cushion down and reached for Grissom. "Come on, lie yourself down."

Sighing a nervous breath, he did just that, shuffling around and lying back against the cushion, placing his hands over his stomach.

"Comfortable?" she asked, whisking fingers through his hair.

Clearing his throat, he nodded and Sara pointed across the room. "I'm going to be over there. Just do your best."

"Yeah," he whispered.

Giving him one last smile, she moved across the room and sat in a chair. It was far enough away to stop herself from impeding Robert but not too far that she couldn't hear everything and see reasonably well.

Robert sat and hit start on the tape recorder. "Ready to begin, Gil?" he asked. "Are you totally comfortable?"

Swallowing hard, Grissom nodded. "Yes and yes. I think."

"Good," Robert said softly. "Session 1 with Gil Grissom. September 27th 2013. So, Gil, all I want you to do is close your eyes…"

 **A/N: I do have to say researching hypnotherapy is quite fascinating. Evil hat is getting dizzy :P**


	16. Listen to the sound of my voice

**A/N: Here we go with a new chapter and I will refrain from banging on apart from saying it's been really cool researching hypnotherapy and I am really looking forward to getting deeper into these chapters and messing with Grissom. Pahahaha. Evil hat is winking.**

 **Thank you for the great reviews, please keep them coming and as always to calim for the beta.**

 **I do have a chapter of Eclipse done and I'll get it up as soon as I get it back from the mighty one.**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 15

"Okay, Gil," Robert said softly and slowly. "What I'm going to do is take you into trance. This ultimately is a wonderful state of hypnosis and relaxation."

Blinking at him, Grissom felt his heartrate kick up a notch.

"I'm going to help you to relax and let go of any cares, any worries or any stress that you have."

Sara clung tightly to the arms of the chair, trying to keep herself from listening too hard to Robert's soft words. It was harder than she thought.

"What I need you to do, Gil," Robert continued, "is make sure you are as comfortable as you can be. Your arms…your legs…your feet and your hands. Just stretch out anything that you feel…needs a little more relaxation."

"I'm okay," Grissom replied quietly.

Nodding, Robert pointed up. "Now, I need you to relax your head. Look straight up and concentrate _allll_ of your attention on that black mark up on the ceiling."

Inhaling deeply, Grissom did as he was told and found the mark on the ceiling.

"And, as you focus your eyes _very intently_ on that mark, I want you to take a deep breath in through your nose."

Sara kept her eyes on her husband, paying very close attention to his actions and he seemed to be doing okay so far. They had barely started though so she wasn't counting any chickens yet. So, to speak.

" _Really_ big, deep breath, Gil, and hold it." Grissom inhaled deeply. "Now, slowly exhale through your mouth, letting go of all your energy, relaxing your body _except_ for your eyes."

Slowly, Grissom released his deep breath.

"Focus those eyes even more intently on that mark, Gil," Robert continued. "I want you to ignore everything outside that spot. Nothing else exists."

Grissom's eyelids twitched as he attempted to do what the doctor was asking.

"Now take another deep breath in through your nose. Long and slow. Hold it until you can't hold it any longer then blow out any stress or tension."

Sara's eyebrows soared. She expected things to be calm but this was _calm_. Her eyes flicked to Buddy for a second. Thankfully, the dog hadn't moved a muscle so that had to be a good sign.

"Keep your eyes on that spot, Gil… _and only that spot._ "

Blinking but keeping his eyes on the focus point, Grissom again held his breath. He was actually quite good at doing said practice although it was usually for a different reason. The smell of decomp used to be the main reason.

"Hold for as long as you can, Gil, and then _slowly_ exhale," Robert's smooth voice repeated. " _Very slowly blow away any stress, tension or tightness that you may be feeling_."

About 20 seconds passed before a warm breath slowly passed through Grissom's lips. Oddly, he did feel a little different. Lighter, less worried, even slightly dizzy, but after only a second of thinking about it the thought was gone and all of his focus returned to the mark on the ceiling.

"If you are really focusing on that spot, Gil, you will start to feel your eyes becoming tired and strained. They may want to close or blink."

Oh, now Grissom felt weird. Floaty almost. Somewhere inside his brain he wanted to argue this wasn't that easy but that spot on the ceiling somehow kept his attention and any doubts left his mind as soon as they entered it.

"Your eyes may become dry or irritated."

Grissom blinked once…twice.

"If you are experiencing any of these symptoms with your eyes it's a good indication of your ability to follow my directions and to focus." Robert leaned slightly forward. "If you're not experiencing any of these symptoms focus your eyes even more on that mark."

Robert paused, watching his patient for signs of discomfort. When none appeared, he moved on.

"Now, with your eyes starting to feel very tired and heavy, I want you to take in another deep breath through your nose. _Hold it_. Now, slowly exhale through your mouth. And, c _lose your eyes_."

Sara felt herself shifting in her chair, trying to get a better look to see whether or not Grissom had actually closed his eyes when Robert gave her the answer.

" _That's right_ ," Robert said happily. "Just allow your eyes to relax and stay closed until I ask you to open them at a later point."

Silence filled the room for a second. Sara bit down on her thumbnail, watching as her husband lay there, totally still. She could see his chest rising and falling and found herself wishing she could see all of his face.

"Just allow yourself to breathe comfortably now," Robert instructed. " _Allow_ yourself to relax. _You_ and only _you_ are in control of how _much_ or how _little_ you allow yourself to relax."

Grissom's chest continued to rise and fall but steadied into a regular, more relaxed pace. Robert knew he was under or, at least, very close to it, and quickly looked at his watch to give himself a mental note of the time frame.

"The more you allow yourself to relax the deeper you'll go," Robert said slowly, "the better you'll feel…and the more successful this session…will be for _you_. To help _you_ achieve…what _you_ desire.

Another pause came, Robert's eyes very closely watching the patient. His chest, his eyes and face, hands and arms for any sign that the trance wasn't holding.

"And now with every breath you take…give yourself permission to relax deeper. Deeper, Gil. _With every breath_. Any sound that you hear, inside or outside of the room, the clock, a bird…my voice…just allow it to relax you deeper… _and deeper_."

Just as Robert said that, Sara's cell vibrated. Her eyes widened, a sudden panic shooting through her. Scrambling to pull out her phone, Robert looked her way. Quickly, she turned it off before shooting him a horrified and apologetic look. A small smile creased his lips.

" _Any_ sound, Gil," he said, refocusing on Grissom. " _Any sound at all_ will make you more and more relaxed."

Sara thanked God she hadn't seemed to have disturbed him.

"Focus on your breathing, Gil," Robert said. "Notice how your breathing has become much deeper, much slower and much more controlled than what it was a few moments ago. This is a good sign of your ability to relax, deeply and completely. And now, with every sound, every breath, every beat of your heart, you will allow yourself to continue relaxing deeper and deeper.

"As you do I want you to use your vivid imagination for just a moment. I want you to see, to feel or just imagine all the muscles in your head… your face… your neck, to let go and relax. Become completely lose, limp and heavy. Tired. _Very relaxed_. Feel those muscles in and around your eyes becoming very heavy and tired, so very tired as all those muscles let go. Feel the muscles around your cheeks, your jaw and even your mouth let go; relax so deeply that the natural weight of your jaw causes your mouth to slightly part as you breathe easier in and out. You are more deeply relaxed with each and every breath."

Sara was nervous. She figured that was evident on her face by the way Robert looked at her, but she couldn't help it. There was always the lurking possibility that a seizure was on the horizon. She would try to quell her nerves and center instead on how intriguing the process was. It was a lot more repetitive than she'd expected but she understood why. Creating a calm, relaxed brain and aura created trust. Without that, there would be no progress.

"And now," Robert said, looking back at Grissom, "allow that wonderful heavy feeling to flow down and across your shoulders…causing your shoulders to become loose, limp and relaxed. Feel them just sagging downwards into the sofa underneath you. Your body is _so_ relaxed now, you can feel the muscles in your upper arms just letting go, relaxing right down through your forearms and into your wrists.

"There is no pain. There is no fear. Your legs are light, your thighs, your knees, and your feet, all the way through to the very tips of your toes. Light and relaxed, Gil. Your whole body is just… _safe_ , warm… _so_ loose and limp it takes the sofa to support you now."

Another pause.

"Now, in a moment, I'm going to ask you for permission to raise your left foot. I know you _can_ raise your own foot but I want you to focus on being _so relaxed_ that your leg, from your thigh to your toes, is nothing but dead weight. Allow me to do all the lifting as you imagine your leg to be heavy. _Dead weight_. _Heavy_. Limp and lose."

Sara's eye twitched. It seemed a little odd to be raising his foot but she suspected that the doctor may normally use a hand. Given Gil's condition improvisation would be needed. So now she understood the reason his shoes had been removed.

"Do I have your permission, yes or no, to raise your left foot?" Robert asked.

"Yes," Grissom immediately answered. No pause. No hesitation.

"Good, Gil," Robert replied.

Slowly getting up, he positioned himself by Grissom's feet and, reaching out, took a firm grip on the bottom of his pant leg.

"I'm now going to raise your left foot so just allow it to become loose and limp."

Fascinated, Sara observed Robert slowly lift the foot, watching it dangle as if there was no weight in his leg at all.

"Just relax, Gil, nice and relaxed," Robert said.

Glancing at his patient's face, he was pleased. No frowning or confusion was present just a nice calm expression as if he was asleep.

"In a moment, and on the count of three, I'm going to drop your foot back down. The very moment I drop it you are going to feel your relaxation double. You will go two times deeper and more relaxed. One. Two. Three."

Robert released the foot and it fell to the sofa so quickly that Sara's eyebrows soared in surprise. It was literally a dead weight as if her husband had no control over it whatsoever.

"That's right, Gil," Robert said. "Feel yourself going deeper with every single breath you take, with every sound you hear and every beat of your heart. Deeper and deeper. Just let go, Gil. Every breath you take now fills your body with _deep_ relaxing feelings." He paused. "That's right, Gil. Deep and relaxed. You are so comfortably tired now. Just comfortable and relaxed."

Another pause came, Robert once again visually inspecting his patient before continuing.

"Gil, I want you to focus your attention on your eyes for a moment now. Notice how heavy…how tired and how relaxed your eyes feel. I want you to take that heavy, tired and relaxed feeling and let it grow stronger. Use your imagination, Gil, and allow your eyes to become so heavy and so tired that you couldn't open them even if you wanted to. When, and only when, you're sure you have relaxed them that deep and they feel that heavy and that tired then, and only then, I want you to try and open them. And, when you try, they won't open. They will feel as if they are stuck and once you've tried this immediately stop trying and relax. _Relax_. And let me know when you have succeeded at this by very so slightly shuffling your left foot."

Almost immediately, Grissom's left foot moved. Not by much but it gave the doctor the notification he needed especially since Grissom's eyelids didn't even flutter.

" _Goooood_ ," Robert praised. "Your eyes are so heavy and tired now that they won't open nor do you want to open them anymore. Your whole body is so heavy and tired. Your arms…legs…feet and hands. So heavy…so relaxed. Now I'm going to ask you to relax your mind as deeply as your body. And to do so I'm going to help you by simply counting from 10 down to 1. With every number that I count from 10 down to 1, I need you to double your relaxation. By the time I get down to number 1, you will be so relaxed you will feel it isn't possible for you to relax anymore. If you understand these directions just slightly nod your head for me."

Just as before, Grissom's reaction was immediate and, although very slight, he nodded.

"Let yourself go, Gil. Deep…deep… _deep_ …with each and every number. 10…9…"

Sara felt a shiver run down her back and the hair on her arms stood on end as Robert said 10. She didn't know why but it felt very strange.

"Letting go, Gil, letting go. 8…7…every breath taken you are deeper…6…5…4… that's right, let go…3…2…1. Deep… _Deep_. Deep relaxation. And, from now on, every breath that you take and every sound that you hear will relax you deeper and deeper."

Blowing out a silent breath, Sara felt her pulse hitch a bit. This was it. The trance had worked, she had no doubt about that, but what may come next she had no idea. The state might not hold or he could freak out. Shaking her head, she cursed under her breath for thinking negatively and willed herself to be positive. Why was she suddenly being negative? Maybe she hadn't expected it to work and the realism of it all had only just hit her.

"Now, Gil. Just listen to the sound of my voice. Nothing else just my voice. Answer yes if you can do that."

Grissom's lips parted, a quiet 'yes' coming in response to Robert's question.

"Good. Clear your mind, Gil," Robert said swiftly. "Totally clear. No thoughts just relaxation. Nice and calm. Now, you came here today wanting to rid yourself of your fears. You came here today wanting to rid yourself of the pain that those fears are causing you. _Physically and mentally._ Is that right?"

"Yes," Grissom answered again.

"I want you to open your mind now."

Just as Robert said that Sara swallowed hard. Damn, she could really use some water right about now.

"I want you to think about a place that makes you _really, really_ happy."

Sara blinked, not quite expecting that. Wasn't this about his fears?

"Imagine this place, Gil. This place that makes you smile…makes you feel warm… _makes you happy_. Can you see it?"

A few quiet seconds past by before Grissom answered. "Yes."

"Where are you, Gil?" Robert asked.

"On a beach," Grissom replied.

Robert nodded to himself. "Where?"

"Costa Rica," Grissom said flatly, his voice now only housing one set tone.

"Are you alone?"

"No."

Flashing Sara a quick look, he watched as she moved a little further to the edge of her seat. "Who are you with, Gil?"

"Sara."

"Why Costa Rica, Gil? Why there?"

"We were very happy there. We got married. Left Vegas behind us. Started a new life. So peaceful."

"Does Sara make you happy?" Robert asked now.

"Yes."

Sara was so glad he'd just said that and couldn't help a smile.

"Tell me why, Gil," Robert probed, his voice continuing to be slow and clear.

"Because she loves me."

"Is that the only reason?" Robert asked. "Look deep, Gil, and tell me why Sara makes you happy."

The last thing Sara expected was this session to include her. Of course, she'd thought that she might come into the conversation at some point but not so soon and not about whether or not she makes him happy. God, what was he going to say?

"She's always there for me," he answered, his words making Sara grin.

"In what way, Gil? Look deep and try and be specific. Take a breath in. A big, deep breath. That's it," Robert encouraged and Grissom did as he said. "Blow it out and keep your relaxation. _Very relaxed, Gil. Very relaxed_."

At this rate Sara predicted she would be making a note that she never wanted to hear the words deep or relaxed ever again.

"Tell me why Sara is always there for you," Robert repeated. "Tell me why she makes you happy.

Just as Grissom opened his mouth to reply, the doorbell rang and Buddy shot to his feet. Sara's eyes widened in horror as she silently begged Buddy not to bark….

 **A/N: Woof! :P**


	17. Facing his demons

**A/N: Yay, new chapter. I am a couple of chapters ahead now so moving back onto Eclipse. Apologies if you have been waiting for that one but I had a nice flow with this story and didn't want to break it. A big thank you for all of your reviews and a special thanks to Maura UK who has sent me a lot lately. I can't reply to you as you don't have your account set so I can do so. And, as always, thanks to calim for the great beta and help, I know you are very busy playing boss right now.**

 **So, on we go….and….listen to the sound of my voice….lmao :P**

Chapter 16

"You can only hear the sound of my voice, Gil," Robert said calmly. " _Nothing else_. Breathe in deep again. _Nice big deep breath_."

Much to Sara's amazement and relief, Grissom did as instructed.

She shot from her chair, tapping her leg for Buddy to follow just in case he decided to create a fuss. Doubt flooded her that he'd be able to block that out.

"Come with me," she whispered, patting his head.

Hurrying towards the door, she shook her head, half ready to strangle whomever may be on the other side. Taking a deep breath, she reached for the door and opened it, her eyebrows shooting to the ceiling when she saw Catherine standing there.

"Um, hey," Catherine greeted. " _Are you okay_? You look pissed."

Buddy sat down, his tail going crazy when he saw Catherine.

Sara's mouth opened but then she shook her head, grabbing Catherine's arm, pulling her inside and closing the door. Catherine looked pretty surprised by the reasonably forceful action.

" _What's going on_?" she asked. "I tried to call but I got cut off."

"Gil has just started his therapy," Sara whispered. " _What are you doing here_?"

Catherine's eyes worked in a circle. " _Therapy_? The hypnosis?"

" _Yes_."

" _Here? Now_?"

" _Yes._ Look, I have to get back to him. I'll explain after, okay?"

Looking towards the living room, Catherine nodded. "Okay. I'll, um…wait in the office?"

"Okay," Sara answered.

"Do you want me to take Buddy with me?"

Sara shook her head. "No. He needs to be close just in case. I'll come let you know when we're done."

Nodding, Catherine headed towards the office and Sara hurried back to the living room watching as Buddy retook his place by the sofa before she sat down.

"You are deeply relaxed, Gil," Robert said. "Simply answer yes if you are relaxed."

"Yes," Grissom replied.

" _Good_. Now, you were saying that Sara makes you happy, correct?"

Grissom breathed in deeply. "Yes."

"Now I need you to look _deep_ inside yourself. Find all the good things. All the happy thoughts and memories that you have and tell me about something that you like, that you _adore_ doing with Sara. Something that makes you _really happy_."

"Making love."

Sara's eyebrows soared and she was sure she coughed or maybe choked. Robert shot her a look and she held up an apologetic hand before sinking back into the chair. She was not quite expecting this topic of conversation to come up.

Fighting off the temptation to grab a cushion and cover her face, she began chewing on her thumbnail instead, closing her eyes and predicting in a few short seconds she'd be the color of a beetroot.

"How do you feel when you make love?"

Sara felt herself squirming but Grissom's answer made her stop and her eyes popped open. However, she still wasn't sure how this line of questioning came into the equation.

"Complete," he said. "Safe."

Although the breath that left Sara's lips was silent, it shuddered through her. That could well be the most meaningful thing he's ever said. Especially, given the context of the situation. It was from his heart. True and deep. It sent a flutter through her heart like no other.

"You like feeling safe, Gil?"

"Yes."

"Keep your focus, Gil," Robert encouraged. "Relaxed, warm and safe. Take your mind back to that beach. You and Sara walking along the shoreline, the soft warm sand beneath your toes. The glorious sea air in your nose, the sound of the ocean in your ears. Is this a place that makes you feel _safe_?"

"Yes," Grissom replied.

"I need you to focus on my voice, Gil. And on my command. _Focus._ This is now your _trance state point_ , Gil, okay? _Whenever_ I tell you, you will come back here. Back to that beach. With Sara's hand in yours, the sand beneath your feet and nothing but a _warm_ and _safe_ feeling. And one phrase I say will take your mind right back there in a split second. With no hesitation and with no doubt. I will simply say – _The sun is rising._ Nod if you understand me, Gil."

Grissom nodded and Robert smiled.

"Good, Gil. Now tell me about something else that makes you happy but doesn't revolve around Sara."

There was a short silence this time and Sara just wished she could see inside her husband's brain and have some idea what he must be thinking.

"I like baseball," Grissom said.

Silently snorting, Sara managed to relax a little bit. She should have predicted that one.

"Do you have a favorite team?"

Another nod came from Grissom. "The Cubs."

"Do you like to go to games?"

"I used to," Grissom answered. "I haven't been for a while."

Leaning forwards, Robert entwined his fingers. "If I said I have two tickets for a game tomorrow and I was giving them to you. Would you go?"

"No."

"Why not, Gil?"

Sara swallowed. This was the first challenging thing Robert had asked him.

"I…"

The first pause came. The immediate answers Grissom had been supplying lapsing.

"Nice and calm, Gil. You are still deeply relaxed. _But you know why_. Tell me why."

"I don't like going out," Grissom admitted.

"You like being here in the house?"

"Yes," Grissom confirmed.

"Going out of the comfort here scares you."

"Yes."

"Tell me, Gil. These fears. Are they all caused by Ronald Basderic?"

The second Basderic's name was mentioned, Grissom's foot spasmed. Robert's eye twitched as he noticed.

"What are you seeing, Gil?" he asked swiftly.

Grissom's chest heaved. " _Him_ ," he replied but this time his tone was different. For the first time, it held a hint of fear.

" _The sun is rising, Gil_ ," Robert said clearly but quickly. "Nice long deep breaths."

Thankfully, Grissom followed the instructions.

"You are deeply relaxed. _Deeply, deeply relaxed_ … What do you see now, Gil? Where are you?"

"The beach," he responded calmly.

Robert smiled. "Perfect. Now _keep breathing_. Feel that breeze across your face. The warm, soft, delightful breeze. Nothing but the sand beneath your feet and Sara's hand in your own. Now, I'm going to count down from five to one and when I get to one, your trance state will disappear, you will wake up and open your eyes. When I say one, and you open your eyes, your mind will be clear and calm. Your body is going to feel very, very relaxed and, most importantly, you are going to feel wonderful at how well you have done in this session. Nod if you understand."

Sara's brow furrowed. Was that it? She looked at the clock. The session had been barely ten minutes. Then again, a big part of her wasn't sorry. This was harder to watch than she thought it would be.

"5…4…3…2…1…"

Grissom's eyes opened and he smiled although his vision was a little hazy.

"That's it. Eyes open. _Wide open_. _Look at me, Gil."_

Hearing the voice, Grissom tipped his head towards it and suddenly his vision cleared.

Robert smiled. "Okay?"

"Hmmm," Grissom mumbled, clearing his throat and stretching out his legs.

"Take your time," Robert encouraged. Looking towards Sara he beckoned her over.

Oh, she didn't need a second invitation and was up from the chair like a rocket, settling in next to Grissom.

"Describe to me how you are feeling," Robert asked.

Swallowing on a dry throat, Grissom blinked a few times. "All right. Good. Thirsty. My feet are a little chilly and...I'm kinda tingling all over."

"Good tingling?" Grissom nodded. "Sorry about the feet," Robert said lightheartedly. "I'd generally raise a patient's hand to test the trance phase but, given your condition, I used your foot instead." 

"I thought as much," Sara cut in.

"Don't remember you raising my foot," Grissom admitted, blinking again.

"What about our conversation?" Robert asked. "How much of that can you recall?"

Grissom's eyes flicked to Sara and he cleared his throat. "Quite a bit…I think," he said quietly.

Straightening up, Sara could feel a tang of embarrassment flood her as she recalled the intimate admission from her husband and she could feel her cheeks burning.

"I'll…um, get you some water," she said, stepping away toward the kitchen.

"Will you be okay for a second?" Robert asked.

Buddy got to his feet and dropped his chin on Grissom's leg making him smile.

"I'll be fine."

Robert followed Sara into the kitchen, watching as she took a jug of water from the fridge and poured some into a glass.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Putting the jug down, she faced him with a weak smile. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

Robert's tone evidently showed he didn't believe her.

She nodded. "I…guess I just wasn't expecting it to be so…"

"Personal?" he finished for her.

"Something like that," she said, folding her arms. At least… _that_. You know."

"One of the reasons these sessions are usually done solely with the patient is because things can become _exceedingly_ personal. It's not _all_ about Gil. All of his feelings, his memories, his happiness, misery, joy and pain. They all have a place in his subconscious and revolve around _everyone_ involved in his life now _and_ in the past.

I did point out that secrets could come out and there may be instances of him saying things that you don't want to hear. Just be _very sure_ you want to continue sitting in because we've started easy. Things will only get harder from here."

Sighing, she reached for the water. Yes, she was nervous about the possibilities of what secrets her husband hid but they'd committed to work through everything, _together_ , so that's what they'd do. "I'm not giving up yet. But thanks for the advice."

"That's why I'm here."

"So, is that it? Session over?"

"Almost," Robert replied. "I just need to see if Gil has any questions and then we're all done."

Nodding, Sara left the kitchen, Robert right behind her.

"Can he sit up?" Sara asked.

"Absolutely," Robert confirmed.

Putting the water down, Sara patted Buddy and he lifted his head with a wag of his tail. She reached for Grissom and he smiled his thanks as she helped him to sit upright.

Robert's eyes worked over him. "Still feeling all right, Gil? No dizziness or anything?"

Grissom shook his head. "Nothing. I feel fine."

Sara grabbed the water and sat beside him, allowing him to drink before putting the glass down.

"How long was I…under?" Grissom asked.

"A little under ten minutes," Robert answered.

"Felt like so much longer."

With a smile, Robert sat down. "You're not the first person to say that. Are you certain you're feeling okay? How does your mind feel?"

"Yeah, I'm okay" Grissom breathed. "I feel very relaxed. Everything feels relaxed. Peaceful."

"It's a good feeling, isn't it?" Robert said with a smile.

"Yeah," Grissom sighed genuinely.

" _Good_. Then we are on the right track. Do you have any questions?"

"Um, I'm not sure. I think my brain is still trying to figure this whole scenario out. I…um…guess I wasn't expecting to feel this good."

Robert smirked. "Skepticism isn't always a bad thing. Making a believer out of a non-believer always makes me look good. I could make you feel terrible if you would like."

Grissom snorted.

"I have a question," Sara said. "If…you don't mind."

Robert nodded. "Shoot."

"Considering this is…you know…about Gil facing his demons…why…"

"Did we talk about the nice things?" Robert finished for her.

She smiled. "Yeah."

"Hypnosis involves an _exceedingly_ high level of trust. At least this kind of therapy. We as human beings _need_ trust to process information in both our conscious and subconscious. Gil needs to want to open up to me and trust me in doing so. Forcing him to do so will achieve _nothing_. Delicate methods are required to reach the core of everything Gil _needs_ and _wants_ to say and there are _many, many_ branches that come off that core. Everything in its own way is connected. I need to ensure I find the right route through Gil's brain to get that information to come out that he _really_ wants to let go of. In order to do so, I need to know _how_ his brain works. What he likes, hates, fears and, ultimately, hopefully, we can find what we are looking for. I also needed to confirm the source of Gil's fear hence why we stopped shortly afterwards. Once we start getting into that _anything_ can happen."

Grissom blew out a breath. "This is all very deep," he said surprising everyone. Sara laughed, making him frown. " _What_?"

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "That's just the 100th time I've heard the word deep today." His frown deepened and she squeezed his leg. "Never mind."

"Your focus under hypnosis, Gil, will be strong so my repetitive words won't bother you there nor will it bother you when you come out of your trance state. But Sara's an observer so I get where she's coming from. It can be difficult if you aren't the patient."

" _I'll bet_ ," Grissom muttered. "So…are we supposed to talk about what just happened?"

"A little bit when we start getting further into the sessions because we will have much more to discuss. But James will be the main man for your discussions about what's happened. Right now, all I really need to know is how you felt when I mentioned Ronald Basderic."

Grissom swallowed. "Um…"

"Was there a change in your mood?" Robert probed. "A pang in your belly? Did your relaxation drop? Any slight change you could feel at all that you can remember."

Sara nipped on her lip as Grissom looked at her. He didn't seem scared just unsure.

"Tense, I guess," he finally answered, looking back at Robert.

"Did you visualize him?" Swallowing again, Grissom nodded. "How did he appear in your thoughts?"

"He…just appeared. His face…his… _eyes_ …"

Robert's eye twitched at Grissom emphasis on the words 'eyes' but left it there. Probing further out of the hypnosis state wouldn't do any good at that point.

"Okay," he said softly. "Really, _really_ good."

Grissom sighed a long breath. "Yeah?"

"Yes," Robert said, looking at his watch and reading off the time before stopping the tape recorder. "Who was at the door?" he asked, grabbing his case.

Sara's eyes widened. "Oh, crap." She shot a look over her shoulder towards the office.

"Door?" Grissom asked looking confused.

"Yeah," Sara confirmed. "We kinda had a visitor in the middle of your session." He frowned at her. "Catherine."

His mouth opened. " _Oh_."

"Who's Catherine?" Robert asked, putting the tape recorder away. "If you don't mind me asking that is."

"A really good friend," Grissom replied. "She's helped us a lot since everything happened. I wasn't expecting a visit though."

Sara shrugged. "Me either. Although she didn't know about this session so…"

"I foresee a telling off," Grissom returned.

"Well, I'll leave you to it," Robert said, clipping his case shut and picking it up. "I hope your session goes well with James tomorrow and I will see you again in a few days. If you have any worries or questions, call me."

"You can be sure we will," Sara replied. "Will you be okay if I see Robert out?" she asked Grissom.

At the mention of the word 'out' Buddy shot to his feet and barked.

"Okay, okay," Sara laughed, holding up a hand. "Just watch your Dad for one more minute and then I'll let you out."

Buddy barked again and then dropped his chin onto Grissom's knees offering a soft whine.

"You're a good boy," Grissom said and Buddy's head rose, his tongue dropping from his mouth.

"You be all right for a minute?" Sara asked him.

Grissom nodded. "I'll be fine. I have doggy protection."

"Take care, Gil," Robert said. "And try and stay relaxed. I'll see you soon."

"Yeah," Grissom replied.

Robert smiled and followed Sara to the door. "Thank you," he said as she opened it.

" _Thank you_ ," she said back, smiling.

"Nice to hear you sounding happy."

She sighed. "I think this went well now that it's actually started to sink in."

His head bobbed. "Despite his uncertainty of this type of therapy and the possibility of him not taking to the trance, it went extremely well. But, like I said, things _will_ get harder. For now, though, be proud and enjoy the time while he's mellow."

"Will he stay that way for long?"

"A few hours at least hours."

"Hmmm," Sara mumbled, thinking. "Maybe I should get him to mow the grass."

Laughing, Robert squeezed her arm. "Have fun with that."

Giving him a bright smile, she nodded her thanks, closing the door behind him.

Things had gone well.

 _They'd gone well_.

She was so relieved. Would the next one go so well?

Only time would tell.

 **A/N: Stay safe in Florida and the USA!**


	18. What took you so long?

**A/N: Here we are again. Life has been weird but I have got a bit of writing done so that's good. A reasonably mellow chapter ahead. The calm before the storm maybe? :P Hope you enjoy.**

 **Thanks as always to calim for the beta and to everyone for their reviews. I am constantly grateful for all the comments I get and especially because they keep on growing and more people take the time to give me their thoughts. It's nice to see some new faces, too :) Thanks everyone!**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 17

Catherine sat back in the office chair, glancing through the internet on her phone, trying not to listen through to what was going on in the other room. She looked up when Sara poked her head in.

"It is safe if you would like to come out of hiding," she said.

Quickly getting up, Catherine joined Sara at the door. "Did it go okay?" she asked seriously. Sara nodded. "So, he's not dancing around like a chicken or anything?" the older woman quipped.

"Very funny," Sara deadpanned. "Come on. I don't want to leave him on his own too long just in case."

Catherine followed as Sara returned to the living room, her eyes falling upon Grissom who was happily chatting away to Buddy, a nice bright smile on his face and her eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Well someone's certainly chirpy," she laughed.

Grissom looked at her. "And hello to you, too," he replied.

Laughing again Catherine replicated his smile. Considering Grissom hadn't been too welcoming to visitors since he'd left the hospital, she was slightly nervous about making an unannounced visit. However, it looked like fate was on her side and the good kind for a change. She crouched by Buddy and gave him a stroke.

"Hey, boy."

Buddy happily lapped up the attention for a second before moving to Sara, sitting and then raising a paw.

"Okay, okay," she said. "Will you be all right for a minute while I let him out?" she asked Grissom.

"Yes, dear."

Grinning at his lighthearted response, she patted her leg and Buddy swiftly followed her through the house.

"If I didn't know otherwise," Catherine said, sitting down, "I'd think you're on happy pills." Expecting a glare, Catherine was pretty surprised when he just smiled. "I'm not entirely sure I'm in the right house right now."

Indeed, Grissom's actions were certainly not what had become the norm of late but he just continued to smile.

"Okay," Catherine said slapping her thighs as she sat down. " _What have you done with Gil Grissom_?"

"I can be rude and obtuse if you'd like," Grissom shot back. "I'm sure if I try hard enough it will come out."

"Haha," she laughed.

Just as she did, Buddy came running in, plonking himself by Grissom's feet and wagging his tail.

Sara followed after Buddy then moved toward Grissom. "Still feeling all right?" she asked, smiling when he nodded.

"I think I missed all the fun," Catherine said.

Both looked at her as Sara sat on the sofa arm.

"No offense but what are you doing here? We didn't expect you."

"It's Lindsey's birthday in a few days so I'm here for that. Just thought I'd drop by, say hi and invite you to the party."

Sara's eyebrows soared but Grissom didn't seem to react which surprised her.

"Bit disappointed you didn't tell me the therapy was starting though," Catherine added.

Sara dropped her hand to Grissom's arm. "We didn't tell many and wanted to see how it went before we started spreading the news to the people we want to know. He may not look nervous now but he sure was before it started and keeping it pretty low key was just easier. The less fuss about it the better."

Tipping her head to the side, Catherine looked her friend over.

Noticing, Grissom frowned. "What are you looking at?" he questioned.

She shrugged. "I dunno. First time I've seen you since the hospital and I guess I was expecting something a little more negative. You weren't very happy the last time I saw you."

"Was I that bad?"

He looked up at Sara and she smiled at him. She was glad his memory of that first week was sketchy. It was just full of pain, sadness and seizures.

 _ **5 weeks, 1 day, 1 hour earlier – Hospital room**_

Rubbing her eyes, Sara watched Peter and the nurse check Grissom over. Barely a few minutes before she'd been startled awake by him waking from a nightmare, one that sent him right into a seizure as soon as he woke. She hadn't even had a chance to do anything before he was convulsing. Once she'd hit the emergency button, the hospital staff swiftly filled the room but that didn't help her constant anxiety about his exposed hands.

After Peter reeled off a number of tests he needed done, he turned to Sara. "How did the seizure start?" he asked.

 _Blowing out a breath, Sara stepped closer. "Nightmare," she mumbled. "It happened to quickly, I didn't even have a chance to speak to him._

"Okay," he said understandingly.

"If he keeps doing this he's going to destroy his hands," Sara said seriously now. "We all know how fragile they are. He's never had this many seizures so close together."

"Considering his mindset it's unlikely to stop until his way of thinking does."

Sara didn't like that reply and firmly folded her arms. "Oh, great. That's really going to help his hands if he keeps bashing them around."

Peter held up a hand. "Just bear with us, okay? With his swelling settling we will be deciding tomorrow whether we can cast him. Right now that's probably the safest option we have."

"Oh," Sara muttered. "I guess that's something."

"We won't be able to use slings because of his temperament but casting should at least protect him while he is so prone to seize."

Nodding, she looked at her husband. "Okay," she agreed. "But I am not liking all these seizures. Isn't there something you can do to try and prevent them? A different medication or something?"

Slipping hands into his pockets, Peter step up beside her, watching over the nurse as she checked Grissom's blood pressure.

"Apart from totally sedating him, sadly not." Sara looked at him. "But we could consider that option for a little while if things get any worse. Maybe just until his hands have healed a little more."

Part of Sara didn't like that option while part of her thought maybe it would be for the best. Whether it happened or not …only time would tell.

 _ **Present day**_

"You were pretty bad," Sara acknowledged. "We can talk about it but …."

He thought for a second. "Not sure if I want to know or not."

Sliding down beside him, Sara dropped a hand to his leg. "Don't worry about it now. Enjoy the happiness while it lasts."

"How long will it last?" Catherine asked regaining their attention.

"What?" Sara asked.

She nodded to Grissom. "His euphoria. Or have you just won the lottery?"

"Robert said he'll be pretty mellow for a couple of hours," Sara replied.

"Good," Catherine chirped. "Enough time for me to catch up and talk you into coming to the party."

"I may feel _mellow_ ," Grissom deadpanned, "but I haven't had my brain removed. I'm not sure parties are quite on my 'to do' list yet."

"We'll see," Catherine challenged.

Snorting, Sara got up. "And I'll make coffee while you two duke it out."

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Sara was putting the last few dishes away when Buddy barked then scampered across the living room after his ball. Almost crashing into the dining room table, he grabbed it and ran back to Grissom. Happily sighing, she threw down the dishtowel and thought back upon the day.

It had been so much better than she could have hoped for. Yes, the euphoria from his session had drizzled away after a few hours, but he'd remained more relaxed than she had seen him since…well, she couldn't remember since.

Catherine tried her best to talk him into attending Lindsey's party but he wouldn't commit. The conversation was light and playful but, in the end, Sara made a point of changing the subject before it got too demanding. Pushing him into going out would be a mood changer and none of them wanted that.

Thankfully, Catherine knew enough to let it drop and, instead, wanted details on the hypnotherapy before she left. Grissom didn't seem too concerned about giving anything away so Sara happily explained the process omitting the intimate parts, of course.

Glancing at the clock, Sara grabbed Grissom's medication and headed out to the living room. A ball rolled across the floor soon followed by Buddy racing to retrieve it.

"You know he isn't supposed to play inside," she warned playfully upon reaching him.

He looked at her just as Buddy came sprinting back and ducked between her legs, almost knocking her over, dropping the ball by Grissom's feet and barking, his tail going absolutely crazy.

"Hey!" she called just about managing to keep her balance.

"He's having fun," Grissom complained.

Fighting a smirk, Sara folded her arms. "And so are you by the looks of it. He'll end up wrecking the house if you guys carry on like that."

Buddy barked again, backpedaling before clawing at the floor.

"No, Buddy!" Sara said seriously now and he whined before sitting down. "You'll scratch the wood."

"You're so cute when you're angry."

Eyes narrowing, she stared at her husband although inside she was delighted he was still pretty chilled and happy.

"Careful," she warned. "You wouldn't want me ripping my shirt open."

Eyebrows rising, he threw her an amused look and she laughed. Bending over him, she kissed his lips.

"I'm just happy you're happy but let's take Buddy outside, okay? Not too long though it's been a long day and you haven't napped."

"How I miss kindergarten," he returned.

Pursing her lips, she straightened up and held out her hand. "Come on. Take your pills then we can wear out the monster then go to bed. I don't know about you but I'm looking forward to that."

"Is that when you rip your shirt open?" he asked as she helped him up.

Now she truly giggled. "Maybe. If you play your cards right."

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Walking from the bathroom Sara snickered at Buddy totally out of it at the bottom of the bed. They'd entertained him in the garden for about an hour before coming in to shower and get ready for bed and Sara wasn't sure who was more exhausted - them or the dog.

"I'm surprised he didn't try and get into bed with you," she said, taking her brush from the nightstand and working it through her hair.

"I think he considered it," Grissom replied, pulling his eyes from the book in his reading stand.

Smiling, she then grunted when she found a knot in her hair. "You know," she began, giving it a good tug, "I'm considering changing hair styles. What do you think?"

He shrugged. "If that's what you want."

"Oh, you're a lot of help."

"Sadly, hair styles have never been my level of expertise, dear," he shot back.

Rolling her eyes, she continued to brush. "Well, what do you prefer? You must like some styles more than others."

"I think there is only one hairstyle you've had over the years I was not that keen on."

She stopped and put the brush down. " _Oh?"_ Her eyes narrowed a touch. "Which one?"

He sighed. "Does it really matter?"

"It does now you've said it," Sara replied defensively.

Blowing out a breath, Grissom shrugged. "I…um…guess it was about 10 years ago. During the Cameron and Mandy Klinefeld case. Your hair was very straight and, I wasn't that keen."

Sara blinked and then frowned. " _We weren't even together then_."

"I know. Doesn't mean I didn't always pay attention to how you looked."

Sara wasn't sure whether to feel irritated or amused. It wasn't actually a secret about her feelings for him even all the way back to their very first meeting at the conference. But it had taken him almost 6 years to return her affection, starting the day after Nick had been rescued from his underground prison. True, they'd been getting closer a few weeks prior with breakfast and a drink or two, but it had taken that huge jolt to get his ass in gear.

"So what took you so long to do something about it if you were so busy _looking_?"

His mouth opened but then closed, the immediate answer he was seeking not coming by any means. Their history was more complicated than he really wanted to get into at that point whether he had an answer to her question or not.

"You know it wasn't that simple," he eventually said. "But can we not get into this now? _Please_."

His pleading emphasis on his final word made Sara pause and she bit her lip. An answer to her question after all of these years would have been nice but, yes, now probably wasn't the right time for that conversation. Was it ever?

Maybe one day.

"Okay," she said tenderly, brushing away her feelings (which she had a tendency to do of late) as she squeezed some hand cream into her palm. "How are your shoulders?"

Grissom just stared at her and, when he didn't answer, she frowned at him.

"What?"

He swallowed, guilt washing over him. She deserved an answer, had deserved one for all these years, but any form of talking about himself was just so difficult.

"You," he said softly.

"What about me?" she asked casually, rubbing her hands together.

A long breath left his lips. "I don't deserve you."

Feeling her gut tighten, Sara felt her shoulders slump. The mood certainly seemed to have taken a turn.

"I used to think that," she cautiously admitted, kneeling on the bed.

He watched her every move, his brow slightly furrowing at her words as she took his hand and held it in her own.

"All those years ago when I was trying to get your attention and you'd always push me away," she began with a smile, "do you know how many times I promised myself I'd stop trying?"

"But you never did," he replied quietly.

 _Pursing her lips, she looked down and ran her thumb across the scars on his hand._

" _Nope_ ," she answered, raising her head to look him in the eye. "And the reason I didn't stop, Gil, is because _I love you_. I always have. From the _very_ first day we met. And it's not about whether you _deserve_ me or not it's about that love and whether I _want_ to be here. Whether _we_ want to be together. We've both had our fair share of pissing each other off so it doesn't _all_ lie with you."

A smile crossed his lips. "We sure like making things easy for ourselves, don't we?"

"Did we ever?" she snorted. "But you know something?"

"What?"

"We're having a personal conversation here and you aren't shying away."

His eyebrows soared. "Yeah," he breathed. "I guess you're right."

Releasing his hand, she cupped his cheeks. " _That's good_ ," she chirped. "No matter the context of the conversation. _This is progress_. We're talking."

Now he smiled. "We do love to be personal, don't we?"

Kissing his lips, she giggled into him. "Don't we just."

Softly sighing as she pulled back, their attention was drawn to the end of the bed as a snoring noise became very evident.

"That's a first," Sara laughed. "Poor boy is really tuckered out."

"He's not the only one," Grissom returned.

"Need anything before we go to sleep?" she asked softly.

"A cuddle?"

Sara kissed him again. "I think I can manage that."

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Opening the door, Sara smiled at James as he waited patiently on the porch.

"Sorry for the wait," she apologised to the doctor. "Buddy was out back."

"No worries," he replied. "I guessed as much when I heard him barking."

"Come on in," she urged and he did so. "Yeah, he has a thing lately about wanting to play a lot and he's getting a little big for his boots when he's told to come inside. Not a bad thing I guess since Gil is enjoying it, too."

"I hope he's not getting too big for his boots as well," James laughed.

Snorting, Sara closed the door. "Not quite yet."

James smiled. "How is he?"

"Actually good. Better than I think he's been. Well, since…you know…"

"That's great. Robert said he did really well yesterday which is extremely positive."

Sara nodded and they headed through the house. "I'm sure his positivity has derived from his progress. Hopefully, it will continue physically as well as mentally."

"Let's hope so," James agreed.

Grissom, in his usual spot on the sofa, looked up as he heard James approach.

"Hi, Gil," James greeted getting the usual tail wag from Buddy who got up and went for a pet. "And hello to you," the doctor said, stroking the dog across his back.

"Hi," Grissom returned.

James looked around as Buddy sat by Grissom's feet. "Would you like to do the session in here or is there somewhere else you'd feel more comfortable?"

"In here is fine," Grissom replied. "I may even get to keep my shoes on this time."

Smirking, James placed his case down on the coffee table and took out a pad and pen. "I think we can manage that," he chuckled, looking at Sara.

"Can I get you anything before you start?" she asked, knowing she'd have to leave them to it.

James looked around again, noticing there was already water on the coffee table. "No. I think we're good thanks."

"Okay," she said with a nod. "I'll be in the bedroom if you need me." She pointed across the living room. "Down the corridor, second room on the right."

With the last session seeing Grissom having a seizure she wasn't going to go too far. Hopefully, they wouldn't have a repeat of last time though.

"No problem," James returned, sitting in a chair opposite Grissom. "I'll make sure to call if I need you."

Nodding, Sara squeezed Grissom's shoulder and flashed him a smile. "You'll do great. I know you will."

Inside she was a little worried but not as much as she had been last time. She truly hoped the hypnotherapy had calmed him down a little about talking to James. He certainly didn't seem as nervous.

He nodded back and she left them to it.

"Right, Gil," James began. "Okay to begin?"

Taking a breath, Grissom felt the usual pang of nerves hit his belly and watched Buddy lie down at his feet.

"Yeah," he finally said. "Ready."

 **A/N: Hmmm, did Sara hit a real nerve with Grissom? Not that he probably has many left, loooooooooool! :P**


	19. You're better than this

**A/N: Yay, finally a day off so I can get back to my writing :)**

 **Time for Grissom's next Doc's session and I'm sniffing a little change in the air. Think Evil hat may be lurking… :P**

 **Always, my thanks for all of your reviews and to calim for the great beta :D**

 **On we go…**

Chapter 18

Crossing his legs, James looked right at Grissom.

"Can I ask you something before we start?" Grissom asked.

Trying not to look surprised at the request considering Grissom's reluctance to talk from the previous sessions, James nodded. "Of course. That's why I'm here after all."

Grissom cleared his throat. "I was just wondering if it's necessary for me to be talking to two doctors. You know…you _and_ Robert? Won't I be repeating myself?"

"That's a very valid question," James agreed. "I can understand why you may feel at this point it's unnecessary but I can assure you it's not. I am happy to explain if you want me too."

Nodding, Grissom looked down at Buddy as he repositioned himself and dropped his chin onto his shoe.

"Robert's level of expertise is within hypnotherapy. He is here to help you release _all_ of those thoughts and fears inside you that you can't get out without help. But he isn't skilled to help you analyse them and help you to move past them. That's why I'm here. He will free your thoughts and I will guide you in how to cope with them."

"Okay," Grissom breathed. "Silly question, I guess."

James shook his head. "Not at all. Your point is very valid and I'm happy you had the courage to ask." As Grissom's brow pinched, James watched him. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"I, um…," Grissom began, licking his lips, "…was wondering if it was possible to move the sessions closer together. Just seems a little silly having to wait to speak to you once I've seen Robert. Wouldn't it make more sense to do it right afterwards? I mean…if I do manage to open up, talking to you right away should technically give me more of a benefit, no?" James smiled and Grissom frowned again. " _What_?" he questioned.

"You are just a little keener now for progress than the last time we spoke."

Grissom shrugged. "I suppose I was a little sceptical about hypnotherapy. It seemed to go a lot better than I expected. And…actually made me feel pretty good."

"Don't forget you have only just begun," James warned. "You haven't really covered anything yet apart from admitting the source of your fears."

"I know," Grissom sighed. "But if I'm going to do this I'd rather get it done with as quickly as possible. These thoughts…are not nice to live with."

James held up a finger. "And we have another admittance," he said scribbling on his pad. " _Fabulous_." Grissom blinked not even realising. "I don't think we've technically started yet and we've already made more progress than we usually do."

Now Grissom laughed. "I guess we have."

"I will speak to Robert later and see if we can move our schedules around so we can both see you on the same day. I won't be able to see you immediately after he does because for one, we won't know your mood. If things go well, you could be happier than a lamb, if things don't, you might not want to speak to me at all. You will need some time to get your brain back to a state of normality. And two, he'll need to update me on your session and what has happened during it so we can talk about it. We could probably do it three to four hours later but I wouldn't suggest we do it any sooner."

"I guess that makes sense," Grissom agreed.

James nodded. " _Good_. I will organise it. So, ready to _really_ begin?" A swift nod came from Grissom so James continued. "I can already gather that you are a little more confident within yourself," he said, "just by the way you're talking to me. So tell me how you're feeling. Right now."

"That's a rather broad question," Grissom returned.

Not arguing, James rephrased. "Okay. Are you nervous?"

"A little bit."

"But not as much as before?"

Grissom's head shook. "Not yet."

"Good. Tell me how you felt before the hypnosis session began."

"A little nervous. Slightly curious, I suppose."

James continued to write notes. " _Just a little nervous_?"

Inhaling a long breath, Grissom nodded. "Yeah. Not as much as I thought I would be."

Thinking for a second, James carefully analysed Grissom's comments as well as his posture. He could feel a certain change within his patient and see one also. He wasn't physically as tense as their previous encounter.

"Something positive has certainly happened since we last spoke," James devised. "Something that really has helped your confidence. Made you feel better within yourself. Maybe even a little more open to allowing yourself to make decisions." Grissom felt his eye twitch. "Would you like to tell me what that is?"

Grissom could feel the heat in his cheeks rising. He knew exactly why his mood had changed but talking about his love life while in a trance was, no doubt, easier than in reality.

"Um," he stumbled, looking down at the water.

Getting the message, James didn't push and poured Grissom some water, getting up and allowing him to take a drink before retaking his seat.

"It's…kind of personal," Grissom finally said as James patiently waited.

"Most of the things we discuss will be," James countered.

Chewing on his lip, Grissom breathed in deeply, looking down at Buddy again. This was still hard no matter how much he tried to not let it be.

"I need you to trust me, Gil, okay?" Raising his head, he locked eyes with James. "Did you trust Robert when he met with you?" Grissom nodded. "Then I need you to try and have the same confidence in me. I know it's not as easy but remember nothing we talk about leaves this room unless you want it to. And you don't need to be embarrassed because a lot of the emotions you will be feeling may lead you to think that way."

A nod came as Grissom swallowed the small lump in his throat. "Okay," he quietly said, breathing deeply one more time.

"And keep doing that," James suggested.

Grissom frowned. "What?"

"Taking deep breaths. It will help to keep you calm and control your nerves."

"I didn't even realise I was."

James smiled. "No doubt it has derived from the hypnosis session but it's not a bad thing. So, do you think you can answer my question?"

"I…Sara and I…well…reconnected," Grissom stuttered.

Although he didn't want to create a big fuss about the obvious meaning to that, James still needed to dig a little deeper. "How did it happen?" he asked casually.

Grissom's eyebrows rose. "I'm not sure what you mean by…"

"I'm not looking for intimate details," James replied quickly. "I meant the situation. How did it come about? Who made the first move?" Again Grissom paused so James tried his best to keep the flow going. "This may feel a little silly to you, Gil, but it's really important to know of these facts. A simple action can mean so much to your progress."

"I guess Sara did."

James could feel Grissom's decisiveness slipping again, his positive answers dwindling. He needed to get him back to being certain with his replies.

"Tell me what happened?"

Closing his eyes for a second, another breath of air filled Grissom's lungs. Oh, he'd kill to clench his fingers right about now.

"Take your time," James urged. "There is no hurry."

"I was in bed reading," Grissom began, his eyes opening, "and Sara was getting undressed. She…um…disrobed and I…" He paused again.

"You were attracted," James said to make it easier. Grissom nodded. "When was the last time you felt that urge?"

"That night he came," Grissom replied without hesitation this time.

Good. A quick and decisive answer. It made James smile inside. "Basderic?"

" _Yes_."

James's eye twitched in thought. "And did you have relations that night?"

Grissom felt his chest heave, a slight and unpleasant chill washing down his spine. "He watched us," he whispered. "We didn't know he was there."

Oh, that was a new piece of information. Other pieces immediately began to fall into place.

"What did Sara do next, Gil?" James asked swiftly, the need to keep the conversation going important if it led to what he suspected it would.

"She approached me, knew I was staring at her. She sat down, asked me what I wanted."

"And what did you say?"

Shaking his head, Grissom looked away for a second. Yes, he was embarrassed by the conversation but he had to try and trust James. "I…I said I didn't know."

"But you did." Grissom looked back at the doctor and slowly nodded. "And what did you want?" James braved.

"Her."

Although Grissom's response was quiet, James was so pleased he actually answered. "I think that was quite possibly your first step into defeating your demon."

Another frown perched Grissom's brow. "How?" he asked confused.

"I am going to be more personal now but _I need_ you to be very honest with me if I ask you another question. Can you do that?"

Grissom's gut tightened at that question and he took a moment and a deep breath, then nodded. He wasn't sure, though, if he _would_ actually answer.

"Have you been afraid of making love to your wife?"

Closing his eyes, Grissom breathed. In, out, in out, hoping, praying that monster didn't flash into his thoughts. "Yes," he whispered.

"Because you were ashamed."

Grissom's eyes popped open so fast it was almost scary. Some men may have taken a step back at the glare but James felt no intimidation.

"A man imprisoned you, hurt you, wanted to _destroy you_. He invaded your intimacy with Sara. Such a sacred and private thing for a man and woman to share," James began. "And, although he's dead, I suspect you feared he could still be watching in here." James tapped the side of his head. "Do you feel guilty that that happened? That he was allowed to invade your personal lives like that and you couldn't do anything about it? Do you blame yourself?"

Whisking his hand across his knee, Grissom looked around the room. This wasn't something he or Sara had discussed since it happened. Maybe she wanted to but he didn't know. The thought of it made him feel sick.

"Can we change the subject?"

"No," James hit right back although calmly and Grissom's head shot back around to him. "We don't need to because your mannerisms answered the question for you and we're almost done anyway."

Sighing, Grissom slumped down a bit. "Almost _isn't_ changing the subject."

" _And this is what I'm talking about_ ," James countered. " _Confidence_ , Gil. You are arguing with me. A few days ago, you wouldn't say boo to a goose. Do you understand what I'm getting at?" Grissom looked confused again. "Your ability to reunite with Sara has given you back some of the confidence he took from you through your ordeal and on that night. Because _he did_. He took your confidence in _being a man_. Your confidence in being able to _protect_ your wife. It means you are now fighting him. The fear…the shame…the guilt…scars he has left, physically and mentally…you are finding the strength to try and heal them. And this possibly helped you to feel less nervous about the hypnotherapy as well. That first giant step towards progress you have now taken."

Grissom wasn't sure what to say even if James was right. It was extremely hard for him to think about not being able to protect Sara from that bastard. Their whole world, in every way shape and form had been invaded.

 _It hurt_.

He had always had control…

James felt that his patient was feeling a little down now so a change in subject certainly needed to happen.

"Tell me about the hypnotherapy," he requested softly.

Swallowing, Grissom felt his throat had become dry again but couldn't be bothered asking for more water. He wasn't in the mood for much more chit chat either.

"Don't you already know," he said unenthusiastically.

Crossing his legs, James sat back. "I'd still like you to talk about it."

Blowing out a frustrated breath, Grissom stood up, groaning slightly at the sudden ache in his leg. Buddy immediately stood up.

"I've had enough," he replied sharply. "Sessions over. You can tell Sara I'm out back."

Blinking in surprise at Grissom's sudden personality change, he watched him limp across the room and head outside. Half tempted to follow after him, he decided not to. It was the patient's call when the session would end and pushing him would achieve nothing but negative feelings, especially since he'd certainly hit a very sensitive nerve.

After writing down a few notes, James got up and sought out the bedroom. Eventually finding it, he poked his head inside, saw Sara reading, and softly rapped his knuckles against the door.

Looking up from her book Sara frowned. "Is everything all right?" she quickly asked, putting the book down and heading towards the doctor.

"We're done," he said.

Another frown came and she looked at her watch. " _Already?"_

He nodded. "Gil requested it so I respected his wishes."

" _Why? What happened_?" James just looked at her and Sara frustratingly rolled her eyes. " _Fine. Where is he_?"

"He went out back. Go to him and I'll see myself out. You can call me if he needs anything because I doubt he'll want to speak to me again today."

Feeling a mixture of confusion and panic, Sara wasted no time and rushed past James. Heading through the house, she hurried out the back door, half covering her eyes against the sun pelting down on her face.

As her eyes adjusted, she could see him sitting on the bench, his back to her. Starting toward him, she slowed when she heard something. It sounded like…. Her eyes briefly closed and a lump formed in her throat. She stepped toward him, seeing his shoulders sharply rising and falling and knelt between his parted feet.

"Oh, Gil," she whispered, her heart weeping for him.

Cautiously, she raised her arms hoping he wouldn't flip out if she tried to comfort him. As her hands found his shoulders, he raised his head. She cringed at the pain she saw in his eyes and found her own tears begin to fall.

"Come," she urged. Not waiting for a reply, she pulled him to her and held him tightly. "It's okay," she reassured lovingly, gently rubbing hands up and down his back.

Thankfully, he nestled his head into her neck and didn't pull away.

What had they been talking about to get him in this state?

" _I'm sorry_ ," he cried, trying to cling onto her but didn't do so well and ended up just using his arms.

Sara blinked. Why was he apologizing? His tone made her nervous. He certainly wasn't apologizing for his current state.

"Hey, shush," she soothed, running her hand through the hair at the back of his neck. " _You don't have anything to be sorry for_."

" _I do_ ," he argued. "It's all my fault."

She didn't know what to do or say because she didn't know what he was talking about but as Buddy got up and let out a soft whine Sara's heart strummed an extra beat and she knew the situation needed defusing _now_ or she'd be contending with a lot more than her husband crying on her shoulder.

Pulling back, she lifted his head and cupped his cheeks. " _Gil, look at me_." His chin quivered and he shook his head. "Baby, if you don't let me help you then you _will_ have a seizure. I know it hurts right now but I'm really sure you _don't_ want that and I know I certainly don't."

Was he going to come around or did she tell Buddy to bring medication? She wasn't entirely sure he'd get back in time though. Thankfully, Grissom opened his eyes.

" _That's it_ ," she said with a smile, whisking her thumb across his tear stained cheeks. "Whatever's happened _I need you to just listen to me_. We can talk about it later if you want to but _right now_ , I need you to clear your mind and _breathe_. Just like you did in your hypnotherapy. Go to the happy place, baby, and _breathe_."

Sara didn't know if this would work. If she could've crossed her fingers she would've but, at that point, it was all she could think of to calm him down in the quickest way possible. That was if he listened.

Feeling his body rise as he took a deep breath in, Sara smiled again. " _That's right_ ," she encouraged. "Nice deep breaths. In and…out. Just keep looking at me and clear your mind."

"Don't…know if…I can," he staggered between breaths.

Knowing she really had to get him inside, Sara slid her hands down to his arms. "We're going in, okay? You really need to lie down and take some medication. _Don't_ let him beat you, Gil. You are stronger than this."

Closing his eyes again, Grissom continued to breathe deeply. "Has… _he_ gone?"

Sara knew he was talking about James and again her brain wondered what had caused this to happen. "Yes, he's gone."

"Okay," Grissom agreed.

Blowing out a sigh of relief, Sara stood and slowly pulled him up with her. Thankfully, he helped.

"Try not to look up, okay?" she said, wrapping an arm around his waist. "The sun is very bright and any little thing could set you off right now."

He didn't argue and allowed Sara to lead him back into the house. As quickly as she thought safe, she took him into their bedroom. Buddy stuck close, following them to the bed.

"Down," she said to Grissom, guiding him backwards onto the bed and lifting his legs to make the task a little easier.

Pulling off his shoes, she watched him close his eyes as his head hit the pillow.

"Watch him," she whispered to Buddy before dashing into the bathroom.

Returning a few seconds later with water and pills, she put the glass on the nightstand then knelt on the bed. Slipping a hand under his neck, she raised him up slightly.

"Take these."

Not arguing, Grissom stuck out his tongue and took the pills with more urgency than he normally would. He physically didn't have any strength to argue though.

Lowering him down, Sara put the glass on the nightstand and whisked fingers through his hair. He had no idea she'd given him sleeping pills as well as his normal meds and although torn by her choice, she was sure that was the best thing for him right now. The safest thing. He would normally refuse to take them even if he couldn't sleep but on this occasion she wasn't giving him the option.

Grabbing a blanket, she laid it across him and carefully took his hand. By no means was she expecting this today not after he'd done so well yesterday. This whole confidentiality shit was pissing her off. It didn't make any sense. She could sit in on the hypnotherapy but not on his regular session? Robert could discuss his findings with James but not the other way around? But then James could talk to Robert?

Damn, this was so frustrating!

Her head hurt thinking about it. She was sick of all the secrecy.

It was stupid.

"I'm sorry," Grissom murmured.

Snapping out of her thoughts, Sara leaned close and kissed him on the cheek. "No more apologies," she ordered. " _Relax. Sleep_."

"Hmmmm," came his reply before his breathing levelled out and silence filled the room.


	20. They were so similar

**A/N: Back with another chappy finally. Sorry for the delay. Work work work and not much else. So thanks for your patience.**

 **I'm sensing a little opening up coming up as well as a few other things. Time to revisit a few things from the past that were never really covered I think so I'm excited with the fic at the moment. I just hope you like what's to come :)**

 **Thanks as always to calim for a great beta and all of your suggestions and to everyone who leaves a review, I am very grateful.**

 **On we go…**

Chapter 19

About half an hour after Grissom had gone to sleep, which happened very swiftly after his head hit the pillow, the phone rang. Sara considered moving out of the bedroom but quickly dismissed the idea. The pills she'd given him had knocked him out and she really didn't want to leave him.

Grabbing the phone, she looked at the screen. Catherine.

"This isn't a great time," Sara sighed.

There was silence for a moment. "What's happened?" Catherine asked sincerely.

Blowing out a breath and sitting in a chair by the window, Sara shrugged to herself. "I'm not entirely sure."

"Come on, spill," Catherine urged.

"His session with the doctor didn't go so well," Sara admitted. "I found him in a blubbering heap in the garden."

" _Oh, jeez_. No idea why?"

" _Nope_ ," Sara said bitterly. "And I'm getting pissed off with the secrecy. I swear I'm going to lose my mind."

" _Did he say anything_?"

Sara sighed again, shuffling around to face the bed, watching as Buddy lifted his head to look at her before plopping it back onto his paws.

"He just kept apologizing. Saying it was all his fault."

"Well, that narrows it down," Catherine remarked.

" _Exactly_ ," Sara said, shaking her head. " _What am I going to do, Cath_? One minute I think he's progressing so well and then we end right back up at square one. And how am I supposed to help him if I don't know what the hell is going on? But I haven't seen him like this before. This is _different_."

"How?"

"I don't know," Sara admitted. "It just feels… If I knew why he was apologizing then maybe I could do something about it. _I feel so damn helpless_."

"Did he have a seizure?"

"No," Sara answered. "Thank, God. Luckily I talked him around and got him straight to bed."

"Well that's something," Catherine pointed out. "If he's starting to control the levels of stress in his brain then that's still progress."

Running a hand through her hair, Sara sat back. "Maybe but it doesn't stop him from being an emotional wreck again."

"What are you going to do? Are you going to try talking to him?"

"I guess so. Not sure what else I can do although he still doesn't seem too keen on talking much."

"Well," Catherine began, "he'll probably tell you one way or the other."

Sara frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Don't you think his conversation with the Doctor will come up in his hypnotherapy sessions?"

As her eyes worked in a circle, Sara cleared her throat. "Possibly," she mumbled actually unsure although her heart was strumming a little faster now.

These secrets her husband hid, Basderic related or not, made her nervous when they shouldn't. Surely he wasn't hiding something that she shouldn't know about. Right?

"I suppose it really depends what Robert asks him. His conversation is guided."

"I would think Robert would bring this up," Catherine returned. "Especially the way whatever it is seems to be affecting him."

About to answer, Sara suddenly felt a little bile rise in her throat and then her stomach seemed to turn and not in a good way.

"Um, Cath I need to go. Suddenly feel a little queasy."

"That's because you're stressing. Go and get some rest but please call me later and let me know how things are."

Getting up, Sara nodded to herself. "I will. Bye."

Putting the phone down, she held a hand over her stomach in an attempt to quash the uneasiness brewing and kicked off her shoes before approaching the bed. Managing a smile at her husband's tranquil look she slipped in beside him and closed her eyes. He was the one who usually got the migraines but for once, she suspected the honors would be hers.

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

As the unconscious merged with the conscious, Sara swallowed, her throat feeling like a bag of straw. As far as she was concerned, today could do one no matter what time it was. And she had no idea what time it was as her eyes opened onto a darker room, darker than it had been when she collapsed into bed. Panic hit then, and she sprang upright, her head turning only to see an empty space beside her and her heart hit her throat.

Looking at her watch, she blinked in shock seeing it was almost 6pm. _How the fuck was it that time?_ Worse, where was Grissom?

"Jesus," she murmured, throwing back the covers.

Getting up, she checked the bathroom then hurried from the room. God, she felt like shit, both physically and mentally.

'Please be okay' ran through her head for she had absolutely no idea where he was or how long he'd been gone. This wasn't usual. If they were in bed together he rarely left before she did even if he woke first, at least, not since they'd returned home.

Hurrying through the house, her footsteps slowed when she heard the TV. A deep frown creased her brow when she recognized the voice. It was her own. Inhaling deeply, she quietly entered the lounge.

Grissom was sitting in front of the TV, watching their wedding video. She stopped. Even during their break up she hadn't found the courage to actually watch it even though she'd slipped it into the DVD player a few times. So, what had prompted this? And how had he managed to load it?

He seemed to be okay. Or was he?

Nervously, she approached him. He looked at her as she paused beside him but said nothing. Swallowing hard, she silently sat beside him, nipping her lip as she turned her attention to the TV. There he was, dressed in that beautiful white suit saying his vows. The sentiment in his voice always sent a shiver through her and did the same now.

Reaching for his hand, she lifted it then noticed his fingers were a bit more swollen than usual, no doubt caused by trying to get the DVD into the player. She pursed her lips and forced herself to remain quiet. Now was not the time to remind him what a risk he'd taken; that the pain easily could've sent him into a seizure. Instead, she just held his hand in her lap then looked him in the eyes.

"How long have you been up?" she asked softly.

He clicked his lips together. "A little while," he replied quietly.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"You looked so peaceful and you don't often sleep in the day. I figured you needed the rest."

A weak smile hit her lips. "So many reasons to say yes to that," she replied and silence enveloped them until she lifted her free hand and held it against his cheek. " _Are you okay_?"

Slowly, he nodded. "I will be."

Dropping her hand from his cheek, she picked up the remote and turned off the DVD then turned down the volume on the TV.

"Do you want to talk? No pressure. _Only_ if you want to."

She kept focused on his eyes, expecting him to say no. When he nodded, her heart kicked up a notch and her throat clenched. Clearing it, she smiled, truly this time, then nodded.

"Okay," she said. "Good."

"Would you mind getting me something to drink first?" he asked.

"Sure," she said swiftly.

A twang of nerves hit her. He _actually_ wanted to talk. Although she didn't know what he would talk about it still made her nervous.

"I think some pain relief as well?" she suggested, lifting his hand a little.

"Yeah," he whispered. "Thanks."

Smiling a little brighter, Sara got up and Buddy stood also. Assuming he'd need to go out, she looked back at Grissom. "Call if you need me okay? I'm going to let him outside."

"I will."

Quickly letting Buddy out, she returned to Grissom with a choice – juice or water. He was watching the news as she sat the tray down, barely getting out of the way as Buddy came racing back into the room.

"Flash floods tomorrow," he said.

She froze as she picked up the bottle of water. "Oh, my favorite," she retorted lightheartedly.

He actually smiled and that warmed her inside. Returning his smile, she poured some water and then some juice, looking back at him.

"Juice please," he said.

Choosing water for herself, she sat down next to him.

"What did you first think when you woke up in the helicopter?" he asked.

Totally not expecting that, Sara did a double take then frowned at him. She'd never spoken much about her ordeal just like he hadn't about his own. Yes, she'd given a statement but none of her personal feelings were ever part of the mix. Even the two of them hadn't talked about it either. She'd up and left before she'd had the courage to want to talk about it and he'd never brought it up afterwards.

Damn, they were so similar. She probably had as many secrets as he did.

"So, you want to talk about me?" she queried, still surprised this subject had come up now.

His chin twitched, a slight shrug hitting his shoulders. "We've never really talked about it much," he said. "And…" Pausing, he sighed. "I've always thought about it, you know. How much you were hurt by what she did. By what I did."

" _Hey, no_ ," she said quickly, shifting around so she could cup his cheeks with her hands. " _Don't ever say that. Do you understand me_? What that psychopath did was _not_ your fault."

"She did it because of me," he argued.

" _And Basderic did what he did because of me_ ," she hit back firmly and he blinked hard.

Closing her eyes, she sighed then lowered her hands.

"Look," she began, reopening her eyes, "if you want to talk, let's talk, but I don't ever want to hear you blaming yourself for what happened with either Natalie or Basderic. We can discuss _whatever_ you want but, please, promise me you won't say that again. I _don't_ blame you, Gil. _I never have and I never will_."

Another thought sprang to mind and it made her stomach turn. " _Do you blame me_?" she dared to ask in a shaky voice.

Could that be way he wouldn't talk to her?

"No," he said softly.

Letting out a silent breath of relief, she believed him. His eyes told her he was telling the truth and she usually knew when he was lying to her which, in all honesty, he rarely did.

"Then promise me," she appealed, her hand giving his the slightest squeeze.

Nodding, his tongue ran over his lip. "In the conscious world," he said.

She snorted. Under hypnotherapy his promise may be broken but she couldn't do much about that.

"Good enough," she replied. "So, you still want to talk about me?"

"It may help me to talk about me," he said. "But if you can't I'll understand."

Her eyebrows rose a touch. "It's been a long time you know. Over six years."

He nodded again. "I know. I still remember it like it was yesterday though. It's not often you feel fear like that."

Okay they were talking and he was talking about fear. Technically, this was good and Sara was curious how far this may take them. If she had to sacrifice some of her hidden fears to help him release his then she'd try. It was just as hard for her though as it was for him so she wasn't sure how good she would be at this.

"Was the fear the same as it was with Basderic?" she asked.

His head shook. "No," he replied quietly. "Fearing for someone else is very different to fearing for yourself."

"Yeah," she said softly. "I agree with you there."

A small smile caught his lips. "You know just like I do." She nodded. "The helplessness on both parts isn't good."

"No," she agreed. "It's not. It grinds inside you."

Taking in a deep breath, Sara had another quick drink of water and then prepared herself, keeping her eyes on the coffee table.

"I wasn't sure if I'd make it, you know. When that water was rising…" She looked back at him. "And then when I couldn't get out of the desert, it all seemed so hopeless."

"But you kept going," he encouraged.

"Yeah. I don't like giving up. Until…" She frowned, remembering back. "I had such a headache. The sun was so bright. I kept falling over." She pressed a finger into her temple. "Everything just started spinning and that was it. And then… _you_. I thought I was dreaming at first."

"And when you knew you weren't, how did you feel?"

"Tired. Scared."

"Tell me why you were scared?" he asked, his voice slightly cracking.

She shrugged. "Mainly what I'd been through. I worried that Natalie was still out there and would come back. Everything was flashing so quickly through my brain right before I passed out again. It was all a jumble."

He slowly nodded, understanding what she was talking about. "It was strange for me," he began. "That first time I woke up I had no idea what was going on." He snorted. "Didn't even know I was in Vegas."

"I know," Sara whispered.

"But _that_ night," Grissom continued, his eyes closing and a huge lump forming in his throat, "when it all came back…"

His voice shook as a long gust of air escaped his lips.

" _Breathe, Gil_ ," Sara urged.

"I wish I hadn't remembered," he whimpered, eyes opening and glassing over. "And I'm sorry I couldn't protect you."

Sara's lips parted and she deeply frowned at his words.

"I've been trying to bury it but when James brought it up, I…"

So that's what had upset him. She had to be calm about this and understand the way he was feeling.

"Tell me why you feel like that," she invited softly.

He sniffed and tried to fight back the tears. "I couldn't stop him. He watched us. He…hurt you."

Her lips felt dry as she sucked on them. "I couldn't stop him either," Sara challenged. "And he hurt you, too. Much more than me. And what really pains me the most, Gil, he hurt you _because of me_."

A tear slipped down his cheek and she reached up and swiped it away.

"I think about that _every single day_. It eats at me. It _hurts_. If it wasn't for me you wouldn't be in this state." Sara heard the deep breath he sucked in but was thankful his eyes were clearing. "And do you know what keeps me going?" She leaned close, her eyes focused right on his. " _You_. _You're strength_ to get through this because any other man would have given up by now." Her head tipped from side to side. "And because I love you. And…because _I'm sorry_."

The lump in Grissom's throat felt like a lead balloon. "You don't need to be sorry," he whispered.

With a quaint smile, Sara rested her forehead on his. " _And neither do you_. And what he did, it _won't_ beat us _or_ change how we feel about each other. And you _will_ beat him and one day…he'll be gone forever."

"Will you beat him, too?" Grissom countered.

Leaning back, a long sigh came from Sara. "Let's beat him together." After a moment of thought, Grissom nodded. "No more apologies, okay?"

"As long as that works for the both of us."

Sara nodded. "Agreed."

"Okay," he said quietly.

She smiled. "Feel a little better now?"

"Yeah. Thank you for listening and…for sharing."

"I hope we get to share more," Sara encouraged but knew this would be a good place to stop rather than pushing it too far. "And whenever you feel like talking again you just let me know."

"I will," he said sincerely.

Sara smiled again and just as she did, Grissom's stomach rumbled. "You must be starving. You haven't eaten since breakfast."

He shrugged. "I can't say I've been thinking much about food."

She kissed him. "You need to eat and then it's telling off time."

"For what?" he asked frowning. Carefully, she lifted his hand and his mouth opened. "Oh."

"Hmmm," she mumbled, then gave him another soft kiss before getting up. "I'll make dinner and while I do, you can think of a way to sweet talk me out of chewing your butt off."

His lips pursed and Sara was so happy to see he was relaxing.

"Then I better get to thinking."

 **A/N: I always wanted to revisit the Dead Doll time. Now seemed like a good opportunity to do so :) Do they both have secrets? We will find out… probably :P**


	21. Frightening Experiences

**A/N: Hey guys. Here we go with a new chapter. The title for the episode secrets and lies kinda popped into my head while I was writing the next few chapters. Hope that's not a bad sign :P Let's see shall we…**

 **Thank you as always to calim for the great beta and to everyone who has sent me a review. They all make me smile :)**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 20

The soft warm glide of his breath as it breezed across her throat. That gentle, contented sound in her ear.

She loved that feeling.

Working her fingers through his hair as he lay sleeping, his head against her chest, Sara sighed softly. Considering how the day had started, the end of it had flipped completely around. He'd turned from an emotional wreck into a confider and, unexpectedly, so had she. And their evening had been pretty nice, too. Well, better than the morning had been.

Sara made dinner. Neither of them ate a great deal but no arguments were made on either side. Instead, they settled in front of the TV, Grissom asking her if she'd like to watch their wedding video. She beamed at the offer. Their union in Costa Rica had been a quiet affair and she couldn't have asked for anything more.

The sound of the ocean, the crisp, clean air, the light, southerly breeze and the sun shining down upon them. It was like being at the end of the earth without a worry in sight. She was so glad they'd hired someone to record their moment though. Because in sad times or happy times, it was good to reflect on how lucky you were and are.

While Grissom had a bath, Sara called Catherine back to update her on things and she'd insisted upon taking them to the hospital tomorrow. Sara couldn't be bothered to argue and just texted Brass to explain he wouldn't be needed.

Suddenly, the lights flickered and Sara's eyes caught a flash through the curtains, a quiet rumble of thunder following not long afterwards. She breathed in heavily. So many things were now occupying her thoughts and Grissom had certainly stirred some emotions within her that she thought she'd managed to bury away never to be visited again. It seemed she was wrong.

They'd both been through such frightening experiences.

 **September 28** **th** **2007 – Desert Palms Hospital**

White noise filled her ears. Bright lights attacked her eyes as they opened, rolled, closed then opened again. She couldn't swallow. Her throat was dry. No, it felt like she'd swallowed razor blades. Her face was burning and her ears ringing. She was hot then cold.

Sara's world was fuzzy and, as the gurney crashed through a door and into a cubicle, the only thing on her mind was Grissom. He'd been holding her hand but now he wasn't.

Where was he?

"Sara, can you hear me?"

Her head tipped to the side, vision still hazy as she looked for Grissom.

" _Sara, I'm Doctor Porter, can you hear me_?"

She was being leaned forwards. A chill ran through her as clothes were removed but then she felt so hot again.

Hands all over her.

More talking.

Blah…blah…blah…blah…

A hand appeared at her face and her head tipped forwards as the oxygen masked was removed. Oh, she didn't like the light that was suddenly shining in her eyes.

Get it away.

"Sara?" the doctor urgently asked again.

Tipping her head away she saw him then and their eyes met. He looked so distraught and she wasn't going to look away for anything. Mustering up all the energy she could find, Sara managed to lift her hand, doing her best to hold it in his direction.

Grissom looked around as the medical staff worked on her and slowly stepped forwards, receiving a hand in the chest from a nurse who stopped him in his tracks.

" _She needs me_ ," he said hoarsely but with authority. "And she might talk to you if I'm with her. _She's been through so much_."

The nurse looked at the doctor who glanced their way and, as he wasn't having much luck in getting Sara to communicate, nodded and Grissom was let through. Quickly, he was by Sara's side and holding her hand with as much delicate care as he had in the helicopter.

"It's okay," his reassuring words came, his tone gentle but obviously worried. "Try and relax. _I'm here_ and they're only trying to help you."

Sara's surprisingly strong grip on his hand was welcome and he let her cling on as tightly as she wanted. No doubt she was scared to death with all the activity around her.

"Can you tell me how much pain you're in, Sara?" the doctor asked.

Blinking drearily, Sara kept her eyes on Grissom but answered. "Tired," she whispered.

"I understand," the doctor said. "And I promise you can sleep soon. I just need to know where you have any pain."

Grissom's eyes flicked around as numerous machines were attached to her, her heart rate extremely high once the beeping began. She'd been given painkillers in the helicopter, but no one knew how much she was still hurting.

Sara let out a long breath before sucking on her dry and cracked bottom lip. "Headache," she mumbled. "And my arm feels…pulled, sore...heavy."

"May I check your eyes?"

Smiling at her, Grissom gave a nod of encouragement to help her along and her head tipped towards the doctor, the faintest nod coming from her. She blinked as the light was again shining into her left eye and then the right.

"A little dilated," the doctor reeled off to the nurse beside him. "What's her temperature?" he asked pulling back.

"102.2," the nurse answered.

 _High_. Everyone knew it but not really surprising.

"Let's up a little on the liquids and get some more ice packs," he said before returning his attention to Sara. "We're going to make you as comfortable as we can, okay? And then we need to get you down to radiology."

 **Present**

Another boom of thunder brought Sara's world back to the present and she dropped her hand onto Grissom's back, holding onto him. It was not fun remembering and now there were so many _other_ things to think about as well.

She sighed.

It wasn't long after her MRI and X-rays that she found herself in surgery to repair the break to her arm. She couldn't remember much about what happened in the middle since she was drifting in and out of consciousness the whole time. What she did remember was that Grissom was there until the surgery doors closed and there when she woke up later. That she'd never forget.

Her eyes flicked to the clock. 3am. She should try and get some sleep. Grissom had his first physio session in a few hours and she was just hoping he would be up to it and not postpone. He shouldn't considering how their day had ended but she was tired of trying to predict anything.

But she hoped physio would give them something to change the repetitiveness of how their days went. Goals. A path towards using his hands again. Last time, he'd taken it in stride and she hoped it would be the same this time. It would help him in so many ways to have back his independence both physically and mentally.

Running fingers through his hair one more time, Sara reached up and flicked off the lamp, closing her eyes as another bang of thunder came.

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Sitting in the kitchen, Grissom concentrated on getting the oatmeal on his spoon while Sara, lost in thought, sipped on some orange juice. Looking up from his bowl, Grissom stared at her.

"Are you going to eat something?" Sara didn't answer and he frowned. " _Sara_?"

She looked up. "Huh? Did you say something?"

"I asked if you were going to eat something," he repeated.

Screwing up her nose, Sara shook her head. "Not very hungry."

" _Are you all right_?" he asked concerned.

"Yeah," she said swiftly, putting her juice down. "Why?"

"Apart from the fact you look a little pale, you seem totally in another world this morning."

Faking a smile, Sara reached to top off his juice glass. "I'm fine. Just didn't sleep very well."

Lowering his hand to the table and resting his spoon on the plate, he continued to stare at her. "Were you worrying about me? Is that why you couldn't sleep?"

Putting the jug down she raised her head to meet his stare. "Partly," she admitted. "Just… a lot on my mind and don't forget I did sleep away most of yesterday."

His eye twitched. "Want to talk about what's on your mind?"

Smiling again, she got up and he kept eye contact as she drew close, leaned in and kissed him. "I'm fine," she repeated. "You have enough to worry about today."

Before he could force the subject, she grabbed her cell and patted her leg for Buddy. "I'm just going to let him out before I get you washed and dressed."

Frowning as she walked away, Grissom worked his jaw. Something just wasn't sitting right in his stomach about the way Sara was acting.

Heading out the back, Sara made sure she'd stepped away from the doorway before activating her phone. Watching Buddy running across the garden, she waited for an answer.

"Donald Moore," eventually came the response.

"Hey, Donald," Sara greeted, running a hand through her hair. "It's Sara Sidle."

Grissom's attention was pulled from watching the doorway to the garden when the inside phone rang. Tempted to get up and try to answer it, he decided against it. He couldn't hold it so why try?

He needn't have worried because Sara hurried back in, Buddy at her heels, managing to pick up the phone before it stopped ringing.

"Hello?" she gasped, trying to catch her breath.

"Hi, Sara, it's James."

"Oh," she breathed, leaning against the counter and looking at Grissom. "Hey."

"Thought I'd call to see how Gil was as I didn't hear from you yesterday."

"He's okay," she said softly. "We had a good talk and it certainly helped."

"That's great," James beamed.

Inside, Sara wanted to say a lot more to the doctor about how she was feeling about the situation but now wasn't the time.

"Yeah. Maybe Gil will tell you about it next time he sees you."

Grissom frowned wondering who she was talking to.

"We'll see, I guess. Do you want to talk to him?"

"That's up to him really."

Nodding, Sara walked to her husband. "I'll ask him, hang on," she said before holding the phone against her chest. "It's James asking how you are." Grissom swallowed. "Would you like to speak to him?"

After a little thought, Grissom shook his head. "Not today. I'd rather do it in the next session."

"Okay," she said, understanding his reasons. She really didn't want anything to upset him today. "He said he'll speak to you at the next session," she told James.

"No problem," he answered. "At least he's willing to continue. I will call you later about the time since we'll be moving his hypnotherapy session to the same day as mine at Gil's request."

Sara blinked. "Oh. I didn't know that but, okay, just let me know and I'll tell him."

"Will do. Talk to you later."

"Bye," Sara said, hanging up and looking at Grissom. "Your two sessions are moving closer together?"

"Yeah," Grissom said quietly. "Sorry. I…forgot to mention it. Yesterday didn't really go as planned and it slipped my mind."

Putting the phone on the counter, she nodded. "It's fine. If that's what you want."

"Just makes more sense to me rather than waiting."

"It might be a lot more pressure," she countered.

"Maybe. I guess I'll have to see how it goes. I can always change it back if it doesn't work out."

"Yeah," she agreed. "Are you finished eating?"

As he nodded, she leaned down and unhooked his spoon before holding out her hand. "Then let's get you dressed."

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Sitting in the hospital waiting room, Sara tapped her foot and looked around. Grissom noticed but, before he could question the fact she looked more nervous than he did, Catherine appeared through the doors.

"Car's parked. So, are you ready for the fun to begin?" she asked, sitting next to Sara.

Grissom hadn't been too chatty in the car, just like normal, but he and Catherine really did like winding each other up.

"Immensely," Grissom returned flatly.

Snorting, Catherine looked Sara over. "Got ants in your pants or something?"

Frowning, Sara tipped her head in Catherine's direction. "Me?"

"Ugh huh," Catherine replied. "You're all fidgety."

Grissom waited for an answer thinking exactly the same thing.

Sara just shrugged. "I just hope this goes well."

Grissom's eye twitched at Sara's unconvincing tone but the appearance of Donald and a nurse by his side broke up the conversation and he glanced at the doctor.

"Hey guys," Donald greeted.

Grissom nodded and then swallowed.

"Hi," Sara replied and Catherine flashed Donald a smile as Buddy sat up with a healthy tail wag.

"How is everyone?" Donald asked.

Catherine looked at Sara and Sara looked at Grissom.

"Some good days, some bad," Grissom said, his eyes staying on Sara for a few seconds before concentrating on Donald.

"Well," Donald began, "let's hope today is the start of more good days."

Grissom nodded. "Let's hope so."

Smiling, Donald nodded to the nurse. "Anna is going to take you down for a quick X-ray, okay? Just as a precaution. We need to be 100% certain that you are totally fit and ready for this to start. A tiny little glitch could set us back."

Grissom frowned but Sara squeezed his knee. "Don't worry. You haven't had any problems, so it'll be fine."

Blowing out a breath, Grissom nodded. "Okay, I guess."

"Good," Donald returned. "Then I'll see you back here shortly and we can head on in to Aaron and get started."

"Are you sitting in?" Grissom asked.

"For the first session, yes," Donald confirmed.

"Just like last time, huh?"

Donald smiled at his patient. "Just like last time."

"Okay," Grissom agreed. "I'm all for encouragement."

"You'll have plenty of that," Donald encouraged. "See you soon."

As Donald stepped away, Sara got up. "Cath, do you mind taking Buddy while I pop to the bathroom? I'll meet you down at X-ray."

Grissom eyebrows soared and Catherine looked a little surprised by the request but as Sara held out the leash, Catherine took it.

"Urm, sure," she replied.

Smiling weakly, Sara kissed Grissom on the cheek. "See you in a few minutes," she said and before he could even argue, Sara was gone out of the waiting room.

A little confused, Grissom looked at Catherine who just snorted and got up, holding out a hand to help him stand.

"I guess when you gotta go you gotta go," she joked. "So, let's go to X-ray and get this show on the road."

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It was almost 15 minutes later when Sara showed up at radiology, sitting down next to Catherine and leaning over to stroke Buddy.

"That must have been a long pee," Catherine said.

Sara's eyes flicked to her. "I guess it was," she said, wiping a hand across her forehead. Man, she was hot.

"Take your jacket off," Catherine said, noticing Sara looked a little flushed.

Clearing her throat, Sara shook her head. "I'm fine."

"Why am I not believing you?"

Looking away, Sara stroked Buddy again.

"Come on, spill. What's going on?"

Biting her lip, Sara's brain looked for an excuse and, thankfully, the door to X-ray opened and Grissom stepped out with the nurse. Not answering Catherine's question, Sara got up.

"All good?" she asked, not seeing Catherine's narrowed eyes behind her.

"Yeah," Grissom answered.

"I'll get you back to the waiting room," the nurse said, "and the results should be pretty quick. Once the doctor has them he'll come and get you."

Grissom nodded as Sara took his arm and they set off down the corridor, Catherine bringing up the rear with Buddy.

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Back in the waiting room, Sara held out a magazine for Grissom to read in hopes of keeping him occupied while they waited.

Waiting was the worst thing. So far, he didn't seem too agitated but that could easily change. And, in all fairness, she just wished the clock would hurry up. She wanted to get out of there and take a long bath, the kind that would last for hours. Sadly, she didn't get many of those these days. She could also feel Catherine's eyes on her but refused to look at her. When Catherine knew something wasn't right it wasn't often she let it lie.

"So, have you given any more thought about coming to the party tomorrow?" Catherine asked, breaking the current silence of the trio.

Raising his head, Grissom first looked at Sara then toward Catherine.

"Maybe next time," he said casually. "I'm just not ready."

Catherine smiled. "Okay. I guess I'll have to bring the cake to you."

Sara smiled as Buddy let out a whine. "I'm sure she'll bring some for you, too."

Grissom snorted and, just as he did, Donald reappeared.

"Ready to get started?" he asked.

"The X-rays were clear I take it?" Sara asked.

Donald smiled. "Crystal. No issues."

She nodded and glanced at Grissom. "Ready?" Inhaling deeply, Grissom nodded. "Are you coming in, Cath?" Sara asked as she and Grissom stood.

Catherine looked unsure. "Is that all right? I don't want to intrude."

"Up to Gil really," Donald said.

Grissom glanced at Catherine then smirked. "I guess I could use someone to make sarcastic comments," he chirped.

Snorting, Catherine nodded down the corridor. "Then lead the way."

 **A/N: I am certainly enjoying flashing back to the past. Could be a fun angle to explore :) What is Sara up to?**


	22. Presuming and speculating

**A/N: Finally I'm back. I won't ramble on but the usual RL again prevents me from writing much. One day maybe I'll get a break and be able to focus a bit more.**

 **So, I enjoyed this one. Quite a bit of tension running around and maybe a little something neither of them were expecting? We will see. As always thank you to everyone who has left a review and to calim for all your support.**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 21

With Catherine reluctantly leaving them to their own devices once she got them home, Sara settled a sleepy Grissom in bed for a much needed nap.

Physio had gone pretty well. Aaron had decided there wouldn't be much exertion to start and attempted to get Grissom's fingers moving just like last time. But pain was still pain and the patient felt plenty of that. But he'd persevered. His determination, sorely lacking since the second attack, appeared to be back. Hopefully, Sara wished, it would be back to stay.

"I'm really proud of you," Sara said as she pulled the covers up over his waist and ran fingers through his hair.

He smiled. "Why's that?"

"Because you stayed strong, didn't back down and managed to keep _him_ out of your mind. A no seizure day with that kind of pressure upon your body is always a good day."

He shrugged modestly. "The day isn't over yet."

"Don't you dare," she warned playfully, and he grinned before she took his left hand to take a look at it. "Do you want any more ice before you nap?"

"No," he slurred. "I'm okay. Just a bit tired."

"Warm enough?" she asked, placing his hand down.

"Hmmm," he answered. "It's pretty cozy in here."

Cozy wasn't the word Sara thought since she was baking under her jacket. "Get some sleep," she whispered, kissing him gently on the lips.

Nodding, he closed his eyes.

Sara sat with him until she was sure he was asleep, which only took a few minutes, then softly sighed. Getting up, she ran her hand down Buddy's back.

"I'm going for a bath," she said to him. He gave her a soft whimper before plopping his head onto his paws.

She'd been sweltering ever since they'd arrived at the hospital. But, as she looked in the mirror and saw the two bruises on her arms, melting like an ice cube for a little while was a lot easier than trying to explain why they were there.

Rubbing her left arm, she winced. For some reason they had really struggled to get a blood sample and the after effects were not pleasant. Her heart thumped now. She had to tell him when he woke up. For one with the heating on, walking around wrapped up to the hilt would cause suspicion and most importantly of all they had promised no more secrets. Hopefully, he would understand why she hadn't told him yet.

She could be overreacting. Was she? Probably. Hopefully?

Her brain was a mess.

Turning the water on to fill the tub, she added a little oil then stripped, impatiently waiting until the bath was full before slipping in. She groaned. The water felt so nice and instantly eased some of the tension running through her body. But the warm feeling did nothing to ease the tension in her brain.

Things were hard enough without more to worry about. Trying to convince herself to clear her mind for five minutes, Sara tipped back her head and closed her eyes, letting herself sinking lower into the water. But no matter how hard she tried, things still bobbed around in her thoughts.

Concentrate on Grissom.

He'd really done well at the hospital, better than she'd expected. The pain etched upon his face when Aaron began moving his left thumb had made every hair on her arms stand on end. Her fingers had begun to itch, ready to pull an injector from her purse, suspecting it might be needed. Thankfully, they'd not needed it. Grissom had been strong and, although he'd needed ice packs and medication afterwards, he'd done so much better than even the doctor thought he would.

But there'd been a stern warning from both Aaron and Donald. _Do not push too hard too soon_. Things had to move slower this time because if the nerve popped again, that was it. No more surgery. No third chance. And, although the nerve was holding strong, it was still fragile, and all exercises and movement had to be paced.

Everything had to be thought out. Every stretch of that muscle needed to be done properly to nurture it until it was 100% able to take on the world or, at least, Grissom's new world of limitations. So, no home exercises with equipment had been set up yet. It was too soon. Maybe in a week or so, he could start a home routine with his right hand. The left would take longer. But, it had been specified that, if she felt confident in doing so, Sara was allowed to move his fingers the way Aaron had to keep the muscles loose.

That made her nervous. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Grissom so she'd decided to wait and see if he asked. If he did, they'd think about it then and, if they actually moved forward with it, they would be sensible. There was no other option but that.

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Just over two hours later Grissom was still sleeping so Sara decided to make an early start on dinner. Neither of them had eaten lunch so it seemed like a good plan plus it would keep her occupied rather than sitting there twiddling her thumbs. She could murder a glass or even bottle of wine but pushed that idea away. Now was not the time to be getting drunk that was for certain.

Picking up a wooden spoon, she took in a deep breath as she stirred the mac and cheese instantly regretting that action when her stomach turned. Quickly pulling back, she willed the feeling away only to be distracted by Buddy trotting toward her.

"What are doing away from your dad?" she asked. "I let you out half an hour ago."

Wagging his tail, Buddy barked then glanced behind him. Sara looked up to see a yawning Grissom heading her way.

"Hey," she said in surprise, as he reached her. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"I woke up," he replied.

"You should have called me."

"I don't have any problems with my feet," he argued. "I can get out of bed on my own, you know."

Her eyes narrowed. "You are probably still unsteady, Gil," she bickered, reaching out to take his hand and inspect it. "And still a little swollen, too."

As she looked up at him she noticed he wasn't looking back at her but at something else. Her left arm. And then his eyes flicked to the right and he frowned. Damn, it didn't take him long to notice, did it? Typical Grissom and there goes her heart thudding again.

With his frown deepening, his head rose, and he looked into her eyes. "Why are you bruised?" he asked with confusion.

Quietly sighing, she nipped on her lip, looking away for a second before finding his eyes again. "Come and sit with me," she requested, looping her arm in his.

He still looked confused but didn't argue as she led him to the lounge and they sat on the sofa. Taking his hand again, she carefully held it and willed herself to look at him.

"I really don't want you to be angry with me, okay?" she pleaded.

Eyebrows twitching, Grissom slowly shook his head. "I don't understand. Why would I be angry with you?"

"I had some blood tests done at the hospital while you were in X-ray," she admitted. No stalling, get it out and then it's done with. "That's what the marks on my arms are. I guess, lately, I just bruise easily."

Grissom's eyes worked in a circle. " _Are you sick_?" he asked with urgency. "Is that what's been wrong with you the last day or so?"

He sounded concerned and that touched her deeply. "I'm not sure," she admitted. "Not sick sick anyway…um…"

She looked around trying her best to say this, but she still didn't know how he was going to react. This had never been in the cards.

 _Ever._

"I've been…throwing up," she said. "And…I'm late."

Grissom's mouth popped open as the cogs in his brain worked around what she was telling him. "What… _Are you saying you're pregnant_?" he squeaked.

"I don't know," Sara sighed. "Maybe. I didn't have any other way of finding out for sure other than asking for a blood test. It's not like I can just pop out and get a pregnancy test."

Looking positively stunned, Grissom shook his head. " _How though_? I thought you used the morning after pill."

"Yeah," she breathed. "I do. _Normally_. But there was _one_ night wasn't there?"

Swallowing hard it hit Grissom. "When he came…"

Sara nodded. "And I didn't even think about it until the nausea came and… I'm almost seven weeks late and… yeah." She shrugged. "I thought it was just stress, you know? It happens. But… now I…. With the vomiting and the way I feel…."

"You could have told me," he said slightly irritated.

"I wanted to, I swear I did, but you've had so much to think about and today was so important I didn't want you going in there with this on your mind. It _would_ have made a difference. _It would have been too much, Gil_. And I'm sorry for not telling you until now. I really am."

He went quiet and looked down at her hand holding his and Sara just wished she knew what he was thinking.

"When do you find out?" he asked nervously, looking back at her.

"Hopefully, tomorrow. Donald will give me a call."

Feeling a little queasy himself, Grissom slowly nodded. Sara wasn't sure if she liked the pale look to his face.

"I'm going to get your medication and some water, okay?" she told him, getting up.

The fact that he didn't answer sent a shiver through her. He certainly didn't seem overjoyed with the possibility and that made her feel cold. As she reached the kitchen, the phone rang.

Grissom was frowning again as he heard the phone but didn't raise his head. Instead, he was looking at Buddy who sat up wagging his tail.

"I'm glad you seem pretty happy," Grissom said.

Whining, Buddy dropped his paw on his dad's knee, his good knee, which always surprised Grissom. How did he know?

Cracking half a smile, Grissom placed his right hand on Buddy's back. "I'll give you a good scratch one day, I promise." Now Buddy barked and Grissom snorted. "You'll be in trouble for that."

Low and behold, Sara came rushing in, a glass of water in one hand and medication in the other.

"And again, I panic for nothing," she grumbled seeing all was well.

"Better to panic for nothing than not panic for something," Grissom countered.

Her eyebrows rose and, although his tone was serious, she wasn't sure just how much he felt that seriousness. But it was Grissom and she'd missed his words of wisdom. In the past he'd had plenty of those.

"Here," she said, sitting next to him and holding out his pill.

Taking it without argument, he drank and then sighed.

"Do you want anything for your hands?" Sara asked. "Ice or meds?"

His head slowly shook as he looked at Buddy. "I'm fine," he whispered.

" _Are you really_?" Sara asked, her voice full of uncertainty.

Looking back at her, his jaw worked left and right. His mouth then opened but he struggled for words. Sara immediately saw the conflict and the decisiveness he could sometimes grasp fading. Not wanting his struggle to escalate, she dropped a hand to his knee.

"It's okay," she said softly. "We can talk about it later if you want to."

That silence enveloped them then. That silence that Sara truly hated. That silence that always happened when they really needed to talk but never seemed to.

Most of her time, if not all of it, was dedicated to supporting him but for once, she could really use a little of that herself. Maybe she shouldn't have told him. Maybe she should have waited until she knew.

Smiling weakly, she got up. "I'm going to finish dinner," she said, turning the TV on for him. "Just shout if you need anything."

She didn't want to run away but at that point it was just easier. Forcing an admittance of feelings upon him about the situation simply wasn't a possibility.

They'd never really talked about having children. With their careers it was never really in the cards. Even back when they first started sleeping together they'd been careful, one way or the other, and there was never really a risk of it happening.

But one night had changed that reliability. And it only took _one_.

As Sara moved back into the kitchen she took a deep breath and tried to calm her thoughts. But, again, she lacked that support she craved. Normally, she didn't need a shoulder to cry on but, this time, she could really use one. She'd had to deal with everything, with all the responsibility that had piled on her shoulders. And she was pretty damned tired as well.

But, as that thought came and went, she could feel him behind her.

"Sara?"

His voice was quiet, soft, caring. Slowly, she turned to face him. He took another step closer and there they stood, eye to eye, silence enveloping them. And then his arms rose and, without a word, he did his best to wrap them around her.

Reciprocating, Sara did the same, her arms covering his back as his cheek found hers. Sighing against him, Sara held on tightly, his gesture and the warmth he radiated very comforting and extremely needed. Nothing was said. When they had moments like this that was usually the case, but it didn't matter in that instant. She could wait for words.

She always did.

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Grissom had taken some extra painkillers around 11pm and had quickly fallen asleep. Normally, she would stay with him, but she was too fidgety. So, about 3am, when it became clear she wasn't going to sleep at all, she got out of bed and headed to the kitchen to make some cocoa. Now she was sitting in the living room in front of the fire, staring at the flames.

Their evening had gone by quicker than expected. For a while they'd just held each other until James had called with the times for Grissom's session the next day – 11am for the doctor and 4pm for Robert. This timing would give him a reasonable break between the two.

Considering her earlier admittance, Sara half expected Grissom to cancel but, to her surprise, he didn't. Of course, that made her more nervous than usual. How would he deal with his sessions now? Without knowing when Donald would call, his mind would be in overdrive.

And then they'd attempted to eat dinner. Attempt being the prime word. Neither of them had much of an appetite by then.

Next came another call from Catherine. It was her who'd called just after Sara's admittance to Grissom but Sara had fobbed her off again. She could've really done without the persistence since she was being her usual self and not letting things lie like she should. Promising to call her tomorrow, she courteously brushed her off one more time.

And, finally, Betty skyped to catch up on how her son had done at the hospital. That was a 'managed' conversation, focusing solely on his treatment and how positive it had been, instead of on anything personal.

Then as usual they watched a little TV although it didn't seem like either of them were really watching it. The nice part really was when Grissom slid his hand into hers and dropped his head to her shoulder. She spent more time watching his fingers than the screen.

Sara noticed Grissom looking a little uncomfortable just before ten and he admitted his leg was hurting as well as his hands. So, she gave him some extra pain meds, led him into the bedroom where she helped him wash before settling him in bed.

And now here she was, starring into an inferno and just wondering again about what the future may bring.

"You should think about that beach, you know."

Blinking and then frowning, she looked to her left to see Grissom standing there. Her lips then pursed as she got his meaning.

"Might be a good idea," she agreed. "What are you doing up? I thought you were pretty out of it."

As he limped towards her, Buddy nipping at his heels, she put her cup down and got up with urgency.

" _Are you okay_?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "Just some bad cramps in my leg. That's what woke me."

"Come here," Sara requested, reaching for his arm. "Sit down."

Carefully easing him onto the sofa, she reached for his foot and propped his leg up on a footstool.

"Let's see if this helps," she said, tenderly starting to massage his thigh.

Grissom hissed a bit as she began so she slowed.

"Okay?" she asked.

"Hmmmm," he mumbled, nodding.

Smiling, she rubbed her hands carefully up and down his thigh and massaged around the knee. "I think we should try moving it a little as well," she suggested. "Feel like a little walk around the house?"

"Oh, how romantic," he cooed.

Sara smirked and stood up, reaching to take his arm again and helping him up. "Not feeling light headed anymore are you?"

"No," he said honestly.

"Good," she replied, leading him around the sofa. "Nice and easy," she encouraged, slipping an arm around his waist. "You just need to ease that tension off and, hopefully, that cramp will go away."

He smiled at her. "What would I ever do without you?"

"Keep limping?"

Grissom snorted as they headed towards the kitchen. "Why are _you_ up?" he asked as they moved around the counter.

Her eyes briefly found his. "Couldn't sleep."

"You're thinking about…," he trailed off, looking down at her stomach.

"I'm thinking about lots of things," she countered. "But, yes, that's up there."

As they left the kitchen he paused. "Do you," he began, swallowing the lump that crept up his throat, "want to talk?"

Sara silently inhaled, her eyes searching his to whether he really meant that or whether he was just attempting to do his best to be there for her.

"It's 3am and you're in pain and I'll bet in five minutes, Buddy will need to pee," she began then rubbed his arm. "If you really mean that, how about we talk after we get the results. At least then we'll _know_ what we're talking about. Right now there's way too much emotion going on for presuming and speculating and I'd rather not open up that particular can unless we have to."

Yes, she wanted to know how Grissom felt but if he was going to be negative, she wasn't sure she could deal with that at this point in time.

Sucking on his lip, Grissom nodded. "Okay. If that's what you want."

"Do you know what I really want right now?" she asked, turning into him and dropping her arms over his shoulders.

His right eyebrow soared. "What?"

Dropping a quick kiss to his lips, her finger ran under the collar on his PJ jacket. " _You_."

His lips pursed. "Then I guess we need to walk a little bit faster."

 **A/N: Hmmmm, is she?**


	23. Dig a little

**A/N: Here we go. New chapter afoot. Sorry for the wait. I look forward to a week when I can wrote for more than an hour without getting distracted by something.**

 **So, Grissom has a busy day ahead with his first shot at two sessions (if he can get through them) and will Sara get her blood test results? We will see :P**

 **As always thank you to everyone who has given me your thoughts and reviews and I bow to calim for all of your help and the beta :) Again, thank you for your patience.**

 **On we go…..**

Chapter 22

"You don't have to do that now, you know," Grissom said as Sara set the disposable razor down by the sink and grabbed the can of foam.

Picking up a towel she dropped it over his shoulder, her hand rising so she could look at her watch. "We still have an hour before James gets here so unless you have other pressing things to do."

Her lips pursed as they looked into each other's eyes, the smile he offered sending her mind back to when they'd returned to bed. The feeling of his warmth as he spooned behind her, his arm tenderly clinging around her, his hand covering hers, was all she'd needed. It was heaven.

"Then I guess I'll have a shave," he replied.

"Just a trim?"

His lips twitched as he decided and then a nod came.

Lifting her hand to run a finger across the scar on his cheek, Sara shook the can with her other hand.

"Maybe soon we could progress to a better razor," she suggested. "You always get a little rashy with the plastic ones."

"Maybe," he whispered.

Tempted to ask if Basderic had used any blades while he'd held Grissom captive, she opted against it, remembering how he'd freaked out the first time she'd tried to shave him. Damn, that wasn't a good reaction. He'd almost had a seizure and collapsed to the floor. It seemed she'd held him for half an hour before she could get him back up on his feet. How far could she risk questioning him about it? And was now the best time?

"Does, um…," she began, tenderly smoothing the cream onto his chin, "…the thought of a blade still scare you?"

Clearing his throat, he looked Sara in the eye again. "No," he said softly.

Raising her eyebrows, Sara put the cream down and rested a hand on his shoulder. "No?"

His head slowly shook. "Not if you're holding it."

Feeling her chest tighten, Sara sucked in a breath as a shiver tingled down her spine. His statement was soft and pure. It held that trust they held for each other she'd thought lost. She could feel it again, see it in his eyes. It made them whole.

 _Intimately._

"Well," she said, clearing her throat and bashfully smiling, "maybe soon we can give it a shot? Might save you being itchy."

"Try now," he suggested.

Looking a little surprised, Sara eyes worked in a circle. " _Now_?" she said as a single nod came from him.

Oh, she was torn all right. Yes, she wanted to find out if he'd truly progressed but maybe now really wasn't the best timing.

"You have two doctor's appointments today. Are you sure you want to risk it? Do you remember what happened last time?"

Grissom looked over at Buddy who was lying by the door. "What do you think?" he asked of him.

Buddy looked up and then got to his feet before sitting and wagging his tail.

"I think he says it's okay," Grissom told her. Sara's eyes narrowed at him and he flashed her a grin. "He's alert. It'll be fine."

"All joking aside, Gil, _are you really sure_?" she pressed. "If you freak out you could end up missing two sessions."

He shrugged and leaned closer. "There is always tomorrow."

Sara blinked at him. Yes, that was true, but this was a rare occasion when he was being extremely lighthearted about something that was pretty serious.

Dropping a kiss to her lips, Grissom smiled. "Try," he whispered.

Softly sighing, Sara stepped back. "Okay."

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Opening the door, Sara smiled at James. "Hi," she greeted.

"Hi, Sara," he said with a smile and stepped inside when she gestured. "How are things?"

Sighing a little, her head worked from side to side. "Things are…well…let's just say Gil is doing okay."

His eye twitched with suspicion at her response. "And you're not?" he dared question.

She smiled again. "Ah, I'm not the one in therapy."

His eyes narrowed. Immediately, she regretted her choice of words. She really didn't want to get into an in-depth conversation right then.

"Don't worry about it," she said swiftly. "Gil's waiting for you where he normally is. There's juice and water on the table. I'll let you get on without making a fuss and I'll be in the bedroom if you need me."

Sara had already wished her husband luck before answering the door and let him know she wouldn't be coming back until his session ended. Whenever that may be. Doing things this way was just easier for both of them.

As James' nodded she headed toward the bedroom. Sitting at the desk by the window, she opened her laptop and pulled out her cell. Setting it down, she stared at it, her fingers nervously tapping on the desk. Donald could call at any time and she wasn't going to take the chance of missing it. No matter that she and Grissom had discussed things last night, it didn't stop her nerves. Hopefully, soon she would know for sure.

Buddy looked up hearing James approach and his tail began to wag. Looking over his shoulder, Grissom glanced at the doctor who waved before rounding the sofa to place his bag down.

"Morning, Gil," he greeted. "And good morning, Buddy."

Grissom nodded, dropping a hand onto Buddy's back. "Morning," he said, watching as James sat down, wondering how long the session would last this time.

Taking out the usual pad and pencil, the doctor sat back and gave Grissom his undivided attention.

"So, what's on your mind, Gil?" he asked suddenly.

As his head kinked to the left, Grissom eyebrow soared. "A little broad, isn't it?"

"Then that would mean lots of things," James countered swiftly.

Grissom smirked. " _You're good_."

Smiling, James gave a nod of thanks. "So, tell me your immediate thought, the one that's right at the front of the line and then we can work our way through the rest."

"I was wondering how long this session would last," Grissom replied without even hesitating. "Considering the last one didn't go so well."

"Okay," James said, scribbling a few things on the paper. "Are you expecting a short one again?" Grissom shrugged. "Are you angry with me, Gil?"

Blinking slowly, Grissom stared at James. "Angry?"

"About what I said to you in our last session. You walked out and…well …we haven't discussed it. We can. That's if you want to. And you _are_ allowed to be angry."

Along with his fears, James knew Grissom had a lot of anger built up inside. Who wouldn't after being through so much? Releasing that would be just as hard as anything else.

Sucking on his bottom lip, Grissom looked around and took in a few short breaths trying to keep his nerve and his cool. "I'm not angry with you," he finally said. "It's…," he hesitated.

"Take your time," James urged.

"It's still hard to think about but…you were right."

"About what, Gil?"

"Blaming myself," Grissom admitted. "Thinking…sometimes…he…might still be watching."

"You talked to Sara about it, correct?"

Nodding, Grissom managed to look back at him. "Yeah."

"And it helped." Inhaling deeply, Grissom nodded again. "Good," James said positively. "All help is good, Gil. It doesn't always have to come from me."

"I know. I don't even know where I'd be without Sara."

James thought carefully about his next question. Considering that therapy was for Grissom's benefit, he didn't want to sidetrack it too much. But, if it did involve his wife then it was going to involve him, especially since Sara was currently his rock. And there was also something else he was sensing.

"And how's she doing?" he asked casually.

Swallowing, Grissom felt his heart thudding a little faster and looked around again. Did he tell James? Although, considering the doctor's intuition he suspected he'd asked that question because he could already detect something. Had Sara mentioned it when she'd let him in? Would she?

"Did she say something to you?" he asked, glancing back at him.

James shook his head. "Not really. But I'm _good_ for a reason."

Sighing, Grissom shifted a little. "While we were at the hospital yesterday, Sara had some blood tests done." James's head rose in curiosity as to what might come next. "For…um…. She might be pregnant."

"Oh," James said, obviously surprised but doing his best not to show a serious reaction.

He needed to support, not hinder, and without knowing Grissom's feelings it was essential to maintain an unbiased form of guidance until he did. But he had to think quickly. He now understood Sara's mood and there was enough there to get Grissom to open up.

"Do you … _want_ to talk about it?"

Looking down at Buddy as the dog plopped his head onto his shoe, Grissom shook his head. "We don't know yet so…"

"Okay," James said swiftly. "If you want to pick it up next time then we can."

Grissom sighed again, looking up. "Yeah."

"I'm glad you told me. Thank you." Grissom just nodded as James reached to pour some water. "Do you want some?"

"No, I'm good at the moment."

After taking a drink, James made a few more notes and crossed his legs. "How are you feeling about your hospital visits? You're still feeling comfortable going there?"

"At the moment," Grissom replied.

"Any more thoughts about going out anywhere else?"

"No," Grissom said quickly.

"You feel safer going there than when you came to see me?" Grissom's eye twitched. "When you're inside, that is."

"I guess so."

"Do you know why?" James asked.

Grissom's head shook. "Not really. I feel…better when there aren't so many people _staring_ at me."

James noted Grissom emphasis on the word 'staring.' There was certainly more to that, he could feel it.

"When there are people around you that you know?" he asked, keeping the conversation flowing.

"Yeah," Grissom admitted.

"That's because you _know_ you _can_ trust them. They have only _ever_ been there to help you. _Again_ , this is good. _You are trusting_. No matter how few people it may be, it's a start."

Grissom managed a small smile.

Although tempted to discuss how it went at the hospital, James wondered if he could push just a tiny bit while the mood was good.

"Why don't you like people staring at you, Gil?"

A lump hit Grissom's throat at that question and his smile faded. Vaguely, he saw James sit forward and – BAM – Basderic's eyes were there, glaring right at him. He slammed shut his eyes. Barely a second later, Buddy was on his feet and barked.

"Hell," James whispered, quickly throwing down his pad and getting up. " _Gil, relax_ ," he implored as he swiftly approached him.

Buddy whined as Sara came running out of the bedroom prompting James to move out of her way. Putting the injector on the couch, she knelt in front of him and cupped his cheeks.

" _Breathe, baby_ ," she pleaded.

Grissom clenched his teeth as another flash of those horrible eyes hit him. "Can't get him out," he mumbled. "Can't get him out…"

Eyes working in a circle, Sara considered her options. Inject him? Wait and try and talk him around?

Her eyes flicked to Buddy. He was sitting and, although his tail was going like mad, he'd stopped whining.

" _I'm here_. _You're safe._ Get him out of your head, Gil. _Fight him._ " Sucking in a ragged breath, Grissom's chin quivered. "Open your eyes," Sara urged. "If you're looking at me you're not seeing him. _Come on, baby…open your eyes._ "

"He…he…he…just stares at me. He won't…go away."

James listened, putting all the clues together.

"He will if you open your eyes, I promise," Sara encouraged, brushing thumbs over his cheeks. "You can do it. You _can_ make him go away."

Sara held her breath as his eyelids flinched and then, painstaking slowly, they opened.

"That's it," she whispered, smiling as he looked at her. "Can you see me?" He nodded. "Good. Clear your mind, okay? Big deep breath. Just look at me and see only me." Inhaling deeply, Grissom exhaled and nodded again. "In and out, keep breathing, nice and calm."

Quite amazed by Sara's achievement to calm him down, James sat on the chair arm and watched. Human connection like this fascinated him and it wasn't often he got to see a patient being responsive to someone other than himself.

"Okay?" Sara asked, lowering her hands to her husband's shoulders and gently rubbing.

"Yes," he said quietly.

"Could you pass me some water, please?" she asked James without taking her eyes off Grissom. Quickly, he poured a glass and handed it to her. "Take a drink," she said.

Slowly sucking from the straw, Grissom drank a little and then clenched his eyes closed for a second as Sara pulled the glass back.

"Can I do anything?" James asked.

Sara glanced over her shoulder at him but only briefly, before retuning her attention to Grissom. "I don't think so," she said. "But maybe call the session?"

"No," Grissom interrupted.

Blinking in surprise, Sara frowned. " _No_? You want to continue?" He nodded. " _Are you sure?_ You almost just…"

"I have to fight him," Grissom retaliated. "If I quit five minutes into every session I will be here forever."

Sara's eyelids fluttered. Her husband could change his mind faster than Superman changed his underpants. One minute he wanted to run away, the next he wanted to fight.

"What happened to 'there is always tomorrow?'?

His lip curled into the tiniest of smiles. "But there is also today."

"You do pick the right times for your words of wisdom, don't you?" she said, taking his hand. "You're sure about this?"

"Yes."

Softly sighing, Sara turned to James. "Your thoughts?"

"Obviously, I wouldn't force Gil to continue nor wish any harm to him by continuing. But, if he feels able, then I'll happily continue."

"Not seeing how far you can push him?" Sara countered.

"I'm here to get him well, Sara, not make him worse," James hit back but with no aggression.

Nipping on her lip, she refocused on Grissom. "Not so sure I like it but if that's what you want. Please don't push yourself too far, okay?"

No, Sara didn't like it, she didn't like it at all, but she would always support what he wanted, especially lately.

There was silence as Grissom's eyes searched hers. "Stay with me," he finally whispered.

Sara blinked in astonishment. "Wh…at?"

"Stay."

Her lips parted, surprise truly filling her that he'd ask her to do that considering _the rules_ but she didn't question the request. She'd wanted to be a part of this ever since it had started. To be there every step of the way with him…for him.

"You…want me to stay?"

He nodded.

"Okay," she replied softly, happily, giving his hand the gentlest of squeezes before looking back at James. "That's allowed, right?"

James nodded. "If that's what Gil wants."

"It is," Grissom said.

"All right," James agreed. "There will be a few conditions though, okay?"

Sara's eye twitched. "I'm listening."

"Firstly, James began, "and probably the most difficult, no guidance to Gil. No talking, no gestures, no input whatsoever. If you influence him, it just makes his decisions a little pointless."

"I get it," Sara said, holding up a hand. "I won't interfere."

"Okay," James agreed. "And secondly, anything that happens within Gil's sessions must remain confidential. Unless Gil decides otherwise."

"Yeah, I already got that," Sara hit back. "And you don't have anything to worry about me with that one."

Nodding again, James got up. "Do you want a little longer before we continue?" he asked Grissom.

"No," Grissom said, shaking his head and taking in a breath. "I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" Sara asked, rubbing his arm.

He nodded and she smiled, reaching for a small jar on the table and pulling out a treat for Buddy.

"Here you go, good boy," she said, holding out a treat. He took it and lay down at his master's feet.

Looking up at Grissom, he flashed her a smile. She returned it as she picked up the injector and put it in her pocket, just in case.

"Ready to continue?" James asked.

"Yeah," Grissom replied, looking his way.

After rubbing a hand over his chin, James picked up his pad and pencil and considered his approach. Continue with what he'd just picked up on or let it be for now? Grissom seemed determined so maybe now was the time to try and dig a little.

 **A/N: Hmmm, can James start getting Grissom to open up? How much will Sara get to know that she already didn't? Still lots to come and I hope you enjoyed :)**


	24. Cutting to the chase

**A/N: Hey guys, I'm back :) I have managed a little writing this week but with my new job it's been using all my brain power. However, here we go with another chapter. Hopefully as Grissom may be progressing, it was worth the wait.**

 **Thanks you to everyone who continues to review and leave me your thoughts and a big thanks to calim for sticking with me and correcting all my naming errors, lol. Mwah!**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 23

James sat back and scribbled some notes on his pad. The fear that came on so sharply and affected Grissom so deeply when he spoke of 'staring' seemed to be the key to everything. Of course, seeming and was were two very different things so the idea of probing more into the issue quickly left his head. Grissom needed to be able to talk freely without panicking which fit in perfectly with the controlled environment hypnotherapy provided. Once Robert worked on the issue, then he would be able to bring it up without worrying that a seizure would occur and set them back again.

Once his decision was made, James decided to ask a question that would give him a little more personal information about his patient. If he were to go out, where would he like to go? It was light and would work more towards his patient's interests than his fears.

At first, Grissom was reluctant, finding it hard to come up with anything that had to do with the future. Living in an uncertain present always made it harder to plan anything, especially considering all of his current problems. However, apart from the standard taking more walks or visiting friends, there was one thing he would really like to do. A nice candle lit dinner in a nice quiet restaurant with his wife at a time when he could, at least, feed himself and go to the bathroom unaided.

Sara wasn't sure whether to frown or smile at what he'd said because his tone was all over the place. There was some real desire to go. But, there was also some bitterness because of his _issues_ with the personal stuff. She decided to side with the bit of hope she'd gleaned from his wanting to get out of the house.

Now, 30 minutes after the session had ended, Sara zipped up Grissom's coat while Buddy waited patiently at the door, his tail wagging like crazy.

"Are you sure you want to go out right now?" she asked him, still a little surprised he had come up with the idea of taking Buddy out.

"I'm sure," he said.

"Promise me you feel up to it. I mean, you weren't so far off a seizure barely an hour ago."

He nodded. "I feel fine. I just…," he began, head tipping from side to side. "With all the talk of going out it has kinda made me _want_ to go out. Even if it's just to walk the dog. Plus, we have a little time to kill before I see Robert so may as well stretch our legs, no?"

Sara smirked. "Why because you'll be lying down for a while soon?"

"Something like that," he agreed.

"Okay. But not too long. I really don't want you catching a cold."

"You don't catch colds that way, honey," he hit back as she picked up her own coat and put it on.

"Very funny," she returned, clipping on Buddy's leash. "You know what I mean."

Smiling, he dropped a quick kiss to her lips and she smiled back. This was nice and so much better than having to deal with the after effects of a seizure. And, for Grissom, certainly progress. He was asking to go out and that was a first for a long while.

"Come on," she urged, opening the door. "Then I'll make you lunch when we get back."

"Sounds good," he agreed, looping his arm through hers when she offered it as they stepped out the door.

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

They'd spent about an hour walking Buddy at the local park just around the corner before heading back. It had been nice and peaceful, and they'd managed to avoid any mishaps. Thankfully, Buddy was well trained and didn't go running after other dogs and anyone who'd passed them by had simply gone about their own business. Sara was happy that her husband didn't seem as edgy as the last time they'd taken a walk so, happily, she ticked that off her progression list.

Once back at the house, she'd made them sandwiches then left Grissom to watch TV while she cleaned up the dishes and started the laundry. She'd lost count of how many times she'd looked at her phone, hoping and not hoping for Donald's call. Today, she was feeling okay – no sickness or anything – so maybe this whole thing was just an overreaction from stress and fatigue.

Those thoughts passed through Sara's head as she watched Robert put her husband into a trance. He went under just as easily today as the first time and it was fascinating. Maybe she could go with a little hypnotherapy herself.

Watching as Robert lifted then dropped Grissom's foot, her heart strummed a little faster wondering if he would touch upon what had happen earlier or try an open another memory can. Whatever he did, she was ready.

"Are you nice and relaxed, Gil?" Sara heard Robert say after his foot had fallen back to the sofa.

"Yes," Grissom answered.

"You can _only_ hear my voice now. Just my voice, Gil. No other sounds whatsoever. Nod if you understand."

Immediately, Grissom nodded and Robert smiled.

"Good, Gil. Now look inside your mind. Do you remember where the _safe_ place is?"

"Yes," Grissom said again.

"Tell me where the safe place is."

"Beach with Sara."

Robert nodded, his eyes flicking to Sara for a brief second. "Very good," he praised. "Now I want you to go there for a moment. Feel the breeze, the sand, Sara's soft hand in yours. Nothing but comfort and relaxation around you. _Very, very relaxed_."

Sara couldn't help but wonder what her husband was feeling. It was so odd to think about. It was almost like being in another world and probably not so far off an out of body experience of sorts.

"Are you there, Gil?" Robert asked.

"Yes."

"Nod if you feel safe."

Again, Grissom nodded.

"Good. Listen to my voice, Gil," Robert continued. "Only my voice. If I say to you _the sun is rising_ you will come right back to the beach. Right back to where you feel safe. Nowhere else. Just that beach. Your mind will be clear apart from you, Sara and the beach and you will be completely relaxed. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Now," Robert said, edging a little further forward in his seat, "you know I'm here to help you beat your fears, correct?"

"Correct," Grissom answered.

"For me to do that _you_ need to help _me_ to help _you_ to release them."

Sara's eyebrows rose. Nothing like cutting to the chase this time and passing on the small talk.

"Do you think you can help me, Gil? Look deep inside your mind, _breathe in deeply_ , nice big deep breath, and _nod_ if you are ready to talk about it."

Oh, Sara's pulse hitched as she watched her husband's chest rise and fall. But would he nod? Just because he was hypnotized he still had the ability to make choices. Even though it was only a few seconds it seemed like so much longer until he nodded. Sara blew out her own breath as she felt her gut tightening. Was she about to find out what had happened to him? How deep would Robert actually go so early? She watched in anticipation.

"Another big deep breath in, Gil," Robert guided. "Hold it for a few seconds before letting all that lovely, _calm_ , soothing air filter from your lungs. That's it," he encouraged as Grissom did so. "I'm going to ask you something and I want you to say the first recollection that comes into your mind. As brief as you want it to be. _Can you do that, Gil_?"

"Yes."

"When you were kidnapped…"

Sara's nerves hit a high now and she swallowed hard, her fingers itching to take a hold of the injector in her pocket.

"…what was your first thought when you opened your eyes?"

"Couldn't move," Grissom said without any hesitation at all.

Robert watched his patient's face for any adverse reaction then looked at his hands lying across his chest and then his feet. Seeing none, he continued.

"We're you tied down, Gil?"

A moment passed by and Sara was sure she could hear the clock ticking on the mantel.

"Yes," Grissom said quietly now.

"Nice deep breath, Gil. _In and out. Nice and slowly_."

Again, following the Doctor's instruction, Grissom inhaled before letting the breath go.

"Can you tell me how you were tied down?" Robert asked, his tone gentle. Grissom's lips clicked together, his right foot slightly moving. " _Another deep breath, Gil. Nice and calm_. That's it. _Breathe in_ and let it go."

After his next breath, Grissom answered the question. "Strapped down," he said. "Leather, I think, with a buckle."

"Really, really good, Gil. Keep your focus and keep concentrating on my voice. _You are calm and you are safe_. Do you feel safe?"

"Yes."

Biting her lip, Sara really was willing the butterflies in her tummy to go away. It was going well but would it continue?

"How did you feel when you couldn't move?" Robert asked.

"Confused," Grissom said instantly. "And…then afraid. I had…no idea what was happening."

Rubbing a hand across his chin, Robert considered his next question and line of approach. After a quick look at Sara, he knew she was doing the same.

"Tell me what you did," Robert pushed for the first time. "How did you react?"

A noticeable frown formed on Grissom's brow and Sara's eyes flicked to Buddy. He hadn't moved an inch but that didn't help her nerves. This really was digging deeper than anyone had yet tried.

"I…tried to move but…couldn't. I pulled and pulled but nothing worked."

"What's the last thing you remember before waking up in that room?" Robert asked, diverting away from the heavier questioning for a moment in order not to overload his patient.

It took a few more seconds for Grissom to answer this time and his eyelids fluttered. A telltale sign he was thinking.

"I was in a car."

"And what were you doing?"

Grissom's head slightly shook. "Nothing. About to drive away, I guess, but I... Something moved behind me and that's all I remember."

"Okay," Robert's soft response came. "Breathe in and out Gil and let's go back to the beach for a moment, okay? Can you go back to the beach for me? Nod if you can." A nod came and another smile came from the doctor. "How are you feeling, Gil?"

Taking in a long breath, Grissom let it out. "Good. It's nice here."

For the first time since the session started, Sara smiled. They really needed to get back to that beach.

"Tell me another happy memory, Gil," Robert requested. "Something that will always make you smile."

"Hank," Grissom said after a short pause.

Robert frowned a little. "Who's that?"

"My old dog. He always made me smile."

Although Sara tried to keep her smile, her heart saddened a little at that comment.

"How long did you have him for?"

"Eight years," Grissom answered. "He passed just over a year ago."

 _"_ _But you hold fond memories and he holds a special place in your heart," Robert replied._

 _"_ _Yeah."_

 _Robert looked down. "And now you have Buddy."_

 _At the mention of his name, Buddy looked up at the doctor before dropping his head back onto his paws._

 _"_ _I sure do," Grissom returned happily. "He's a good boy."_

 _"_ _That he is," Robert agreed knowing just how fantastic the dog was. "Now, Gil," he continued, refocusing on Grissom, "take in a deep breath and let's go back to the room where you're tied down." After Grissom did as instructed, Robert continued. "Where are you now, Gil?"_

"In the room."

"I need you to _really_ concentrate now, Gil, okay? I need you to keep control of your mind. Your will is _strong_ and you _can_ control your fear. Repeat after me, Gil – _I can control my fear."_

Sara's heart was pumping now knowing Robert was working up to something. But what?

"I can control my fear," Grissom said but his tone hadn't changed, so meaningful or not was yet to be seen.

"Good, Gil, _really good_. You are _safe_ and you are _relaxed_. So, you've tried to move and you can't. Can you see what's around you?"

"A little bit," Grissom said calmly.

"Is it dark?"

"Kind of."

"Can you see anything around you?"

"Yes. The lights are dimmed until…"

For the first time Grissom trailed off and Robert's eye twitched. "Nice and calm, Gil. _You are safe_. Let's take another deep breath."

God, this was killing Sara. Half wishing for a fast-forward button, she quickly dismissed that idea because everything Grissom was saying was new to her. That was the only thing stopping her from ripping out her hair.

"Until what, Gil?" Robert asked. "What happens next?"

Grissom's foot spasmed and Robert sat up straighter, flicking a glance toward Buddy as he sat up.

"Light," Grissom said abruptly now. " _So bright_ and _him_. His… _eyes_."

Grissom's foot moved again just as Buddy let out a soft whine.

"The sun is rising, Gil," he said. "Nice long deep breaths, nice and calm...nice and calm. You are safe, _totally safe_. Tell me where you are, Gil."

"On the beach with Sara."

" _Very good. Very, very good_ , Gil. Keep walking along that beach."

Thankfully, Grissom responded quickly before something bad happened and Buddy dropped back down to the floor.

"I'm going to count down from 10," Robert said next.

Sara listened as he gave the same 'come out of the trance' speech. Once he hit one, she held her breath as Grissom opened his eyes, let out a slow breath and blinked a few times.

"Hi," Robert greeted, giving the patient a smile.

"Hi," Grissom returned lazily then stretched out his legs as Sara moved quickly to be by his side.

"Okay?" he asked Grissom.

"Hmmmm," Grissom muttered.

Knowing how mellow he was at that point, Sara made some silent thanks. This session had probed deeper than she'd expected so she was so very happy it seemed to have worked out.

Looking up at his wife, Grissom smiled when she ran fingers through his hair.

"Feel free to rub your mellowness off on me," she said to him. "I could use some."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "That was pretty intense."

"Was it?" Grissom questioned.

"What can you remember?" Robert asked him. "And you don't need to go into detail if you don't want to as you're not in the hypnotic state."

Running his hands across his tummy, Grissom pinched his brow in thought. "The room, the car, the darkness and…" He paused before finishing.

"It's okay," Sara said, rubbing his shoulder. "You don't need to push it. You've done really well."

"You have," Robert confirmed. "This is the first time you have spoken about what happened and although under a condition it's a fabulous breakthrough. And it gives a key discussion point to pass onto James."

"You don't want to discuss it now?" Grissom asked before yawning.

"Come on, let's sit you up," Sara suggested, leaning down to help him upright.

Clicking his lips together he gave her a bright smile. "Thanks," he said gratefully.

Letting out a soft laugh, she squeezed his shoulder again. "It amazes me how happy you are after…well…" She wasn't quite sure where to go with that statement.

"It's a pretty nice feeling," Grissom admitted, tipping his head back, his eyes moving back to Robert awaiting a response to his question.

"Is there something you want to talk about specifically?"

Grissom licked his lips and Sara poured him some water. "You seem to have something in mind. What's this key discussion point?" he asked.

Smiling as Grissom took a drink, Robert spoke out the time before turning off the tape recorder and then he sat back down. "Are you confident you want to talk about this now?"

Sara looked slightly concerned when Grissom looked at her.

"Please don't push it," she requested.

"Isn't that what this is all about?" he countered slyly. Sara's eyes narrowed and he frowned. "I'll be fine."

"You better be."

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

Sitting at the kitchen table, her hand coiled around a coffee mug, Sara stared at the brown liquid. Thankfully, the short chat with Robert had gone well. He'd reported that what Grissom had remembered was probably his first sight of Basderic – the bright light in his face, the kidnapper's eyes. It seemed to conjure of a fear inside him like no other. But, until they dug a little deeper, he would need to find a solution to move past it. He'd seemed confident that they'd find all the answers they'd need as long as they kept moving forward.

With Grissom still feeling the aftereffects of the trance, he'd not experienced a bad reaction to Robert's questions about Basderic. Pity it couldn't always be like that. She knew his sessions with James would be much harder without having hypnotherapy to fall back on. She wanted to be there to support him but didn't know if Grissom would want her there. She hadn't asked and didn't know if she should or just wait for him to ask.

They hadn't discussed the session after Robert left. As usual, she'd wait to see if he wanted to talk. At that point in time she was glad because the way her mind was, she'd probably be a terrible confidant.

"Sara…"

Blinking when hearing her name, she raised her eyes to see Grissom standing there looking right at her.

"Hey," she said. "Sneaking up on me, huh?"

"I called you twice but…"

Clearing her throat, she let the mug go. "Oh. Um…sorry. Didn't hear you."

His eye twitched. "Is it that interesting?"

She frowned. "What?"

He nodded towards the table. "The coffee."

"No," she sighed, getting up and wrapping her arms around his waist. "Sorry for not hearing you. Just…feeling a little spaced. Did you want something?"

Tipping his head closer to her, he softly kissed her lips. "I was just wondering what you were doing. You're missing a good game."

Fiddling with the collar on his shirt, she smiled again. "Are you winning?"

"Of course," he replied, smiling back.

"That's why it's a good game," she teased. "If you were losing I think you'd have a different attitude."

His lips curled into a grin. "Are you going to come and join me?" he asked. Just as he did, Sara's cell began to ring.

Both their eyes shot to it and Sara swallowed hard. Releasing Grissom, she rubbed his arm before reaching for it. As soon as her eyes saw Donald's name, her heart hit her ears.

 _Thud…Thud…Thud._

"It's Donald," she said so quietly he barely heard her as she held the phone up to her ear.

 **A/N: Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuun :P**


	25. A little problem

**A/N: Back :) Time to find out if there if we have the patter of tiny footsteps or not. What are you hoping for? Thank you for your patience between chapters. I'm still not getting a lot of time to write but I will always return. Thanks for everyone's thoughts as always, I love them all. And great thanks to calim for more great suggestions and another super beta.**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 24

Biting on his lip, Grissom strained to make out what the doctor was saying as Sara listened quietly.

"Okay," she said quietly then cleared her throat. "Thanks." She nodded. "I will. Thanks again, Donald."

Slowly, Sara lowered her arm and stared at the phone as if it was some foreign object. She felt Grissom move closer and turned to face him.

"Um, the test results were positive," she blurted out before he had a chance to ask.

Eyebrows lifting, his lips slightly parted and he wasn't quite sure if she'd just said that or his ears were deceiving him.

"Positive?" he stammered.

She couldn't help but smile. "Yeah," she breathed. "We're going to have a baby." Her voice sounded quite disbelieving to her own ears as it sunk in.

Grissom's mouth opened but nothing came out. Sara really wished she was psychic as he just stared at her, the dumbest look on his face.

"Are you going to say something?" she asked nervously, her fingers clenching together just like his would normally do.

"Erm," he mumbled. Blinking hard, he frowned deeply then looked around.

Not only was Sara sure he swayed a little, but he looked totally confused now. Not surprised but confused.

Taking no chances, she took his arm and pulled out a chair.

"Sit down," she said, pressing down slightly on his shoulders. As he sat, she pulled up another chair and sat knee to knee with him. "Are you feeling dizzy?"

"No. Just…" He shook his head and looked around again. "I don't know what's going on. My brain has gone blank. _Why_ are we sitting here?"

Tipping her head back, Sara stared at him completely confused herself now, her eye twitching. Was he messing with her? A huge part of her doubted it. Reaching out, she felt his forehead. He was a little warm but nothing drastic.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Sara asked anxiously.

His eyes worked in a circle. "I was watching the ball game. And now…I don't seem to be."

He didn't sound concerned or afraid just confused. Sara was concerned because she knew this was for real.

"What did you do today?" she asked quickly.

"Met with Robert and Andrew," he answered without any hesitation.

Her brow furrowed and she pointed to Buddy. "What's his name?"

Grissom smiled at the dog who looked up at his master. "Buddy."

"And how long have we had him?"

"We got him not long after I came out of the hospital."

Sara's eye twitched again. "So, you remember the hospital and…the _reason_ you were there?" He nodded. "And what did I tell you just a few minutes ago?"

Grissom's eyes worked in a circle and he casually shrugged. "I don't know. I just remember watching TV."

Inhaling a long breath, Sara felt her gut tighten a bit as her eyes searched his. He really was telling the truth and, for some reason, he'd just lost the last five minutes. Lifting her cell, she called Donald.

"Hey, it's Sara," she said noting Grissom seemed pretty at ease as he watched her.

"What can I do for you? Are you okay?" Donald asked.

"I'm fine….um, it's not me. I think Gil is having a little problem and I'm not sure what to do."

"Oh? What's the problem?"

Sara sucked on her lip. "Well, I told him… um… _something_ … and about 30 seconds later he had no idea I'd told him. I know this sounds ridiculous but…."

"Is he there with you?" Donald interrupted.

She watched her husband look around the room, seemingly oblivious to her conversation. She dropped a hand to his knee to ensure he still knew she was there.

"Yeah, he's right here," Sara told him.

"How does he seem? His mannerisms? Has he fallen over at all or banged his head?"

Sara gave her husband's knee a gentle squeeze. "No, he's been fine. He's been pretty mellow after his session and still is which may be why he isn't really all that bothered about anything right now."

There was a second's silence as Donald thought. "What about medication? Has he had anything strong today?"

"No. Just the usual. We haven't had any problems."

"This happened _after_ you told him about the results?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," Donald said. "I'm off duty at 6:00pm so I'll stop by and give Gil a check, all right?"

"Is this normal?" Sara asked. "I mean, it's pretty weird and this hasn't happened before. Is he going to start losing his memory again?"

Grissom looked back at her as she said that, lifting his eyebrows.

"Just relax," Donald urged. "I don't think it's as drastic as that, but I promise we'll figure it out. Look, I have to go so I'll see you in a few hours. Just try and keep Gil off any heavy medication if you can and don't let him do anything taxing. His brain may be feeling a little fragile, so he needs to do as little as possible. _No_ stress. _That's important, okay_? I would keep the news about the baby to yourself just for a little while until we know what the problem is. And should he get a serious headache or anything else unusual happens, give me another call."

Letting out a sigh, Sara nodded. "Okay," she reluctantly agreed. "I'll see you in a little while."

" _Relax, Sara_. See you later. Bye."

"Bye," she breathed, ending the call and sighing again. "Donald's going to come and see you," she told Grissom.

"Why?" Grissom asked nonchalantly. "I'm fine."

"You just lost five minutes of your memory, Gil. That's not fine."

He frowned again. "Did I?"

"Exactly," Sara grumbled. "You can't even remember it. Or remember not remembering it." Her eyes worked in a circle as she confused herself. Shaking her head, she got up. "Come," she said taking his arm.

"Where are we going?" he questioned as he got up.

"Might be a good idea for you to lie down for a while. Donald said _no_ stress."

"But I'm not tired," he moaned not unlike a child. "And I'll miss the game."

Sara glanced towards the TV. "Fine," she agreed. "We'll watch the game."

He smiled. "You're going to watch with me?"

"Yes," she replied as she led him to the sofa to sit. Buddy placed himself in front of them and wagged his tail. "I'm not going anywhere until you've seen the doctor."

As she reached for Buddy's treat, Grissom sat back. "It's no big deal. I lost a few minutes of my day. Considering the issues I've had with my head that's not all _that_ bad."

"I'm glad you're so relaxed about it," Sara countered, patting the dog as he took the treat and lay by Grissom's feet.

"Maybe as Donald is coming here, he'll…" he suddenly trailed off.

Sara looked him in the eye and knew by the immediate pause he was talking about the blood tests. She hated keeping it from him but, then again, technically, she'd already told him. Feeling like shaking her head but stopping herself, she instead cleared her throat and took his hand.

"Let's just think about you right now. Anything else can wait. I just want to know you're okay."

"I'm fine," Grissom insisted.

"Hmmmm," Sara mumbled, looking at her watch. "We'll see once you're checked out. I need to get your meds and you need to tell me if you start getting a headache or anything, okay?"

"What do you class as _anything_?" he teased.

"Funny," Sara mocked, getting up. "Back in a second. Watch him, Buddy."

Buddy's head rose, half the chewy bone he had left sticking out of his mouth. He let out a snort before returning to his task.

 _Grissom just smirked before his attention returned to the TV as the roar of a home run hit his ears._

 _Barely a minute later Sara was back and gave him his pill with some water. After she put the glass down, she felt his forehead again._

"How's your head feeling?" she asked.

"Heady?"

Her eyes narrowed at him. "Are you taking any of this seriously _at all_?"

Knowing she was actually pretty worried he gave her a quick kiss then smiled. "Just feeling a bit light that's all. And it's not a bad feeling."

"Let's just hope it stays that way."

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

Sticking to his word, Donald knocked at The Grissom's door just before 7pm. Sara was grateful their afternoon remained without any more incident. Grissom happily watched TV and no further memory lapses came.

 _Opening the door, she smiled. "Hey," she said. "Thanks for coming."_

 _"_ _Hi," Donald replied, stepping inside. "How are_ _you_ _doing?" he asked as Sara closed the door._

Huffing out a breath, Sara shrugged. "I haven't had much chance to think about it to be honest."

"It'll be okay and, if you want to have a chat, we can do that. _Any time_ , okay?"

Sara wasn't sure when _any time_ would be but nodded for now.

"So, tell me again _exactly_ what happened with Gil."

"Everything was fine," Sara began, "and then you called. I told him about the results pretty much right after I got off the phone and then, after a few seconds' he'd forgotten what I'd said."

"You said he'd lost about five minutes?"

Sara nodded. "Yeah. He was watching baseball, came into the kitchen to see if I was okay and then you called. Between the ballgame and just after the call, gone. He can't remember any of it."

"No other memory loss since or before?"

"No."

Donald looked into the house. "Okay. Then I'd better see how the patient is doing now."

"He's still watching TV," Sara said as they headed towards the lounge.

Hearing them, Grissom sat forwards as Buddy gave Donald a healthy tail wag.

"Hey, boy," Donald greeted giving him a pat. "Hi, Gil," he continued, putting his bag onto the coffee table.

"Hi," Grissom replied. "Thank you for the house call to satisfy my wife."

"Don't start," Sara warned, sitting to Grissom's left.

Smirking, Donald pointed to Grissom's right. "Considering your condition, Gil, house calls are not a problem and Sara's only thinking of your wellbeing. Mind if I sit?"

"Sure," Grissom replied casually.

"Can you tell me how you're feeling?" Donald asked as he opened his bag and pulled out an otoscope.

Eyebrows rising, Grissom glanced at the medical tool. "Like…I should have an ear infection?"

Donald looked at Sara as she rolled her eyes. "He's been a comedian since his hypnotherapy. The after effects seem to be lasting a little longer this time."

"Well, that's not a bad thing," Donald said back. "I just want to do some basic checks. Your ears, your eyes, see if we can get to the bottom of this little memory lapse and make sure you're okay. But it will help if I know _exactly_ how you're feeling."

"I feel fine," Grissom said. "Well, the usual fine for me anyway."

"No headaches, pains where you shouldn't have them, ringing in your ears?" Donald asked.

Grissom shook his head. "The only ringing I've had is Sara worrying."

Chuckling, Donald held up the otoscope. "May I?"

"Sure," Grissom replied. "If you must."

Smiling, Donald carefully checked Grissom's right ear and then moved around him to check the left.

"All clear there," he said, putting the tool away and taking out a penlight. "Just face me so I can have a look in your eyes."

Moving himself around a bit, Grissom faced Donald as he raised the light and shined it into his left eye.

"Move your eye from left to right for me," the doctor requested and Grissom did so. "Good," he said moving to the right. "And same again."

Sara watched as her husband did what the doctor was telling him wondering whether or not Donald would be able to get to the bottom of what was going on.

"Any pain when you move your eyes, any dots or blurry vision?"

Grissom shook his head as Donald lowered the light. "No. Nothing. I don't feel ill _at all_."

"Okay," Donald said, putting the light away.

"So, any ideas?" Sara asked.

"I suspect Gil has suffered from a short term memory loss episode most likely linked to his epileptic condition." He looked at Sara. "With the brain very fragile, a shock to the system could cause this to happen."

Sara swallowed as Grissom looked at her now.

"Um," she mumbled. "Will the memory he lost come back?"

"Most likely. If I'm correct then those few minutes should return after 24 hours," Donald replied, looking back at Grissom. "I would, however, like you to come see me tomorrow before you see Aaron. I'd like to run an EEG just to have a look at your brain pattern. Just to be on the safe side."

"What could have shocked my brain so much for this to happen?" Grissom asked. For the first time he sounded a little more serious.

Again, Donald looked at Sara and she shuffled nervously as Grissom's eyes flicked back to her.

"Will the same thing happen again if I…?" she asked, trailing off but keeping eye contact with her husband.

"I don't know," Donald admitted. "Would you like me to give you some privacy?"

"No," Sara sighed. "If it happens again then I'd rather you see it."

She had to tell him now. The longer she left it, the harder it would be. As nervous as she was she really hoped his brain wouldn't tune out again. Things were complicated enough without going around and around in circles.

Clearing her throat, she took his hand and held it in her lap.

"Donald _did_ call me earlier with my test results," she said swiftly so it was out and she wasn't fumbling. Her thumb gently ran over his. "I told you and…that's what caused your brain to…well…"

He frowned at her, his eyes flickering from left to right a few times before settling on hers and then as his frown deepened, she knew _he_ knew.

"You're pregnant," came the faintest of whispers from him.

"Yeah," she said quietly back every so softly squeezing his hand.

Just like before, he just stared at her. No words, no movement, just staring. Sara felt her heart skipping more than one beat. Had it happened again? _Was she ever going to be able to tell him?_

" _Gil_?" she asked desperately.

"Hmmm?" he mumbled.

"Do you know what you just asked me and what I said?"

He slowly nodded. "Yeah."

Inhaling a deep breath Sara wasn't entirely sure what to say now and her eyes flicked to Donald who quickly got up and closed his bag.

 _"_ _I'll get out of your hair and see you guys tomorrow, okay? Any more problems you have my number." He picked up his bag. "And we can have a good chat about everything then and if you need any advice…"_

"Thanks," Sara replied quietly. "And thanks for coming."

"No problem. I'll see myself out and good luck."

 _Sara smiled weakly as Donald hurried away obviously not wanting to be in the middle of what was a very delicate moment. Inhaling deeply, she turned back to Grissom and waited in the hope he might actually say something._

"Are you going to talk to me?" she eventually asked, the tension just becoming too much.

"Um…how am…I supposed to be a father?" he stuttered.

She was frowning again. "What do you mean by that?"

"I can't even wipe my own ass. How can I possibly look after a baby and be a good father?"

Closing her eyes briefly, Sara's lungs filled with air and then slowly slipped through her lips. She shuffled closer, reaching for this hand.

"Gil," she began softly, "I'm _not_ going to have the baby tomorrow. We have over seven months to prepare for this. _Seven months_." Leaning closer, she looked right into his eyes and smiled. "How long did it take you last time to start wiping your ass and using a knife and fork or holding my hand? How long before you held yourself up and made love to me?"

He swallowed and then sucked on his lip. "Several months depending on what it was."

" _Exactly_ ," she encouraged. "By the time the baby comes _you will_ be back to yourself doing nearly everything you used to do."

"You think so?"

She nodded. " _I know so_."

Grissom took another moment before his next question came. "How do you feel about it?"

Softly squeezing his hand, Sara's smile grew. "To have _your_ baby growing inside me? As much as this wasn't planned I… It's a feeling like no other, Gil. This could be so good for us. _For both of us_. And I know it's going to take some time for this to really sink in but _I_ need _you_ and I need you as much as _you_ need _me_. This _has_ to be something we do _together_."

His teeth nipped into his lip and he nodded even if that uncertainty was still very much on his face.

"It's been a long day," Sara said, not to avoid the conversation but to at least try and alleviate some of the tension.

"Yeah," he breathed.

"How about dinner and an early night? And, if you want to talk some more, we can."

A long but quiet sigh fell from his lips and he nodded. "Okay."

 **A/N: So how is Grissom going to ultimately feel on top of everything else? Only time will tell I guess :)**


	26. Nothing else in the world like it

**A/N: I am finally back with a new chapter. It seems for the first time in many many years RL is taking the front seat for me so writing has been more challenging than it ever has been. But, I will always get back to it at some point. I do thank everyone for your patience but remember I won't ever drop out of a story and a new chapter will come. It may just take a little time now.**

 **I have decided that for now I'm going to concentrate on just 1 story as my writing time is limited. So if you are reading Eclipse, I'm going to just put that one to the side for a while, maybe until I get this finished or until I get more time to write. I do have some holiday time in a few weeks so maybe I will be able to get some good writing done then.**

 **SO, for now, let's get back and see how our lovely couple is doing. How is Grissom really going to cope with news of the baby? Guess we will see. As always, thank you to calim for the beta and help! Mwah!**

 *****This chapter is a high T maybe boarding M for sexual references so please read responsibly. A little smut ahoy…**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 25

 _ **4 weeks, 6 days, 1 hour earlier**_

He was pale, but Sara wasn't surprised. His blood pressure was sky high again to add to everything else.

Another bad nightmare had caused an equally bad seizure causing the doctors to cast his hands as the best way to stop him from smashing them into an unfixable state. Grissom hadn't been given a choice and Sara hated that she couldn't discuss it with him right now. But they were lucky if he could string two words together. In the long run, she really had to think what was best for him because he was unable to do so for himself.

Now she was just waiting for him to wake up and had no idea how he was going to react once he did. Actually, she didn't know anything anymore.

She was tired, but sleep was not coming easily.

Suddenly, his eyelids fluttered and Sara swallowed, her eyes flicking to the doorway to assess how quickly help may arrive should it be needed. She gave the hospital staff credit though as they were pretty damn fast. Still, she felt nervous about his reactions and what he could still do to himself.

Slowly, his eyes opened and blinked before they found her.

"Hi," she whispered, slowly lifting a hand to his hair and doing her best to offer a supporting smile.

After he'd blinked again, a little harder this time, his gaze moved towards his left hand and then the right, spotting the casts. Without warning, he sharply raised his right arm. Although the action startled Sara, she acted quickly, grabbing his arm before he had chance to smash it down because it looked like that's exactly what he wanted to do.

"No, Gil!" she half cried, half shouted.

"Don't care!" he screamed. "Just cut them off!"

"Jesus," she growled as he struggled against her, thanking anyone who would listen when Mary came running in with a male colleague.

"Try and keep him still," Mary said to the man as she hurried to grab a sedative.

"Please stop, Gil," Sara begged, trying to keep a grip on his cast.

The man grabbed Grissom's legs just as he cried out again and jerked his arm. Sara lost her grip and stumbled backwards.

Back at the bedside, Mary injected the sedative into Grissom's left arm and then took hold of it just in case he decided to start flinging that one around.

" _Calm down, Gil_ ," she ordered. "You need to _calm_ down."

A high-pitched scream from him hit the room, one so gut wrenching, Sara felt her stomach turn.

 _ **Present**_

Sara's eyes shot open and she swallowed hard on a dry throat. Her attention immediately tipped in Grissom's direction only to find the space beside her empty. Shooting upright as panic hit, she scanned the room, catching a glimpse of moonlight peaking through the slightly open drapes. And there he was, sitting there and looking out.

Blowing out a breath, her heart calmed a little and she pushed back the covers. Silently groaning at an ache in her back as she stood, she headed towards him. When his head shifted, she knew he'd heard her so she stroked Buddy then leaned down, dropping her head on Grissom's shoulder.

"Hey," she whispered, brushing a hand down his chest.

"Hey," he said back.

"What are you doing up?"

"Bad dream," he admitted.

Softly sighing and deciding to keep her own dream to herself, Sara straightened up and placed her hands onto his shoulders before starting a gentle massage. A short groan came but it didn't deter her from continuing.

"You're so tense again," she told him.

"Yeah," he agreed.

"And why didn't you tell me?" she asked, squeezing and pushing just a little bit harder.

Lifting his head, Grissom looked over his shoulder. "We've been a little busy with other things, honey."

Her eyes narrowed but lips pursed at his lighthearted answer. "You need to tell me if you need attention. You promised you would."

"Yes, dear," he said, looking back through the window. "Ooooh," he groaned then as Sara found a knot.

"Sorry," she apologized.

"It's fine," he breathed. "Nice actually."

She smiled. "Good. Hopefully, it will loosen you up a little bit. How about a nice bath in the morning before we go to the hospital?"

"Maybe."

Her eye twitched, his tone giving out signals he had a lot of thoughts going on. "Do you…want to tell me about your dream? It's been a little while since you've had a bad one. Surprised you didn't wake me."

As his shoulder's rose, the deep breath he sucked in very evident, Sara patiently waited to see if he would open up.

"Just him," he muttered.

"Hurting you?" she dared ask.

There was a slight pause before Grissom answered. "No. He was hurting you."

Sara's eyebrows lifted. She hadn't expected that and she paused with her movements. "Oh," she said quietly.

"And why are you awake?" he asked.

Knowing he was purposely changing the subject, Sara didn't push. They could add it to the list for when he was ready to talk about it or she could bring it back up at a more appropriate hour.

"I had a bad dream, too," she admitted, moving her hands again.

Grissom looked at her again. "Him?"

Her head shook. "You." Frowning, he looked back to the window. "When you were in the hospital," she continued to save him worrying it was anything he'd done wrong. "It comes sometimes. Not a very nice time for us."

"Sorry," he apologized.

"Don't be silly." She squeezed a little harder again, feeling another knot. "What's happened has happened. We can't change it and we just get through it."

"I guess you remember more of it than I do," he replied.

"I'm not that sorry about that," she countered.

Softly sighing, Grissom lifted his right arm, resting his hand upon Sara's and she paused again. That simple gesture sent a jolt through her and even though he could do nothing but rest his hand on hers, it sent an immense need through her body to be close to him. _Closer than close_.

 _She really needed him_.

Kissing his cheek, she deeply breathed in. She loved that smell. His smell. There was nothing else in the world like it.

"Come to bed," she whispered alluringly and smiled as he looked at her. She could see his eyes flickering at her suggestion and brushed her lips over his. "I need you," she admitted. " _Do you need me_?" she breathed against him.

The smallest grunt came as he cleared his throat. "Yes," he sighed quietly.

Lips pursing, she straightened out, walked around him and held out of her hand. Grissom pushed himself up and she took his arm, leading him to the bed and stopping by it. Raising her hands, Sara cupped his cheeks, her eyes deeply exploring his seeing he had as much need as she did. She dropped her lips to his and the kiss that followed was even more desperate than she was expecting and the fiercest Grissom had been since they'd returned home. It was so powerful, so deep, so needy it made Sara weep.

Finally pulling away, she took a breath and smiled, eyelids fluttering at her husband who offered his own smile. And for once it was a confident smile. Running her hands across and down his shoulders, she went for the buttons on his PJ jacket, making quick work of them and pushing the garment off. As her fingernails lightly brushed across his chest, over his scars and down towards his stomach, the groan that spilled from his lips made Sara tingle. Looking back into his eyes, she lifted a finger to his lips and softly brushed from left to right.

"Do you want control?" she asked lovingly knowing that currently they only really had two ways they could make love. Either she had control and was on top or she was on her side with Grissom behind her giving him more option to take charge. As long as he was inside her, she really couldn't care less which way it went down.

He smiled again. "Sure," he whispered, dipping his head to kiss her again, his tongue seeking out hers and her eyebrows lifted as he pushed against her. Oh, yes, he was certainly confident and, as her legs clipped the bed, their lips separated, and she fell back to sit on the bed.

Giggling, Sara spotted the bulge in his bottoms and then smirked. "You are excited, aren't you?" she teased, running a hand over the bulge. "I like it when you're excited."

"And you're still a tease," he accused.

Sara laughed, gripping onto the waistband. "And I'm glad some things never change."

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

The feeling of his breath in her ear was blissful; the roughness of his hand resting across her belly a delightful comfort; the warmth his skin radiated to hers a feeling she never wanted to go away. If only she could bottle it and take it everywhere she went, she'd truly be a happy woman forever.

Sighing happily, Sara's eyes flicked to the clock. Almost 7:30am. She should really think about getting them up but she was so damn comfy. Smiling at the memory of the last few hours she softly ran her fingertips across his hand before resting hers over it. Just below their hands a baby was growing, their baby, and it was still a pretty surreal feeling. They still hadn't talked about it properly, but she hoped it would be soon. She didn't want to pressure Grissom into it, but they had to talk about it. They had to plan.

Feeling his foot move and then his lips upon the back of her neck, Sara smiled.

"Good morning," she greeted, stroking his hand.

"Morning," he growled as he stretched out his legs and snuggled closer.

Before their greeting could continue, Buddy appeared and gave them both a whine.

"Ah," Sara said. "I know what you want." Buddy barked and she gave him a pat. "Sorry, boy," she apologized. "I know I've usually let you out before now."

With his tail wagging, Buddy sat down and waited.

Looking over her shoulder, Sara dropped a kiss to Grissom's lips. "As much as I hate to move right now, sadly, I don't think I have much choice. Plus, we should really get up if you want to be ready to leave for the hospital in time."

"I guess," he sighed.

"Still feel like a bath?"

His lips puckered as he thought. "Join me?"

Taking his arm, Sara carefully turned over to face him and smiled. "Lovely thought but sadly with your chair, two of us can't fit in the bath."

"Shower? That's big enough."

Laughing at his determination, she kissed him again. It was so nice for their closeness to be growing stronger and stronger. It certainly beat how distant he was a few weeks prior.

"I'll let Buddy out and then we'll see where we go, okay?" He nodded and she gave him one more kiss. "Be right back."

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

Putting down Buddy's food bowl, Sara let out a happy sigh as she straightened out and watched Grissom from across the kitchen. The determination on his face as he scooped up the cereal made her feel proud at how far he'd come. Soon, he'd be able to hold the spoon. She knew he would.

She felt good and the current air around them felt good. Grissom had convinced her to shower with him which in itself was another huge step for him. Yes, they'd had sex but Sara had come to learn that all steps of intimacy for him now were different and each had to be overcome. It was a different kind of closeness but, it was so very nice. And, even though Grissom couldn't do a great deal but be pampered, being skin on skin was just heaven for Sara and she would take any offer for that when it was given.

While the mood was good, maybe now would be a good time to talk. She expected Donald would bring the baby up at the hospital, so she needed to know more form her husband and exactly how he was feeling about it now.

Washing her hands and grabbing a cloth she headed towards him seeing that his bowl was now empty.

"Hungry this morning I see," she said, happy he seemed to have an appetite for a change.

"Hmmm," he agreed, looking at her. "Some nightly activity we were involved in seems to have…erm…made me a little peckish."

Laughing, Sara picked up the bowl. "Was it a fun activity?" she teased.

"Better than a ball game," he hit back.

Mockingly, Sara held a hand to her heart. " _I am so honored_ ," she joked.

He gave her a bright smile and Sara sent one right back.

"Do you want some more?" she asked, holding up the bowl.

"No, I'm good thanks."

"Sure?" As Grissom nodded she smiled again, put the bowl by the sink and sat next to him. "We've still got about half an hour before our ride arrives," she said. "So, do you feel like having a little talk? You know…about the baby. Might be a good idea before we get to the hospital."

His jaw worked a little before he nodded and Sara gave a silent sigh of relief.

"Can you tell me how you're feeling about it now?" Her heart began beating faster as her eyes searched his.

"Scared," he admitted.

"Tell me why?" she asked softly.

He swallowed before his shoulders rose in an unsure shrug. "I…we…have never…you know…I never saw myself being a dad."

Taking his hand, Sara held it softly in her lap and was about to say something but to her surprise he continued before she had the chance.

"It was always just work and then…it was _us_."

"And work," Sara teased.

Smiling, he gave a nod. "Yeah," he breathed. "One way or another that always seemed to get in the way."

She leaned closer and returned his smile. "Until now. And people _do_ change. Plus, you are really good with children. _Do you even know how good you are_?"

"Am I?"

" _Yes_ ," Sara confirmed decisively.

"I always struggled a bit especially as a kid," he admitted. "With my father dying when I was so young, I never really had that figure in my life or that influence."

Sara softly squeezed his hand. "That doesn't mean you won't be a good father," she argued. "Even without that influence, look at how successful you are. And you _are_ good with people whether you want to believe it or not."

"As long as I'm not talking about myself," he snickered.

Sara laughed. "Pretty much. It's natural to be scared, Gil. I'm terrified."

His eyebrow lofted. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"But you don't act it."

"Just because I'm not shouting about it doesn't mean I haven't got rolling butterflies in my stomach most of the time at the moment," Sara replied. "Or my heart pounds every time I think there's a human being growing inside me."

"You have a lot to deal with," he sighed. "And I'm sorry I haven't been much help."

Leaning closer, Sara gently kissed his lips. "Right now, it's about how we move forward not where we've been. Yes, I'm going to need support, too, and yes, a lot of that could be from you, but most importantly, I need to know that you _are_ on board with this baby. This has to be a two-way street and you _will_ be a great father, Gil. I know you will, you need to believe that, too."

After a few moments, Grissom nodded. "Okay," he said quietly.

"Okay?" Sara questioned. "So, we're…good? Happy?"

He smiled and then nodded again. "Happy."

Now Sara smiled, bright and true, because he sounded so sincere and his eyes never lied. Raising her arms, she dropped them over his shoulders and sighed happily as they embraced. The road had just gotten a little bit longer but, at least, they were both driving on the same side.

 **A/N: Awwwww :)**


	27. Worrying about me already

**A/N: Back with a new chap :) Been feeling a little mushy lately so that may come out in the next few chapters. Or would you prefer Evil Hat to make an appearance? *Grin***

 **Huge thanks to everyone who continues to review and offer me support and thanks as always to calim for the beta.**

 **Thinking of you Shirl, much love xxxx**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 26

Greeted in the waiting area by Mary, Grissom and Sara were escorted to a treatment room. Reaching the door, Sara glanced at Buddy as the nurse gestured them inside.

"Is he okay to come in?" she asked. "Not sure with the EEG and what's allowed."

"He's fine," Mary reassured. "We only don't allow him when there is radiation."

"Great," Sara said happily, flashing Grissom a smile who smiled back.

She felt a little more comfortable with Buddy being present. Even though it wasn't a painful test, she wasn't sure what Donald might be bringing up and any extra help was appreciated.

Heading into the room, they saw Donald sitting at his desk. Rising, he greeted them and gave Buddy a quick pet.

"Hi. How are things today?" he asked.

The couple exchanged a look and Sara nodded.

"We're doing well," Sara replied, looping an arm through Grissom's. "We've talked and…"

Donald held up a finger. "We can get more into it once we've set Gil up, okay? It will help me to monitor his brain pattern without going too deep into _certain_ things."

"Okay," Sara agreed thinking she knew where Donald was coming from.

"Mary will get you ready and I'll be over in a second, all right?" Donald said to Grissom.

Looking across the room towards a chair, Grissom spotted the familiar machine and wires waiting to be stuck to his head. There was always something quite odd in the feeling that someone was about to look inside your brain.

"Come on, honey," Mary said, guiding Grissom toward the chairs.

Sitting down, he smiled at Sara as she sat next to him. Buddy took up his position lying across her feet until he saw Mary attaching electrodes to Grissom's head. Quickly standing, he tilted his head as if confused.

Sara snorted. "I think he's a little confused," she said, patting Buddy's back. "It's okay, boy, Daddy's just having a test. And I promise it won't hurt him."

After a quiet whine, Buddy began to pant and then decided to lie down.

"Good, boy," Sara said, giving him a treat and a stroke.

"He's very protective isn't he," Mary said, sticking an electrode by Grissom's right temple and ensuing his hair didn't get in the way.

"That he is," Grissom agreed. "In every single way, shape and form."

Mary smiled. "You deserve some peace of mind after everything."

"He certainly helps," Sara cut in, continuing to stroke the dog. "And Gil's seizures have drastically reduced since we've had him."

Placing the last electrode in place, Mary stepped back. "I don't think that's _all_ down to the furry one though." Giving Sara a wink, she walked up to Donald to let him know Grissom was ready and Sara frowned.

"She means you're a big help, too," Grissom told her.

Frown easing, Sara looked at him, pursing her lips. "A loving wife and a dog. What more could you need?"

"Absolutely nothing," Grissom said sincerely.

Feeling her chest swell and cheeks redden at his loving stare, Sara cleared her throat as Donald approached.

"Ready to get started?" he asked

"Yeah," Grissom answered looking at the doctor. "So, what exactly are you looking for?"

As Donald sat and Mary joined him, the doctor tapped the keyboard bringing numerous lines to life on the screen before looking back at his patient.

"Any abnormalities beyond what we already know."

"And if there are some?" Grissom questioned feeling Sara clasping his hand, no doubt, to get him to relax.

"Then we will deal with it accordingly and you will have all the support you need," Donald said calmly. "Have you had any recall yet of what you forgot yesterday?"

Grissom shook his head. "Nothing."

"There's still time."

"You're still expecting him to remember?" Sara asked.

"It's more likely than not," Donald returned. "That's if my thoughts on what happened are correct."

Grissom's eyes worked in a circle. "And if you're wrong?"

"Let's wait to find out before I answer that," Donald said with a smile before glancing back to the monitor for a second. "So, I'm going to ask you some questions and we can see how your brain reacts, okay?" Grissom nodded as Donald looked up. "Firstly, are you comfortable?"

Again, Grissom nodded. "I'm fine."

"Good," Donald said, his eyes floating between the patient and the screen. "Tell me about the recent news you've had, Gil," he requested.

Feeling Sara softly squeezing his hand, he looked at her and she smiled. Clearing his throat, Grissom felt a slight tightness in his chest before looking back at the doctor.

"Um, we're having a baby," Grissom said.

Mary smiled at the news as Donald continued. "And how does that make you feel?"

"Very nervous." Grissom took in a deep breath as Donald's eyes flicked back to the monitor.

"Nerves are natural," Donald encouraged.

"Yeah," Grissom agreed. "But most fathers can actually hold their babies and look after themselves."

"Are you having doubts about your abilities by the time the baby arrives?"

Grissom sighed. "Yes and…no." He looked at Sara. "Sara helps a lot with my negativity but it's still really tough sometimes."

"Considering what you've both been through," Donald said, "being doubtful may never go away. But just look how far you've come. And not just once but twice. There are still many hurdles to overcome. That we know. But you have done incredibly well and should be proud of yourself." Nodding, Grissom gave a tiny smile. "And how are you doing with your therapy?"

"Good, I think," Grissom answered. "At least, for the most part anyway."

"What do you say, Sara?" Donald teased.

Sara smiled. "He's doing amazing well," she confirmed. "From sitting in the garden to now taking walks, having a bad dream every night to rarely any and now, he can fight his seizures away…"

Licking his lip, Grissom's eyes flicked back to her. "Not all of them," he said quietly.

She squeezed his knee. "Stop knocking yourself. Stopping just one is amazing and you've managed to do more than that."

"You'll make me blush in a minute," he snickered and Sara laughed.

"Good," she shot back. "You are allowed to do that you know."

Bashfully smiling, he looked back at the doctor. "So, to confirm, all in all I'm doing well."

"And how are you currently feeling about Ronald Basderic?" Donald pushed, knowing he needed a more stressful question to challenge the brain pattern.

Sucking in a deep breath, Grissom let it out, feeling Sara's clasp on his knee tighten.

"He's…working his way out. Slowly."

"Slowly is better than not at all," Donald said, hitting more keys in the keyboard. "Okay, that's all I need."

Grissom's eyebrows soared. " _That's it_?"

"That's it," Donald confirmed.

"Now what?" Sara asked.

"It'll take me about half an hour to analyze the results and then we can have a chat about them."

"Maybe we could grab a coffee?" Sara suggested.

"Or maybe we just wait outside," Grissom returned swiftly.

Knowing she was pushing it, Sara half smirked. "Okay," she agreed. "We'll wait outside."

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Grissom's EEG results confirmed Donald's theory of short term memory loss brought on by the news about the baby. There was a tiny change to his normal brain pattern since his last check helping the doctor with his diagnosis. It was nothing that was a cause for concern though and when questioned about the baby and Basderic, there had been a spike in the brains activity but nothing they weren't used to seeing.

Although explained in the past, Donald reiterated that Grissom's brain was more fragile than an average person's brain. Because of this, it seemed that stressful things could bring on memory lapses. Physically, it wasn't harmful, so he urged them not to worry too much especially since those lost memories may return. This could all end this day or always be an issue.

Now they sat waiting for Grissom to go into physio and, as he normally did, his eyes were flicking around the waiting room to all the strange faces around him.

"Are you okay?" Sara asked, squeezing Grissom's knee.

After a long sigh he nodded and looked at her. "Relieved my brain isn't much worse than it already was."

Reaching a hand to his hair, Sara gently brushed her fingertips through it. "There is nothing wrong with your brain. It's just a little more delicate than most people's. It's still a lovely brain."

He snorted. "Lovely, huh?"

Her lips pursed. "It makes you who you are, and I love _exactly_ who you are." Flashing her a shy smile, he gave Buddy a little pat. "You know I've been thinking," Sara continued and he looked back at her. "How about we invite your mother round for dinner?" His eyebrows soared and she squeezed his knee again. "Let me finish before you start rejecting the idea?"

"Okay," he breathed quietly.

"She needs to know about the baby, Gil, because this is something we can't keep secret. We'll _both_ need support with this so the sooner we let the news out the easier it's going to be. And, being your mother, I'd assume you'd want her to be the first to know."

"I can imagine the wrath if I didn't tell her first."

Sara laughed. "So, what do you say? Shall I give her a call and see if she's free tonight?"

As Grissom thought, his right eye twitched. "How about we see how the physio goes and then if I'm okay, we can give her a call?"

"I can live with that," Sara said happy not to get flat out rejection to the idea.

The door to the treatment room opened and Aaron stepped out. "Ready for you, Gil," he said.

"Up you get, Buddy," Sara said, helping Grissom up as the dog yawned and got to his feet.

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Seeing her husband in pain, Sara always got that feeling. A cramping in her gut, an increase in her heartbeat and tingling across her skin. It was not a feeling she liked but one she had grown used to.

His physio had been very similar to the last session and again mainly consisted of Aaron loosening up Grissom's hands via his wrists, fingers and thumbs. This would happen for several weeks before anything more taxing was laid on the table. But, again it had gone well despite the pain, so they were both happy. The fingers and thumb on Grissom's left hand seemed to be moving better than the first time he had the injuries so that was a positive. Hopefully, when it came to it, his grip would be better as well.

For the first time, Aaron encouraged Grissom to try and move a little at home with Sara's help. The looser he kept his fingers the easier things would get. Still no using his hands but keeping the muscles working would be good. Sara still felt nervous about him moving without professional help there but she knew if Grissom asked then she would help. Something inside her told her he may well start doing that soon.

Now, back at home, Sara had settled Grissom on the sofa while his pain medication kicked in and had gone into the kitchen to get him some juice. Returning shortly after, she stopped and smiled at the picture before her. Buddy, with his two front paws on the sofa, was staring at his father who was chatting away to his friend.

"You know he shouldn't be on the furniture," Sara said, taking her husband's foot and lifting it so she could sit, dropping the foot onto her legs.

"We're having a man talk," Grissom replied, patting Buddy's head and he dropped back onto the floor with a quiet bark.

Eyebrows rising, Sara snickered. " _Man talk_?"

Looking at her, he nodded. "Hmmmm."

"Would you like to share what _manly_ things you are talking about?" she asked, holding out the juice to him.

Grissom looked at Buddy before sucking from the straw. Once he was done, he shook his head. "It's just between the two of us."

Sara gaped at him. "Keeping secrets from me, huh?"

Finishing the juice, Grissom licked his lips then smiled. "Okay," he conceded. "I just asked him to make sure he keeps his eyes on you as well as me."

Face softening, Sara felt a clench in her gut at the sweet gesture. "Really?" Grissom nodded. "Awwww," she said, reaching a hand to his cheek. "Worrying about me already, huh?"

"I might not show it but…I always worry about you." A sigh left his lips. "You put up with so much because of me and you're constantly looking after me. Sometimes…I don't know how you do it and I just wish I could return the favor. You don't really get much time to relax, do you?"

Her head tipped from side to side. "Not much," she agreed. "But, when I do, it's with you so, it's all good." Smiling, she dropped a quick kiss to his lips. "And, as you recover more and more, things will continue to get better and better and easier and easier. And, things _have_ gotten better."

"You'll need to stop worrying so much about me," he ordered. "Pregnancy and stress isn't a good combination."

Snorting, Sara took his hand. "Ah, if things were only that simple. It will all work itself out, I promise."

Grissom sighed softly. "I hope so."

Smiling, Sara gave him another kiss. "I just spoke to Betty and she's very happy to accept our dinner invitation this evening."

Inhaling deeply, Grissom nodded. "Good," he whispered, happy with himself that he'd given Sara the okay to ask once they got back. Dinner with someone other than his wife was certainly progress.

"She did want me to ask you if she could bring Patrick." His eyebrows rose. "She thinks it would be nice for you to meet him but if you aren't ready…she said she understands." Sara watched as he nipped on his lip, eyes working in thought and gently squeezed his hand. "If you _aren't_ ready Gil, it's fine, okay? Don't put too much pressure on yourself. It _can_ wait."

"Tell her it's fine," he eventually said.

"Are you sure?" Sara asked looking surprised.

"Yeah. I'm sure. If Mom is happy then I should at least support her wishes and find out more about this man."

Sara smirked. "Ah, so it's more of an investigation then?"

"Stop it," Grissom warned and she laughed before kissing him again and giggling into his lips.

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Sara smiled as she straightened the knot on Grissom's tie.

"It's been a long time since I've seen you in a suit," she purred, rubbing hands across his shoulders to brush away any hairs.

He nodded his agreement. "It's been a long time since I recall myself wearing one, my dear." Sara smirked now. "But I may as well make a reasonable effort while I feel up to it."

"Not trying to impress anyone are we?" she challenged.

"No," he denied quickly. Her eyebrows rose throwing the challenge right back at him. His eyes narrowed at her. "Am I not allowed to dress nicely for my mother?"

"Of course you are," Sara sighed, running a hand down his jacket. Grissom in a suit always turned her on and she took a quick look at her watch. "But it's a shame there isn't enough time for me to practice undressing you." His eyebrow hit the ceiling and she wriggled her own.

"Um," he fumbled knowing exactly what she meant, " _no_. I don't think there's enough time for _that_. Not unless you can get yourself ready, prepare dinner and do the _other_ thing all in the space of an hour."

"Hmm," Sara pondered, teasing him. "Now can I?" As his mouth dropped open she laughed again. "Fine but such a pity," she cooed, again running her hand over his shoulder.

"I think pregnancy is playing havoc with your hormones, dear," Grissom accused.

"No," Sara disagreed. "You're playing havoc with my hormones and I suggested you take Buddy into the living room before I find myself unable to control my actions."

Now Grissom laughed. "I think I'd better," he agreed.

Looking at Buddy, Sara patted her leg and he trotted to her wagging his tail. "Give me a shout if you need me, boy," she said, patting his head. "Your Daddy is all yours for a while."

After a happy bark, Buddy turned and walked to the door, his tail wagging while he waited for Grissom.

"Go on," Sara ordered her husband. "You better go while you still can. I won't be long."

Smiling, he dropped a quick kiss to her lips. "We can pick up on this later."

"Oh, you can count on it," Sara said with authority. "And that's a promise."

 **A/N: Hmmm, I love it when they tease :) How is dinner going to go?**


	28. As much time as you need

**A/N: Hey guys, here we are with a new chapter. A bit quicker than usual, yay. Am I sniffin' a little lovin'? Or is something going to ruin the mood? Time for our couple to reveal the news to Momma. Should be fun :P**

 **Please keep your thoughts coming and I thank you all for your continued reviews and support :) And, as always, gracious thanks to calim for beta and help x**

 **# - Betty signing.**

 **On we go…**

Chapter 27

Some 20 minutes after Grissom left the bedroom for the living room to watch a bit of TV, he heard his wife approach. She was wearing heels, something that didn't happen often these days. And, if she was wearing heels that usually meant …

Oh, yes.

As Grissom looked over his shoulder, the sight he beheld sent a twang through his belly. Slowly, his eyes drifted over Sara's body as she rounded the sofa, the loving smile she threw his way making him quiver.

"Wow," he breathed, his eyes again looking her over.

She wore a long, black, silken dress that fit her perfectly, resting just above her knees and revealing enough of her cleavage to question the occasion. And yes, she was in heels.

"You aren't the only one that can dress up," she teased, leaning over him to kiss to his lips.

"I can see that," he answered when she pulled back. "Aren't you a little _under_ dressed?"

Sara pouted and opened out her arms. "Don't you like it?"

"Um," he said, clicking his lips together. "Yes, _I_ like it. Not so sure it's 'dinner with mother' material though."

"Eh," she muttered, waving a hand through the air. "I'm sure Betty will cope. How often do I get to do this for you?"

He shrugged. "Well…you can dress up for _me_ like that _any_ time you like, my dear. I certainly won't complain."

A soft chortle left her throat, a giddy feeling breezing over her at their playfulness. It was so very nice. Leaning in to give him another kiss, she whisked a hand across his cheek.

"I need to start dinner or we'll be eating bread and cheese."

Pushing his tongue into his cheek, Grissom nodded. "Don't set yourself on fire now will you?"

"Certainly not," Sara shot back. "That's for you to do later."

His eyebrows soared and she smirked before stepping away, leaving that thought well and truly in his mind.

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Dinner was nearly done when the doorbell sounded. Washing her hands, Sara first approached her husband, dropping reassuring hands onto his shoulders when she noticed the apprehensive look on his face.

"You okay?" she asked, placing her head on his shoulder and running her cheek along his.

"Yeah," he breathed.

Buddy let out a chirpy bark and Sara looked at him as he wildly wagged his tail.

"You're always okay," she laughed. "And excited as usual." Looking back at Grissom she smiled. "Just breathe, Gil," she advised. "You'll be fine."

He nodded and Sara smiled before heading to the door and opening it. Waiting on the other side was Betty who threw her a wave and then inspected Sara's attire with an approving look.

# "Hi. And my, you look…fabulous," # Betty said.

"Thanks," Sara signed back with a bright smile, her gaze then moving to the man beside her mother-in-law. "Come on in," she gestured before proper introductions were made.

Betty smiled back and took her guest's arm, leading him inside as Sara closed the door.

# "Sara, I would like to introduce you to Patrick Connelly. Patrick, this is Sara, my son's wife." #

"A true pleasure to meet you," Patrick replied, holding out his hand. "Betty's told me a lot about you."

Sara delighted in Patrick's accent. It was deep, a true London, and one she'd not heard very often except in movies. Shaking his offered hand, she quickly took in his appearance.

Overall, he wasn't bad looking. His hair was dark but greying, not unlike Grissom's until he decided to dye it. She couldn't help but notice how blue his eyes were and what a welcoming smile he had. He was also smartly dressed but Sara expected that, being an Englishman and all.

"A pleasure," Sara returned. "And I hope Betty hasn't been telling you all my secrets."

Betty smirked as Patrick looked at her. "Not all of them," he teased.

Laughing, Sara pointed into the house. "How about you follow me and you can meet Gil."

# "How is he?" # Betty asked before they moved.

"He's okay," Sara replied. "A little nervous. He hasn't been near any strangers aside from his hospital visits and our walks in the park. He keeps his distance, so I suggest a little caution. I'm confident he'll be fine," she added.

Nodding, Betty looped her arm through Patrick's and they followed Sara as she moved towards the living room.

Upon hearing the group approaching, Grissom prepared to stand only to have Buddy beat him to it, his tail wagging wildly at the sight of Betty.

Deciding he wouldn't be outdone by his dog, he quickly swallowed over the lump in his throat and got to his feet, his gaze falling on his mother and the man beside her. When Sara took hold of his arm, he glanced her way, appreciating the supportive smile she gave him before looking back toward his mother.

# "Hi," # Betty greeted, smiling at him and reaching down to give Buddy a pet.

Inhaling deeply, Grissom returned the smile even if not as powerful. "Hi, Mom," he replied, eyes shooting to the man beside her.

# "You're looking very dashing," # Betty said, reaching to Grissom's tie and fiddling with the knot, earning herself a disbelieving look from her son.

" _Mom_ ," he whined. "My tie is fine."

She smirked, patting his jacket. # "Just checking," # she teased as he looked at Patrick again. # Gil, this is Patrick. He's been looking forward to meeting you." #

Patrick nodded at Grissom. "Good to meet you finally," he said.

Grissom's eye twitched. "I would shake your hand but…," he said. 

"I understand," the older man returned softly. "It can wait until a time that you can."

Relaxing a little at Patrick's understanding tone, Grissom nodded. "Hopefully," he replied.

"How about a drink?" Sara suggested in an attempt to keep things moving. "I just have to finish a few things in the kitchen then we can eat."

# "I can help you with drinks," # Betty suggested. # "Give the men a little time to get to know each other." #

Grissom's eyebrows soared at his mother's comment, his gaze quickly flicking over to Sara.

"Are you all right with that?" she asked softly, fully expecting him to say no.

After a moment's thought, Grissom nodded, feeling Buddy brush up against his leg.

Sara's lips parted with a little surprise, but she didn't question him. "Okay," she said happily. "What would you like to drink?"

"Scotch," he said flatly.

Oh, Sara's heart lunged a bit. She knew what alcohol could do to him and it certainly made his medication less useful. But, she had to trust his requests somewhat and this was the first time he'd asked for an alcoholic beverage in months. It might even help him to relax. But, on the other end it could… No, she couldn't think negatively. Rubbing his arm, she smiled and then looked at Patrick.

"And what will you have?"

"I'll have the same," he replied. "Straight up, no ice."

"Coming right up," Sara cooed, nodding at Betty who followed her to the kitchen.

As the women walked away, Patrick glanced at Buddy. "Hey, boy, what's your name?"

Tail going mad, Buddy whined and raised a paw.

"Buddy," Grissom answered for the dog.

"Is he okay to pet?"

"Sure," Grissom returned.

With a smile, Patrick rubbed between Buddy's ears much to the dogs' satisfaction.

"He's a special dog, right?" Patrick asked.

"Certainly is," Grissom agreed, sitting on the sofa. Standing too much lately made his leg ache. "Have a seat," he urged.

Nodding, Patrick sat in the chair next to the sofa and Buddy sat in front of him wanting more attention.

"The jar on the coffee table has treats in it," Grissom pointed out. "I think that's what he's after."

Patrick glanced at the coffee table and upon spotting the jar, removed the lid and took out a biscuit bone. Instantly, Buddy's paw was on his knee and Patrick laughed.

"There you go," he said. Holding the treat out, Buddy gently took it, returning to Grissom and lying by his feet. "He's very well trained." 

"Yeah. He has to be. He can be lifeline in a lot of ways."

Another nod came from Patrick and a quick look around before he focused back on Grissom. "I can't imagine how hard it's been for you."

Taking a breath, Grissom dropped a hand to Buddy's back. "I obviously don't know how much my Mom has told you but how about we start with things about you first?"

"Sure," Patrick agreed quickly. "What would you like to know?"

In the kitchen, Sara poured two glasses of scotch. "What would you like Betty?" she asked, turning to her mother-in-law to notice she was looking at the scotch.

# "Is it such a good idea for Gil to have that?" # Betty questioned.

A quiet sigh left Sara's lips as she put the bottle down. "Alcohol isn't forbidden. It's just not a good idea for him to drink a lot of it."

# "It can stop his medication from working, right?" #

"Possibly," Sara replied truthfully. "But he isn't a child. I'm not going to say no if he asks. It might even help him to relax a bit more."

# "Okay," # Betty conceded. # "You know what's best." #

"Thank you," Sara said softly, happy that Betty wasn't arguing with her about it. "What would you like?"

# "I could be tempted with a glass of white wine if you have any." #

"Of course," Sara said, moving to the fridge to get a bottle.

Betty looked over the stove, lifting a lid to a pan that was slowly bubbling away. Sara smirked at her as she reached for the corkscrew. Betty was quite a cooking connoisseur so deep-down Sara hoped to please her mother-in-law.

# "Smells nice," Betty complimented. # "Seafood gumbo?" #

"Exactly that," Sara confirmed as the cork popped from the bottle.

# "One of my favorites." #

Sara smirked. " _I know_."

Putting the lid back on, Betty held out a hand to take the offered glass of wine from her daughter-in-law then placed it onto the counter.

# "Thank you. Are you having one?" #

Sara's eyes flicked to her before she put the cork back into the bottle. "Eh, no. I'm just going to have some juice," she said, returning to the fridge, taking out a carton of OJ and pouring a glass.

Although Betty's eyes narrowed a little she didn't push for a reason why.

# "I'll take Gil his drink, okay?" # Betty said, retaking her wine and one of the glasses of scotch.

Sara nodded, picked up the other two drinks and followed behind Betty.

After listening to Patrick explain how he met his mother, Grissom was at least glad that his story matched the one he'd been told some months ago. He still found it quite remarkable his mother could bump into someone who lived in Vegas when she was in another country and one that spoke sign language. That itself was a rare thing.

"So, do you live nearby?" Grissom asked.

"I have an apartment here," Patrick answered, "and a house in Henderson. When I work it's just easier to stay in the city."

Two properties? Well, at least Patrick wasn't after his mother's money by the sound of it.

"How long have you lived in Vegas?" he asked.

Just as Patrick was about to answer he spotted Betty coming toward him. Being a gentleman, he stood and offered her a smile. Smiling back, she showed Grissom she had his drink and placed it on the coffee table.

"Thank you," he said softly.

Betty smiled at him then sat in the chair next to Patrick as Sara offered him his own drink. Thanking her, he took the glass then held it to his nose and sniffed.

Sara sat beside Grissom and picked up his drink only then noticing that he was staring intently at Patrick.

"Is the drink okay for you?" she asked Patrick, a little concerned at the seemingly happy look on his face.

"It smells delightful, so I hope so," Patrick said back.

With his eyebrows rising, Grissom exchanged a look with Sara who smirked at him.

"Gil likes the good stuff," she said.

"I can tell," Patrick replied, swirling the scotch around in the glass before taking a sip. "And he has good taste."

Clearing his throat and feeling a tad uncomfortable at the compliment, Grissom sat back and took a sip from his own glass that Sara held for him.

"Please don't drink this too fast," she whispered, leaning a little closer to him in an attempt to make the request between the two of them.

"I won't," he mumbled back ultimately knowing Sara had control of the glass anyway.

# "Patrick enjoys his scotch like I enjoy my wine," # Betty said before holding up her glass. # "And it seems Sara enjoys her fruit." #

Frowning at the comment, Grissom looked back at his wife as she placed her OJ down on the table then caught her eye.

"Now or after dinner?" she asked simply, squeezing his knee.

A soft sigh passed through Grissom's lips. The longer they left it, the more nervous he would become.

"Now," he whispered.

With a supporting and understanding smile, Sara carefully took his hand and held it while they both faced their guests.

# "What are you whispering about?" # Betty asked after putting her wine down.

"We have news," Sara said. "And we wanted you to be the first to know."

Surprisingly, Sara felt a slight tightness on her hand and shot Grissom a look when he let out a quiet hiss.

" _Gil, it's okay_ ," she encouraged. "Please don't push it with your hands. Just _breathe_." He sucked in a deep breath, keeping eye contact with her. "Okay?" she asked a little worried and, thankfully, he nodded.

# "Now you're making me worry," # Betty signed quickly.

Clearing his throat, Patrick put his drink down. "Would you like me to step out?" he asked. "If this is personal then…"

"No," Grissom cut him off. "Mom wants you here so…stay."

Betty looked at Patrick then back to the couple. # "Now I'm _really_ worried." #

Sara held up her free hand. "Worry isn't necessary so if we _can all relax_ it would be great."

Trying to keep everyone calm, Sara's eyes flicked to each person in turn before she let out a long breath of her own. If you'd have told her a year ago she'd now be the voice of reason she would have laughed at you.

"So," Sara continued, giving Grissom's hand the lightest of squeezes. "We have some news and it's probably going to be a bit of a surprise but…"

Sara trailed off. Betty's eyes were a little intimidating as they watched her lips so intently. Glancing at Grissom for a second, she smiled at him then faced her mother-in-law again. Clearing her throat, she forcibly controlled the butterflies in her tummy and gave her husband's hand another gentle squeeze.

"We, erm… We're having a baby."

There. It was said.

Betty blinked as if she didn't quite get what had just been said.

# "Baby?" # she signed.

Oh yes, she was surprised all right.

"Yes, Betty," Sara confirmed.

Eye's flicking to her son's, Betty held his gaze. # "You're finally making me a Grandma? I thought the day would never come." #

His eyebrows shot skywards and Sara snorted at what seemed to be a happy response from Betty.

"We hadn't planned it," Grissom replied.

# "And why does that not surprise me?" # Betty returned.

"It was quite unexpected," Sara said, laying Grissom's hand in her lap and smiling at him again.

"You can say that again," he whispered.

"And how do you feel about it?" # Betty probed. # Both of you." #

Inhaling deeply, Sara flashed a nervous smile at Betty. "I think it's still sinking in. We'll have a lot to plan but we're happy."

# "It's a lot to cope with on top of…everything else." # Betty challenged.

"We know that," Grissom breathed nervously.

Betty got up and approached them. # "Grandma can make it a little bit easier with her support." #

Grissom's lips pursed. "You're happy with the news?"

Totally surprising him, she grabbed his cheeks and kissed him on the nose, Sara laughing at the look on his face when Betty released him and stepped back with a grin.

# "I'm elated. Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for you to give me a grandchild?" #

"Probably since I was 18," Grissom teased.

# "Not quite but long enough. I am _very_ happy for you both." #

"I'll second that," Patrick said, getting up to join Betty and placing an arm around her waist. "Many congratulations."

"Thank you," Grissom said quietly, feeling Sara squeeze his hand again.

"Yes," Sara added. "Thank you. And thank _you_ , Betty. All of your support will be appreciated."

# "What are Mom's for?" # Betty beamed.

Clearing his throat, Grissom leaned forwards.

"Are you okay?" Sara asked him.

He looked at her. "Bathroom."

Without a word, Sara just nodded and got up. She wasn't sure if he actually needed to go or if he just needed a time out. Either way, it didn't matter.

"We'll be right back, okay?" she said to Betty as Grissom got to his feet.

# "You just take as much time as you need." #

 **A/N: Will the night continue to go well…. Hmmm…..**


	29. A little too challenging

**A/N: Hi, hi, back :) Usual apologies for the lateness but RL is just RL and writing is slow. So I won't bang on about it.**

 **Let's see how Grissom gets on with the company shall we? Is it going to be a nice evening?**

 **All my thanks to calim for the beta :)**

 **On we go…..**

Chapter 28

Claiming he needed a pee when they reached the bedroom, Sara helped as she normally did before sitting him on the bed.

"Are you okay?" she asked, holding a hand to his cheek and wanting to make sure he was before they returned to their guests.

"Yeah," he breathed softly.

"Promise?"

Letting out a long sigh, he nodded. "It's just…when we talk about the baby, I get _so_ nervous. And with Patrick's new face I…I just needed a minute without looking like an idiot."

Sitting next to him, Sara took his hand and smiled. "No one will ever think you are an idiot." Her eyes worked in a circle. "Not sure anyone has _ever_ thought that to be honest with you." Grissom rolled his eyes and she snorted. "Meeting Patrick was a very brave thing to do on top of everything that you're going through so stop knocking yourself."

"It's hard not to," he retaliated.

"Well, try," Sara insisted.

"Okay," he said. "At least Mom's happy. I was a little worried."

"Honestly, I don't think I am," Sara returned.

He frowned at her. "You're not?"

Sara's head shook. "Betty and I have had our ups and downs for sure but ultimately, her number one concern has always been your happiness. And just like I do, she knows you'll be an amazing father. And she probably thought you'd never have children so I'm suspecting she's pretty delighted."

"Did she tell you that?" he questioned.

"Not in so many words. Although," Sara paused then laughed.

"What?" he asked, frowning again.

"When we finally started getting along she did admit to me she was relieved you weren't gay."

Grissom's eyes widened. " _Mom thought I was gay_?"

Sara smirked at him, remembering how amused she'd been when Betty had first told her that. By no means was her husband now or had ever been on the other side of the fence.

"Although I think she was actually pulling my leg. How many serious relationships have you had with a woman apart from me?"

"I've had relationships," he argued.

"Who?" Sara challenged feeling slightly amused that Grissom was now blushing.

"Julia for one," he hit back.

"Ah, yes," Sara cooed, very familiar with Grissom's ex. " _Julia_. But that was a long time ago. Who else?"

Working his eyes in a circle, Grissom shook his head. "I think we've gone a little _too_ off topic here, my dear. What were we even talking ab…"

As he stopped in mid-sentence, Sara's brow furrowed as he deeply frowned and then looked around the room.

" _Are you okay_?" she asked urgently, seeing a slightly confused look on his face now.

"Um, yeah," he said, looking at her. "I just remembered what happened yesterday."

"You mean you've just remembered what I said?" Grissom nodded. "Oh. Interesting time for that to pop up."

"Indeed," Grissom agreed.

"Well," Sara began, "at least it has and helps prove Donald's diagnosis."

"And gets us off the subject of me being gay."

Laughing, Sara leaned close and kissed him. "I don't think that's ever really been in the cards. Are you feeling okay now that your memory has come back?"

He nodded. "You looked so nervous when you told me."

She gave him another quick kiss. " _I was_."

Now he frowned. "You waited a while to tell me after that," he pointed out.

Sara held up a defensive hand. " _Doctors recommendation I promise_. I would have told you again _straight_ away but Donald didn't want to push it until he'd seen you. You're not angry with me are you?"

His head shook. "No," he whispered then smiled.

"Thank goodness," she breathed, managing a smile back and looked towards the door. "Ready to go back in?" she asked. "Feeling a little better now?"

"Yeah," he breathed.

Smiling as she stood, Sara helped Grissom up and took his arm. "Don't forget if you need to step out just say so. If you've had enough of the company just let me know. I've always wanted to throw your mother out."

His eyes shot to her and Sara burst out laughing.

"Just kidding, Gil. Just kidding."

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Seeing Grissom and Sara returning, Betty got up and approached them.

# "Everything okay?" #

"Yes, Mom," Grissom replied.

Betty smiled and Sara pointed behind her.

"How about everyone sits at the dining table and I'll get dinner served up?" she suggested.

# "Sounds like a great idea," # Betty answered, looping her arm through her son's.

"I'll bring the drinks," Patrick said and Betty nodded her thanks, escorting Grissom into the kitchen while Sara stepped away to sort the food.

Everyone sat, including Patrick after he'd placed their drinks onto the table. Betty picked up Grissom's scotch.

# Would you like a sip? #.

After nodding, Betty edged the glass to his lips and Grissom drank.

"Thanks," he said after she placed the glass down, feeling the hot burn from the alcohol run down his throat.

"It must be really hard not being able to use your hands," Patrick said, catching Grissom's attention.

Sucking on his lip, Grissom nodded. "It is," he said flatly.

# "But you're close to starting to use them again, right? # Betty asked.

"Yeah," Grissom confirmed. "Well, moving at least. My physiotherapist has already started to loosen me up. He thinks in a few weeks…then it will be time to put me to the test again."

As Betty carefully lifted his right hand, Grissom watched her. He wasn't wearing his braces. He didn't all that much anymore so she could really see the full extent of what he was dealing with.

"Still looks pretty nasty," he whispered, feeling a lump forming in his throat.

After a few seconds of looking, Betty put his hand down. # "Scars will fade," # she encouraged. # "And it's what on the inside that counts." #

He blushed then smiled, looking up as Sara approached carrying the brace for his right hand. He swallowed, another pang of nerves hitting him. Feeding himself was still a challenge so he really hoped he didn't make a mess everywhere.

Giving him nothing but a loving smile, Sara held out her hand and he offered his allowing her to slip on his brace which already had the spoon attached he'd need to eat. Although Betty and Patrick were watching, neither asked questions as it was pretty obvious as to why it was needed.

Tenderly squeezing her husband's shoulder, Sara faced her guests.

"Dinner is served."

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Even though she was aware that Grissom was embarrassed by the way he had to eat, Sara thought dinner went okay. What she'd made was something he could easily handle without needing anyone to help him. It wouldn't do to have to cut something in front of his mother and her guest. He'd had enough of that in the hospital.

As the meal progressed, most of the conversation centered on Patrick. He seemed open and honest, happily answering questions Grissom threw at him. Most of them concerned his work. He'd been a biochemist most of his life, working 20 years in London before moving to Vegas on a permanent basis. For the past 5 years he'd been in charge of a cancer research project searching for a cure. Although that certainly heightened Grissom's interest, Patrick couldn't go much past the basics.

Grissom seemed to relax a lot more during this conversation. Although he'd learned over time not to judge a book by its cover, Patrick seemed genuine and his work was certainly up there on the respectable scale, not to mention he was probably making a great deal of money. Because of his enthusiasm for the project, it surprised Grissom when Patrick mentioned he was retiring in a year and hoped to enjoy his remaining years with someone he cared about.

Grissom's eyes flicked to Betty then away. He wanted to ask Patrick if that someone was his mother but didn't. When he was more confident he would speak to his mother about exactly how she felt even though he knew he'd never be able to stop her, especially if she was happy.

With the meal over they all made their way to the lounge for coffee. Everyone was barely seated when Betty decided now was the time to ask her son about his recovery.

# "So…" # Betty signed after putting her coffee down. # "How is your therapy going?" #

Grissom's eyes flicked to Sara and she took his hand to rest it in her lap. "Just talk about what _you_ want to talk about," she encouraged.

Nodding, he took a breath and faced his guests. "Which one?" he asked.

# "Which ever one you'd like to tell me about. I know I get the basics but I'm happy to listen if you'd like to tell me a little more. #

"Well," he began, clearing his throat, "I see my doctors tomorrow. I'll be having the hypnotherapy first now and seeing my doctor afterwards. It makes more sense to do it that way."

Betty's eyebrows lifted. # "Both on the same day?" #

"Yes," Grissom confirmed. "I wanted it this way. At least now we can assess things quickly and, hopefully, my recovery will be faster."

# "You don't think it will be too much?" #

Exchanging another quick look with his wife, Grissom blew out a light sigh. "I don't know yet," he admitted. "I guess we'll see after my sessions."

# "And you're feeling comfortable with your sessions now?" #

Sucking on his lip, Grissom took a moment to answer that particular question. "I'm…feeling better about them. More are going well than not but sometimes…" He drifted off than and Betty smiled.

# "It's fine. I understand. Just remember that I'll always be your mother and I'm always here if you've had enough of Sara and need to talk." #

As his eyebrows soared Sara smirked.

"I'm not sure were quite at that stage just yet," she clarified and Betty returned her smirk. "So," she said, deciding it was time to change the subject for a little while, "anyone for another drink before the night is over?"

"Brandy would be good," Grissom said and Patrick sounded his agreement to that suggestion.

Sara's eye twitched as she looked at him. He'd done okay so far with the scotch and had finished it but was he pushing it now? Then again, the evening had been relatively stress free and although she wasn't about to count her chickens there shouldn't be much happening to change that.

"Okay," she said, slowly nodded. "Betty, would you like one?"

# "Sure, why not. You only live once, right?" #

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Sara waved as Betty and Patrick got into the cab waiting for them, flashing Grissom a smile as he stood by her side. As silly as that was that was an achievement. It was the first time he'd come to the door either to answer it or say goodbye to someone. No doubt there was some trepidation in his mind as to what was on the other side.

As the cab pulled away, Sara rubbed his arm. "You still okay?"

Breathing in deeply, he nodded and smiled at her. "I feel good actually."

Her eye twitched noting a slight slur to his words. He'd had one scotch and two brandies and although she did feel a little worried at his ask for a second brandy, she really didn't want to ruin the nice mood that was running through the air. It had certainly helped to relax him especially when the baby came back into the conversation. Betty was keen for more details but as they yet really hadn't discussed it much themselves, they managed to steer away from the subject without getting into too much detail. Sara knew they had to talk about it though. Properly. Because it would not be going away and they had to get organized as there was a lot that involved having a baby. She'd need doctors and hospital visits and that itself would be a challenge with Grissom.

"Good," she replied, taking his arm and leading him back inside, closing the door behind them. As they stepped inside, Buddy barked and Sara patted his neck. "Okay, come one. Pee break then bed. And you need your medication," she said to Grissom as he joined her in the kitchen.

"Can't I just have another brandy instead?" Her eyes shot to him as she took hold of his pill bottle and he smirked at her. "I'm joking, my dear."

"Glad to hear it," she said, dropping the pill on his tongue and giving him some water. "Because I'm not sure this is going to even work right now so you better make sure you stay relaxed."

He licked his lips, his slightly glassy eyes staring at her then looking her up and down. Sara immediately noticed.

"You have that look again," she accused, that familiar pang in her belly returning at his glare.

"What look may that be?" he challenged his voice slightly gravelly.

Before Sara could answer, Buddy barked again and his paw was in the air before he hurried to the back door. Quickly, Sara took Grissom's arm and urged him onto a stool. Not wanting him standing on his own knowing he was a little tipsy.

"Hold that thought and stay there till I get back."

Not arguing, Grissom simply watched as she quickly moved towards Buddy and opened the door, following him out into the garden and it was barely a minute before the dog came running back in and headed for his water bowl. Sara was right behind him, locking the door before returning to her husband.

Lifting a hand, Sara ran fingers through his hair. "Have you enjoyed your evening?"

Closing his eyes, Grissom enjoyed the attention. "Yes," he replied quietly, his eyes opening as he felt Sara's finger run across his lips and then as she replaced her finger with her own lips, they closed again.

And they kissed, Sara's lips slowly moving across his, her tongue seeking a mate and smiling into him as he moaned. As electrifying as the kiss was, when she felt his hands brush across her butt, Sara slowly pulled back, her eyes meeting her husband's seeing a lust there she hadn't seen for quite a while. Maybe it was because it had been a good day, maybe because he was doing better, maybe because of the alcohol or even what she was wearing. Whatever it was, it felt good.

"Why don't we," she began, quickly kissing his lips again and then tapping his nose, "take this somewhere a little more appropriate?"

"I don't know," he replied. "As soon as I saw you in that dress I had a lovely image of pinning you up against the kitchen counter."

Eyebrows soaring, Sara pursed her lips, the grinding in her belly growing tenfold. "Oh, yeah?" She looked over his shoulder and to the counter. "It's been a while since we've done something so adventurous. But, I must pop that on your to do list for when you're able because right now…I think that's a little _too_ challenging."

"Promise you'll wear that dress for me?"

Sara's lips twitched and then she smiled, dropping her forehead to his. "Wouldn't you prefer me out of it?"

"Now that idea I do like," he breathed.

"Then," she said, taking his arm, "let me oblige."

She whistled to Buddy as she led Grissom towards the bedroom, snickering as he went right into the bathroom once they were inside.

"I think we have the smartest dog on the planet," she chuckled, closing the bedroom door.

"Hmmmm," Grissom mumbled when she faced him, dipping his head to kiss her again.

Sara smiled into him, relishing his confidence. It was higher than it had been thus far. Her arms rose to drop over his shoulders and she pulled him close enjoying the taste of brandy that still clung to his tongue, her fingers working through his hair. After a minute or so, their lips parted with a slurp and Sara smiled, sliding her hands across his shoulders before her fingers moved to his tie, going to work on the knot.

"I remember when you used to tie me up with these," she teased, slowly pulling the garment free from his neck.

His eyes sparkled, fixed to hers. "So do I," he whispered gravelly.

Lips pursing, Sara threw the tie over her shoulder. "One day we can try that again but for now...," she said pushing his jacket from his shoulders, "…let's see what new happy memories we can create.

 **A/N: Awwww. Mushy and smutty? Will they get it ooooooooooon? :P**


	30. Push him to the limit

**A/N: Hey everyone. Back again :) Time for a little lovin' I think before things start getting a little tense again. Evil hat has to return at some time, right?**

 **All my thanks to calim for the beta and to all that send me your thoughts and reviews. Please keep them coming :)**

 _ ***** - Rating is a low M for sexual content just to be sure. Please read responsibly.**_

 **On we go….**

Chapter 29

No two times they made love were ever the same. Not then and not now. Considering their recent circumstances, it surprised Sara. Well, maybe not. They'd always been unique and every time they became one it always felt so special. Maybe even a little more special after everything.

Now, as she rocked back and forth, her eyes captivated by his, Sara wished she could just press a button and make this moment last forever. There was a different sparkle in his eyes tonight. Not serene like their couplings of late but lustful and much more fierce, maybe even confident.

Continuing to rock as his quiet moans and grunts made her feel good, Sara's fingertips made soft dabs across his chest before she leaned down to capture his lips for a long and loving kiss. Feeling his arms cross over her back to pull her closer, her eyes shot open when she felt him rise up. Before she even knew it, they were sitting. Well, she was more wrapped around him but she still classed it as sitting.

"What are you doing?" she questioned breathlessly.

He didn't answer, instead his mouth found her neck and Sara whimpered as his tongue slid over her throat. Sliding fingers through his hair, she gripped on and, even though she was loving the attention, pulled his head back and stared into his eyes.

"You need to be careful," she warned.

His warm breath ghosted across her skin as he feathered kisses down her cheek.

"I am," he mumbled into her.

Groaning as he licked the shell of her ear, Sara tugged his head back again. "How do you classify our current position as being careful? You want to fall off the bed?"

Keeping a straight face, he worked his eyes over her features then down to her chest and back up. "If you intend on being that wild it might be worth it," he said gruffly.

Sara's eyes playfully narrowed, a grunt escaping her throat as he gave a gentle thrust with his hips. Pursing her lips, she whisked away a drop of sweat from his forehead before kissing the tip of his nose.

"As lovely as that sounds and as much as I would love to reenact the Derby, I'm not so sure you're ready for that quite yet. Plus, I haven't got my whip."

He couldn't help but grin. "I'll add that to _your_ to do list, then shall I?"

Smiling brightly, she kissed his temple, the salty taste from his perspiration clinging to her tongue. "I think we need to get all of these written down."

"I'm sure I won't forget."

Shaking her head, she snorted then cupped his cheek, giving him a long kiss. His hiccup made her pull back. She then smirked as he did it again and again and again.

"Oh, dear," she teased. "Has the alcohol caught up with you?"

"Very… *hic* funny."

Sara laughed. "Would you like me to get you some water?"

"No," he said flatly. "It should *hic* pass."

"Well," she said, taking his head and pulling him close to her bosom, you just stay right there until it does."

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Sara smiled brightly as her nails scratched at his scalp, a deep moan coming at her for the effort.

"You are the best hair washer in the world," he sighed.

Snorting, Sara continued to give his shampoo laden head all the attention she could.

"And you turn into a baby when my nails find your scalp."

"Hmmmm," he mumbled. "I won't argue with you there."

Her smile remained. She felt so good and, considering the look on her husband's face, so did he.

It had been a wonderful night. Not only had Betty's visit gone well but how they'd ended their evening was even better. After his hiccup spell eventually passed, she'd quit teasing him and they'd spent the next 20 minutes just rocking together. He'd refused to lie back down, insisting he wanted to be as close to her as he physically could so she hadn't argued. Sara knew he would have given anything to flip her onto her back and drive into her as hard as he could because she'd seen it in his eyes. She'd craved for that to happen again but knew he wasn't ready physically. She wasn't about to let him bust his hands so they could have a blinding screw. What they'd had in the moment was good enough. It had always been good enough.

Pulling one of her hands free for a second, she checked her watch. They still had a couple of hours before Robert would arrive but knowing Grissom and his bath time, he could spend longer than that in the water.

"So how are you feeling this morning?" she asked.

His head tipped and he looked at her. "In what context?" he probed knowing his wife had a specific subject in mind.

"Everything," she challenged. May as well while he was happy. "We're at a pretty crucial point in our lives here you know. You have therapy shortly, we have a baby on the way, you'll start to get those hands working very soon, and you've finally let someone in the house you don't know. Lots of feelings to have there and we didn't really talk about anything much last night after your mother left."

"I recall quite a lot of moaning," he teased.

Her eyes narrowed at him and lips pursed. "I'm being serious here. I need to know how you feel. The baby, your mother… _Patrick."_

"Yeah," he breathed, dropping his head back against the tub. "I think maybe the booze gave me a little confidence last night."

"I disagree for the most part," Sara hit back quickly.

"Oh?"

"I think it helped relax you but that confidence comes from you."

He smiled and moaned again as she had another go at his scalp. "Maybe I should just drink all the time."

"Ha ha, very funny. But we won't be going there."

"Joking, dear."

She smiled. "Glad to hear it. However, we _do_ need to talk." Eye twitching, he looked back at her. "For one, we _really_ need to talk about the baby, Gil. We need to plan. I don't want to put a lot of pressure on you, and I'll do my best not to, but we'll need to go places, get things. I'll have appointments. Lots to think about."

Letting out a long sigh, he swallowed then nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"So…" Sara trailed off unsure of what he was thinking.

"How about…we discuss it all this evening after my sessions?" he suggested. " _Everything_."

"Okay," Sara agreed immediately. For one, she was happy he'd actually committed to talking and two, talking about it before his therapy probably wasn't the best idea.

He nodded and smiled and Sara leaned down to kiss him. "Not much longer in the tub, okay?" she said. "I've still got to get you dressed, sort Buddy and do breakfast before Robert gets here."

"Hmmm, breakfast sounds good."

Pulling back, she tapped him on the nose. "Hungry, are we?"

" _Very_."

"I wonder why," she giggled. "All that physical exercise you're getting."

A bashful smirk found his lips. "We have a lot to make up for."

"We certainly do," Sara agreed on a hearty sigh. "We certainly do."

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After getting him out of the tub, Sara helped Grissom to dress and then they had breakfast. It was good to see him ravenous for his food even if she had to help him eat it. Her appetite was up and down with the signs of morning sickness creeping up on her. She was certainly starting to feel queasier at certain times of the day so she knew it was only a matter of time before the sickness came.

With Grissom out walking Buddy, she'd cleaned up the kitchen. As she put the last plate away, she rested her hand on her belly and smiled. The sickness would be worth it as well as everything else that would be thrown at her. The mood swings, the cravings, the weight gain and whatever else came with the package. She was ready. _Bring it on_. She had the man she loved, had always loved and would forever love, his baby was growing inside of her and nothing or no one was going to take that feeling of joy from her. Or, at least, she was ready to fight anyone who tried.

Happily humming, she turned, intending to find Grissom, but then leapt out of her skin when she found him standing right behind her.

" _Jesus Christ, Gil_ ," she cussed, holding a hand to her heart and leaning against the counter. He partly grinned and she scowled at him, lightly slapping him on the chest. " _I hate it when you do that_."

"Surprised you didn't hear me," he answered as Buddy trotted past to go to his water bowl.

"Does it look like I heard you?" Sara argued, catching her breath. "You gave me a heart attack."

"You did look very deep in thought," he pointed out. "Something on your mind?"

Her eyebrows rose. He was asking her if she wanted to talk?

"I have lots of things on my mind as you know," she replied casually. "And I was thinking about the baby."

"Oh."

"Hmmm," she said, folding her arms. "And we can pick it up later as agreed. Why did you come back in? Just to scare me to death?"

He smiled at her. "Getting a bit chilly and Buddy was thirsty."

"I told you to wear your coat," she countered taking his arm, her eyes flicking to the clock to check the time. 30 minutes before Robert would be with them.

"How about a nice cocoa to warm you up before your session?"

"Oh, you do know how to turn me on, don't you?"

Sara laughed, a warm feeling washing through her at his playfulness and so very happy the mood from the previous evening seemed to be sticking around. She just prayed it remained that way.

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Opening the door, Sara gave Robert a smile.

"Good morning," she greeted.

"Good morning," he replied, entering the house as Sara stepped aside. "You're looking good."

"Thanks," she said with appreciation and another smile. "I feel pretty good actually."

"That's great to hear. Any particular reason? Is Gil sharing the sentiment?"

Closing the door, she nodded. "Gil is doing really well and there are several reasons, I guess."

"Do you want to share before we get to it? Only if you want to that is. Of course, news on Gil, good or bad is always helpful."

Slipping hands into her pockets, Sara gave a bashful smirk. "I'm pregnant," she said.

Robert's eyebrows rose. " _Oh_."

"Yeah," Sara laughed. "It was… _unexpected_. Only just found out and…well…"

"How did Gil take the news?"

"First or second time I told him?" Robert frowned at her and she snorted. "He's had a little issue with his memory again. The first time I told him he forgot. Immediately. He lost about 15 minutes of what had happened."

Robert looked a little concerned. "Has he seen the doctor?"

"Of course," Sara confirmed. "It's not serious but Donald has told us this kind of thing could happen because of his condition. Any news that messes with his brain pattern could cause him to have an instant memory lapse."

"Not totally unexpected considering," Robert said back.

Sara nodded. "That's pretty much what the doctor said. So, I had to tell him again."

"And how did he react?"

"Shocked would be an understatement."

"The two of you never planned to have children?"

"No," she said flatly. "We never talked about it. We both always revolved around work."

Robert nodded in understanding. "24/7, huh?"

"Something like that," she agreed. "And not always for the better." Sighing, she folded her arms. "We could have avoided this whole mess if we hadn't been so wrapped up in it."

"Well, sometimes we don't realize how lucky we are until something drastic happens."

"You can say that again," Sara snorted. "So, you think changing your sessions to before James' is going to help Gil's progress?"

He nodded again. "It makes more sense. I'm trying to help him release his demons and James helps him fight them. Plus, I get another chance to get a little more info for James to analyze."

"Yeah, certainly makes more sense to do it this way."

He smiled. "Well now we have our schedules sorted, I guess we better get to it or Gil will wonder what's going on."

She smirked and nodded. "Go ahead, he's in the usual place. I'm just going to grab some water."

Heading for his patient as Sara went to the kitchen, Robert smiled as Buddy came his way, sat and offered a paw.

"And good morning to you," Robert said, taking the offered paw and giving it a shake, smirking as Buddy happily panted and walked back to his master. "Hey, Gil."

Looking up from the book on his lap, Grissom smiled. "Hi."

"Anything interesting?" Robert asked, nodding at the book and placing his case onto the coffee table.

"Beetles," Grissom replied. "I'm not sure if you would find that interesting or not."

"Your level of expertise, right?"

Watching as Robert took the tape recorder from his case, Grissom nodded. "All insects really."

"Well, it's good to see interest in your work returning."

"It's not all to do with work," Grissom argued. "I enjoy it on a personal level, too."

"Enjoy what?" Sara butted in, rounding the sofa with water and glasses and putting them onto the table.

Grissom's eyes flicked to her. "Bugs."

"Ahhh," Sara cooed. "The first love of your life." His eyebrows soared and she snickered.

Smirking, Robert set up the tape recorder and clasped his hands together.

"So," he began, "I just wanted to check that you're happy with us swapping your sessions around with me being first and then James afterwards. It means I'll be doing two in a row but it will be all the more for James to discuss with you."

After a quick look at Sara, Grissom nodded. "If I wasn't happy about it, I would have said so."

"Okay," Robert replied, not making a fuss. "Ready to get started?"

"Yeah," Grissom confirmed.

Smiling at her husband, Sara moved the book and bent down to help him shimmy round, raising his feet so he was in the usual lying position.

"Comfortable?" she asked.

He nodded and she smiled, before softly kissing him on the lips. "Relax," she whispered when pulling back. "You'll do great."

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Sara watched as her husband was once again taken into a trance. Even though she'd seen it several times before it still sent a series of emotions through her. Fascination, trepidation, curiosity. She had no idea what was going to come and what Grissom could reveal about his ordeal or his past.

"Nice deep breath, Gil," Robert advised. "In and out." Grissom did as instructed just like he always did. "How's the beach today?"

"Nice," Grissom answered. "Warm."

"Excellent. Now I want you to think back to our last session, Gil. Nod if you can do that." Immediately, Grissom nodded and Robert smiled. "Tell me what you remember."

"The room. Waking up. Being tied down. Light and _eyes_."

Sara's eye twitched, her heart missing a beat at his emphasis on the word eyes again. She wasn't stupid. Every time he thought about Basderic's eyes it set him off. It terrified him. How far was the doctor going to push this? Ultimately, she knew he had to push him to the limit to help him get over it but would he try this soon into the sessions?

Robert noticed as Grissom's foot twitched, just like in the last session.

" _Deep, deep breath_ , Gil," he instructed. "You are _totally_ relaxed. Breathe in and out."

Sara watched as her husband followed instructions and then slowly relaxed.

"For now," Robert continued, "you are not going to think about those eyes again. _At all._ Not until I say so." Sara blinked at Robert's instruction not quite expecting that. "You won't see them, you won't think about them. Nod if you understand." Again, Grissom nodded. " _Really, good_ , Gil. Now…you are sitting in the chair and he's there with you. What happens next?"

Sara's hands clutched onto her Sara' knees, making her lean forward. She felt nervous and flicked her gaze between her husband and Buddy.

"He sat in front of me," Grissom answered. "Ripped the tape from my mouth. It hurt. Pulled some of my beard off."

Wincing at that statement, Sara knew this was just the beginning and felt her gut starting to pinch. Her nerves heightening at just what horrible things her husband could reveal about what he went through.

"Really good, Gil. Take another breath in. _Nice big, deep breath_." Grissom did as instructed. "Tell me how you're feeling, Gil. Are you relaxed?"

"Yes," Grissom said quietly, taking another breath.

"What happened next, Gil?"

There was a moments silence, Grissom eyelids flickering as he thought.

"He asked me something but I can't remember…something about my flight and then I asked him what he wanted, I think. He didn't answer me just asked if I knew who he was."

Robert nodded as he listened. "And did you?"

"No," Grissom said flatly. "Never seen him before."

Sara swallowed, whisking a hand through her hair. Yes, she knew how Basderic had fucked with them all those months but actually hearing first hand details of how his plan played out was harder than she thought. She was starting to feel a little sick.

Damn it, why now?

"What happened next?"

Grissom's eyebrows pinched. "His phone rang and he answered it then…he put on gloves."

Feeling bile rise up her throat, Sara held a hand to her stomach. Shit, she was going to throw up.


	31. What aren't you telling me?

**A/N: I'm back :) Sorry for the wait (again). My mojo seems to be averting me of late. Although I have had a few cracking ideas so I guess that's a good thing. I think we may be about to find out a few secrets we didn't know. Will they be for the better? I think Evil hat wants to come out and play :P**

 **All my thanks to everyone who still reads, reviews, and I thank you so much for your patience. Without the reader there would be no point and it does get tougher and tougher to keep things flowing these days.**

 **Always, I bow to calim for the beta :)**

 **So enough of my rambling.**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 30

Closing her eyes, Sara tried her damnedest to will the sick feeling away. This was the beginning, the start of Grissom's nightmare. There was no way she could step out now. She had to know what happened for how could she support him afterwards without that knowledge?

Inhaling deeply, her eyes slowly opened, watering slightly.

"What did he do then, Gil?" Robert calmly asked.

"He hit me," Grissom answered.

"Where did he hit you?"

Grissom's foot twitched again. "In the face. Caught my eye. It really hurt. He wouldn't stop, he kept hitting me. My cheek cracked and pain…"

"Another big, deep breath in, Gil, and hold it for as long as you can before letting it go. _Nice and calm, nice and relaxed_. That's it, _big breath_."

Sara couldn't wait any longer. No matter how hard she tried if she didn't move she was going to throw up on the floor. As she stood, Robert looked her way and, holding one hand over her mouth, she pointed to her tummy.

Nodding his understanding, Robert watched her hurry quietly away. He knew the importance of Sara's presence within the sessions so was pretty sure she'd be upset at having to step out. Now especially.

"Let's go to the beach for a few minutes, Gil. Can you do that on your own?" he asked.

"It really hurt," Grissom said. "He kept hitting me. Over and over."

With his request ignored, Robert gave a command instead, his eyes flicking to Buddy for a second and happy the dog seemed relaxed.

" _The sun is rising, Gil_ ," he said swiftly. " _Another deep breath, Gil. In and out, keep breathing, long and deep_. Where are you, Gil?"

"On the beach," Grissom said.

" _Good_ ," Robert praised. "Walk down that sand with Sara and enjoy the air."

Throwing open the bathroom door, Sara just managed to get to her knees and her head over the toilet before vomit spilled out of her. Thankfully, it appeared to be like one big spurt then it was over. Spitting out anything remaining in her mouth, she leaned back on her heels to catch her breath then ripped off some toilet paper to wipe her mouth.

Rubbing her tummy, she closed her eyes in an attempt to pull herself together and the sick feeling began to fade. Knowing she had to get back to Grissom, she took a short moment then pushed herself up and rinsed out her mouth praying more sickness didn't come back any time soon.

"Are you relaxed, Gil," Robert asked.

"Yes," Grissom replied.

"Really good. You need to keep that relaxation. Nice and warm, relaxed and safe. _You are safe_. Nod if you feel safe." Grissom nodded and Robert considered his next move. A little change of subject he decided. "Now, Gil, let's think about something else for a moment. Why don't you tell me a little bit about the book you were reading and the beetles? _They really_ interest you, right?"

Sara heard that question as she made it back into the room. Robert's gaze followed her as she walked to her chair. 'Are you okay?' he mouthed silently to her. She nodded and took a breath.

Well, at least Robert had taken her husband off the subject of the bunker so she wasn't going to miss any of that. No doubt he would bring it back up though. Glancing at Buddy before retaking her seat, Sara nervously waited to see what her husband may say next and what would happen once the discussion cranked up again.

"I like all bugs," Grissom confirmed. "They fascinate me."

"Is there a reason why?" Robert pushed trying to get a better look into Grissom's personality.

"When I was younger, my father was into flowers."

Sara smiled as Grissom spoke. She recalled him telling her about his father. It wasn't something he often talked about but she was so happy when he finally did. It meant there was a true trust there.

"I used to help him," Grissom continued. "Most of the time there were bugs on them and it all started from there."

"Did you have pet bugs when you were younger?" Robert asked.

"I really liked ants. I had an ant farm. My mother wasn't too keen but I managed to convince her."

"Why ants, Gil?"

Grissom took in a long breath and his eyebrows twitched. "Because they thrive by their own means. They work hard, protect their Queen and focus. They will never stop until they achieve what they have to."

"Good philosophy." 

"It is," Grissom agreed.

Robert shot a quick look to Sara who certainly looked better than she had a few short minutes ago. "Anything else you really like?"

"Bees," Grissom said with a hint of pride this time and now Sara smirked.

"Bees don't scare you?"

Grissom's head shook slightly. "No. They are gentle creatures. Well, usually."

Sara knew exactly what he meant by that, a smile finding her lips. He certainly had a way with proposals that's for sure. Pity the bee hadn't been quite so gentle that day.

"They only sting when afraid, correct?" Robert queried.

"Afraid, startled or protecting their territory," Grissom confirmed.

"I didn't realize insects were so interesting," Robert admitted.

"Everything's interesting if you look hard enough," Grissom hit back.

Robert smiled. His patient was certainly going to be a challenge considering how intellectual he was and the way his mind worked. He thought about _everything_ and Robert knew he had to get the balance of thought right in order to keep Grissom calm and get him to open up without creating a blood bath of emotion. Floating between subjects seemed to be working so far.

"Right, Gil," Robert began, "let's breathe in that lovely sea air for another few seconds. Are you relaxed?"

"Yes."

"Good. Let's go back to the bunker but I need you to keep your focus on relaxation. You _must_ remain relaxed, Gil, okay?" Grissom nodded. "Think about where we left off, Gil. Can you remember?"

Grissom's head bobbed. "He was hitting me."

"After he stopped hitting you, what happened then?"

Robert wanted to divert from the hitting for now as he knew thinking about it was having an instant effect on Grissom's reactions.

"He pulled my head up. Stared right at me, threatened me."

Knowing that his captor staring at him was a trigger, Robert was happy Grissom skimmed over that fact.

Leaning slightly forwards, he stared intently at his patient. "You're in pain," he stated.

" _Yes_."

"You're scared."

Grissom nodded again. " _Very_."

Sara swallowed the burning lump in her throat which had been getting bigger by the second.

"What happened next?"

"He said something about making sure I kept my head up and then he turned up the lights."

Trying to picture the scene, Robert paused in thought. "You can see better now?"

Brow pinching, it took a few moments before Grissom replied. "My vision was blurry but…I could see more of the room than I could before and the light was no longer in my face."

"What happens next?"

"He…picked up a phone and…a voice changer and said it was time for me to say hello to my wife."

 _Sara's chest expanded. She knew what was coming and her nerves spiked, stomach slightly turning again. She'd never forget that morning in the airport…his pained plea, screaming down the phone…the helplessness. Robert's attention shot to her for a moment and she swallowed. By the look on her face he could perhaps guess what was next and that it probably wasn't going to be good._

Without being provoked, Grissom continued. "He called Sara then put the phone to my ear. It was so quick I could barely hear her and then he pulled the phone away before sticking a gun to my head."

"How did that make you feel?" Robert dared to push.

"I don't know," Grissom said a little more quietly than his previous words. "I didn't really have time to think about it because he hit me with the gun and then…"

As he paused, his brow moving into a frown, Buddy sat up and Sara edged forwards in her seat as he let out a soft whine. It was very faint but she heard it.

Robert's eyes flicked to the dog and then back to Grissom. "The sun is rising, Gil," he said. "Nice long deep breaths, _nice and slow_. In and out. _Keep breathing_. Tell me where you are."

"On the beach," Grissom said softly.

"Really, really good. Keep nice and relaxed and just breathe in and out for a little while. Nice long breaths of that sea air."

Breathing out her own quiet breath, Sara sat back and although not relaxed she was so very glad Robert had pulled him from the bunker. This really was going to be a very hard and painful part of his recall. She even doubted whether he would be able to get through it without a seizure coming. When she thought about that call…his screams still echoed in her ears. It made her shiver to the very core. Reaching for some water she took a sip and held the glass. Nerves were flowing around her. Was Robert going to take him back to the bunker?

"How are you feeling, Gil?" Robert asked his patient, his tone gentle.

"Okay."

"Are you relaxed?"

"Hmmm," Grissom said with a nod.

"Okay, let's talk about something else." 

A burst of relief washed through Sara and then a little disappointment. More so in herself for feeling happy he was changing the subject. They had to talk about the worst moments of Grissom's captivity at some point. She didn't know if she'd ever be ready for it.

"Anything you'd like to talk about?" Robert asked. "An achievement you feel proud of, something new in your life, anything you want to mention that's important to you?"

"We're having a baby," Grissom said with no hesitation whatsoever and Sara smiled.

Robert rubbed a hand over his chin, happy that Grissom seemed calm. "And how do you feel about that?" 

"Nervous," Grissom began. "Excited, happy and…sad."

Sara frowned and Robert's eyes worked in a circle as he considered whether to question his answer or not.

"Why does it make you sad, Gil?" he asked.

Quietly clearing her throat as it became a little dry, Sara felt herself tensing. The thought of the baby made him sad? She didn't understand.

"Because I've failed before."

Sara's frown deepened as Robert shot her a quick look. "How do you mean?" he questioned. "Do you want to tell me?"

A light sigh passed through Grissom's lips, his brow and foot twitching simultaneously. "I don't want to. Not right now."

"Okay," Robert agreed.

Swallowing, Sara had a very uneasy feeling building. What was he talking about? This was the first time Grissom had refused to answer something and while she understood hypnosis was not a state of force, this was one unanswered question she could really do without.

"How about," Robert continued, "you tell me why it makes you happy? Can you do that?"

"Sara's having my baby. Our genes combined as one. Nothing can be a truer show of love."

Although she couldn't get his previous comment out of her mind that statement made her truly tingle. He amazed her. Even given his current state of thought he could come out with something so meaningful.

Smiling, Robert clasped his hands together then gave Grissom the regular command to go back to the beach.

"Take another walk, Gil, before you wake up. Nice _deep_ breath in and relax."

Watching as Robert brought her husband out of his trance, Sara rubbed her forehead. What had he been talking about?

As Robert hit number 1, Grissom's eyes opened and he sighed, blinking a few times.

"Hey, there," Robert greeted.

"Hi," Grissom breathed.

Pushing herself up, Sara slowly approached.

Robert smiled. "Feeling okay?"

Grissom nodded. "Yeah," he said, his eyes flicking to Sara who offered a weak smile and held out her hands.

"I'll help you up," she offered softly.

Taking the gesture, he swung his legs around and Sara helped him sit up.

"Thanks," he said appreciatively.

"Really good session, Gil," Robert praised.

Smiling, Grissom inhaled deeply, that super relaxed feeling still washing over him. "Yeah?"

Nodding, Robert began packing up the tape recorder. "You are coping with critical points well and for the most, responding to my requests."

"For the most?" Grissom questioned lightly.

"Just one point where you were really focused on and I had to command you out of it." Grissom frowned, trying to remember. "We need to control critical points of your remembrance," Robert continued. "Pushing you too much could result in you getting lost and going deeper than you can cope with at this point. It's very important not to be sending you into seizure territory with your stress levels."

"I agree with that," Grissom said.

Robert smiled. "Lots to pass onto James for later so I'm confident we can make some really good progress today."

Grissom looked at Sara who wasn't looking quite as happy as she normally would after a good session and a little uncertainly settled in the air.

"James will be here at 4pm right?" she asked the hypnotherapist.

"That's right," Robert confirmed. "So, enough time for Gil to relax and be ready."

"Yeah," Sara breathed.

Nodding, Robert picked up his case. "Any questions before I leave you to it?" Grissom shook his head as did Sara. "Okay. Good luck later and I will see you the day after tomorrow."

"I'll see you out," Sara offered.

"Thanks, but no need," Robert said holding up a hand. "See you later."

Finding it quite difficult to look at her husband, she watched Robert walk to the door. Feeling Grissom staring at her, she sighed and turned. About to speak she was interrupted by Buddy pawing at her leg followed by a bark.

"You have the worst timing," she grumbled, eyes moving back to Grissom. "Need anything?"

"No, I'm good," he said contently. "Are you okay?"

"I'm not sure," she said flatly and he frowned. "We can talk in a minute. Come on, Buddy."

Tipping his head back against the sofa, Grissom took in another long breath and enjoyed the nice relaxing feeling that he always had after his hypnotherapy. Closing his eyes, he tried to remember what had been said. Sometimes it was always there when he was brought out of the trance, other times he couldn't remember much at all. This was a time he remembered a little bit, mainly about the bunker. As he thought deeper, more of the conversation started to filter through his mind and then Robert asking him about the baby hit him and his eyes sprung open.

And there was Sara looking down at him. He swallowed.

She wanted to talk. Oh, boy did she want to talk. Especially because it affected how he felt about the baby. But why did she have a horrible feeling that this went much deeper than that? Whatever it was, he was hiding something and that didn't sit well. Yes, she realized secrets may very well come out with the hypnotherapy and she thought she'd be prepared for them. But was she?

"Are you thirsty?" she asked rather randomly.

"A little," he replied quietly.

Holding out her hand, she crooked her finger. "Come. Drink and then we need to talk." He blinked, slightly hesitating. "You need to tell me what's going on, Gil," Sara insisted. "And I'd rather do it while you're chilled. Plus, whatever it is on your mind and _now mine_ , it's not going to go away until we discuss it. I don't think either of us need ghosts floating around at the moment, do we?"

Again, he didn't move and Sara wriggled her fingers. " _Please_?"

Eventually nodding, Grissom leaned forwards and Sara took his arm, helping him to stand then wrapping an arm around his waist.

"I have to say you're making me nervous, Gil," Sara said as they walked to the kitchen and she sat him on a stool. Quickly moving to the fridge, she grabbed a carton of juice. Putting it down, she looked him right in the eyes. "I thought after everything we've been through that you trusted me."

" _I do_ ," he said firmly.

"Then what aren't you telling me? _Why_ do you feel sad about the baby?"

Sighing, he bit on his lip and looked away only to feel Sara's finger under his chin to tilt his head back her way.

" _Tell me_."

 **A/N: Oooooh….what is Grissom hiding? Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuun….**


	32. Deepest secrets

**A/N: Yay, here we are with another chapter. I feel I am being highly too mushy, lol. I seem to be in fluff mode. Well, for the most part anyway. Time for a new addition to the story? :)**

 **Thanks to everyone for your reviews and as always to calim for the great beta.**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 31

Sara stood, waiting for Grissom to answer. His mouth opened and then closed and then he shuffled on the stool, wincing a bit.

Although desperate for answers, Sara went into protective mode and dropped a hand to his shoulder.

"You okay?"

He nodded. "My leg's just a little niggly sitting on this stool. Was aching a bit when I woke up."

After softly rubbing his shoulder, she poured some juice and then grabbed some painkillers from the counter.

"Here," she offered, holding up two pills and dropping them into his mouth when he opened it. After he'd had a drink, Sara put the glass down. "Let's go back to the sofa. You'll be more comfortable."

Not arguing, Grissom allowed Sara to lead him back to where they'd come from and sat next to him.

"You missed a little throwing up session by the way," she informed him, taking his hand and resting it in her lap.

His eyebrows rose. "Oh? Are you all right?" he asked, his gaze briefly flicking to her stomach.

"Yeah. I had to duck out for a few minutes. It's past now. Not the best of timing, however."

"Do you feel sick often?"

Encasing his hand now, she offered a weak smile. "And this is what we were supposed to do remember?"

"What?"

"Talk about the baby." Just as before his mouth opened and then closed. "And now there's a little more thought in there I didn't know about, isn't there?"

Slowly nodding, his cheeks puffed out. "I…didn't expect it to…" He hesitated then sighed. "It happened so long ago," he said, looking at her.

"What did?"

Although desperate to know what he was hiding, she kept her tone gentle and supporting, despite the fact she wanted to be far blunter. She knew that forcing him to talk wasn't the best of ideas.

"You'll be angry with me for not telling you," he whispered.

Now Sara's nerves really hitched and she closed her eyes as a shiver ran down her spine.

This really was serious.

"Gil," she began, gently squeezing his hand and opening her eyes to meet his. "After all we've been through why would you think I'd be angry with you?"

"Because this is different," he insisted, a hint of desperation in his voice.

Moving around a bit, she cupped his cheek. "Whatever it is you _can_ tell me. And by the sound of it, now that it's on your mind, you _need_ to tell me. For both our sakes. We're trying to get you to open up remember? _I am here for you,_ _I promise,_ but you _have to trust me_ , even with your deepest secrets." As he swallowed, Sara whisked a thumb over his cheek. "Take a nice deep breath and relax," she encouraged. "That's it. And again."

Willingly, Grissom deeply inhaled and then let the breath go.

"Okay?" she asked him.

He nodded and then softly sighed, preparing himself. "I was in college. It was my first year," he began quietly. Sara's ears pricked up as her hand lowered to take his again. "Her name was Kaytlin Brook." Sara swallowed as another sigh came from her husband and he looked away. "She was the first girl I _really_ got serious with. She came from a great background, rich parents, good upbringing, high class."

Sara's brow twitched. They rarely talked about previous relationships except when he'd told her about Julia.

His eyes found hers again. "We were together for about 6 months. And then one day, after she'd been away with her parents for the weekend, she didn't turn up for class. I thought it was a little odd because she hadn't been in touch at all. She didn't answer my calls or messages, none of her friends had heard from her, so I worried. I went around to her place to find out where she was and to make sure she was okay. Her father answered the door and," he paused, his head shaking, "he went ballistic at me. Shouting, calling me a filthy scumbag. Pinned me against the wall."

"Why?" Sara asked softly.

"He said…Kaytlin was pregnant and it was my fault. He wouldn't even let me get a word in."

Sara blinked, her mouth dropping open. "Oh…um…" As the parts started to fit together in Sara's brain, her heart strummed and she wasn't sure what to say. " _And was she_?"

Grissom shrugged. "I don't know. He'd sent her away. I never got to speak to her again."

With her eyebrows soaring, Sara gave his hand another gentle squeeze. " _You never saw her again_?"

His head shook. "No," he said flatly.

Her eyes worked in a circle. "So…you don't know if she had a baby or not. Or whether she was even pregnant?"

Another sigh came. "I did try to find her. Spent months trying to find _something_ that would help me. But her father was less than co-operative and pretty threatening. I heard a rumor she'd been sent to family in Europe but it never came to anything. With no help and no idea where she could be…."

Sara really was shocked by this admittance. It's not like they had enough to contend with.

"And this is why you feel sad," she concluded.

"If she had the baby then I failed," he insisted.

"How did _you_ fail?" she argued. "You did all you could to find her."

He shrugged and looked disheartened.

Very carefully Sara thought about what to say next. "Would you consider trying to find out now?"

"I don't know," he said quietly. "It's been over 35 years. I don't even know if I could."

Mind awhirl, Sara really didn't know what to think. Grissom could already be a father. He could have a child out there. Maybe even grandchildren. With the connections they had now it would be much easier to find out. Catherine probably wouldn't have an issue tracking down his ex-girlfriend.

"It's…a shock," Sara admitted, a slight hint of disappointment that he actually hadn't mentioned this before now. "I won't deny that but if you want to find out I won't stand in your way. You have every right."

His head lifted, eyes deeply probing hers sensing the slight shake in her voice. "I should have told you," he said sincerely.

Sara shrugged, doing the usual of keeping her emotions inside. "You can't change it now."

He nipped on his lip as they stared at each other, Sara eventually breaking the silence.

"Think about if you want to do anything about it. You don't have to decide now."

"I'll fit it in with all my other thoughts."

Sara's eye narrowed. "Well at least this is one you no longer have to hide," she said on the positive.

"Yeah," he whispered.

Sara couldn't even imagine how he felt knowing he could have had a child out there all these years. No wonder they'd never talked about children before although she'd never expected something like this.

"How's your leg?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Okay. Pain's gone now."

She nodded. "Good."

Buddy stood up and whined with a swift tail wag and caught both of their attentions.

"You wanna go out?" Sara asked him. Buddy barked and she smiled, glancing at Grissom. "Feel up to a walk with your leg niggly or not?

"A walk would be nice," he said softly. "I could use some air."

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

A slight chill breezed through the air and as Buddy scampered after the ball Sara had just thrown, she sat next to her husband on the bench and looked at his coat.

"Need zipping up?" she asked.

"No, I'm fine," he answered, inhaling a lung full of air. "Temperature is nice. How are you feeling?"

Her eyebrows rose. "Me?"

"Hmmm," he said with a nod. "After being sick."

"I'm all right," she said, picking up the ball Buddy dropped in front of her and gave it a long throw. "So far it comes and goes pretty quickly."

"When will you need to see the doctor?" he asked.

Lips parting, she studied him. He was ready to talk?

"Um, when I make an appointment. I read online it's advised before 10 weeks but with everything I wouldn't mind going sooner rather than later. Stress can effect a baby as we know and although we try and control it..."

"Sorry," he apologized.

"Don't apologize, Gil. I can't change where we are in life, but we can both try and change where we go. Sadly, stress comes with the package right now."

"You'll want me to come with you to the hospital, right?"

Her eyes narrowed a little surprised he'd even asked that. " _Do you want to come with me?"_ she challenged.

"As long as you want me to."

Sara's shoulders dropped. "Why would you think I wouldn't want you to come?"

He shrugged. "After what I told you…you know…"

Her eyes briefly closed. "Gil, I won't deny I'm a little hurt you didn't tell me. I'd be lying if I said that. But it doesn't change _us or our baby_. We both need to be there and I want us _both_ to be there."

Managing a small smile, Grissom nodded and Sara gently squeezed his hand.

"I know you'll be uncomfortable with the environment…"

"I just don't want to fail again," he said, cutting her off.

"You didn't fail before," she argued firmly. "You weren't even given the chance."

Looking out across the park, Grissom let out a long sigh, watching as Buddy came running back towards them. He dropped the ball, back peddled and began bobbing up and down on the spot.

"You need a treadmill," Grissom said as Sara retrieved the ball and threw it again.

"Now that I'd like to see," she snickered, watching the ball fly through the air.

"I feel bad he doesn't get enough exercise." 

Sara looked back at her husband and he met her eyes. "He gets as much as we can give," she reassured. "Don't forget he isn't your average dog and adapts to his surroundings and what means he's offered. And he is getting a lot more than he did when we first got him and, with time, he'll get more and more as you'll be wanting to go out more."

Grissom didn't look convinced. "You think so?"

"I know so. I can see you running down the hill with the stroller already."

His eyebrow hitched and Sara smiled before letting out a hearty huff of air and patting his knee.

"Not much longer and then we'll need to get back. Just a few hours before James gets here and you still need to eat."

"I guess we'll need to watch our diets going forward won't we?" he asked.

" _We_?" Sara questioned. "Are you having a baby as well?"

As he was about to answer Buddy barked and Sara's head shot his way. He was a fair way away and seemed to be standing over something.

"What's he doing?" Grissom asked.

Shaking her head, Sara got up. "I'll go see."

Eyes darting around, Grissom got up, too. "I'll come with you," he said with urgency.

Understanding why he didn't want to be alone, Sara nodded and took his arm. They hurried towards Buddy who now circled something.

"What are you doing, boy?" Sara called as they neared him.

Sitting down with his tail going crazy, Buddy barked again as they approached. Sara's eyes narrowed in on a box by the tree he was sitting next to. Pulling Grissom to a stop before they reached it she looked at him and they both looked as confused as the other.

"Wait here for a second," she said cautiously.

Although assuming it wasn't bad since Buddy wasn't warning them of danger, it was better to be safe than sorry.

Slowly, she approached the dog, tapping him on the head. "What have you got here then?" she asked.

Crouching down to peek inside the open box as Buddy whined her eyebrows lifted at the sight.

"Ohhhh…"

"What is it?" Grissom asked.

Giggling, Sara looked at him. "Come take a look," she encouraged. He hesitated. "It's fine, I promise," she reassured.

Although nervous, Grissom moved closer until he was standing over the box and looking down into it, blinking at the sight before him.

"Is that a…," he trailed off as Sara reached into the box.

"It sure is," she confirmed, picking up the tiny black and white kitten in one hand.

" _Mew."_

Sara laughed at the quiet noise coming from the kitten and even more so when he rolled onto his back in her palm and began wriggling.

"What kind of monster would leave a little thing like you out here, huh?" she questioned.

Grissom looked back into the box. "Not even any food in here. Small plastic tub of water half empty but that's it."

"Poor thing," Sara sympathized, scratching the kitten's belly and laughing again as he flipped himself over and began chewing her thumb.

"What are we supposed to do with it?" Grissom asked.

Sara tipped the kitten over. " _Him_ ," she corrected. "Not it."

Rolling his eyes, Grissom looked at Buddy when another bark came.

"I think Buddy says we should take him home," Sara said looking around. "He's obviously been dumped and just very fortunate we found him. Good job it's not hot or the poor thing could be toast."

Throwing a lofted eyebrow at her Grissom cleared his throat. "Take him home?"

"Unless you have a better plan," she challenged. "We can't just leave him here."

"Um, no I guess we can't. Should you be around cats being pregnant?"

Tucking the kitten inside her jacket, Sara smiled. "It's fine. I think it's the poop that's the issue but we can cross that bridge when we come to it."

Grissom's eyes worked in a circle. "Already planning on keeping him then?"

Sara shrugged, leaning down to clip on Buddy's leash. "I don't know. Let's go home and talk about it shall we?"

Grissom really wasn't sure what to think. He'd never really considered a cat. Would it even work with Buddy?

"Okay," he agreed even if unsure and they headed back across the park.

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It was the most bizarre but heartwarming sight she had certainly seen for a while.

After getting off the phone to the vet, Sara walked towards the lounge, pausing before Grissom heard her. Buddy was sitting right up against him, tongue out, tail going wild and the kitten was on his lap staring at him while he spoke.

"What do you want, little one?" Grissom asked. "I don't really have the ability to play with you right now."

Smiling, Sara moved forwards placing a hand on his shoulder to get his attention before sitting next to him.

"You've got a new friend," she said grinning.

Slowly, his eyes drew to her. "It appears so," he said flatly. "Although he keeps trying to eat my buttons. I think he's hungry. What did the vet say?"

"He suggests we take him in for a check over. He'll probably need shots and he looks a little under fed as well so we should really think about getting him some food from the store."

"And I can already tell you want to keep him."

As Grissom said that, Buddy barked and dropped a paw on his lap. The kitten jumped onto Sara, scampered up her arm and onto her shoulder.

Sara laughed. "Well, it looks like I'm not the only one who wants to keep him."

"Cats and babies?" Grissom questioned.

"It's fine, Gil. As long as I don't touch his poop. And come on," she continued, scratching the kitten behind the ear, "how can you say you don't love this little guy? He's so cute and he'll be a great playmate for Buddy. I still can't believe someone just dumped him like that."

"I suspect Buddy may eat him."

Sara's mouth opened and then closed as Buddy whined. "I don't think so, honey. You wouldn't do that would you, Buddy?" The dog barked and Sara snorted.

Grissom's eyes sprang back to the kitten as he jumped from Sara back onto his lap and began gnawing at his buttons again.

"Oh, yes. He's certainly hungry," he said.

"Well," Sara began, scratching her nose, "we could…take him to the vets before your session. Could have a quick lunch while were out…" Eyes widening at her Grissom swallowed. " _You can do it_ ," she encouraged.

Working his jaw, he let out a long sigh and averted her gaze, looking back at the kitten. "Not a fan of people watching me eat as you know."

Reaching a hand over, she slipped a finger under his chin and brought his look back to her. "And I know that's not just the only reason you don't like to go out. But while you're chilled, it feels like a good place to start. I know this is a big step for you, but you have to try at some point. You can't stay in here forever."

He thought for a moment. " _Do we even have time_?" he asked.

Removing her finger, Sara looked at her watch. "We have a few hours and the vet said we can go right in because of our situation. Plus…if we go to the nice Italian café we like I can call ahead and ask if the booth is free that we usually sit in. No one can see you eat then. All nice and private." Another sigh came and Grissom's teeth nipped on his lip. "Do you think you could at least try?" Sara pleaded. "If it doesn't work out I'll grab take out and we'll come home."

"Okay," he breathed.

Sara looked a little shocked that he'd accepted. " _Yes_?" she giggled. He nodded and she smiled, kissing his lips. "I promise you'll be fine."

"I hope so…"

 **A/N: Kitten! Lol.**


	33. Had she made the right decision?

**A/N: Hey guys. Here we are with another chap :) Time to see if Grissom will cope with his first excursion out of the house. What do you think?**

 **All my thanks for the continuing support and reviews and as always to calim for the beta and advice.**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 32

Courteously, the cab driver took the small box with the kitten inside from Sara as she took Buddy's leash then helped Grissom from the vehicle.

She'd considered driving but hadn't felt prepared enough should he have an issue mid-transit. And there hadn't been enough time to ask someone to come get them. Thankfully, Grissom had hesitantly agreed to a cab. Edgy as they started off, Sara had held his hand which seemed to relax him. At least, a bit.

"Okay?" Sara asked.

"I think so," he breathed, looking around then focusing on the entrance door of the vet clinic. "Heart is pounding a bit."

"Just relax. You've been here before," she encouraged.

Taking a breath, Grissom nodded.

"Want me to take this inside for you?" the cab driver asked.

Sara smiled at him. "That would be very helpful, thank you."

Smiling back, the cabby approached the automatic doors, they opened, and he stepped inside.

Slipping her arm around her husband's, Sara gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Ready?"

Grissom's chest heaved, he gave another nod and they slowly followed the driver through the open door.

This was a ginormous step for Grissom and, although Sara was nervous, she couldn't let him see it. She was still surprised he'd agreed but suspected the aftereffects from his hypnotherapy may have had something to do with it.

As they walked into the clinic they were hit with dogs barking at each other, a parrot squawking his displeasure from a cage and a rather noisy boy who couldn't sit still. Sara swallowed. Had she made the right decision to bring Grissom here? Deciding since they were already here, she'd make the best of it

"How about you sit down while I go check him in?" she suggested as Grissom's eyes whirled around the room.

His head instantly shot her way. "I'm staying with you," he said firmly, a hint of desperation clinging to his words.

"Okay," Sara replied, gently taking his hand, clinging a little tighter since he was wearing his braces. "Just try and stay calm, okay? Buddy's here and I'm here and nothing will happen."

"Trying," he whispered, sheepishly walking with his wife as they headed to the desk.

The cab driver placed the box down in front of the receptionist and Sara fished a $50 bill from her purse.

"Keep the change."

The man eyebrows soared. "This is a fifty," he pointed out. "The fare is only $25."

Sara smiled at him. "I know. Just a thanks for your help. Not everyone is so polite these days and you made a journey a lot less of a hassle than it could have been."

He gave back a broad smile and plucked a card from his pocket. " _Thanks_. If you need a ride back just give me a call, okay?"

Taking the card, Sara nodded. "I might just do that."

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The kitten left with the vet for a thorough check, the couple walked the half block to Il Piacere. It was a quiet area and for that Sara was thankful. However, it didn't stop Grissom from constantly looking around and feeling rather vulnerable.

He'd done better than she'd expected at the vets. Once they'd sat down she'd suggested he focus more on the animals than the people since a few of them had stared at his hands and Buddy's service jacket. That worked until a little girl, about 6, approached and asked if she could pet Buddy.

" _Why is he wearing a coat?" she'd asked. "Does he get cold?"_

" _He's a special dog," Grissom answered._

 _Sara smiled. He was interacting with a stranger. A child but still someone he didn't know._

" _Why is he special?" she asked, patting Buddy's back._

" _I can get sick," Grissom told her. "He helps me with that."_

" _Is that why your hands have a special coat, too?"_

 _Nipping her lip in amusement at the child's inquisitiveness, Sara loved how cute Grissom was with his replies. He didn't shy away and seemed comfortable talking to the girl._

" _Something like that," he told her._

The vet was the same one they'd used for Hank which made it a lot easier for Grissom and his suggestion to leave the kitten and come back in an hour was met with Sara's smile and a nod from her husband.

"You feeling all right?" she asked as they walked along, noticing as Buddy had a quick sniff at a lamppost before moving right on.

"I guess," he whispered.

"You're doing _really well_. Remember this is first time you've been out. Well, _out out."_

"Not really something I'll forget, honey."

"I know but give yourself some credit. You never do that."

He looked at her but didn't respond to that, instead took a quick glance up to the sky.

"Are your eyes okay?" she asked with urgency. "Do you need your glasses?"

Grissom shook his head. "I'm fine. Just checking to see if the city sky is the same as it was."

Sara snorted as they stopped at a crosswalk. "It's the same sky you see from the house, babe," she said, tugging his hand to cross the street. "You just make sure you let me know if your eyes start hurting. Lots more lights to contend with out here."

"I guess daylight is my friend today," he answered. "Much more of a problem if it was dark."

"True," Sara agreed knowing Vegas was the epitome of flashing lights at night. "Not sure we'll be having many visits to the city at night that's for sure."

 _As he nodded in agreement they reached the restaurant and headed inside, stopping at the 'please wait here to be seated' sign. Both looked around and it was obvious to Sara that Grissom was nervous. The place wasn't too busy which was good. At least that was less for him to worry about._

 _"_ _Sit, Buddy," Sara ordered as the dog began sniffing at the lectern. Obediently, he plopped down on his butt._

 _When Sara had called to make the reservation, she'd explained about Buddy and Grissom's situation. They'd been regulars for many years and it wasn't exactly a secret about what had happened to him, so they were very understanding._

 _It didn't take but a minute for a waitress to approach, eyes first alighting on Buddy before she looked at the two of them._

 _She smiled. "Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Grissom," she greeted, picking up two menus. "It's really nice to see you." She looked to the dog. "And this must be Buddy."_

Buddy's tail wagged briskly at the sound of his name.

"Hi, Sandra. It is indeed," Sara confirmed. "Thank you for allowing him to be with us."

"Disability dogs are always welcome," Sandra replied and then bit her tongue as Grissom's eyebrows rose. "Um…not that you…have a disability…I…sorry…I didn't mean to offend you or anything."

Clicking his lips together, Grissom shrugged. "Technically, you're right. It's just odd when someone actually says it."

Blushing a little with embarrassment, Sandra gestured her hand. "I'll take you to your table," she said.

They followed her, Grissom trying hard to keep his eyes forward and off any other customer.

"Erica will be over shortly to take your order," she said, placing the menus down. "Just give me a shout if you need anything."

As soon as they sat, Grissom looked around but considering the booth, he couldn't see anything but the wall. Buddy sat by his feet and Sara gave him a treat.

" _Try to relax_?" she advised as Buddy made himself comfortable, lying under the table. "We are nice and private, and no one is going to bother us."

Inhaling deeply, he nodded as Erica arrived and flashed them both a smile.

"Good afternoon. Can I get you guys anything to drink?" she asked.

"Scotch would be good around about now," Grissom said.

Sara's eyes worked in a circle. The idea of reducing the effect of his medication while not in a stable environment felt like lead on her stomach.

"This early?" she questioned not wanting to automatically reject his request. That could easily annoy him.

His eyes drew to her. "Nice thought but I'm pulling your leg." Sara's eyes narrowed at him in disbelief and he smirked. "I'll have an orange juice, please," he said, looking back at Erica who nodded then turned her attention to Sara.

"Same," Sara said, continuing to scowl at her husband.

"Okay," Erica agreed. "I'll sort your drinks while you look over the menu." She started to turn away then paused, looking back at Grissom. "It's really nice to see you, Mr. Grissom, and that you're doing so well. We all know what you went through and…well…I'm just happy you're looking so good."

A slight bashful smile hit his lips. "Thanks," he whispered.

Nodding, she walked away, and Grissom shuffled a little. He still wasn't good with praise especially when it was directed around what he'd been through.

"She's always liked you," Sara pointed out gaining his attention. "Maybe because you flirt rather than tease like you do with me."

"I don't flirt," he argued, playing along.

Sara smiled, opening the menu and sliding it to him. "Of course, you don't. I'll put it all down to the tip."

"Oh? And what tip is that?"

"Watch it," she warned and then snickered.

A comment that had initially sent her heart to racing about the drink had now turned playful and relaxed and it was such a relief. Leaning close she kissed his lips and he smiled when she pulled back.

"Didn't realize we were in the kissing booth."

"Well, let's not get too carried away," she advised, tapping the menu. "We are on a time limit here. Take a look and see what you want."

"More kissing?"

Her eyes shot from the menu back to his and her lips parted, eye twitching. Who would have thought being in a secluded spot would have changed the mood or his confidence so much.

"Don't think that's on the menu," she said with a smile just loving how cute he was at that point in time. She only hoped the rest of the afternoon carried on the same.

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Sitting on the sofa with Grissom's feet across her legs and a happy smile upon her lips, Sara watched him and the kitten on his chest sleep as she intermittently typed an answer to Greg's question on her laptop.

Their lunch at the restaurant had been much more relaxed then she could have even hoped for, Grissom's playfulness actually surprising her. He'd even had dessert and teased her with the cream. Maybe actually getting out was just what he needed despite the nerves at the start of their adventure.

He was more edgy when they got back to the vets, but Sara put that down to all the people in such a close vicinity. He'd dealt with it well though and was delighted with the fact he'd managed to stay out for an extended period without freaking.

The kitten had his shots and the couple were given some worming medicine. Apart from being underweight, he was healthy. Sara had already decided they were keeping him and from their current sleeping positions, she was confident Grissom had similar thoughts.

Grissom had been tired when they'd gotten home and, with just over an hour before James arrived, Sara had encouraged him to take a nap. Some sleep was better than none and it didn't work in their favor if he was tired and didn't rest. Especially when he had a session with the doctor.

The only thing at the back of Sara's mind was a hope they hadn't pushed things too much.

Reading back her chat on Messenger to Greg, she hit send. He was going to go to the store for them for kitten supplies. As much as she'd like to go herself, Grissom had done enough being out and about for one day and this couldn't really wait. They needed food, bedding and toys and once Sara had told her friend about their find he happily offered to play shopper. Just an excuse to see the kitten Sara had accused him. He didn't deny it.

Buddy sat up and whined, his eyes upon the kitten. Sara stroked his neck.

 _"_ _So, what do you think of your new little brother?" she asked him. Looking at her, Buddy kinked his head to the left and let his tongue drop out. "I'll take that as a positive," she snickered, reaching for the treat jar and handing him a snack. "You've been such a good boy today," she praised as he laid down and started munching._

 _Then the kitten moved, stretching out his tiny legs before yawning the cutest little yawn. As Sara pursed her lips watching him, he rolled over and began chewing on Grissom's shirt buttons again. As he did, Grissom's arm moved and his eyes opened._

Sara smiled at him as he glanced down at the kitten. "He certainly has a fetish for your shirt," she chuckled.

"Hmmm," Grissom mumbled after yawning.

Putting the laptop aside, Sara took his foot and gave it a gentle massage. "Feeling a little better now?" she asked.

Nodding, he watched as the kitten moved to the next button and managed to get a bit of string, making it his mission to pull it free.

"I see this one wrecking the house," Grissom informed his wife.

Reaching out, Sara tickled the animal and he rolled onto his back, attacking her finger.

 _"_ _It's certainly given me an idea of what we should call him."_

"Oh?"

She smiled again, looking back at her husband. "Buttons."

"Cute," he replied. "And appropriate."

"Greg's going to be here later with some supplies for him. Considering he seems to want to eat _everything_ , I don't think the food the vet gave him will last in his belly much longer."

"Savage beast," Grissom accused as Buttons pulled some more on the string.

Snorting, Sara plucked the kitten from Grissom's shirt and dropped him onto the floor. Buddy's head rose, and dog and cat were eye to eye.

"This should be interesting," Sara mused.

As those words came, Button's did a backflip and then shot across the room leaving Buddy looking rather puzzled. Sara burst out laughing and Grissom couldn't help a grin of his own.

"Well," Grissom began, "he's off to join the circus."

Grinning, Sara rubbed his foot again. "Thank you," she said sincerely.

He frowned. "For what?"

"Allowing Button's to stay for one."

Grissom shrugged. "I'm not one for dumping animals in shelters."

"True, but with all we have going on you could have easily been against the idea."

"After seeing how much you loved him the second you saw him? I don't think that was an option."

Another smile caught her lips and, shuffling out from under his legs, surprised him when she straddled him. "Sounds like the first time I saw you," she said lovingly, taking his hand and gently stroking her thumb across his fingers.

For a moment they got lost in each other's eyes until Sara dipped her head and took his lips with her own in a delicate but long kiss. It would have been longer but a crash caused their lips to shoot apart and both their eyes shot across the room.

"Ah…." Sara mumbled seeing Buttons scampering away from what was now a broken picture frame on the floor. Her eyes drew back to Grissom's.

"And I was just getting comfortable," he complained.

Lips puckering, she gave him a quick kiss. "Let me clean that up and tie down the fur ball and we can pick up where we left off."

His eyebrow soared. "Do we have time?"

She smirked, running a hand down his cheek. "I guess that all depends on exactly how comfortable you want to get."

 **A/N: I am being way too fluffy. Must bring Evil hat out of retirement…**


	34. A lesser man probably wouldn't

**A/N: Hey, hey. We're back :D I hope everyone is well and looking forward to another chapter. I actually have 2 more done which for me is a minor miracle. I have really enjoyed getting back into my writing the last few weeks and let's just say, I have been plotting a little. Mwahaahaha.**

 **For now, a little more of the good stuff because there has to be some evil around the corner. Right?**

 **My gracious thanks to calim for the beta and to everyone who continues to review and support.**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 33

Taking a moment to check her hair in the small mirror on the sidebar, Sara turned toward the door. Opening it, she smiled at James who waited on the other side.

"Hi," she greeted. "Come on in."

"Afternoon, Sara," he said, smiling back and entering. "You're looking happy."

She nodded. "Feeling pretty happy to be honest."

The doctor's eyebrows rose a little. "Would you like to share?"

"Well," she began, folding her arms, "things didn't start off so well today but then _got better_. Gil actually went out. _I mean out_."

James looked surprised. " _He did_?"

"Yeah," Sara breathed softly. "We found a kitten in the park and, after a little convincing, he came to the vets and we had lunch before coming home."

" _Wow_."

"Isn't it?" Sara agreed partly giggling. "He has done amazing things today. He even surprised me."

James rubbed his chin. "Well, the aftereffects from his hypnotherapy will help his brain to relax but that is such a major step. I really didn't expect this so soon."

Sara shook her head. "Me either."

"And you said things didn't start so well? Was that after his session?"

Her heart missed a beat as she thought back to her husband's confession. "Yeah," she said quietly. "But it wasn't anything to do with Basderic. It was more about the baby and…well, to be honest, I don't know if I should…"

James held up a hand sensing Sara's discomfort. "You don't have to tell me," he said. "Just remember it's my job to listen if you ever want to talk and if Gil brings it up then so be it. But I won't mention it, okay?"

"Thanks," Sara breathed. "I guess we better get to it."

Smiling again, James walked with her into the lounge to see Grissom talking to the kitten who was jumping from his knee to the couch and then back again.

"Afternoon, Gil," he said, catching Grissom attention. "And who is this little guy?"

"Hi," Grissom answered. "This is Buttons."

"Cute name," James said, putting his case down.

Sara sat next to her husband as Buddy got up to trot to his water bowl in the kitchen.

"Something I said?" the doctor asked, taking out his pad and pencil.

Laughing, Sara shook her head and plucked the kitten from Grissom. "I think he's just a little jealous at all the attention this little one is getting." She got up. "I'm just going to put him in the bedroom so he's out of the way."

"I'm already imagining how much he's going to destroy," Grissom added.

She grinned at him. "Be right back."

After he nodded, Grissom's attention shifted to James, watching as he sat opposite and crossed his legs.

"You seem pretty relaxed today, Gil. More relaxed than I think I've ever seen you."

Sucking his bottom lip into his mouth, Grissom shuffled his feet as Buddy returned and plonked himself in front of him.

"I'm feeling relaxed," Grissom confirmed. "At least, at the moment."

James nodded. "Had a good day? Excluding your session that is. I know that went pretty well."

"Yeah," Grissom sighed happily, thinking back to barely half an hour before and how the couch had been used for much more than just sitting.

"Want to tell me about it?"

Hearing Sara coming back, Grissom looked up at her then smiled as she sat by his side and took hold of his hand.

"Well," Grissom began as he looked back at James, "we went out."

James nodded. "Where did you go?"

"To the park first. That's where we found the fur ball. Then to the vet and then we had lunch."

"That's pretty impressive," James commended. "How did you feel when you were out?"

Grissom's shoulders rose in a shrug. "Depended where I was."

"Okay. Would you like to elaborate?" James asked.

Swallowing, Grissom nodded, giving Sara a quick look as she smiled supportingly. Why did he always find it hard talking to others about himself?

"I was very nervous at first, but my wife has a way of keeping me calm and that helps me more than I think she knows."

Sara's smile grew at his praise.

James wrote a couple of notes down as Grissom spoke. "Can you explain those nerves to me? Exactly how you felt inside."

Grissom's jaw worked a bit. "My gut was tight. Heart beating fast. I think the hardest part was getting out of the cab and going into the clinic."

"First steps like that are always difficult," James told him. "And it took a _lot_ for you to have accomplished it."

"I just don't like feeling so afraid all the time," Grissom sighed.

"Do you still feel afraid while you're at home?"

Eye twitching, Grissom gave Sara another look. "Not in a few days."

"Well, that's good. It means you _aren't_ afraid _all_ the time. Have you had any more nightmares?"

Shaking his head, Grissom felt Sara softly rubbing her thumb over his fingers. "A few days ago, but nothing since."

"And what was that nightmare about?"

Clearing his throat, Grissom swallowed again. He hadn't gone into detail about it with Sara even though she knew about it.

"Him," Grissom said flatly.

"True or new?"

Grissom frowned. "Not quite sure what you mean?"

"Was the nightmare about something that has happened or was it a new happening?"

"Um," Grissom began, frowning as he thought back, "it was…new, I guess. The dream wasn't to a precise happening but it..." Now he hesitated.

"Tell me?" James encouraged.

Knowing he was diverting from the original subject of Grissom going out he knew he could come back to that. Getting him to open up about events surrounding his ordeal were vital especially when Grissom seemed willing to initially share.

Blowing out a breath, Grissom shuffled. "He was, um…beating Sara while I watched."

Sara swallowed. He hadn't told her anything about the dream although he had admitted Basderic was hurting her.

"Like when he beat you?"

Grissom nodded. "Unrelenting. He enjoyed the suffering."

Sara could hear the bitterness in his words. Giving his hand another gentle squeeze, she chided herself a bit knowing she shouldn't guide him, but then ignored the idea. She just needed him to know she was there.

"You _both_ went through a lot," James pointed out.

"Yeah," Grissom whispered.

"He hurt Sara, too," James stated.

Sucking in a deep breath, Grissom nodded again.

"How does that make you feel?" James asked.

Opening his mouth, Grissom hesitated and then frowned. "It…it's hard. A husband should always be able to protect his wife."

"Even in the situation you were in?" James challenged.

A sigh came from Grissom. "I don't know."

Sara so wanted to say something. He could not have done anything to prevent her from getting hurt.

"Just think about it, Gil," James began. "Think about the circumstances and tell me how you didn't protect Sara?"

Tipping his head, Grissom looked at his wife. She didn't know whether to smile or shake her head at him.

"May I say something?" she asked, looking at James.

For once, James allowed an interjection and nodded.

Sara turned back to her husband, looking him right in the eyes. "You _couldn't_ have done _any more_ than you did. Do you know what you did?"

He swallowed again and shook his head.

She leaned a little closer. " _You survived_. A lesser man probably wouldn't have. And do you know something?"

"What?" he whispered.

"You _did_ stop Basderic from hurting me. You _did_ protect me. _Remember_?"

Jaw twitching, Grissom mulled over Sara's words. Yes. She was right. He was the one who'd stopped Basderic in the end. Post mayhem perhaps but he'd found just a little something to be able to wipe that bastard off the face of the earth. Not that he took any gratification in taking someone's life, but he felt no guilt either.

Should he?

His head shook.

"What are thinking, Gil?" James asked, pretty impressed with Sara's approach. She'd made a very good point.

Grissom's attention drew back to the doctor and Sara sat back. "Whether or not I should feel guilty."

James crossed his legs. "For what?"

"Taking a man's life."

Oh, Sara wanted to shout 'hell no' from the hills but bit her tongue.

"Well," James began rubbing his chin, "your conscience is something only you can control. There will be no judgement from me either way, that's not why I'm here. Feeling guilty is only something you can decide if you want to do. There is one positive thing though from this conversation."

Grissom looked unconvinced. "And what's that?"

"At this point you are thinking about and discussing Ronald Basderic reasonably freely. That's a pretty big step."

"I suppose I am," Grissom agreed.

James smiled. "I think moving your hypnotherapy before me was the prefect move. I can see and feel you are still relaxed and it's certainly helping us right now."

"Good, I guess."

Nodding, James reached to pour himself some water and took a sip. "So, let's go back to this afternoon. You said you were nervous at first." Grissom nodded. "What made you the most nervous?"

"Being out. Strange people looking at me."

"Did you attract lots of attention?"

Grissom's lips puckered. "A little. Buddy certainly did, and one little girl was very inquisitive."

James smiled at Grissom's calm tone. "You had interactions with her?"

"She was very chatty," Grissom confirmed. "And very curious about Buddy's coat so, yes, we did talk."

"Any interaction is good," James commended. "So how about when you left there? How did things go then?"

Grissom's eyes flicked to Sara again and he smiled. "A little edgy getting to the restaurant but once we were seated it…all changed."

"In what way?"

"I felt…more comfortable."

"There was no one around you?" James questioned.

"No," Grissom said. "We had a booth out of the way which Sara requested. Very private."

James nodded. "And sensible."

Agreeing with a smile, Grissom felt Sara squeeze his hand again.

"I suppose the most important question of all is," James continued earning both Grissom and Sara's curiosity, "did you have a nice lunch?"

Unable to help the snort that left his nose, Grissom nodded. "Yes," he said lightheartedly.

Taking another sip of water, James jotted down a few more notes. "I may be a little premature," he began, "but now that you have crossed that first bridge, so to speak, have you talked about going out again?"

"No," Grissom answered shaking his head and then frowned remembering a conversation he'd had with Sara.

James noticed. "What are you thinking?"

"Well, we, er…Sara has mentioned that we'd need to go out for things for the baby and, of course, she'll have appointments. But that was before today."

"Congratulations on the baby," James said, finally able to say something about it.

Grissom licked his lips. "Thanks."

"And you were slightly less enthusiastic then," the doctor continued.

"Not less enthusiastic," Grissom disagreed. "I don't think that's a fair way of putting it. It's been a lot to take in and a lot to think about and we still haven't put a plan together."

James nodded. "Fair comment. Have you been thinking about what Sara said to you?"

"I've been thinking about a lot of things but, yes, that's been in there, too. I know Sara needs me so I want to be there as much as I can."

A smile came from the doctor. "And how are you feeling about the baby now? If you're ready to talk about it, of course.

Again, Grissom shot Sara a quick look. "I'm still nervous but it's getting easier. Sara has a knack of helping with the nerves."

 _That comment really made Sara feel good, even more so after what he'd revealed. Yes, they needed to speak about that again, but she was positive that just him telling her had made him feel better about being a father._

 _"_ _And do you think you're ready to go out again if it's in regard to the baby?" James asked._

 _Grissom sighed quietly. "I don't know. I think at this point it all depends on how I feel. But…I'll do my best."_

 _"_ _Great to hear," James replied. "So," he continued, edging slightly forwards, "are you feeling comfortable enough for us to discuss a little of what you've talked about in your hypnotherapy?"_

 _Sara's heart skipped a beat as she felt her husband's fingers slightly tighten on hers. He shouldn't be doing that but she understood why. His therapy had started to reveal the horrors he'd gone through and she just prayed talking about them wasn't going to set him back again._

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Sara smiled as she prepared dinner. Grissom was out in the garden with Buddy, Buttons was skidding back and forth on the kitchen floor highly entertained at the lack of grip, and the mood felt nice.

James had brought up Grissom's remembrance of waking in the bunker and the fear he'd felt. On the whole, he'd coped really well with the conversation until once again Basderic's eyes caused him to panic. Thankfully, Sara had calmed him down and James called an end to the session but felt it had been a very successful day.

The doctor knew that Grissom's key trigger was Basderic staring. For every time he thought of those eyes his brain pretty much assumed pain was coming. They needed to find a way for him to be able to look into those eyes and fight back.

 _Even with Grissom's revelation that morning Sara couldn't really have asked for a better day. They had so much to work towards now. And the past few days had certainly seen a change within her husband. A confidence was returning she'd thought he may never get back. Yes, he still had to conquer his demons, but she was more assured now than ever that he'd get there. They were going to the hospital tomorrow for treatment on his hands and she hoped they could stop by the antenatal ward to make her first appointment to see the doctor. Fingers crossed._

 _Just as she'd had that thought, a huge boom of thunder made her jump. Eyes widening, her gaze sprung towards the backdoor._

"Shit," she mumbled, throwing down what was in her hand and rushing from the kitchen.

Just as she reached the door, it opened and Buddy came in, swiftly followed by Grissom who was quick to close the door behind him.

"Are you okay?" Sara gasped desperately, rubbing his shoulder.

He smiled at her. "Fine. Glad I was just on my way in when that came. Had a funny feeling the weather was about to turn."

Blowing out a breath of relief Sara willed her heart to calm. A seizure caused by lightening would not be a nice top off to their day. She was glad Grissom had the sense to come in. A few weeks ago he probably wouldn't have.

The lights flickered and Sara turned towards the kitchen window, quickly leaving her husband's side to pull down the blind. Then there was a knock at the front door.

"Greg, you have the worse timing," Sara sighed.

"Or the best," Grissom countered. "Got here just before he got soaked." 

Her eyes worked in a circle. "True, but he'll have to wait until I've closed all the drapes. Want to take Buddy into the lounge while I do that?"

Grissom nodded. "Sure."

 _As Grissom did just that, Buttons scampered after him. Sara dashed around the house closing all the drapes before heading toward the door. Opening it, she took a step back and laughed. A person, Greg, no doubt, stood there, his hands full of a cat basket, boxes and bags that towered above his head._

"Is that you under there, Greg?" she chuckled.

"Little help?" he asked.

Still laughing, Sara reached out to take some bags from the pile to reveal his face.

"Hi," she said with a smile.

He smiled back. "Hi."

"Come in." Nodding, he followed Sara into the house. "How much stuff did you buy?" she questioned in amazement. "It's a kitten not a lion."

Putting the items on the floor he straightened out. "Just everything a cat needs," he said innocently. "A bed, food, litter, toys. And it works out cheaper to get multipacks so you shouldn't have to get him anything for a while."

"Several years by the looks of it," Sara chuckled looking into one of the bags. "Ah…," she said pulling out a mouse on a string. "Toys are much needed. Little tyke is into everything at the moment."

"I'm looking forward to meeting him," Greg replied, taking off his coat. "How's Grissom?"

She gave him a broad smile, bouncing the mouse up and down. "Doing brilliantly today so try and relax around him, okay?"

"I'll try."

Rolling her eyes, she grabbed the bag of toys and his arm. "Come on."

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Humming to herself, Sara brushed her hair, staring at her reflection in the mirror. She snickered when she saw Buttons behind her rolling through the door with a ball between his paws.

"You are the energizer kitty," she said, crouching to try and tug the ball from his grip.

Giving a slight struggle, Buttons let go before doing a back flip and dashing back out of the bathroom. Laughing heartily, Sara looked back in the mirror and finished brushing her hair.

"I think you found a crazy kitten," Grissom shouted a few moments later.

Sara's lips pursed as she put the brush down and picked up her perfume, dotting a few squirts onto her throat. "Whatever makes you say that?" she called back.

When no answer came, she frowned. Putting the bottle down, she headed into the bedroom then paused in the doorway. Grissom glared at her as she snickered at the sight before her. Buttons, perched atop his head, playfully clawed at his hair.

"You were saying?" he asked.

Shooting him a wide mouthed smile, she knelt on the bed and plucked the kitten from his head, dropping him onto the bed. The second he landed, he jumped, landing on Buddy's back. His head shot up, and he gave the kitten a death glare.

"Easy, boy." Grissom advised.

Buddy snorted causing the kitten to backflip again then he was back on the floor to vanish under the bed.

 **"** **I'm pretty sure he's going to be joining the circus," Grissom said, looking down at the floor over the top of his glasses.**

 **Laughing, Sara threw off her robe before kneeling next to her husband and removing the book stand from his lap.**

 **He looked at her, eyebrow rising. "I** ** _was_** **reading that," he said in a pouting tone.**

 **"** **Awww." Closing the book, she smirked. "The life and times of the dung beetle." Her eyes flicked to him. "You have some amazing taste in bedroom material."**

 **Eyes twitching, he watched as she put the stand aside then tipped back his head before she straddled his lap.**

"I had something a little more interesting in mind than the dung beetle if you would like to participate."

"I think we've been here today once already haven't we?" he asked innocently.

Grinning, Sara dropped her head and kissed him.

"Hmmm," he cooed when she pulled back. "You smell nice."

"Thanks," she replied, licking her lips. "You smell nice, too."

"Odor sweaty. Delightful."

She began unbuttoning his pajama jacket. "I prefer you o'naturale than any other way."

He watched her fingers. "Is that right?"

"Ugh huh."

Pulling the jacket apart Sara kissed him again. "Now would you like to see what I have in mind or go back to your beetles?" she teased.

"Very tough choice," he said flatly, playing with her.

Trying very hard not to smirk, she narrowed her eyes, sat back up and pulled her nightgown over her head, carelessly tossing it to the floor.

" _How about now_?" she challenged.

Eyes glued to his wife's chest, Grissom sighed. "I surrender," he whispered. "Do your worst."

 **A/N: Hmmm, happy time :)**


	35. Concerns

**A/N: Another chapter ahoy :) Thank you for your patience. Time for a hospital visit and hopefully Grissom will be making some progress…**

 **As always my thanks for all the thoughts and reviews and to calim for the beta.**

 **On we go…**

Chapter 34

Sara watched as Aaron worked on her husband's hands and fingers, massaging, loosening and very delicately moving his fingers. She kept a close eye on Buddy, who was lying near Grissom's feet, all too familiar of how too much pain could affect her man.

Sara was nervous; nervous about Aaron manipulating Grissom's hands and fingers again. Even here, in a controlled environment, she knew that if either of them pushed too hard, he could have a seizure. The worst part was that the time was getting closer when her husband would start to try and move on his own.

What if she wasn't there when he did so?

She brushed back the hair from her face and tried to relax. Until he was completely recovered there would always be that worry and, probably, even after that.

After what seemed like his fiftieth groan, Aaron smiled and carefully placed Grissom's left hand on the table.

"Really, really good, Gil," he praised. "Let's take a little break."

Puffing out his cheeks, Grissom nodded and sat back. Pulling a tissue from her bag Sara leaned towards him.

"You're doing _really_ well," she said, dabbing the sweat from his rosy face. "You'll be playing guitar before you know it."

Grissom snorted briefly clenching his eyes together as his hands tingled.

"How's the pain, Gil?" Aaron asked, his eyes inspecting his patient's hands.

"It's okay," Grissom breathed. "Bearable."

Putting the tissue down, Sara held out some water and Grissom hastily drank from the straw.

Nodding, Aaron leaned a little forwards. "Not seeing a great deal of swelling yet either which is great. I think your muscles are finally starting to catch up."

Pulling away from the straw, Grissom glanced at his hands and then toward Aaron. "So, I can start weightlifting?"

Aaron laughed and Sara smiled. How much she'd missed this side of him. Finally, the humorous side of him was returning and she loved it.

Aaron winked. "Not just yet, okay?"

Managing a smile, Grissom took another sip of water.

"I do think though," Aaron continued, "with the way we are going, we might be able to move things along a little quicker than initially expected."

Sara's heart thumped. "What do you mean?"

"Gil is coping with movement a lot better than he did the first time around, so I think we can start talking about moving on to equipment and exercises soon. And the sooner we do that the sooner we can get his hands working properly."

Grissom looked at Sara. "And _then_ I can start weightlifting."

Her eyes narrowed at him and he smirked. Shaking her head she looked back at Aaron.

"It scares me if we push too soon," she admitted. "We all know there are no more chances with this."

"I understand your concern," Aaron said softly. "But I wouldn't say something I wasn't confident in."

"I know," Sara said swiftly. "Doesn't mean I'm not nervous about it."

Aaron smiled. "I'd be worried if you weren't."

Grissom licked his lips. "So, how soon are we talking?" he asked.

"I'll see how we go for the rest of the session and then we can talk about it then."

"Okay," Grissom agreed. "I can live with that."

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The rest of the session continued to go well after the short break with Aaron moving Grissom's hands more than he'd done in the previous sessions. The left thumb still remained the most sensitive but that was to be expected. All in all, things seemed to be more receptive to recovery than the first time which pleased everyone, prompting Aaron to make the decision to step up things in the next session. And, since Grissom was quite positive about it, Sara buried her nerves as much as possible. There was no way she would intentionally deflate her husband's hopeful attitude.

After a bit of a rest, they left the treatment room and stopped at the elevator. As Sara hit the call button, she glanced at her husband, noticing his relaxed posture had been replaced with edginess. She longed for the day when all that would go away.

"Are you sure you're up to this?" she asked as he looked at her. "I know you're usually tired after treatment. We can do this another day."

She really hoped he was still up to it but would understand if he wasn't.

He nodded. "I'm okay. I know how important this is to you."

She leaned close to him and smiled. " _To us."_

"Yeah," he breathed with a smile of his own.

The night before Sara had called Donald for advice on who to speak to about the baby and he'd organized a ten-minute appointment for her at the antenatal clinic. She was just happy to get things rolling since she'd never been in this position before and any and all advice would be appreciated. A longer appointment would take place later.

The elevator pinged and the doors opened to reveal four people inside. Grissom hesitated at the sight of them. Two couples by the look of it, one woman heavily pregnant while the other looked slightly smaller.

"It's okay," Sara urged, taking his arm and helping him make that step into the elevator.

Buddy stuck close, his body brushing up against Grissom's legs. All eyes found the dog and Sara smiled at everyone before leaning over to push the button for the fourth floor but it was already lit.

"Nice deep breaths," she whispered to Grissom as he faced the doors.

He nodded and did just that trying not to think about the strangers behind him.

It only took a few moments for the ping to sound again, quickly followed by the doors opening. Grissom and Sara stepped out only to be passed by the others when he came to a stop.

"Are you all right?" Sara asked, rubbing Grissom's arm as he looked around again.

"Yeah," he said a little unconvincingly.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt Sara nodded towards the reception desk knowing it was probably a good idea to get in and out of here as quickly as they could. It was a lot busier than anywhere they had been yet and that made her nervous for him. He was putting on a brave face but she didn't want to push him too far.

"Over there," she directed, taking his arm as they walked to the desk, Buddy sniffing it once they reached it.

"Can I help you?" the receptionist asked.

"Sara Sidle," Sara said. "I have an appointment."

Nodding, the woman tapped at her computer. "Do you know who you are seeing, Ms. Sidle?"

Sara shook her head. "Eh, no. Donald Moore organized this for me."

The nurse's head rose and she looked at Grissom before her gaze fell back to Sara.

"Ah, yes. Doctor Moore did speak to us yesterday." Getting up, she pointed to a room to the right. "If you'd like to follow me we have a small waiting room out of the public eye he said you may want to use."

A look of relief passed over Grissom's face. "That would be great," he said appreciatively.

She smiled at him. "Happy to help those in need," the receptionist said as they headed towards the room.

Sara was very happy Donald had requested a quiet area for them. It made things so much easier. A lot of people in the hospital knew Grissom and, even those who didn't, had probably heard about him. The receptionist was certainly acting like she was clued in so, hopefully, this would make their visit run smoother. The less anxiety forced upon her husband the better.

The receptionist opened the door, gesturing them inside. "Take a seat. Doctor Patterson will be with you shortly."

"Thanks," Sara replied, watching as the woman closed the door as she left.

"Feeling a little happier now?" Sara asked Grissom as he sat down in one of the five chairs.

He gave a quick nod. "I'm sorry. I just…"

"Hey," Sara said, swiftly cutting him off with a finger to his lips as she sat next to him. " _No apologies_. Not now, not ever. Okay?"

Smiling under her finger he nodded again.

"Good." Sara lowered her finger and took his braced right hand, lifting it to have a look. "How are they feeling?"

"A little tingly," he admitted. "But it's okay."

Sara's eye twitched. " _You promise_?"

"Scout's honor."

She smirked and then let out a breath. " _I_ feel nervous now."

"You do?" Nodding at him, Sara encased his hand in both of hers. "We're only here for a quick chat."

"I know. But I can't say I've ever chatted about a human being growing inside me before or..." Her thumb rubbed over his, "thought I ever would."

He gave her a sweet smile. "Me either."

"Have you, um…." She hesitated not sure whether this was the time or place, "Have you given any more thought into…you know…what you told me?"

"A little," Grissom admitted.

Sara's eyebrows lifted. "Do you want to share? I'll support you with whatever you decide. You know that, right?"

"Yeah," Grissom said softly. "And…I think I've made a decision."

Letting out a breath, Sara squeezed his hand a little tighter.

"For now…I'm just going to leave it."

"Oh," Sara replied, a little surprised. " _Are you sure_?"

He nodded. "Right now we concentrate on _now_. _On us and our baby_. Honestly, I think that's all I can deal with anyway."

"Okay," Sara agreed, her tone gentle and supportive. "If that's what you want."

"For now it is. But, in the future…I might think about looking. Maybe."

Just as he said that a woman stepped into the room prompting them both to quiet and look up.

"Hi," she greeted. "Ms. Sidle?"

"Eh, yeah," Sara said, getting up. "Sara."

The woman smiled holding out her hand. "Amanda Patterson. Nice to meet you."

Shaking her hand, Sara nodded. "This is my husband, Gil."

"Good to meet you, Gil. And this is?" She asked, looking down at the dog.

"Buddy," Grissom said, getting to his feet.

She nodded. "Ah, yes. Doctor Moore did mention him."

"Did he mention anything else?" Sara asked not exactly sure what she may know or not know about their situation.

"Would you both like to come to my office?" Amanda suggested. "Be much more comfortable for us to talk."

Sara looked at Grissom and he nodded. Walking after the doctor they followed her the short way to the office and she closed the door behind them, gesturing for them to sit.

"Please make yourselves comfortable," she said.

Sitting, Grissom's attention was drawn to the awards and certificates on the wall while Sara just stared at the doctor.

"So," Amanda began, "please both of you try and relax. Doctor Moore has explained Gil's situation so we'll do our best to accommodate everybody's needs, okay? Just make sure if you need any special requirements during visits that you ask."

Sara smiled feeling a little relieved. "We will, thanks."

"I can see from your file and from what Doctor Moore has told me that you've both been through a lot," Amanda continued looking at Grissom. "And you are still recovering."

Grissom nodded. "Yeah."

She nodded focusing back on Sara. "Although we can't change the past we do our best to keep the future bright and bring your baby into this world as trouble free as possible."

"Trouble free would make a nice change," Sara replied, taking Grissom's hand.

Amanda smiled. "This is your first baby, correct?"

"Yeah," Sara breathed, her heart strumming a little bit. "Not really planned," she admitted.

"Okay," Amanda said. "Not everything is planned but how do you feel about it? Are you keeping the baby?"

Grissom frowned. "Isn't that why we're here?"

"Not everyone visits us with the intention of keeping their baby. Some abort, some put them up for adoption. I have to ask the question of the parents and not just take what I'm told for granted."

"We're keeping the baby," Sara said quickly before the conversation turned somewhere she didn't want it to go. "We were surprised but we're happy."

"Good," Amanda returned. "Then we can start things in motion and the best thing for us to do is to set you a proper appointment where we can do an examination and some screening tests."

Sara swallowed. She may not know much about having a baby but she knew some babies could have problems. She wasn't old but she wasn't a spring chicken either so she hoped that didn't work against her.

"What time frame is recommended for that?" she asked.

"Before ten weeks usually but considering your circumstances and your higher stress levels I'd suggest we make it as soon as we can. Let's get as much out of the way as possible and then you can concentrate on the good stuff."

Now Sara snorted. "Hmmm. Bloating, sore backs, eating like a pig and the constant urge to pee?"

Grissom's head turned her way. "That's the good stuff, huh?" he joked.

Looking at him, Sara narrowed her eyes and then a tiny smirk found her lips before they pursed at him.

"If I've come to learn anything over the years," Amanda continued, "it's never try and predict what pregnancy will bring. Everyone is different. Some have morning sickness but not everyone, some bloat, some don't. You may have cravings you may not."

"Well morning sickness has already started," Sara said. "Been having it for nearly a week."

"Then you're lucky."

Sara frowned at her. "Lucky?"

"Early morning sickness can mean it will pass quicker and you may not suffer from it later in your pregnancy. It's not guaranteed but that's how it works for most of my patients."

"Oh," Sara mumbled. "Good then. I guess."

Amanda flashed her another smile. "So, I'll make you an appointment and try and get you in early next week if that's good with you."

Sara looked at Grissom and he nodded. Smiling at him she turned back to the doctor.

"Fine."

"Any urgent concerns you'd like to ask about now?" Amanda asked.

Letting out a long sigh, Sara thought. "I don't know. I thought I'd have a million things to ask but now that I'm actually sitting here nothing comes to mind."

"I have a question," Grissom said and Sara's eyebrows lifted.

"Go ahead," Amanda urged.

"You mentioned screening tests. What are they exactly?"

Reaching into a drawer, Amanda pulled out a booklet and held it out to Sara.

"Everything you need to know for right now is in here. Please take a look and then I'll be happy to answer any questions at your next appointment. The tests would just take me too long at the moment to go through and sadly the clock is against me."

"We understand," Sara said taking the booklet. "I'm happy you agreed to see us on such short notice and as far as any concerns go there is nothing drastic that can't wait."

Looking back at Grissom, Sara noticed his expression had changed. He looked slightly worried. Why did he look worried all of a sudden?

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, fine," he whispered but Sara wasn't that convinced.

There was certainly something on his mind and she needed to find out what that was.

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With the doctor's next patient due, the couple left her office with appointment in hand to attend Monday afternoon. That wasn't too bad. Just four days away. Sara could live with that and was happy they'd gotten the ball rolling. However, she was still concerned her husband, yet again, had something on his mind he wasn't telling her.

As they stepped from the elevator and headed towards the main entrance, Sara decided to ask him.

"So, what's on your mind?" she asked.

He shot her a quick glance but remained quiet as the double doors to the outside world opened and they stepped out.

"Something came to me," he said. "And it's made me a little worried."

Frowning, Sara took his arm and guided him out of the way of the doors. Not the best place to be standing with the amount of footfall. Taking him around the corner, she stopped.

"What is it?" she asked concerned.

Just as he was about to answer, a jackhammer sounded making the both jump, Grissom nearly shooting out of his skin. Their gazes shot across the road to see men working, seemingly digging up a sidewalk on the hospital grounds.

" _Are you all right?"_ Sara asked urgently.

Grissom didn't hear her. His heart was racing. His breathes were hard. And then one of them raised a sledgehammer and… BAM… Basderic was there with the mallet raised, his own screams echoing in his head.

Buddy began barking and Sara's hands shot out as Grissom stumbled backwards then started to fall. She managed to grab one arm but it slipped from her grasp as he went crashing to the concrete.

 **A/N: Hmmm, what is Grissom worried about? Apart from crashing to the floor that is :P**


	36. Who are you?

**A/N: Back :) New chap at last, sorry for the wait. I generally only get to put my lappy on at weekends now so I don't get much time to write sadly. Hey ho, life is life and we do what we can.**

 **Time to see how Grissom is after that naughty seizure crept back up on him. Thanks for the reviews, love em all and as always to calim for the help and beta.**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 35

Sara sat in the waiting area demolishing her thumbnail.

Several people had been quick to help her keep Grissom still while she'd administered his injection. Hospital staff had soon followed. He'd gone down with a thump and that was what had her worried.

She had yet to work out what had set him off. She knew the jackhammer had startled both of them. Was it that or something else? And why did they have to be working right then? He'd been doing so well.

She sighed heavily and stroked Buddy. Why did this have to happen now?

Buddy whined and she looked down at him. "It's okay," she soothed, continuing to stroke him. "Nothing you could have done about that."

As she said that she heard footsteps and spotted Donald heading her way. At least having a seizure at the hospital made treatment easier.

"How are you doing?" he asked when reaching her.

Sara gave him a weak smile. "I don't even know to be honest. One step forwards, two steps back. How is he?"

"He's out of radiology and still sleeping."

Frowning, Sara slowly stood. "He hasn't woken up yet?"

Donald shook his head. "No."

Oh, now Sara was really worried and watched as the doctor tapped the back of his head.

"He hit his head pretty hard by the look of it. Has a nice big bump."

Her heart pounded. Grissom hitting his head was not a good thing. "That's not good," she said.

"Well, his scan is clear," Donald reassured. "No damage but he'll probably have a bad headache."

Now Sara let out a breath of relief. "Thank God. He went down so fast I couldn't do anything. It just came out of the blue."

"You said when he was rushed in that he reacted to the workmen across the street?"

"Yeah. A jackhammer went off and then he went over."

Donald's chin worked in thought. "The noise may have spooked him, but I don't see that setting off a seizure." 

Sara shrugged. "I guess we'll have to wait and see if he remembers when he wakes up." The doctor nodded. "And what about his hands?"

"Scan was clear there, too. Thankfully, he didn't land on them when he fell although the braces would have helped to prevent any damage."

"That's why I make sure he wears them when we go out anywhere. At least until he's fit not to."

"Agreed," Donald said. "Try and relax a bit now, okay?"

"Yeah," Sara breathed. "Can I see him?"

Donald smiled. "Sure. You can stay with him. When he wakes up, we'll decide what happens and how long we'll keep him here."

"Do you think it'll be overnight?" Sara asked as they started walking, wondering if she'd have to call Greg to kitten-sit.

"Hopefully not but we'll need to make sure, especially since he's banged his head that he's fit enough to leave."

"Okay," Sara agreed knowing that was certainly the best call.

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Sara thanked the nurse as she took the coffee handed to her. She'd been sitting in the cubicle with Grissom for almost an hour and there hadn't been a peep out of him. Although the doctor had told her to relax something just didn't feel right about the length of time he'd been out. He'd usually wake up briefly. If this continued much longer she was going to speak with someone.

Once settled with Grissom, she'd quickly called Greg to let him know what had happened and just have him on stand-by for the kitten just in case Grissom was kept overnight. He didn't mind at all.

Now, as she sat waiting in hopes that her husband would soon wake up, her cell vibrated. Glancing at it, she put down her coffee and headed for the door.

"Hey, Cath," she said, stepping into the corridor.

"Hey you. Where are you? I thought you were going to let me know how Gil got on."

"Yeah," Sara breathed running a hand through her hair.

There was a silence. "What's up?" Catherine asked.

"He had a seizure," Sara said sadly.

"Oh, no. Where? Is he okay?"

Sara leaned against the corridor wall. "Just as we were leaving the hospital. He's banged his head but according to the doctor he's okay. He just hasn't woken up yet."

"Hasn't damaged his hands or anything?"

"No," Sara answered. "Just a bang to the head."

"Well, that's just…"

"Typical," Sara finished for her. "Things never seem to go well for a long period of time. It's the law. Didn't you know that?"

"Now you can stop that," Catherine ordered. "You know his seizures can happen at any time so suck it up and move on."

Sara blinked, her eyebrows soaring. "And you've got your big girl pants on."

Catherine snorted. "Just keep that chin up, okay?"

"I'll try," Sara replied. "He was just doing so well with his session and then he even came with me to…"

Biting her lip, Sara realized what she'd just said.

"Where did you go?" Catherine asked curiously.

"Um…"

" _Come on, Sara, spill_ …."

"Fine," Sara sighed. "But please keep this to yourself, okay? No one else apart from Betty knows yet."

"Now I really am curious," Catherine said keenly.

Rolling her eyes, Sara took a quick look back into the cubicle. "I'm pregnant."

Another silence came and then Catherine coughed. "Eeer, what?"

"Yes, your ears are working fine," Sara deadpanned.

" _You? Sara 'I'm never having children' Sidle_?"

"Thanks, Cath," Sara grumbled.

Catherine laughed. "Oh, my God, that is so awesome. _You are really having a baby_?"

"Do you honestly think I'd joke about something like that?"

"It's Gil's, right?" Catherine teased.

" _Catherine_ ," Sara growled, gritting her teeth.

"Haha, I'm just pulling your leg. Wow. I mean, _wow_. That's just…"

"Unexpected," Sara said.

"Yeah, right," Catherine agreed. "I didn't ever see the two of you going there, you know?"

"Well it happened so, that's it. We're having a baby."

"How did Gil take the news?"

Sara thought for a moment about what exactly she should tell Catherine. "He was surprised and yes, it's going to be a challenge but we're _both_ happy."

"I never thought I'd see the day," Catherine laughed.

"Me either but it's happening."

"Well, I'll give you some tips."

Smirking, Sara checked her watch. "I'd better go. Hopefully, he'll wake up soon and I'd rather be there when he does."

"Okay. Please let me know later how things are, okay?"

"I will," Sara agreed. "And make sure you keep your lips sealed until we have told people."

"You have my word," Catherine promised.

"Bye, Cath."

"Bye, Sara." 

Lowering the phone, Sara sighed and headed back to her seat. Dropping a hand to her tummy, she rubbed. It was so surreal to think that in just seven or so months a new human being would be entering their lives. A human being that they had created together. She smiled briefly then her head shot up when she heard him mumble.

As Grissom's foot moved she got out of the chair and shifted in closer. As his eyes slowly opened and his head tipped in her direction, she smiled.

"Hey," she said softly. Blinking, he stared at her but didn't say a word. Frowning slightly, Sara clasped his arm. "Can you hear me?"

Blinking again, Grissom looked around the room. Sara didn't really like the look of confusion on his face.

"Gil?" Again, he didn't respond to her. "Gil?" she tried again a bit firmer this time and his eyes shot back to her.

"Who are you?" he asked lightly.

Sara's body tingled. "That's not very funny," she said flatly.

Shaking his head, Grissom looked around again, his mouth opening but then closing as no words came out. Sara's heart thudded as she straightened out. He wasn't joking.

"I'll be right back," she said.

Rushing from the cubicle to the nurse's station, she pointed over her shoulder as the nurse looked up at her.

"Gil just woke up," she said.

"Great," the nurse said.

"I don't know," Sara said slightly panicked. "He doesn't know who I am."

The nurse frowned at her then looked to her colleague.

"I'll get the doctor," the older nurse said.

Nodding, the younger woman stepped out to join Sara. "Let's go take a look."

Breathing deeply, Sara accompanied the nurse back to the cubicle, nervously watching her husband as he looked as confused as he did when he first woke up.

"How are you feeling, Gil?" the nurse asked, reaching for the blood pressure cuff.

"I don't know," Grissom said. "You keep calling me Gil. Is that my name?"

Folding her arms, Sara could feel her body becoming lighter. What the hell was going on? He didn't even know his own name?

"That's right," the nurse confirmed, checking his blood pressure. "You had a nasty seizure and bumped your head. Do you remember that?"

Grissom's head shook. "I don't remember anything." He looked at Sara. "I don't know who anyone is."

Sara's mouth hung open, eyes flicking to the nurse. She didn't know what to do or say and as she tried to understand this insanity, Donald stepped in.

"What do we have here then?" he asked, eyes first clashing with Sara's before hitting the patient.

"Do you remember Doctor Moore, Gil?" the nurse asked.

"No," Grissom replied, looking to everyone in turn. "I don't know any of you."

Donald glanced back at Sara who looked like she needed a seat and gently took her arm.

"Have a sit down while I take a look at him, okay?"

Swallowing, Sara didn't argue and sat in the chair just wondering what more could possibly go wrong.

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Opening the door to their home, Sara motioned for her husband to enter, her eyes flicking to Greg as he did so.

It had been such a… well, she didn't really know how to clarify their day. His seizure and the consequence of banging his head had led to something she had never even contemplated.

Donald examined him, checked all his vitals, triple checked his scan results, but found no additional problems. However, Grissom couldn't remember anything.

 _Anything_.

He didn't know his name, where he lived, Sara or Buddy, his work, his past. _Nothing_. His mind was a complete blank. The hospital staff were baffled. Sara really did not know what to think.

It was like a huge joke but she certainly wasn't laughing and, in all honesty, she didn't know what to do.

The hospital decided as Grissom was physically okay to let him go home. There wasn't a great deal they could do at that point with regard to his memory totally vanishing. Donald put it down to the heavy bump to the head but his answers in regard to Grissom's memory returning were very unhelpful. Unhelpful because he simply didn't know. A few hours, a few days, it could be anything, but it was advised Grissom return tomorrow for another scan just to make sure nothing had changed. And, of course, the doctor was always available for them if anything changed for the worse.

Sara wasn't sure what they could class as worse. Her husband, lover of 8 years, father to her child, the only man she'd ever loved didn't even know who she was.

WTF.

Had she been bumped on the head as well? Was someone going to jump out and yell "Gotcha!?"

He didn't even know why his hands were in braces. He knew nothing of Basderic or his ordeal.

He knew nothing.

The one single plus out of all of this was he didn't remember what he'd been through but how was Sara supposed to deal with that?

It was just weird.

Although they'd gotten a cab to the hospital, Sara called Greg to pick them up. He quickly obliged and, as she looked at her friend before following her husband, she could see he was worried about her. He always gave her that look when he was worried.

Following her into the house, Greg closed the door and unhooked Buddy from his leash. Grissom just stood there, looking around.

Sighing, Sara walked up to him. "Anything look familiar?" she asked.

He looked at her. "No."

Giving him a weak smile, she pointed towards the lounge. "Why don't you go and sit down. I don't like you standing too much after a seizure."

This was certainly different to how he normally reacted after a seizure. He wasn't as tired or lethargic. But still, Sara didn't want to push his physical abilities.

"Why do I have seizures?" he asked as Sara took his arm and they walked toward the couch.

Her eyebrows lifted as Greg followed them, Buddy a trot away. Not much had been explained to him at the hospital with the main concern being his physical health. How was she supposed to tell him that story though?

"Um," she mumbled, turning him around and urging him to sit down. "We can talk about it later. Right now, I need to make you something to eat because you haven't eaten since breakfast. Do you think you can eat something?"

Okay, perfect side-track to try and collect her thoughts.

"I guess," he agreed, watching Greg as he sat next to him and patted Buddy.

"What would you like?" Sara asked.

Looking back at her, Grissom shrugged. "I don't know. What do I like?"

Right, this was going to be hard, wasn't it?

"You like most things. How about I just do a quick sandwich for now? Might be best not putting something too heavy in your stomach."

"Okay," he agreed.

Nodding she looked at Greg before sighing to herself and heading to the kitchen.

"So, what do you do?" Grissom asked, looking back at Greg.

"I work at the crime lab," he answered. "I'm an investigator."

"Is that where I work?"

Greg's eyes worked in a circle. Why did he have to be the one put on the spot?

"You used to be my boss. But you don't work there anymore."

Grissom's brow pinched. "Oh. So, we're friends because of work?"

"Yeah. Even after you left and Sara…"

Greg stopped in mid-sentence realizing he really shouldn't be telling Grissom all about the bad stuff that had happened the last year or so.

"I left?"

"Um, yeah." Greg shuffled feeling uncomfortable. "But, I'm sure Sara will tell you everything."

Thankfully, Buddy sat up and dropped his chin on Grissom's knee, breaking up the conversation. Grissom smiled at him and then looked back at Greg, leaning a little closer and Greg looked surprised.

"What about her?" Grissom whispered.

Oh, this was weird. "Sara?" Greg asked confused.

"Hmmm," Grissom said with a nod.

"Sara's pretty amazing," Greg told him. "You're very lucky to have her."

Grissom looked over his shoulder to see her coming back their way, watching as she put a plate onto the coffee table.

"Did you want anything, Greg?" she asked.

"No. Thanks. In fact, I should get going and leave you to it."

"Okay," she breathed.

He stood up and gave her a smile. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"

She nodded. "I will. Thanks as always."

Nodding back, he patted Buddy. "Bye, Grissom," he said as he headed for the door.

"Who's he talking to?" Grissom questioned.

Sitting next to her husband, Sara leaned forwards to grab the plate. "You," she replied. "Your surname is Grissom. That's what most people call you."

"Oh."

"This may seem odd to you," Sara began, keeping her eyes on the plate and picking up the sandwich. "I don't know if it will or not but as you can't use your hands, I have to feed you sometimes. Depends if you use…" She trailed off as she looked at him to notice he was staring right at her. "What?" she asked frowning.

"You're very beautiful," Grissom said softly.

Eyebrows rising, Sara found an odd tingle run down her spine. She wasn't sure he'd ever said that like that before. It felt like they'd just met and were on a first date. Her lips pursed and she couldn't help a shy smile.

"Thanks," she whispered, breaking a bit off the sandwich.

"How long have we been together?" Grissom asked, as she raised her hand and he opened his mouth to accept the food.

" _Properly_ ," she began, "eight years. But we met while I was in college."

Chewing the sandwich, Grissom took in the information. "How old am I?" he asked after swallowing.

"57."

"And how old are you?"

Snorting, Sara pulled away more sandwich. "43."

His eyebrows soared. "Wow. That's quite an age difference."

She dropped more sandwich into his mouth and smiled. "Age is irrelevant if you love someone."

Slowly chewing, he stared at her again and Sara was sure she blushed. His look was so innocent and loving. It was still weirding her out though.

"So, what about me? Why can't I use my hands?" Grissom asked. "Why do I have seizures?"

Sara let out a silent breath. She really didn't want to go through all that right now. She felt drained.

"Could you wait until a little later? I promise then I will tell you everything you need to know. I'm just not feeling so amazing right now and with the stress I've already had it's not good for the baby."

Grissom's eyes flicked to her stomach. "Baby?"

Ah, right. He won't remember that either will he?

"Yes, Gil," Sara confirmed. "We are having a baby and I'm around 7 weeks."

His mouth opened, a slight look of bemusement on his face now. "Cool."

Sara laughed. That she wasn't expecting to fall form his lips but this new version of him made her feel oddly good. Not that the other version didn't but this was so very different.

And there he was, staring again. His eyes deep, centered only on her. Then, when he tipped his head closer, Sara swallowed feeling nervous for some damn stupid reason. But, she didn't have a chance to dwell on it because he kissed her. It was soft and loving and so very, very nice. When he pulled back, only a little though, she bashfully smiled at him.

"You really are beautiful," he said sincerely.

Her smile remained as her head slightly shook. "This is so strange," she said with a slight giddiness in her voice.

"Hmmm," he muttered and kissed her again.

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Tidying up the kitchen while Grissom sat out in the garden with Buddy, Sara thought on how surreal everything seemed since they'd gotten home. Forgetful Grissom seemed to be very, very loving and carefree. He hadn't questioned Sara for not telling him his history nor had he had a bad reaction to anything since they'd left the hospital. After the very welcomed kissing session, she'd fed him the rest of the sandwich before Buddy made his feelings for a pee known and a play rather obvious. Grissom happily took him outside while Sara cleaned up a bit. She really hated a messy house.

Now, she was gathering the courage to tell him things he really should know. She had questioned herself as to whether she should. After all, his memory could return at any time but how long could she go without telling him if it didn't come back quickly?

As thoughts milled over in her mind a huge boom of thunder made her heart nearly burst.

"Shit!" she gasped.

He wouldn't know how the weather could affect him.

Throwing down the tea towel in her hand she ran as fast as she could towards the back door.

 **A/N: Are things what they seem?**


	37. You are a fighter

**A/N: Hey guys, I'm back. Thanks for your patience. I don't get much writing done these days, sadly. Anyhoo, let's get on and see how Grissom is doing…**

 **Thanks to calim for the beta and to everyone for you continued support.**

 **On we go….**

Chapter 36

Sara's head shot up as her eyes quickly opened to see a nurse standing before her, holding a cup of coffee in a one hand and feeling the other on her shoulder.

"Sorry," she apologized. "Didn't realize you were asleep."

Blinking, Sara swallowed and looked at the bed beside her. There was Grissom.

"Are you okay?" the nurse asked.

"Umm… yeah," Sara mumbled, trying to get a handle on her bearings. "Just having a…urm, very odd dream." She reached out to take the coffee. "Thanks."

The nurse smiled. "Well, I don't think you've been sleeping long. Light sleep generally creates stranger and more vivid dreams and you'll remember those more than the ones you experience while in a deep sleep."

Sara's eyebrows soared. "That's very informative."

"I do sleep studies, so, I know my stuff."

Offering her a smile, Sara nodded. "I'll remember that if I ever need some analysis." She looked back at the bed. "Did I miss anything?"

"No," the nurse answered and just as she did, Buddy sat up and Grissom mumbled. "But here he is, right on cue."

Putting the coffee down, Sara got up as her husband's eyes slowly opened. Her heart strummed as her brain ticked back to the dream she'd had only moments before. Surely that wasn't going to happen was it?

"Hey," she whispered, as Grissom blinked then looked right at her.

"Hi," he breathed, eyes scrunching tightly for a second before they refocused on her.

"Can you see me okay?" Sara asked. He nodded. "You know who I am?"

Both Grissom and the nurse frowned in unison.

"Santa?"

Sara's eyes narrowed. "Very funny."

Snorting, the nurse moved around the bed to take Grissom's arm to check his blood pressure.

"Seriously though," Sara requested. "How are you feeling?"

He blew out a long breath then looked down at his hands with a sudden panic.

"There's no damage," Sara said quickly, clasping his free arm. "So, relax, okay?"

"Blood pressure is looking fine," the nurse said. "I'm going to see if the doctor can come check you over."

Sara watched as she left, drawing the curtain to the cubicle behind her. "You had me so scared," she said, looking at Grissom.

"Sorry," he said quietly.

Smiling, she took his hand and held it. "Don't be silly. Do you remember what happened?"

Grissom's eyes lazily crossed, still felling quite heavy as he attempted to think back.

"Hammer," he said quietly.

"Hammer?" Sara queried. "The jackhammer?"

Inhaling a long, deep breath, he looked at her and shook his head. "I saw a sledgehammer."

"Ah," Sara said, knowing now exactly why the seizure had happened.

He clicked his lips together, throat dry. "I saw it and…everything came flooding back."

"It's okay," Sara soothed. "We know this is likely to still happen."

Sighing, he looked around. "Do we have any water?"

"Yeah," she said.

Getting up, she poured some into a glass and helped him drink. Once done, she ran her fingers through his hair.

"So how are you feeling?"

Just as she asked that, the curtain opened and Donald stepped in.

"Good to see you awake, Gil," he said, drawing close to the patient. "How are you feeling?"

Grissom looked at Sara. "That's a very popular question," he said, smirking as Sara rolled her eyes. "I feel very tired. And I have a very unpleasant headache."

Donald nodded, taking a penlight from his shirt pocket. "You did bang your head pretty hard. May I check your eyes?"

"Sure," Grissom whispered.

Sara watched as the all too familiar procedure took place.

"Any pain when you move your eyes?" Donald asked.

"A little," Grissom admitted.

Putting the light away, Donald reached his hands to the back of Grissom's head and gently pressed, earning a wince from his patient.

"Tender?" he asked and Grissom nodded. "Any dizziness?"

"Not really. Tired though."

"Okay. I think to be on the safe side we should monitor you for a while and then make a decision later as to whether we keep you in overnight." Donald looked at the nurse. "Can you see how long it will be for a private room?"

"Yes, doctor," she said, stepping out.

"Is that necessary?" Grissom sighed.

Donald folded his arms. "Considering your condition, yes. Any bangs to the head should be taken seriously and I wouldn't feel comfortable letting you go home just yet."

Grissom looked at Sara and she rubbed his arm. "You know he's right."

"I guess," Grissom breathed, closing his eyes.

Smiling, Sara leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "You rest. We can talk later."

"Hmmm," he mumbled.

She straightened up and turned to Donald. "Do you think you'll be keeping him?"

"I can't say for sure but at this point I'd say it's more likely than not."

Sara nodded. "Okay."

Well, at least that was a semi okay answer. Best to get organized in case he was being kept in. Honestly, she'd feel better if he was. At least here he'd get the best care if something happened. Which, hopefully, it wouldn't.

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After moving Grissom to a private room, he'd slept for most of the afternoon which was mostly normal after having a seizure. Waking up just after five and enduring another examination by the doctor, it was decided to keep him overnight for observation. Better safe than sorry Sara had told him.

Greg had already stopped by to grab their house key to collect a few essentials and Sara had made it quite clear to the staff that she was staying with her husband. No one argued.

The only bit of difficulty was what to do with Buddy. The hospital wasn't keen on letting him stay. Their reasoning that there were plenty of medical staff to attend to Grissom's needs should anything happen were valid. However, Sara's reasons were they had no choice. The two hadn't been separated since the first day they'd met, and she wasn't about to risk the bond they'd formed by splitting them up for even one day. No one argued then either.

Now, as she waited for Grissom to finish in the bathroom, she looked at her watch. The day had gone by so slowly, yet quickly at the same time. She wasn't even sure how that worked.

Hearing a noise, she looked up to see Grissom trotting out of the bathroom.

"Hey," she said. "I told you to call me."

"Why?" he asked. "I can pee on my own and…" He looked down to the robe which hung open, "no pants to worry about."

Eyebrows soaring, Sara glanced down at his nakedness, her lips pursing. "Yeah but…something's kinda hanging out. You better hope no one walks in."

His eyes shot to the door and she laughed, moving towards him and fastening the robe. "But in all seriousness," she continued, slipping an arm around him, "you are likely to be very wobbly still. Please don't push it."

"Pushing it is the last thing I feel like doing right now," he returned.

"Exactly. Now come, back to bed. Greg will be here soon and you can get into your PJ's and relax properly." As she led him back to bed, he sighed. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Sitting on the bed, he looked down at Buddy and then back at Sara. "Just being back in a hospital for more than a quick visit. Overnight stays aren't really on my 'to do' list. I…don't feel comfortable here you know."

"I know," she said, leaning forwards to help him swing onto the bed, puffing up the pillows behind him. "But I'm here and so is Buddy and I'd rather you spend one night here and be fit to leave tomorrow than go home tonight and have a problem." She snorted then, and he frowned.

"What?" he questioned, leaning back.

"I had the strangest dream while you were out. It just came back to me"

He yawned. "Oh?"

"Hmmm," she replied with a nod as she sat on the bed. "Dreamt you woke up after the seizure with no memory. Like nothing. You couldn't remember anything at all. Not me, you, anything."

"Nothing?"

She shook her head. "Nope. Didn't even know your name or age. Was very weird especially when I took you home."

"Sounds interesting."

Smiling, she ran fingers through her hair. "Thought you might say that. You were very loving and mellow."

Right eyebrow rising, he blinked lazily. "Aren't I that anyway."

Snorting, Sara dropped a kiss onto his lips. "Loving yes. The mellow I think sometimes we have to work on."

"Hmmm," he agreed.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Okay. Just a little tired."

Reaching up, her fingers found his hair again. "Still got a headache?"

Closing his eyes, he smiled enjoying the attention. "No. It's gone now."

"Good. So, can you tell me what had you worried earlier? Before the seizure happened."

His eyes popped open and he stared at her, swallowing.

"Is it _that_ bad?" she asked, seeing the worry return to his face.

"It could be," he said quietly.

Sara's heart skipped a beat because she knew this was about the baby. "Tell me," she requested softly.

Letting out a soft sigh, he nipped on his lip. "Hereditary illnesses."

Frowning slightly, Sara worked her eyes in thought. "What do you mean?"

"Otosclerosis," he said quietly.

Her lips parted, a slight gust of breath passing through them. "Oh," she stuttered and then felt her throat tighten.

She was well aware of the issues her husband had had with his hearing and, of course, Betty.

"Well…um…I'm not a professional on the subject but there's no guarantee it will be passed on is there?"

"50% chance," he replied.

Oh, that was higher than Sara thought. But, where would it get them if they thought the worst?

"So that means there's a 50% chance there will be no problems then," she said trying to remain positive. "Plus, correct me if I'm wrong, even if it does happen, our son or daughter could be the age you were when you had the problems. You got through it."

"Not everyone is as lucky," he hit back.

She took his hand. "It's a scary thought," she admitted. "But I don't think we should plan our baby's future on 'what if.' Not now. Not after everything we've been through. If a day should come and it happens then we deal with it as a family. _Nothing_ will change our love for each other."

He managed a smile. "What would I ever do without you?"

Her lips pursed. "You'd probably still be very obsessed with your work and still be working at the lab."

"Probably," he agreed.

"I'm glad I was such a heavy influence for you," she purred.

"It was always for you," he said tenderly.

"As much as I'd like to believe that," she said scratching her nose, "I think it took a little while to get your priorities in order."

"Maybe," he agreed.

Smiling, she kissed him. "But it's where we are now not where we were," she said.

Inhaling deeply, he nodded.

"Do you remember when you proposed to me?" she asked. "Well, kinda proposed."

His eyes worked a little. "The bees?" She nodded. "How could I forget?"

"That was a moment that made me understand just how hard you find it getting your emotions out. Even a proposal is not straight forward for you."

"Was a big surprise though, huh?" he challenged.

Sara snorted. " _Yeah._ You could say that. And it cost you a bee."

He smirked. "Poor bee."

Smirking back, Sara looked over her shoulder as a light knock came and Greg poked his head in.

"Come on in," she said, getting up.

"One overnight bag," he announced, stepping into the room and holding the bag aloft. "And one bag of doggy things," he continued, holding up a second bag.

"Thanks," she answered, taking the bags from him and putting them down by the bed.

"Sure," he replied, glancing at Grissom. "Glad to see you're awake."

Grissom nodded. "Good to be so, I guess."

"So, are you okay at the house?" Sara asked her friend. "Spare room all right for you?"

"It's fine," Greg answered. "Buttons has already adopted my socks."

Snickering, Sara looked at Buddy when he whined and held up a paw. "Yes, I can feed you now that Greg has brought you some dinner." Buddy's tail went crazy and Sara rolled her eyes. "He is so impatient when it comes to food."

"That's because he's been conditioned on routine," Grissom informed her. "It's how they remain disciplined."

"Thank you, professor," Sara threw back.

Grissom's eyes narrowed at her and she tried to hide her grin.

"Do you want me to stick around until Buddy has eaten?" Greg asked. "Then I can take him for a quick walk if you like."

"That would be great if you don't mind," Sara replied, crouching to take Buddy's food and water bowls from the bag along with his food.

"Sure, I don't mind."

"She'll have you moving in with us next," Grissom added lightheartedly.

Sara looked at her husband. "You know that wouldn't be such a bad idea. Greg can look after you while I go back to work. I'm sure he'd be great at shaving you and helping you with bathroom essentials."

Grissom's mouth popped open and Greg looked afraid.

Laughing, Sara tapped her friend on the arm. "I'm only joking. But if he wants to tease then I'll tease back."

"You are evil," Grissom accused.

"Yeah, but you love me."

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Bedtime drew in.

Greg had taken Buddy for a walk then left to kitten sit. After they'd finished their dinner, Grissom got into his PJ's and watched TV while Sara changed.

Stepping from the bathroom she smiled at him when he glanced her way.

"How's your head now?" she asked, grabbing a bottle of moisturizer from her bag that sat on her 'pop-up bed' and squeezed some onto her hands. "Still tired?"

"A little bit. Just thinking."

Rubbing her hands together, Sara stepped closer to the bed and sat on the edge. "About what?"

"The frustrations of how my life is."

Sara frowned. "Am I a frustration?"

He smiled. "No," he said softly. "It's just…," he trailed off with a sigh.

Gently taking his hand, Sara held it and waited. If he wanted to talk then he would but she wasn't going to push him.

Eventually, he looked back at her. "Will I ever stop having seizures because of _him_?"

Feeling her heart strings nipping, Sara's free hand raised to clasp his cheek.

"With time, it will become less likely," she encouraged knowing that the seizures would always be a part of their lives now. "You are _still_ recovering, Gil. But you need to understand just how well _you are_ doing. Just think where you were a month ago. You wouldn't even speak to me. You wouldn't go near _anyone_. No one will ever completely understand what you want through, but _you are_ a _fighter_. You _always_ have been and no matter what, things will be better. That, I promise you."

"You understand more than anyone," he said, "after what happened with Natalie."

Looking down for a second, Sara inhaled deeply. The sound of that woman's name still sent goosebumps across her skin. Finding his eyes once again, she nodded and as she did, her cellphone beeped. Clearing her throat, she grabbed it from the nightstand and read the text.

"It's your mother asking where we are. Damn, I was supposed to call her after we left."

"Ooops," he deadpanned.

She playfully narrowed her eyes at him. "You know if I tell her what happened, she's going to want to talk to you. I have my iPad in the bag if you're up to it."

"I suppose we better," he replied. "Or we'll never hear the end of it."

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Sara would never get beyond loving that feeling of his warm soft breath trickling across her skin as he slept. And he sure was sleeping soundly. Just a pity she wasn't doing the same.

After chatting with Betty on Skype, thankful she was more concerned than wanting to tell them off for not contacting her, they decided to call it a night. One of the orderlies kindly took Buddy out for a quick pee before he made himself comfortable on a blanket by the bed. Grissom convinced Sara to squeeze in with him not wanting to be alone and, although tight, she obliged. She didn't blame him for wanting her close. He hated being out of the comfort of their home for long periods of time.

Now, she was milling over the events of the day. More so the baby and the possibility of him or her getting their father's hereditary illness. Yes, she'd told Grissom to try not to worry about it, but it had snuck back into her thoughts. Bad things had a tendency to do that.

Hearing him mumble she looked down as he lay upon her chest, whisking fingers through his hair.

"Shush," she whispered gently.

Hoping he wasn't having a nightmare, her eyes shot to Buddy briefly, relief filling her when their dog slept soundly as well. It had been a while since he'd had a nightmare but considering the seizure she wouldn't be surprised if his memory was spilling over in droves inside his brain.

Hopefully, tomorrow would be a better day and they could get back to the great progress he'd been making.

Hopefully.


	38. He's not ready yet

**A/N: Sorry guys that this has taken so long. I haven't had much of a muse in recent months. When it comes it comes but lately it's just not been there. Hopefully the chapter is worth the wait. Again, thank you for your patience and sticking with me. And, as always thanks to Calim for the beta.**

 **On we go…**

Chapter 37

Saying goodbye to Greg with thanks for his help, Sara headed towards the living room. Grissom was sitting on the sofa watching the kitten run up to Buddy before he'd backflip and scamper away. Grissom smiled at the look on Buddy's face as the kitten kept repeating the little game. The dog wasn't quite sure what to do.

Easing her arms over her husband, Sara put her chin on his shoulder and rubbed his chest.

"You doing okay?" she asked softly.

Nodding, he looked up at her. "It's good to be home."

Kissing him on the cheek, Sara then rounded the sofa and sat beside him. It _was_ good to be home even if just for his sake. He'd done well at the hospital to stay calm but she knew this was his safe place.

"Anything you feel like doing?" she asked even though she knew he still had to take it pretty easy. At least for the next 24 hours.

"Is there anything _you_ feel like doing?" he threw back. "You don't have to run your life around me 24/7."

Her lips pursed. "For now, it is what it is. I will admit, Christmas kinda snuck into my head this morning."

His eyebrows lofted. "Christmas?"

She smiled. "Yes, Gil. It's Halloween in two days so it's barely seven weeks to Christmas. With everything we have going on, might be worth getting ahead of the game."

"I still owe you a birthday," he said with a sigh, "let alone Halloween."

Reaching out, Sara lay a hand on is cheek, her thumb gently running across his scar. Leaning a little closer, she looked him right in his eyes.

"You owe me nothing. Considering you were still in the hospital my birthday wasn't important. I doubt you even knew the date."

"I realized after," he replied quietly. "A few days after we got home and I saw the calendar. I wanted to say something but I…"

Stopping him, Sara kissed his lips, smiling as she pulled back. "It's okay. I'm sure when you're up to dancing you'll make it up to me."

"Dancing, huh?"

"Hmmm," she purred. "Nothing better than you in a tux whisking me off my feet."

He smiled shyly. "I'll have to remember that. But I still owe you a gift even if we don't have the occasion."

"You're here and we're together. That's all the gift I could ask for," she replied.

"I'll have to double up on the Christmas gift," he suggested.

"Oooh, double tux," Sara giggled.

"You are obsessed with my clothing," he accused playfully.

Smirking, she kissed his cheek. "Or out of your clothing."

His eyes narrowed and she flashed him a toothy grin, patting his knee. "Maybe later."

Just as she said that, Grissom winced a little and lifted his left hand, to place it on his lap.

"Are you all right?" Sara asked concerned.

"Yeah," he breathed. "Just very niggly today. Feels like I just need to stretch."

Sara thought for a moment. It was still two days before his next physio session, but she remembered what Aaron had told them even if it did make her nervous.

"Do you, urm," she began hesitantly, "want to try moving a little. Try and loosen you up a bit?"

"Sure," he said softly. "Are you comfortable with that though?"

Her head tipped from side to side. "Comfortable might be the wrong way of putting it. I don't think anything I do where it results in pain for you will make me comfortable. But willing, yes, if that's what you want."

"Thanks."

Smiling, she got up. "How about we move to the kitchen and use the table?"

Nodding, he got up and she took his arm, leading him into the kitchen, sitting him in a chair. Buddy wandered to his water bowl before joining them.

Grabbing a chair, Sara sat facing her husband and reached for his right hand, carefully holding it.

"Now, we need to be sensible with this, okay?" she said. "I don't want you having another seizure by pushing it."

"Scout's honor," he promised.

Her lips pursed at the innocent look on his face. "Fine. Then let's do it."

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Lifting the lid off the pot, Sara inhaled. The stew smelled good. A nice choice for the chilly evening that was drawing in. She glanced towards the lounge where Grissom sat watching a ballgame, Buttons asleep on a cushion beside him. She smiled. Thankfully, it had been a good day and they really needed it after his hospital visit.

Loosening up his hands and fingers had gone well even with the pain thrown in. But they knew it was going to be painful; they knew there would be months of pain to come. But, since Sara knew what his limit was, she hadn't allowed him to push it.

Carefully loosening up his wrists and fingers, Sara made sure to pay close attention to his facial expressions. Often, they were a dead giveaway when it came to the more painful spots. And most of those spots were on his left hand. It was hard enough the first time but the second time?

No, she wouldn't dwell. This time he was feeling more of his left hand than before so, hopefully, the carpal procedure had made a huge difference.

Once she'd finished her personal therapy session, she gave him some medication and he took a nap on the sofa while she looked through the internet for Christmas gifts.

Grissom and Betty: the two hardest people in the world to buy presents for. And considering Betty's new beau was still in the loop and things seemed to be going well there, she had Patrick to think about as well. Maybe another dinner date was in order so she could get some clues as to what to buy.

She next considered Halloween and whether to do anything. No, they weren't children and in all honestly, they usually worked but this year was different. She wasn't so sure Grissom was going to be thrilled with all the knocks at the door though, so she had to come up with some sort of plan or, on the major wishful thinking side, she could even get him to mingle with some of the children.

Maybe.

"Sara?"

Hearing her husband call, Sara's thoughts snapped away from occasions as she headed towards him.

"Yeah? You okay?" she asked when reaching him.

He smiled at her. "Fine. Little thirsty. Could I get a drink please?"

Smiling back, she rubbed his shoulder. "Too much hollering at your team," she teased. "What would you like?"

"A beer and a whiskey chaser."

Sara's eye twitched. Alcohol not long after a seizure?

"How about just a beer?" she suggested really not wanting to stop him living his life completely.

A smirk found his lips. "I was actually joking but a beer would be nice."

Now her eyes narrowed. "Like teasing me, don't you?"

"The thought never crossed my mind," he denied innocently.

Buddy barked and they both looked at him before Sara checked her watch. "Fine, come on," she urged. "I'll feed you then get Mr. Tease a beer."

Grissom smirked as she walked away, his eyes pulling back to the TV just as another player from the Cubs was struck out.

"I think you guys need a beer," he grumbled before raising his leg onto the coffee table and leaning back, hoping his team could turn the tables.

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Sara wiped Grissom's chin after he'd chewed down the last mouthful of his dinner.

"Had enough?" she asked.

"Hmmm," he said, smiling. "Very nice, thank you."

Glad he'd finished his dinner, Sara knew it would help settle the beer he'd hastily consumed. She had to admit, she loved him a little tipsy though and he usually got that way after alcohol now.

"Want dessert?"

"Maybe later," Grissom answered. "Not sure my tummy will take it right now."

Smiling, Sara picked up their plates and took them over to the sink. "I meant to ask you," she began, heading back his way. "Did you want to do anything for Halloween?"

Just as he looked at her, Buttons appeared, scampered up Grissom's leg and began running around the table.

"Devil cat?" he suggested.

Snorting, Sara plucked the kitten from the table and put him back onto the floor. "I can just see him with a set of horns," she said, sitting next to her husband. "But seriously, I know you aren't really into mingling, but we could do something here if you'd like. And if you don't then that's okay, too."

Sighing, he looked down at the table. "Not like I can really carve a pumpkin is it?"

"No," she agreed. "But I can. Mulled wine, toffee apples, nice roaring fire and a cozy snuggle. It doesn't have to be horror and gloom."

"Dress up?"

Her lips pursed. "We haven't played that in a while. What did you have in mind?"

As his eyes worked her over, she shuddered. _That look_. Something told her he was no longer thinking about Halloween.

"Are you still with me?" she snickered.

"Hmmm, just thinking."

"Would you like me to guess or are you going to share?"

"Just thinking about what might be the perfect costume for you."

"I really hope it's not a pumpkin," she hit back.

He smiled broadly. "Would I think such a thing?"

Sara rubbed a hand over her tummy. "I'll look like one soon enough."

"Pumpkins taste good," he returned slyly.

She shuddered again at the gravel in his voice. "Do they now?"

"Plump and juicy," he confirmed, leaning forwards and kissing her passionately.

Humming into him, Sara's fingers gripped onto his arms as the kiss deepened, his tongue dueling with hers in a merry dance. Finally, their lips parted and she blew out a happy breath.

"Phew, I think you've given me a temperature," she laughed, certainly feeling a lot hotter than she had a few minutes before.

"How about we take a nice shower to cool you down?" he suggested.

Her eyebrows rose. "If _we_ take a shower, I highly doubt it's going to cool me down."

He smirked. "Why don't we find out?"

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Sara was floating.

The warm spray washing over them, Grissom's soft, wet lips consuming her throat as her fingers ran through his hair.

Skin on skin. Nothing would ever beat that.

Honestly, she never thought she could love someone as much as she loved him. And no matter how dire a situation could get they always pulled through for moments like this. And each moment always felt unique even if it had happened before.

Moaning as his tongue found the shell of her ear, she tugged on his hair, pulling his head back and lunged her lips onto his. God, she could eat him forever. Alas, when she felt his hands on her butt, she had to break the kiss.

" _Watch your hands_ ," she warned breathlessly.

He smiled. "I thought I could get a little exercise," he replied innocently.

With her eyes narrowing seductively, she gave his lips a quick peck. "Nice try. But _no_." He pouted. "Don't look at me like that. No fondling. Not yet."

"Such a pity," he growled before claiming her lips in another searing kiss.

Sara groaned as he pushed into her, pinning her against the shower wall. Ah, she had many a memory of them making love like this. His strong body grinding into her as each thrust would lift her off the floor. As much as she'd love that to happen right now, she knew it couldn't.

"Gil," she moaned as his lips found her throat again.

"Hmmm?" he mumbled against her.

"Why don't we…oooohhhh…urm…take this to the bedroom?"

Pulling back, gave her the boyish smile she loved so much. "Let's."

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Another morning had come. Sara sat across the room from a still sleeping Grissom, laptop on, in the midst of secret shopping. More than once she'd glance over at him and smiled.

He was on his stomach, totally naked, with one hand above his head and the other lying by his side. Her gaze stopped at his amazing butt, something she would happily stare at all day long if given the chance. Half tempted to cover him up, she decided to put the heat on instead because this view was so much better than a sheet.

Thinking back over their wonderful evening, she grinned. Grissom's confidence had grown, and she'd felt so blessed that such intimate moments could be shared again. Just a month before she hadn't been sure they'd ever get past the horrors he'd faced. But they had, they were. He made her complete like not other man could and for that she was incredibly thankful.

The sound of her cell vibrating broke through her thoughts and, grabbing it, she headed out of the bedroom to stand in the corridor.

"Hey, Jim," she said.

"Hi, Sara. How's things after yesterday?" Brass answered.

She smiled. "Doing okay actually. Gil's recovered pretty well."

"Great to hear."

Sara nodded to herself. "So, is this just a social call?"

There was a slight pause before Brass replied. "Half and half."

"Spill, Jim. What's up?"

Brass sighed. "I'm being nagged again for that statement," he admitted.

Sara's eyes widened a touch. "From Gil?"

"Yeah."

Her head shook. "It's still too soon, Jim."

"You know we can't close the case until we have that statement."

Leaning against the wall, Sara nodded to herself. "I'm well aware of that and, trust me, no one wants that bastard gone from our lives more than I do, but Gil still can't talk about the bunker without reacting. I highly doubt he'll be able to relive the night that maniac crippled him again. We haven't even gotten to that point yet."

"How much longer do you think it will be?" Brass asked.

"I don't know," Sara sighed. "He's doing well so maybe a month or two."

"Okay," Brass agreed. "I'll speak to Ecklie."

"If he has a problem with it, tell him he can speak to me." 

Brass snorted. "Ah, you know how much he loves your wrath. One of the few people not to kiss his ass."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Sara snickered.

"Okay, I gotta go. Tell Gil I said hi and I'll pop buy for a catch up soon, okay? Just let me know when you're up to it."

"Will do, Jim," Sara agreed. "And thanks."

"Welcome. Catch you later."

Brass hung up and Sara lowered the phone, thinking for a minute before stepping back into the bedroom.

"Who was that?"

Looking towards the bed, Sara smiled. "Still got ears like a hawk, I see," she said, sitting on the bed.

Smiling into the pillow, he lifted his head and looked over his shoulder at her. "Didn't I always."

"I'm pretty sure you used to hear people mention your name from across the lab, so yes."

Smile broadening, Grissom dropped his head back to the pillow. "I feel so mellow," he admitted lazily, stretching out his feet.

"Good," Sara replied. "You looked so comfy I didn't want to wake you."

"And you left me all exposed," he accused. "Taking advantage of my nakedness, Mrs. Grissom."

Smirking, she leaned close and dropped a cheek to his. "Would I do such a thing," she whispered.

" _Yes_ , you would."

Laughing, Sara kissed his cheek again and straightened up when Buddy dropped his head onto the bed.

"Someone wants their breakfast," she said, patting his head.

Letting out a soft whine, Buddy trotted to the door and sat by it. Just as he did, Buttons appeared from nowhere, scampered up the side of the bed and leapt onto Grissom's butt.

Grissom jumped, his head shooting around to the kitten with a startled look and Sara laughed.

"Good job you aren't lying on your back, babe," she teased.

He gave her a bemused look. "Could you please remove the cat from my butt before I end up in the ER?"

Snorting, Sara picked Buttons up. "His claws aren't that sharp yet."

"Easy for you to say," Grissom returned making sure his bottom had no puncture marks. "I am rather defensive over my backside."

Sara laughed again, stroking the kitten. "Heaven forbid if something should happen to such a glorious specimen."

Grissom rolled over shooting her an amused glare. He just couldn't help it.

"Come on, Caveman," she urged. "Let's get you dressed before the animals start eating the furniture."

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Sitting at the table, Grissom read through the paper while Sara fed Buddy and Buttons and prepared breakfast.

"So, who was on the phone?" Grissom asked as she placed Buddy's bowl down.

Slowly straightening up, she faced him and cleared her throat. "Jim."

Nodding he looked back at the paper. "What did he want?"

Biting her lip, Sara had half hoped he would have forgotten about the phone call, but she should have known better. When she didn't answer, Grissom's eyes returned to her.

Taking a breath, she opened the fridge and took out some eggs. "He wanted to know if you were ready to give a statement yet," she said honestly knowing she couldn't keep it from him.

"Oh," Grissom replied quietly. "I'm holding up the case being closed, aren't I?"

"It doesn't matter," she said, putting the eggs on the counter. "You _aren't_ ready yet."

"Aren't I?"

Sara felt her pulse hitch not really wanting the mood to turn sour, but did she really have the right to make that decision for him? Had she made the right choice?

 **A/N: Snort, Grissom's butt. Ha, all I could think about was Kiss The Sky :) Is the nice mood going to last?**


	39. We are everything

**A/N: Hey, finally back. Sorry for the delay. RL now things are so very different and I'm lucky if I write once or twice a month. But we plod on when we can.**

 **So, let's get back to it and see how much more progress Grissom can make. Hope you enjoy :)**

 **Thanks as always to calim for the beta.**

 **On we go…**

Chapter 38

Sighing, Sara headed towards him and pulled up a chair. " _I don't_ think you're ready. But if you'd like to overrule me, you have every right to do so."

Mouth opening and closing, his eyes found her again but he couldn't seem to find any words. It pained Sara to see him this way. Gil Grissom had always been such a confident man. Reaching out, she gently took his hand and patiently waited.

"I just want him gone," Grissom finally said.

Sara nodded. "I know you do. We _both_ do. And I know how hard this is, but _I_ want _you_ to be confident in getting him out. You _need_ to be ready to deal with _everything_ and be able to discuss it without having a seizure because I don't know about you, but I certainly don't want you hurting yourself over that bastard ever again."

His eye twitched. "I will have more seizures, Sara."

"I know that. But they don't always have to be because of _him_."

"I'm trying," he whispered.

Smiling gently, Sara rubbed his fingers with her thumb. " _I know you are_. No one ever doubted that, and I know how frustrating it is, but you _need_ to be patient with yourself. This was never going to happen overnight and as I've said before, you've come _so damn far_. The case _can_ wait. It's not going anywhere. _You_ are what is important now. Not the case and certainly not him."

"And you," he returned with a smile now. "Without you, I'm nothing."

Sara wanted to argue that but she didn't. "Let's just say," she began, lifting her free hand to his cheek, "that _we_ are everything. You, me and our baby. How's that?"

"Don't forget the animals."

She snorted. "Fine. And the animals." He nodded and Sara smiled again. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he replied.

"Are you sure? Because Robert will be here in just over an hour and if you're not up to it."

"I'm fine," he insisted. Nodding, she dropped her hand and stood up. "You can do something for me though."

"What?" Sara asked frowning having no idea what might come now.

He looked down at the newspaper. "Turn the page over."

Smirking, she did just that and left him to read while she let Buddy out.

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Even though Grissom went under with ease, Sara knew it wasn't an easy process. The further they got into it, the more horror he had to deal with, and she knew exactly where Robert had left off in the last session. She was expecting this one to be the hardest yet.

"Are you nice and relaxed, Gil?" Robert asked.

"Hmmm," Grissom hummed.

Robert smiled. "How does the sand feel?"

"Warm," Grissom replied. "Soft."

"Good. Now," Robert continued, "let's start with what's happened the last day or so."

Sara's eyebrows lifted not expecting that. She assumed Robert would plunge right in where he left off. Probably best not to assume, she thought.

"Tell me what happened at the hospital."

"Which part?" Grissom asked.

"Whichever part you'd like to tell me about."

There was silence for a moment and then Grissom answered. "We went to see someone about the baby and talked about that a little bit."

"How did you feel about that?"

"Good. But worried as well."

Robert's eyes flicked to Sara for a moment. "Why worried?"

"I have a hereditary ear problem," Grissom answered. "My mother does, too. She's deaf. So, I'm concerned that the baby could have issues."

"Have you discussed your worry with Sara?"

Grissom nodded. "Yes."

"Did that help?"

"Yeah," Grissom breathed. "It helped a lot. My wife has a great philosophy."

Sara smiled.

"And what might that be?" Robert asked.

"If it happens then we'll get through it together. As a family."

"And that's a good philosophy," Robert encouraged.

Smiling, Grissom nodded. "It is."

"Take a nice deep breath," Robert requested, reaching for a glass of water and taking a sip. "And then let it go."

Doing as asked, Grissom inhaled a nice, long breath and then released it.

"Are you relaxed, Gil?"

"Yes," Grissom said.

"Good. Now I need you to focus on that relaxation. If you start to feel anxious or scared, you will just feel more and more relaxed and that fear will go away. Okay?" Grissom nodded and Robert continued. "Would you like to tell me about the seizure you had at the hospital?"

Sara reached for some water, her nerve endings tingling a touch. Yes, they had discussed the seizure but had not gone into any major detail about it.

"What do you want to know?" Grissom asked.

"Can you remember what happened?"

Grissom's eyes twitched as he thought. "We were leaving. We stepped outside and men were working across the street. One of them raised a hammer and…"

As Grissom drifted off into silence, Robert cut in. " _Nice big deep breath_ , Gil. You are very, _very_ relaxed. Remember if you are afraid _you will_ relax more. That's it," he encouraged as Grissom followed his instruction. "And again. Another deep breath."

Sara swallowed. These sessions were so intense. She found herself wondering how she'd be able to deal with them as she got further into her pregnancy. They weren't exactly stress free. Quite the opposite. It wasn't often lately she thought about herself. Grissom really took up all her time and energy. She just didn't have time to concentrate on anything else because he was what was important. What if she was having a bad day and it was session time? Why was she thinking about this now? Shaking her head, she refocused on her husband and nervously waited for what might come next.

"How do you feel, Gil?" Robert asked.

"Relaxed."

"Really good. Now, you saw a hammer. What happened then?"

"He came. Right before my eyes. What he did to me."

"What he did to you in the bunker?"

Another nod came from Grissom. "And then that was it. Next thing I'm waking up in a hospital bed."

"Think really hard, Gil. How did you feel before everything went dark?"

"Afraid," Grissom said quickly. "It was as if my heart had leapt into my throat."

"Okay, Gil. Another deep breath." One more time, Grissom breathed in. "And again, nice and slowly. Keep doing that until I tell you to stop."

Nibbling her lip, Sara's eyes flicked to Robert. She was pretty sure he was working up to something and getting her husband prepared.

"Are you still relaxed, Gil?"

"Hmmm," Grissom muttered.

Robert smiled. "Good. Now…let's move away from the hospital for a little while and go back to the bunker."

Sara swallowed. She was so right.

"I need you be _very, very_ focused on your relaxation, Gil. _You will stay relaxed_ no matter what happens. No matter what you see. No matter how much fear you feel. Today we will begin fighting that fear and you _will_ be _relaxed_. Okay?"

"Okay," Grissom agreed, his voice calm and soft.

"When we last spoke about the bunker," Robert continued, "Basderic had just hit you with the gun. Do you remember?"

Breathing a deep, silent breath, Sara felt herself tense. Was she finally going to find out what had happened to him? All that pain he went through. Could she handle it? She reached for the water again. Not to take a drink but to simply hold something.

"I remember," Grissom answered quietly.

"Tell me what happened next, Gil. Take your time. As much time as you need. We have all the time in the world."

Grissom frowned slightly, a moment of silence hitting the room before he spoke. "He…picked up a metal spike and a mallet."

Robert carefully watched Grissom's face as his eyes twitched. His ears listening out for any warnings from Buddy.

"Relaxed, Gil. _Relaxed_."

With a nod, Grissom continued. "This is all for you," he said in a bare whisper and as Robert frowned, Sara felt goosebumps cross over her skin. She'd never forget those words. Those words that came before the screams.

"What does that mean?" Robert asked his patient.

"That's what he said to Sara just as he put the spike to my hand. The…the look in his eyes…"

It took Robert mere seconds to put the pieces of the puzzle together. "Those eyes still terrify you, don't they?"

"Very much," Grissom admitted shakily.

"Nice and relaxed," Robert repeated once again. "Deep breath in and out." He knew Basderic's eyes were the key to Grissom's fear and reactions, but it was too soon to dig deep into that yet.

"Right now, Gil, any thought about those eyes will _not_ scare you. You will _not_ be afraid and you will _not_ feel intimidated."

"Okay."

Sara's eyebrows lifted in surprise at how easily her husband agreed to that. Pity the same thing wouldn't work in the real world. She frowned then. Or could it?

Clasping his hands together, Robert leaned forwards a little. "What happened next?"

"He…smashed the mallet down onto the spike and it went right through my hand."

Sara cringed. Hearing him talking about this was so much harder than she thought it might be and she felt incredibly nervous now. Yes, she'd wanted him to talk to her, but it was going to be tough discussing this outside the confines of his hypnotic state. Not only for him but for her also.

"I don't think I've ever felt pain like that," Grissom continued.

Robert kept a very close eye on him now. "Do you think you can describe the pain?"

Grissom inhaled deeply. "Like a thousand burning pitchforks had been stuck through my hand. What made it worse was I was helpless to do anything about it and he was just smiling at me."

"You should not blame yourself for feeling helpless, Gil. There was nothing you could have done."

"I had no idea why he was doing it," Grissom said then.

"Mentally," Robert said, "that would have made things worse for you."

"It did," Grissom agreed.

"You like having control don't you, Gil?"

Grissom's eyelids twitched. "I like having a form of control," Grissom argued. "I need order."

"You're very organized," Robert assumed.

Sara smiled at that. That was a fact for sure.

"Organization is good," Grissom said. "It makes for simpler tasks."

Robert entwined his fingers. "Do you still feel like you have control, Gil?"

After a deep inhalation of breath, Grissom shook his head. "No."

"Why?"

Sara swallowed. That was a big question and one she didn't know whether Grissom was ready to answer or not. They all knew his confidence was shot but talking about it was going to be difficult.

"Because feeling like you're trapped is having no control."

"And you feel trapped because you keep seeing Basderic? You think there will be more pain?"

"I don't want to," Grissom admitted, his voice slightly pained now. "But when he comes to me, I can't help it."

"Well, that's why I'm here, Gil," Robert reassured. "I _will_ help you work through this and we will get your control back, okay?"

"If you say so."

Robert's eye twitched. Grissom's lack of belief in himself was also another obstacle. "You _are_ strong, Gil. No matter how you feel right now, you _are_ strong. You have come so far."

"Strength comes in many forms," Grissom hit back.

"Yes, it does," Robert agreed. "And we will find yours that I promise. And I think this is a good place to leave it."

Sara relaxed a little as she watched Grissom being brought out of his trance. Robert hadn't probed too deep into the bunker but that was probably sensible. Just a little bit at a time and that would give her husband time to accept what he was reliving. As he came back to them, she got up and approached, smiling down at him as he softly sighed.

"You did good," she praised, squeezing his shoulder.

He sighed again. "Yeah?"

Sara nodded and felt a warm feeling run through her when he smiled. She loved that smile. She had a decision to make though. Did she try and get him to talk about what the session had uncovered or not? James would be bringing it up but that still wasn't a conversation between the two of them.

What should she do?

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After Grissom's session they decided to take a walk. It was quite chilly, so Sara wrapped them both up pretty tightly. Wouldn't be a good thing if either of them got sick right now. She needed to make the most of it while she could though because once she got further into her pregnancy, long walks would be out of the question.

It was a weird thought for her. She'd always been so active. And, for someone who didn't sleep a great deal, she was always moving around and doing something. Sometimes she wondered where her energy came from. But she'd come to learn over the years there was a certain difference between physical and mental exhaustion. Lately, it had been the latter.

As they both sat on a park bench and watched Buddy scamper after the ball Sara had just thrown, she took Grissom's hand and held it. He looked at her and she smiled before dropping a soft kiss to his lips.

"Careful," he warned. "Or we might freeze together."

She snorted. "That would be an interesting sight. I can think of worse things than being locked with your lips though."

His eyebrows soared and she smirked, attention moving back to Buddy as he ran back and dropped the ball at her feet. Picking it up, she threw it again and returned her attention to Grissom. He hadn't talked much after the session. Well, not about the session anyway.

"Are you feeling all right?" she asked him.

"Yeah. How about you?"

"Me?" she asked innocently.

He nodded. "You are always asking how I am but I never seem to return the favor."

That did take Sara by surprise. Yes, he'd been the number one priority for sure but she wasn't expecting an in depth conversation about herself right now.

"I think you have enough to think about," she returned.

He leaned a little closer. "I do worry about you. I might not say it lately but you take on so much."

She smiled at him. "Kind of comes with the package at the moment."

"I know," he said softly. "But you really need to start thinking about _you_ and the baby."

Her lips pursed. "Getting all sentimental on me, are you?"

"The healthier you are, the better for our baby and the less chance of problems."

"I thought 'problems' was my middle name," she joked. His eyes narrowed at her and she grinned. "Ah, if life were so simple," she sighed. "But I get it and I'm feeling okay. A little tired but as you keep on getting better, I'll be able to stress less. And you _are_ getting better."

"How long will it take though?"

Sara shrugged. "As long as it takes and that all depends on you really. I guess the quicker you let it out and are able to overcome it then we can move on and get back to the way things used to be."

"Probably not quite the same," he argued. "Things will probably be very different."

Her eye began to twitch as she felt her nose state go to numb.

"How about…we go home, have a nice mug of cocoa and talk before James arrives. I don't know about you but I'm starting to lack a little feeling. And if you want to talk about your session, I'm there to listen. Or, we can talk about the future. Whatever you want."

After a few seconds thought, Grissom nodded and she smiled.

"Great," Sara said as she got up, whistling for Buddy who was currently attacking a large branch by a fallen tree. "Here boy!" she shouted.

Taking Grissom's arm as he got up, Sara laughed as Buddy dragged the branch with him and dropped it right in front of them.

"I don't think you can bring that with you, boy," she said to the dog.

Buddy sat down and whined.

"Awww," Grissom said. "Think of all the fun the cat would have."

Sara's eyes narrowed at him. "The cat has enough toys, thank you, and that thing is dirty."

Grissom looked at Buddy. "Sorry, boy, you heard your mother."

Rolling her eyes, Sara pulled a treat from her purse and offered it to the hound. "Have that instead."

After looking at it, Buddy happily took the treat and held it in his mouth.

"Good," Sara said. "Now we're all happy. Shall we get home and get warm?"

Nodding at her Grissom smiled. "Let's."

 **A/N: Is Grissom going to open up? We shall see….**


End file.
